A/N Okay, second instalment of WTWU. Combeferre up next and things get a little…odd. Sorry if people seem a bit out of character, but that is sort of the point of this fiction.
Just want to say thanks to my little sister, Rachel, for her help with this chapter. It is thanks to her craziness that the content of chapter works. Love ya sis!
Enjoy!
Combeferre
Although Eponine had only known the Amis (what Marius' group of friends called themselves) for a few weeks, she felt like she had been a part of their group for much longer. She enjoyed their company immensely, finding all of the boys to be funny, engaging, and, on the whole, a polite group of men. By 'on the whole', she meant everyone but Enjol-stick-up-his-ass, who still basically ignored her, only speaking to her when absolutely necessary and usually to contradict or argue with her.
Combeferre, the student with glasses who had guilt tripped Enjolras into apologizing to her, was the complete opposite. He always greeted her with a smile and a kind inquiry as to how her day had been. He read her moods frighteningly well, knowing exactly when to talk to her and exactly when to just buy her a coffee and sit beside her in silence to read. Along with Jean Prouvaire, or Jehan as he preferred, a gentle mannered poet who was the dictionary definition of adorable most days, and Marius (who was still as awkward as ever, bless him), Combeferre was probably the Amis she got on best with.
He did, however, have one major flaw. He was far too tolerant and accepting of the antics of his friends, even when he was the butt of the joke or the victim of the prank. Whenever the other boys were messing about (usually led by Courfeyrac, an incorrigible rouge with a penchant for flirting with anything that breathed) Combeferre would smile before turning back to whatever he was working on with Enjolras.
Eponine knew something had to be done when the day came that Courfeyrac stole Combeferre's glasses and drew a bad representation of Tweety Pie from the Loony Tunes cartoon onto the lenses. Combeferre's only reaction was to shake his head slightly in annoyance and wipe the felt tip off with a small cloth.
He had just settled himself down with a rather dog eared copy of Beyond Good and Evil
by Friedrich Nietzsche when Eponine pounced, collapsing with very little grace into the chair opposite him.
"So, how are you going to pay Courf back?"
He glanced up at her, bemused, but also genuinely confused. "I'm not?" He said it as a question, correctly assuming that she was not going to take no as an answer.
"Of course you are." She responded, checking to see that none of the Amis were listening. Grantaire had challenged Courfeyrac to beer pong (and was winning) and everyone was watching the game apart from Enjolras. He, as usual, had moved away from the table when she had approached. "In fact," she continued, "not only are you going to prank Courfeyrac, you are also going to prank everyone else. And yes, that includes Enjolras."
He looked unsure, but unsure was better than an outright refusal. Eventually, he spoke. "I don't really know how to prank someone if I'm honest." He gave a wry grin. "I was more of a 'stay at home bookworm' kind of child as opposed to 'tearing around the neighbourhood raising hell' kind of child."
Eponine tried not to squeal with delight at his agreement. She was finally going to get the chance to get one up on the Marble Apollo of No Manners. Instead of vocalizing this thought, she simply nodded in a solemn manner. "I know just the person to talk to."
LINE BREAK! AND GUESS WHO WE'RE MEETING!
"Please tell me you are not serious about this?" Combeferre groaned, eyeing up the person sitting opposite him. They were sat in his apartment, beginning on their plans of war
"He's the best there is, trust me. I trained him myself." Eponine said reassuringly, pushing a cup of Combeferre's favourite peppermint tea towards him across the kitchen table.
"He looks about nine!"
"I'm twelve and a half, thank you very much." Eponine's little brother, Gavroche, grumbled from over the rim of his mug of hot chocolate.
"Just let him work, 'Ferre." She handed a pile of paper to Gavroche. Each sheet was a profile on each of the Amis: name, age, likes, dislikes, personality, medical (just to be safe), and, most importantly, their addresses.
After looking over the profiles for a few minutes, Gavroche pushed his mug away and assumed a serious expression. "I think I have an idea…"
An hour later, Gavroche set down his pen and gave a slightly feral grin. "These are the best I've come up with, not to pat myself on the back or anything."
Combeferre was eyeing up the plans with not a small amount of trepidation. "Some of these look rather difficult…" he began, but the little boy fixed him with a steely glare.
"Eponine will help you. But I swear if you mess these up or bottle out, I will be very disappointed in you. I have worked hard on these and I don't want all that work to go to waste. Now be a man and show this group of unimaginative wanna be pranksters how a master works." He then hopped off the chair, tugged on Eponine's hair in way of farewell and scampered off out of the door.
