A mug of tea in hand and a box of biscuits in his bigger-on-the-inside pockets, the Doctor hopped back up on the rocks. A mouse skittered away as he sat, gently opening the diary once more. What would this entry hold? Something good, something frightening? If this boy had pretended to be him and Rose found him, she might drag him places he wouldn't understand. Had she taken him to Torchwood? Jack would know, in that case, that it wasn't him. He'd come across Jack just a few days ago (to him), so Jack knew his regenerations.

Shaking his head to banish the subject, he ran his finger down the page and flicked it to the next one.

17-11-1905

I'm sorry it's been a while. I was nervous. I thought someone might see me. They're really good at seeing things around here. They might be reading over my shoulder now and that scares me.

Rose took me to a beach. It was rocky and cold. There was a big thick metal door in the rocks. When we got close I saw that it said ' AD OLF B Y.' I was confused. I'm confused a lot now. She said it was Bad Wolf Bay, which makes a lot more sense than Adolf By, doesn't it? I think it does. Anyway, so she tried to open the door and then she got irritated and apologized to me and said something like "These guys are idiots." Then she just took out a little metal thing and pointed it at the handle. It made a noise that hurt my ears and the door opened. So Rose grabbed my hand and led me inside (her hand was warm, I didn't want to let it go) and it was cold there, too. I wanted to go home and get my jacket but then I remembered that those guys had taken it from me so it wouldn't have mattered anyway. It was strange inside that rock building. The hallways were long and our footsteps echoed. We didn't say anything. Rose kept looking over at me like she was afraid I'd go away. I wasn't going to. I didn't know how to get home so I couldn't.

Finally we turned into this one room that was pretty big and had a kitchen and a table and a couch and a telly and everything. It was warmer in here than in the hall and I was really glad because I was starting to forget my toes could move. Rose offered me tea and I accepted it so she put some water on to boil and sat down at the table. I sat across from her. She started talking. I didn't know what it was about but I listened anyway.

"Since you left, the real you I mean, the other Doctor and I-well, he called himself John Smith-we were married. But… we didn't have any children. It turned out he couldn't have any."

"I'm sorry," I said. I interrupted her, I realized, and I felt really bad and thought she would hit me like Dad did when he found out I liked boys. She didn't, though, she just looked really sad.

"So am I," Rose whispered, then cleared her throat. "I think he was ashamed, because one evening I came home from work after our doctor-medical, that is-told us about him and he was just… gone. He left a note." She wiped at a tear and my heart dropped. She was so pretty when she was sad. I wanted to hug her and tell her it would be okay but I didn't do anything but wait for her to keep talking. "I never read it. I think it's still in my kitchen drawer." She glanced over at the kettle. The water still wasn't boiling. "I tried to stay there, to keep living in that house, but there were too many memories. I still own it and everything, but I moved in here." She laughed. It was empty and sad. I wanted to take that laugh and rip it to shreds; why did she have to be so sad? Why was she talking about it if it made her so damn sad? "It's no better, but it's something. I keep worrying that he'll go to that house and find it empty. I worry about that so much, Doctor. What if John comes back? But I knew he wouldn't, so that's why I'm still here."

I was quiet. I didn't know what to say. Finally I settled with, "I bet he still loves you, Rose."

She looked up at me, and her blue eyes were remorseful-did I use that word right? I learned it in class-as she said, "I bet he does. And I still love him."

I knew it was awkward, at least it was for me, but I reached out and patted her hand. She smiled but it didn't reach her eyes. They were the sea, I decided. The raging sea that pelted the rocks above us. "I'm glad you're here, Doctor, you know just what to say. But since then, I've gotten my hands on a vortex manipulator and have been using it to travel around since. I don't know how this place got here, but when I found it, well, I was grateful as hell." She laughed. "I've saved the day for a few families since. Not the world, mind you, but little towns and such. It's enough. Every now and again I'll stop for a while, get a job, earn some money before heading back out. The life I lead isn't very settled, but it's enough. I get by."

"Are you happy?" I asked. I wondered if she would answer because she went all quiet, then she squeezed my hand.

"No, Doctor. I'm not happy. I haven't been."

"Why?"

Another silence stretched out in front of us. It bubbled up and swallowed up whole, extending around the room. The sound of a big wave crashing popped it, but Rose and I were still in the balloon of quiet. I hoped we wouldn't be in it for long because you know how I get all fidgety in situations like this. When she spoke I was just about to start kicking my feet or something so I was relieved. "I don't know." That was it.

"You should try to make yourself happy."

"I know."

"Why don't you, then?"

"It's hard. I keep remembering that night I came home to an empty room."

"Then think of the times you were with me."

She went quiet. "Like when?"

I got really nervous because I didn't know what to say, so my mouth just ended up moving and I heard, "That picnic," come out of my mouth. Who hadn't been on a picnic, right?

Rose smiled. "On New New Earth."

So then she was happy. She talked about all the times she'd had with the real Doctor and it was nice. I nodded and laughed when she did and then it got late and she showed me a room. I slept there. We stayed in that place for a few days. Then she said she got a call and so I went with her and now I think we're in a mental hospital and I don't know what to do.

There's something here. Something in this house. It isn't a good thing. It's crazy and Rose thinks it's killing people. She thinks that these people weren't meant to be insane. She thinks something is driving it mad.

The people here don't get to read so when they see me with this book they always try to read it. That's why I'm scared. I don't want these people knowing about me. I don't want them knowing my name. I don't want them knowing Rose's name because she calls herself Jessica here. I don't want them knowing. They shouldn't know. They shouldn't know anything but happy. I think that about everyone, though. Everyone should only know happy and not sad and not pain like me.

I don't like knowing I'm not the only me.

It's scary.

The Doctor ran his tongue over his lips. Rose apparently hadn't had a good life. He couldn't visit her, though. He couldn't. Not with Carson there. He couldn't visit her at all. She wouldn't recognize this regeneration. He could check on her again… maybe. But not now. No, now he would just go get a new box of biscuits and maybe more tea. Yes, tea sounded nice.