Disclaimer: I do not own the AR series. Chapter title comes from a Badly Drawn Boy song. Don't own that either.

'Luke, I have to say, it's like looking at you. Y'know, if you were smaller and less violently inclined. And, y'know, less muscly. Oh, and with curly hair; kinda like a girl, y'know? And-'

'Matt, d'you think you're maybe pushing it a little bit?' Fox said, setting the drinks down on the table. Wolf accepted his with a grunt of thanks; they'd always kept a close eye on whose round it was. Well, Snake did. It was something of a talent of his, considering how mullered they usually got on a Saturday night. Or a Sunday before a bank holiday. Or when they had leave. Or when they weren't on patrol. Even when the rest of them were spilling drinks, Snake had enough wits about him to slur out 'Luke's round'.

'What? It's a big fucking deal, though, isn't it? I mean, one of us has a kid. Of their very own. It's like I'm an uncle!' Eagle crowed, drinking deeply from his pint, genuinely delighted with himself.

'You prat. You already have a nephew and a niece. How are you getting on anyway, mate?' Fox asked. He was trying in vain to open a tiny packet of peanuts, half of his attention on that and half of it on Wolf's answer.

The pub they were sitting in, The Rowdy Beggar, was fairly deserted. It was Sunday afternoon and the only other customers were a pair of women sitting in the corner, an old man by the toilets and three men playing darts. The women were drinking those stupid fruity cocktails that women seemed to like, the old man was nursing a pint of Guinness and the men playing darts seemed to be swilling cider.

The three soldiers crowded round a table that was much too small for them, sitting on stools and drinking lager slowly, more for the taste than the actual alcohol. At the other end of the bar, Jack was perched atop one of the tall stools at the counter, trying to build a card house out of beer mats.

Wolf watched the boy for a minute. His tongue poked out slightly from between his lips as he tried in vain to make the beer mats stay up. He'd get about two of them standing together and then, when he'd go to lay one top, they'd all crumple. Wolf felt guilty that he didn't really care what the kid was doing, so long as it was quiet. Then again, he had left him with a glass of coke and some peanuts.

'Uh, fine. I think. He's just… Last night we got home about three in the morning and he was still awake. Had to leave him on the sofa 'cause my room was a tip. He doesn't fucking talk. At all. Aren't kids supposed to talk?' Wolf said.

'Oh yeah. My nephew never shuts up. And my niece, Christ, I don't think I've ever seen her with her mouth shut for more than a minute. Kids though, isn't it? I mean- Ahhhh. Fucker! Why'd you kick- Oh. Shit. Sorry,' Eagle said, fixing his eyes on his pint bashfully.

'Nah, all kids are different, right?' Fox reassured loyally. Wolf's eye flickered back to Jack, sitting over at the bar. 'Anyway, have you got him registered in a school yet?'

'No, not yet. I don't even know what fucking class he's in or shit like that,' Wolf said, swigging his drink morosely.

'You should talk to Mark about that shit; he's good with paper pushing,' Eagle said emphatically. 'Anyway, I was just telling my, uh, lady friend about it yesterday. She's doing a degree in child psychology or some bullshit like that. Said if you need any help, give her a call.'

'That's really very touching except I don't know the woman,' Wolf glowered more in the direction of his drink than at his friend. Eagle and Fox exchanged worried looks that Wolf guessed he wasn't supposed to see.

'So what time did you get back at last night? Mark rang round this morning telling us to be 'sensitive' and stuff like that. I said, 'Mark, mate, I'm so fucking sensitive all the time.' Like he needed to tell me. He sounded wrecked though. Where'd you say you had to go to pick the little squirt up again?' Eagle asked.

'Up to some shithole of a place called Scap,' Wolf said. He glanced over at the two women in the corner. One was a dyed blond, the other a brunette.

'Scap? Sounds like an STD. Hey, d'you remember what's her face, the one who thought feudalism was an STD? She was so thick. Mind you, you can actually see why she might think that. I mean, can't you just imagine someone saying 'Oh shit, I've got a terrible case of feudalism'?' Fox said.

'Yeah. What was her name again? Hey, Luke, you with us mate?' Eagle said, chuckling.

'Hello? Earth to Luke?' Fox followed his friend's line of vision. 'Oh no Luke, you can't be serious. She looks like you could catch anything off her.'