As the latch clicked shut, Combeferre turned a slightly frightened gaze on Eponine who simply shrugged and smiled. "You heard the kid. Let's show them what we can do."
LINE BREAK! LINE BREAK! THE LINE BREAK OF AWESOME!
After a week of planning, buying, preparing, and convincing Combeferre to actually go through with whole operation (dubbed Operation The Pup Has Grown Up from the very start) it was finally time to put their plans into action.
It was a normal Thursday evening and the Amis were all crammed into the back room of the Musain, having long abandoned Enjolras' meeting agenda, much to his annoyance. The clock chimed nine and Eponine gave Combeferre a pointed look from across the room. She stood up, a move closely followed by him. Innocently, she gathered her things together; making sure no one saw her take Bahorel's leather biker jacket from its place on his chair. She could basically see the nerves radiating off Combeferre as he made his excuses to Enjolras and hoped the blond was so absorbed in his work that he wouldn't pay much attention to his friend's less than stellar acting (okay, lying) abilities.
"Aww, going so soon 'Ponine?" Slurred Courfeyrac from where he was draped over the back of a chair, looking so cat like it was actually disconcerting. Actually, he was also draped over Jehan, but as the poet was rather busy drawing a very nice flower design onto the charmer's right bicep, Eponine wasn't going to do anything.
She shrugged nonchalantly, her poker face absolutely flawless. "Combeferre offered to give me a ride home."
"Philip and Eponine sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" Grantaire was remarkably eloquent when drunk. Well, he could at least spell.
"Nonsense, Nicholas." Combeferre stood beside, a slight frown in place. "I am simply offering her a ride home as it is unsafe for her to walk home alone in the dark."
Grantaire, after grimacing at the use of his first name, simply smirked and gave them a knowing look.
They made it outside with no further hassle and drove quickly to make their rounds of all the places the Amis lived. The only comment made on the journey was by Eponine.
"You're name is Philip?"
"Please don't mention it again. Ever."
LINE BREAK LINE BREAK OF EPICNESS I LIKE CHEESE AND LINE BREAKS.
"I can't believe we got away with it!" Combeferre exclaimed as Eponine fiddled with the lock of Courfeyrac's door. He then frowned. "Is it a good idea to ask why you know to do that?"
"No, and we haven't got away with it yet." She reminded him as the door swung open. She slid her hair grip back into her hair. "Let's get to work."
An hour and a half later he dropped her back at home, the two of them exchanging grins that would have put the Cheshire Cat to shame.
LINE BREAK! DO YOU THINK ENJOLRAS LIKES BROWNIES?
Eponine's phone rang at half past six the next morning, a fact she normally wouldn't have appreciated. However, Combeferre had promised the previous night to call her as soon as the effects of Gavroche's pranks were known so she rolled over and refrained from swearing down the phone at him.
"Hello?" Was that screaming she could hear in the background?
"Joly is convinced he's dying. Why didn't you tell me the dye was that blue?"
"You never asked." They had spiked Joly moisturising cream with a dye that was invisible until applied to skin. It had taken some time to find it on the Internet, but, judging by the screaming, it had been worth every penny.
"Yeah, well Bossuet is trying to convince him not to call us all for a will reading. We were doing quite well actually; it's been over a month since the last one. Weird thing is who gets what changes every time…"
"I somehow don't think you won't be included in the list of beneficiaries when Joly finds out you were behind this." Eponine drawled and practically felt Combeferre tense up.
"You know maybe we should just call it all off…"
"Okay, stop right there. We are not letting all of this time, money and effort go to waste just because you can't follow through." Her phone gave a cheerful sounding beep, indicating that another caller was trying to get through to her. "I've got to go. I think Couf just found his 'present'." She hung up and accessed the other call, making her voice sound like she had just woken up. "What the hell, Courf? It's, like, half six in the morning."
"Eponine," His voice was grave and Eponine had a sudden moment of panic that he figured out that she and 'Ferre had set the prank. His next words however set her mind to rest. "I need to know if you are a natural brunette or if you dye it."
"No, Courf, it's all natural." She spoke slowly, sounding confused, but inside she was howling with laughter.
"Okay. Talk to you later."
She sat and stared at her phone for a second after he had hung up, expecting a little more of a reaction. Then, she hugged her arms to herself and let out a peal of evil laughter that would have made anyone listening shiver in fear. She couldn't wait to see Enjolras!
I LOVE LINE BREAKS! THEY ARE SO CUTE! AND FLUFFY! AND MADE OF CHOCOLATE!
The scene that Eponine walked in on in the Musain later that afternoon was almost beyond describing.
Joly was sat next to Bossuet, his face a startling shade of blue tinged with patches of red from where he had tried to scrub his face clean. Next to him sat Courfeyrac with a dark grey beanie pulled down low on his head. Grantaire was sat in his usual corner, looking confused and muttering something unintelligible to himself. Jehan was sat between them, a plastic tub of brownies balanced on his knee, a concerned look on his face. In the middle of all this sat Combeferre who was looking terribly guilty but also slightly pleased. She sat down among them, her best innocent expression in place.
"Dare I ask the question?" she queried, looking from one face to another.
"I'm not long left for this world!" moaned Joly.
Darting her hand forwards, Eponine pulled the beanie off Courfeyrac's head. He let out an extremely feminine shriek and clapped his arms over his head, but not before she had seen the extent of their handy work and she couldn't stifle the giggle that forced its way out of her throat.
Courfeyrac's normally dark brown curls were now a very strange ginger colour with streaks of blond and dark brown twisting through it. That may sound nice, but the overall effect really wasn't. The prank had been easy really. They had simply added a nontoxic hair dye to his shampoo so that when he washed his hair it would be dyed at the same time.
"Well, that explains your phone call this morning." She deadpanned.
"Don't look at me!" He wailed, pulling the hat out of her hands and hiding his hair under it. "Whoever did this is going to pay! IN BLOOD!"
"Steady on, mate." Combeferre tried to sound soothing, but Eponine picked up on the undercurrent of laughter. "It's just your hair."
"JUST MY HAIR!" Courfeyrac shrieked. "MY HAIR WAS MY CROWNING GLORY! ONE OF MY FINEST ASSETS! IT WAS…"
"Oh, shut up Courfeyrac!" Grantaire groaned. "At least you didn't hand in a photography assignment that somehow managed to include a baby photo of you!"
Eponine grinned. That prank had been slightly harder as they had had to get hold of a picture of a baby Grantaire (he had been a very cute baby) and then get the photo into his assignment folder. Apparently it had worked though.
Just then, Feuilly walked through the door, a slightly distressed look on his face. "Did Bahorel draw on my face again? Because I have been getting some really strange looks today."
Jehan squeaked as he caught sight of Feuilly's eyes and offered him Joly's hand mirror. Feuilly studied himself for a moment then swore and nearly dropped the mirror.
Eponine sniggered silently. Replacing Feuilly's contact lenses had been the most difficult task of all. Combeferre had had to convince Feuilly to give him his prescription and then they had had to pay for a pair of lenses that would correct not only his vision, but also turn his iris a startling blood red. The effect was rather startling and Eponine was only amazed that it had taken this long for him to find a mirror.
Bahorel was in next, his expression murderous. "Do not speak to me, any of you; because I know it was someone in this group who did this and, unless they own up I will quite probably just punch anyone."
Eponine avoided eye contact as she was quite sure the fighter meant every word of his little rant. She had drawn little smiley faces in felt tip pen all over the body work of Bahorel's motorbike, his pride and joy. If that wasn't enough, they had also used Jehan's bedazzling tool on Bahorel's biker jacket. Surprisingly, he was still wearing the jacket despite the rainbow of crystals attached across the shoulders in a wing design.
When Marius and Cosette arrived, Eponine could see that the prank her and Combeferre had planned had been successful. Marius was tinged a delightful shade of pink while Cosette looked slightly smug.
Courfeyrac perked up a bit upon seeing somebody in even more discomfort than himself. "Alright Pontmercy, spill. Why are you suddenly trying to perfect your impression of Enjolras in a temper?"
Marius stuttered for about a full minute before his girlfriend took pity and told the story for him. "Some random girl came up to Marius at the university today and started flirting with him."
The 'random girl' was in fact a friend of Combeferre's. He had mentioned that he had a female friend, a drama student, who would be more than happy to help. He said that she also had a wicked sense of humour and would find the whole situation hilarious. It seemed the plan had worked but Eponine had one question.
"Sorry, there's one thing I do not understand here." She addressed the blond girl. "Some girl was flirting with your boyfriend but you seem pretty happy."
Cosette, after looking a little surprised at being addressed, gave a brilliant smile. "Oh, I knew the girl; she's in my drama class. When she realised Marius and I were together she was really apologetic and said someone had dared her to do it." Eponine couldn't miss the pointed look that was sent her way and knew that the blond girl had figured out who was behind all this. Cosette went up several points in Eponine's estimation of her, not only because she figured it out, but because she didn't say anything.
"And now for the final act…" Combeferre whispered in her ear, jerking his head towards the door to draw her attention. Eponine turned and she felt a flare of sadistic humour at the sight that met her.