'Oh yes Ben. I'll help out with the token ugly mate if you want,' Eagle said, swigging some of his drink gamely. Fox's nose scrunched in disgust; Eagle seemed to have some kind of psychological thing about making it with the ugliest girl in the room. Scratch that, in every room.

'Luke, you have a kid. And Matt, what the fuck is wrong with you? You spent last Wednesday nattering on the phone with me for a half hour about how great your new girlfriend is,' Fox admonished.

Wolf shrugged but Eagle looked suitably ashamed.

'Besides, Mark'd have kittens if I let you get away with it. Where is he anyway?' Fox said.

'He was meeting some bird for lunch, the steamer. Though have to give him credit. He's practically being stalked,' Eagle said, drinking more from his pint.

Wolf finally looked away from the two women at that, glancing quickly over at Jack to make sure he was still there. Sure enough, he was still struggling away with his beer mat tower.

'What?' Wolf asked.

'Same again?' Eagle said, climbing to his feet with a grin. He'd always had a bit of a theatrical flare and derived an almost unseemly amount of pleasure at leaving Wolf staring at a cliff hanger. It delighted the former and sent the latter into a disproportionate rage.

'Matt you prick, sit back down and-'

'Same again it is then,' Eagle said, so pleased with himself that he nearly tripped and skulled himself on the counter.

'Relax, Luke. It's nothing big but I can tell you about it if you really want to know,' Fox said, ever the peace keeper.

'Yeah? What's he talking about, Mark getting stalked?' Wolf demanded. On any other occasion, he knew Fox would've torn ruthlessly into him. 'Worried about your boyfriend?' The whole set of homophobic jokes would be remembered and rehashed for weeks. But, then again, Fox did have some self preservation instincts.

'Well Mark keeps getting these calls. On his mobile and his house phone. It's some girl, but she never says anything much. She just breathes down the line and cries and says his name a lot. He reckons it's an ex-girlfriend or something,' said Fox.

'Mark? You're having a laugh. How sad would you have to be to stalk Mark? I mean, he's hardly the pinnacle of male evolution, is he?' Wolf snorted.

'Yeah, as opposed to the missing link between ape and man that you are. Course it really freaks him out but he can't really do anything about it, can he?' Fox said, sitting back again. Wolf hadn't even noticed that he'd leaned forward.

'Well why'd he not say anything?' Wolf asked, sounding petulant even to his own ears.

'Matt found out first, and that was only 'cause Mark got one when the two of them were in the toilets at Club 21 the other day. And I only heard when Eagle blabbed to me yesterday while you and Mark were going to Scap. Don't make a big song and dance out of it though, alright? I think Mark's embarrassed about it,' Fox said.

Wolf nodded sagely, eyes flickering back to the women in the corner. The brunette looked sort of like Lara Croft but maybe his eyesight was getting a bit fuzzy. Eagle returned presently with more drinks, grinning smugly.

'I already told him, you git,' Fox said, instantly popping Eagle's bubble. In his opinion, that was the past way to handle the immature grown child who he considered to be a good friend.

'Spoilsport. So Luke, how'd yesterday go anyway?'

'We drove in Mark's clapped out piece of shit car all the way up to Scap. Place was an absolute dump. Then we picked up the kid and drove back again,' Wolf said.

'Did you explain to the kid what was going on?' Fox asked.

'Well, I sort of tried but I don't think he was really listening. The only thing he's said to me so far is 'Your stupid'. Little punk,' Wolf glowered.

'What, he hurt your feelings?' Fox queried incredulously. 'Grow the fuck up Luke. He's five years old. Did you tell him anything about who you are?'

'Eh, no, not as such. But I just assumed that he knows I'm his dad and that's he really needs to know, isn't it?' Wolf said, swallowing some of his drink.

'The hell it is. You're telling me you didn't tell him anything about you? Did you ask about him?' Fox spluttered.

'No.'

'Jesus mate, sometimes I forget that you've got the emotional range of a table,' Eagle chuckled fondly.

'Shut the fuck up. If the kid wants to know something he'll ask me, won't he?'

'D'you know anything about him, Luke? D'you know what he likes to do, who his best friend is? What's his favourite colour? D'you even know his middle name?' Fox hammered the questions in as hard as he could, as angrily as he felt.

'Ben, I met him for the first time yesterday and he hasn't said three fucking words to me! The fuck d'you want me to do!' Wolf snapped.