Enjolras looked distinctly uncomfortable, and she couldn't really blame him. Despite the weather outside being warm and the café even warmer, he was wearing a heavy red jacket, buttoned all the way up to his chin and Eponine knew why. The prank for Enjolras had taken a lot of work and even more planning. She had spent a ridiculous amount of time convincing Combeferre that pulling the joke on his best friend was acceptable. In the end, she had simply told him to leave it to her so he wouldn't feel guilty. Firstly, she had replaced all of Enjolras' shirts (which consisted of black, white, blue, grey and red) with pink copies. Childish, maybe, but oh so rewarding. She had then removed all of his trousers and all of his shoes bar his red Converse high tops which had been painstakingly covered in sequins.
"Oh, Enjolras, I love your shoes!" Cosette exclaimed, echoed by Jehan.
The look Enjolras gave them was weary rather than furious and Eponine felt a twinge of pity. She instantly slapped it down, reminding herself that this was payback for the weeks of rudeness she had endured from him.
"Those trousers look a little tight," Combeferre mused, then looked again closer. "Are those mine?"
"Mine somehow all disappeared, along with my shoes." Enjolras collapsed into a chair and self-consciously removed his coat, revealing a very fetching pink shirt.
"It takes a very secure man to wear pink." Eponine deadpanned, ignoring the glare he shot her.
To their credit, no one laughed. After the events of the day, everyone was confused rather than amused. Jehan, bless his heart, decided to try and cheer everyone up.
"I brought brownies." He offered the box round to everyone, his sunshine smile and delicious baking bringing a smile back to everyone's face. Eponine couldn't help but notice the way Enjolras' eyes lit up at the offer of brownies. He obviously had a sweet tooth, a fact she stored away for later. When the box came to her she declined, saying she was on a diet and Combeferre begged off by saying he had just had a late lunch and was full. This was one batch of Jehan's famous brownies they would gladly miss.
Bahorel took a huge bite and promptly spat it back out again. "Holy…what did you do to these, Jehan?"
Jehan looked confused and took a bite of brownie. His face registered shock and then disgust, rapidly followed by him dashing off to the bathroom.
Ruined brownies appeared to be the last straw. "Every single one of us has been pranked today." Enjolras was fuming. "Alright, who was it?"
Everyone automatically looked at Courfeyrac, the regular joker of the group, but he wordlessly pointed to his ruined hair in protest. Jehan arrived back just then just as accusations were beginning to fly. Eponine shared a look with Combeferre who grinned. Time for the big reveal. The two of them stood up and took a bow, effectively silencing the room.
"It was you two?" Feuilly asked his red eyes wide in surprise.
Combeferre shrugged. "I was tired of always being the target so for once I was the one pulling the pranks." He grinned at Eponine, looking suddenly like a naughty little boy again. "With the substantial help of Miss Thenardier and her younger brother. In fact, essentially, you were all pranked by a twelve year old!"
Courfeyrac began slow clapping in appreciation. "I'll murder you in your sleep about my hair later. For now, I will simply bask in the sheer badassery of our 'Ferre! Oh, and 'Ponine? I seriously have to meet your brother!"
"So that's what you two were doing last night! I thought you were on a secret date!" exclaimed Jehan, who then pouted. "You ruined a whole batch of my brownies!"
"Whatever you used on my bike had better not be permanent." Bahorel growled to which the two of them shook their heads quickly no.
Everyone started shouting then and it took a good half an hour of Combeferre reassuring everyone that all of their removed items would be replaced (Enjolras was rather worried about his clothes) and that no, Joly, the dye was not permanent and would wash out in a day or two.
"I have to thank you two for not doing anything to me!" chuckled Bossuet, "I have bad enough luck as it is!"
Combeferre grinned. "It seemed a bit mean to leave you with a panicking Joly and give you your own prank."
"Alright," Enjolras broke in, his voice disapproving. "now that we have finished acting like children, quite frankly I expected better of you Combeferre, can we please get down to business?"
Eponine had to admit the meeting that night was interesting, what with Joly's blue face, Feuilly's red eyes (which he said he was definitely keeping), Courfeyrac's hair, and Enjolras' colourful ensemble.
She settled herself in the corner with Grantaire, who gave her a bottle and a salute. She returned the salute with a smile and settled herself down to watch her friends. Just for a moment, she caught Enjolras' gaze and, to her surprise, he gave a flicker of a smile.
She blinked in amazement. The marble man had a sense of humour and moreover had been amused by the whole incident.
Well that was unexpected.
A/N Hehehehe! That was fun to write! Hope you enjoy it. Just to let you know, I finish college for the year on Friday so I'll then have a lot more time to write. Read and review!