It was only after he'd said it that he realized how aggressive he'd sounded. Fox blinked, seemingly stunned by the outburst and Eagle sat on his stool agog, his mouth open wide enough to fit a tennis ball in to it without touching his teeth.

And Wolf couldn't take that, the way they were staring at him like he was bang out of order, like he was the one being unreasonable. Pricks.

He got up, knocking his stool over in his righteous indignation and pivoted, ready to engage in a code red Wolf storm out. Of course, he'd have to go grab the kid first but he was fairly confident that the dramatic flair wouldn't suffer.

'Ah mate, don't be so fucking hormonal!' Eagle called.

'Luke, sit down you tosser!'

They sounded more amused than actually quaking in fear at his just fury. Huh. Maybe he'd have to work on his storming out a little. Usually it was terrifying enough to make puppies cry; all it seemed to be doing was making his arsehole friends crease themselves laughing.

And there, leaning on the bar, was the biggest arsehole of the lot. Who just happened to be laughing the hardest.

'Alright, Luke?' Snake asked cheerfully. He handed the barmaid a note and smiled, thanking her for the glass of orange juice.

'Alright. You drinking orange juice?'

'No, no. It's for Jack. Coke has a lot of sugar in it. You'll have a job settling him if you let him have too much of it,' Snake said, sliding the glass over in front of Jack.

'Right. Jack, aren't you gonna thank Mark for that drink? Here, let me pay you back for it,' Wolf delved into his pocket distractedly for his wallet. Jack didn't look up from his beer mat game.

'Relax, it's fine. My round anyway,' Snake said.

'Fuck would you know?'

'You left your empties on the table and it was Ben's to start. And d'you think it's a good idea to let Jack hear words like that? Might start getting ideas,' said Snake.

'Fat chance. Hasn't said a word since the drive home,' Wolf whispered conspiratorially as he let Snake lead him back over to their table.

'Well he's had a shock, hasn't he? Give him a little time and a lot of attention. Why've you got him down here anyway?' Snake asked.

'Oi oi Mark! How's it going! Did you get any new info on the bunny boiler!' Eagle chirped loudly. Snake flushed and shushed at the same time, taking his seat and beckoning for Wolf to take the stool beside him. He set the drinks out on the table and Eagle drained the rest of his pint to move on to the next one. Fox smiled in appreciation.

'No, nothing. Clara's not the type. I was going to ask you to help me with it, Ben. You spies know all about tracing numbers don't you?' Snake said ruefully.

Eagle whistled between his teeth. 'Wow. Must be getting serious if you want to let the intelligence services loose on her,' he said. Snake's face actually looked just like a cherry tomato. Fox elbowed Eagle. 'Sorry mate. Maybe that was a bit insensitive.'

'No, no, it's fine. You don't have to tiptoe around me like I'm a pregnant woman. I just… I'm worried,' Snake said.

'Yeah, I would be too, to be honest. I mean, she might try and rape you or something,' Eagle snorted.

'Not about me, you moron. I'm worried- Forget it. We still on for lunch at mine tomorrow, after the training exercise? How'd you swing getting assigned to the counter-terrorism response training team, Ben?' Snake asked.

'I have my ways,' said Fox, drinking deeply from his pint.

'Yeah, at repulsing women. You haven't pulled since year eleven,' Eagle jeered.

'Yeah, 'cause you're so irresistible to women. You haven't had a serious relationship with anyone who wasn't your mother,' Wolf grunted, Fox and Snake chuckling.

'Well, there was your mother,' Eagle replied. The others changed sides in less than a second, the line delighted their pea sized brains so much. Wolf glowered but couldn't really get his heart into it; he had walked into that one.

'Shut it,' he snapped.

'Snappy comeback. I like it,' Eagle said in a sing-song voice.

'Alright, enough's enough. So you free loading pricks will be sponging lunch off my parents tomorrow?' Snake asked.

'Yeah, sure. Why does your old lady want us 'round anyway? You know we're gonna tear through her lunch like a pack of locusts,' said Fox.

'I'm not really sure. She's got a, uh, over hospitality tendency. Plus she's got issues about the whole army thing. My older brother died in service and she's always trying to feed up any soldier she can; he starved to death.'

There was a minute of awkward silence. Snake stared at the table, Fox picked at a hangnail, Eagle drank some more of his pint and Wolf glanced over at the women in the corner again.

'Sorry,' Snake cleared his throat, 'that came out wrong. She'd just really like a chance to feed someone other than me and Patrick. She loves seeing people enjoy her food.'

''Course we'll be there, mate,' Wolf assured.

'Great. They live out in Luton now and the training finishes up at about three. She's not expecting us 'til five so we'll have plenty of time to get back to London from Swindon; you won't need to hire someone to look after Jack, Luke, 'cause you can pick him up then,' said Snake.

'Your folks are alright with him coming?' Wolf asked, quickly checking over his shoulder to make sure the kid was still in the same place. He seemed to have given up on the beer mat tower.

'They'd be gutted if he didn't. They love kids. I called ahead to ask and they're looking forward to seeing Jack more than seeing me,' Snake said.

'Great. I'll make sure he's on his best behaviour,' Wolf said, mostly because it sounded like the sort of thing a parent might say.

'So, who's driving?' Snake asked.

'Bags not it!' Eagle yelled, attracting curious glances from the rest of the customers.

'Keep you voice down you prick. It's not Luke, anyway,' said Fox.

'Why not?' Wolf asked.

'Eh, I don't know. Maybe because you drive like an absolute maniac. Or maybe because your car is the shittiest one I've ever seen outside of a scrap yard. Or maybe-'

'Alright, shut it, dickhead,' Wolf interrupted Snake snappily.

'Sorry mate, but Mark has a point. I don't trust you to drive my car and I wouldn't travel in your car unless you were paying me. You're not paying me, are you?' Eagle asked.

'No,' Wolf replied.

'You're not driving,' said Eagle, 'can't be me. I leant my, uh, my… um… my special friend! Yeah, I leant my special friend my wheels for the week. She only just got her licence.'

'Can't you drive my car? I don't need it 'cause the company takes us by private car,' Fox said.

'Jammy bastard.'

'I wish. You get travel expenses for your trouble,' Fox griped.

'You make about fifty percent more than us, you flash bitch,' Wolf growled.

'Yeah but you should see my overdraft.'

'Oh fuck off. Anyway, it's settled. We're taking Ben's car. Matt drives to Swindon, Mark drives to Luton 'cause he knows the way,' Fox ruled democratically. Eagle shrugged and Snake nodded, satisfied.

Fox deliberated for a minute, took a large swig of his pint and then seemed to gather his courage. 'Right then. I suppose now would be a good time to make my announcement,' he said.

'Don't tell me you have a secret love child too,' Eagle queried.

'No you twat. I've- I'm moving in with a woman. We've been seeing each other for about three months now and I'm moving in with her,' said Fox.

'You've got a bird? You? Foxy, why'd you not say anything?' Eagle was aghast.

''Cause I knew you'd take the mick. She's really great but she used to be a… well, she still is…. she's a…. she's a pole dancer. Alright? I said it,' Fox said.

There was absolute silence for a minute before the table slapping laughter ripped from the other three. Fox's lips twitched at their reactions; Snake looked like he might die, Eagle was in serious danger of falling off his stool and Wolf was making a noise sort of like a cross between a goat's bleat and a dog's bark.

'You…. You…. She's a…. Bah!' Eagle spluttered.

'Before you ask, that's not how I met her,' Fox bit out.

'But she…. Mate, that's absolutely…. Mah!' Eagle tried to articulate himself again.

'And she doesn't take her clothes off or anything,' Fox said.

'Fah!' Eagle sounded like he was choking.

'And lastly, she's great. Now shut the fuck, will you?' said Fox.

'Sorry.'

'Yeah, mate.'

'That's fucking priceless, that is. How did you meet her?' Eagle asked, once he'd managed to scoop together a little composure.

'I… Don't laugh, alright? Her kid puked in my hair when I was walking past her front garden.'

He waited another few minutes for his friends to collect themselves.

'Wait a sec. She's got a kid?' Snake asked eventually.

'Three, actually. Two girls and a boy. The girls are great, the boy's a little prick; he's the one who vommed all over my hair. The girls are Emma and Abigail, the boy's name is Noah. Emma's five, Abigail's seven and Noah's nine,' Fox said.

'And their mother?' Wolf asked.

'Sophie's twenty four. She had Noah when she was fifteen but she's a great mum. Actually, I meant to ask if you though Jack might like to visit them some time, make friends and that sort of stuff,' said Fox.

'Yeah, maybe. So your happy with Sophie and her kids then, are you?' Wolf said, drinking.

'I am. I really like her a lot. Who knows where it'll go? I've got to wait a little before I tell her about my job though, and that's the main pain in my arse. Official secrets act bullshit. But I've dropped her a few hints about why so I can't see it causing us much trouble,' Fox shrugged.

'That's good then. So Ben and Matt are in a relationship. Hopefully not together, though you can't really be sure with those two. Mark's got girls stalking him. And I've got a kid. I think we're all making progress this week,' said Wolf.

'Fuck off. I'd put money on you being the one stalking Mark. 'Ooooh Mark, you're like a modern day William Wallace! Gimme a smooch you Scottish sex machine you!',' Eagle did a shrill take on Wolf's voice. It wasn't a half bad impression. Not that Wolf would ever tell him so anyway.

'A smooch? That came from a dark place, didn't it Matt?' Fox said.

'You, sir, are an arsehole. Now, I'd like to propose a toast,' Eagle raised his voice to include everyone in the room. Strangely enough, he managed to get everybody's attention. It was like something out of a bad movie.

'To progress!' He thrust his half empty glass into the air and drained the dregs, smacking his lips. He didn't even care that the other customers all did the exact same, following suit.

'You've got to hand it to him,' said Wolf, 'he does gather a following. He'd probably get elected Prime Minister.'

'That's not something I'd like to dwell on,' Fox shuddered.

'Fair point. Anyway, I'd better head. I was gonna look up schools when I got home,' Wolf said, finishing the last drop of his drink and climbing to his feet.

'Your round next time fuckface,' Eagle crowed. Wolf flipped him off, crossing the bar to where Jack sat on his stool. He'd finished his orange juice and the beer mats were sprawled in a disgruntled scatter on the counter. The barman eyed Wolf disapprovingly and Wolf tossed him a glance, a kind of line in the sand about fucking with him; he was hungry and tired and he wanted to go home. In the end, the man went back to drying glasses.

'C'mon, we're going home,' Wolf said. Jack's small shoulders tensed and he started stacking the beer mats he'd been playing with meticulously.

'Jack, I'm not standing around all day watching you play with those. We're going. Hurry up,' Wolf said firmly.

'You can leave those, lad, I'll tidy 'em up. Sorry the castle didn't work out,' said the barman in a gruff tone, reaching over to stack the bar mats, giving them the attention Jack had, ignoring his customers for a minute to please the boy.

Jack nodded and smiled slightly at the barman, more a twitch of his lips than anything. The barman grinned back.

'Your welcome. Go on now, Jack. Might see you around.'

Finally, Jack jumped down from his stool. Wolf nearly laughed out loud; the kid had literally jumped off the stool, going over the side with the grim determination of a para trooper. He grabbed Jack's coat off the back of the stool and held it out to him.

Jack ignored it and Wolf felt his already quite limited stores of patience burning up fast.

'See you in the morning, Luke! Remember, it's starting at 0800 hours sharp. I'll knock round for you at 0600. Be ready fucknuts,' Eagle called across the bad, earning himself a boot from Fox and an extremely expressive eye roll from Snake. Strangely enough, the eye roll had more effect.

'Bye Jack. Look after your dad,' Snake didn't have to shout to be heard. Wolf gave them a quick wave over his shoulder before he headed for the doors, Jack towing along in his wake.

Once they were outside, he offered Jack the coat again. The boy wouldn't take it.

'Jack, put on your coat. It's cold,' Wolf ordered. Jack's jaw set stubbornly, his eyes trying to burn holes in the pavement. Wolf waited a minute for the kid to take the jacket and when he didn't, Wolf just shrugged. 'Fine. You wanna catch a cold, that's absolutely fine by me.'

If Jack was in anyway bothered by the harsh words, he didn't let it show.

Once they got home, Jack retreated to the corner of the living room with his backpack, wordless as ever. Wolf let him be and went to check the kitchen for something to feed the kid.

His haul was a meagre one. Some out of date milk, a box of four eggs, of which three had cracked. There was the stale heel of a loaf of bread in one of the cupboards and he discovered some corn flakes that looked okay at the very back of one of the presses.

He sniffed the milk tentatively and decided that two days didn't really count as out of date. After all, they had to move those kind of warnings a couple of days forward for health and safety reasons. Cornflakes for lunch it was then.

He had only one bowl and it was slightly chipped, but he washed it before he poured the cereal just in case there was any dust or anything in it.

Then he brought the bowl of cereal in to Jack, offering it to him with a spoon wordlessly. Jack shook his head and Wolf knew if the kid kept up the silent treatment it was going to drive him absolutely crazy.

'Jack, you have to eat,' he said, setting the bowl on the floor beside where the kid sat Native American style.

Jack shook his head and Wolf pinched the bridge of his nose, inhaling and exhaling for a minute. He didn't know what to do. Maybe Snake would… He was half tempted to ring his friend when Jack shrugged.

'Not hungry,' he mumbled.

Wolf smirked to himself. That was good, talking was good. Talking he could handle. When the kid was doing his whole picture no sound act, he wanted to bash his own head against a wall.

'You haven't eaten since last night. It's half two. You must be hungry,' Wolf reasoned.

Jack shook his head. He was holding a toy to his chest, a bright blue stuffed fish, like his life depended on it.

'C'mon, at least try some,' said Wolf.

Jack looked irritated but he picked up the spoon and picked at the cereal unenthusiastically. Figuring that there was nothing else to be done but force feed the boy (something Wolf had serious doubts about the legality of), Wolf retreated to the other end of the living room and sat in his favourite chair, flicking the telly on.

He darted through the channels as quickly as possible, stopping when he reached C.S.I. Miami, one of his guiltiest pleasures. When the music came on, he took the lag of entertainment as an opportunity to study Jack.

The little boy who now shared his apartment wasn't loud or abrasive or even particularly big. He barely talked and he didn't demand attention or misbehave. He wasn't like any child Wolf had ever met before. He'd never have considered himself an expert on children, but in his mental encyclopaedia, he did have some information logged. They were expensive and ridiculously cheerful and everything they did was to get noticed. Jack didn't fit with that and Wolf wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

He watched his son, taking as much in as he could. Jack was wearing the same clothes as the day before and every few minutes he would pluck at the front of his bright red t-shirt habitually. Some of the things he saw were things he recognized though. The way he ran a hand through his hair every few minutes. His furrowed eyebrows and those curls. That determined set to his mouth. The scowl. They were all Wolf things.

The programme started properly then and Wolf sat there mindlessly, trying to guess who the killer was. It turned out to be the butler. Of course, the butler. They'd found a speck of paint from the car that'd killed the rich man on a button that'd been in the dead guy's house. Turned out the butler'd found out about the evidence and cut a button of the dead guy's son's coat. They got him on fingerprints in the end.

After that Jamie Ryle came on, sorting out the problems of a nation one family at a time. Wolf liked watching the meltdowns but he was pretty sure that it was scripted. After all, why would anybody go on national television to accuse their mother of sleeping with their fiancé? Made good television though, in Wolf's humble opinion.

It was half over by the time Wolf realized that it might not be considered suitable for a five year old to hear. He glanced over at Jack guiltily but the kid was staring out the window with his back to Wolf.

Once it finished, Wolf silently debated with himself over what to do then. It was four o' clock and he had nothing to cook for dinner.

He wasn't due to be paid for another six days and his rent, car insurance and bills had already eaten away a sizable chunk of last month's money. He couldn't really afford to get a takeaway. He decided that his cash would do much more at the supermarket than Mc Donalds.

'Jack, c'mon, we're going shopping. For food and stuff,' Wolf said.

Jack climbed to his feet unhurriedly, still clutching the bright blue stuffed fish. Wolf wondered if maybe he ought to take the kid's hand but he wasn't sure how Jack would respond so in the end he wussed out.

While he drove, Wolf found his mind wandering intolerably; he'd never had a wandering mind or attention problems before. But on that trip to the supermarket, he couldn't seem to focus. He had so many things nagging at his brain for attention.

Firstly, obviously, there was Jack. The kid was a kid. Not even a kid like Cub but a little kid. And he was so small. Wolf didn't consider himself an expert on child development or anything but the boy was something of a short arse. Sometimes, a random concern would float into his head like 'What if someone picks on him?' or 'How am I gonna tell him all about the birds and the bees?' There were so many questions, he wondered if they'd occurred to Mel when she'd popped the little sprog out five years ago.

Secondly, there was money. Always money. Wolf's parents were actually quite upper class- not millionaires but not exactly badly off either. But it'd probably have killed him to ask them for money. He'd moved out as soon as he finished school and put himself through university on a student loan and every single piece of spare work he could get.

As such, he'd always lived quite modestly. Not always by choice either. But once he'd gotten a bit of experience and some rank in the SAS, he'd paid off his loans. It wasn't like he had enough to live like a king but the money he made was good enough to keep him. his apartment and his car. How was he going to factor a kid into that as well?

Thirdly, and he wouldn't have admitted it to Snake under threat of bodily harm, he was holding a pity party for himself mentally. Of all the people to have a kid foisted on them, it had to be him. Not Eagle, who was a child himself. Not Fox, who was settling down with a mother. Not even Snake, the natural paragon of maturity. No, him, the one who scowled a lot. Actually, that was probably exactly how the rest of the world saw his role in the unit as.

'Jack,' Wolf asked, shaking his head like a dog who'd just climbed out of a pond. 'What d'you like to eat?'

Jack shrugged and for a minute Wolf thought he'd go back to being the Incredible Mute Boy, who spoke only to insult and argue.

'Well, what did your mum used to make for you?' He asked, trying to coax a proper answer out of the boy. It wasn't hard to keep an eye on the road and in the rear-view mirror in the slow speed zone.

'She makes me chicken and pasta and lasagne and things like that,' Jack said. Wolf wanted to do a happy dance; the kid was talking and none of what he'd named sounded that hard to cook.

Then, after a minute, he actually considered what Jack had said. He'd said makes. As in present tense. For the first time, Wolf wondered if Jack actually understood what had happened to his mother.

'Great. So d'you want me to pick up anything special for you inside?' Wolf asked as he parked up in the shopping centre car park. Jack considered for a minute and then shrugged again.

'D'you like chocolate?' Wolf enquired.

'Yeah. Mum buys it for me all the time. Sometimes we have ice cream for dinner,' Jack said. Wolf watched him for a minute in the rear-view mirror, just to ascertain that what the kid had just said was bullshit. The little boy's expression was so innocent. If Wolf hadn't known that Mel was a fitness freak, he might actually have believed it.

He didn't offer any criticism though. Instead, he got out of the car and waited til Jack was beside him. 'C'mon, we can go get a trolley,' he said. The little boy trudged along behind him, still holding the blue fish to his chest in a death grip.

Once Wolf managed to wrestle a trolley from the others, he hesitated. Would Jack want to sit in the trolley or was he too old for that? He certainly didn't look too big. After a minute of delay, Wolf decided that he'd wait and see what Jack did.

The boy didn't ask about sitting in it as Wolf wheeled the trolley in the doors of the supermarket, so Wolf didn't bother mentioning it. The shop was pretty busy for a Sunday and he started worrying that Jack might get lost, but mostly the kid stayed in step beside him.

Wolf steered the trolley up and down the aisles slowly, keeping an eye on the total but not really that worried about it. He had more than enough when he took change into account as well.

In the cereal aisle, he nearly bumped into a woman with a trolley but she didn't seem to mind. In fact, she was giving the eye until she saw Jack tagging along behind him. As soon as she caught sight of the kid, she grabbed a box of muesli and beat feet.

He was just deciding whether to get corn flakes or crunchy nut when he happened to glance back over his shoulder and noticed that Jack wasn't standing where he had been a minute before. He glanced up and down the aisle. No Jack.

Idly, Wolf wondered if maybe he ought to panic. After all, he couldn't see the kid. But exactly how dangerous could a supermarket be? And anyway, Jack was five. It wasn't like he would wander far. He waited in the same spot for five minutes then decided to just keep shopping. If Jack needed him, he'd come find him, wouldn't he?

Wolf was in the bread aisle, trying to figure out a way to test the loaves without having to squeeze them like a pervert when he spotted Jack at the other end of the shop.

He looked even smaller than usual from the distance but Wolf could easily pick him out with that bright red t-shirt and the dark, chaotic hair. The little boy was standing in front of a guy dressed up like a clown; yellow one piece, bright orange wig and a big red nose. Wolf tossed one of the loaves into the trolley and turned it, wheeling his way down to Jack. So, he thought to himself, the kid likes clowns.

The clown was obviously promoting something and sure enough when Wolf got closer he could see the large red advertisement stand and the coupons the clown was handing out. He'd drawn a handful of kids to him from all over the store, a couple of benevolent parents watching over the whole scene with exasperated indulgence.

Wolf decided not to interrupt. He'd let Jack hang out with the other kids, enjoy the entertainment, maybe make a few friends. It'd be good for the boy. He'd go and finish the shopping.

At least, that was the plan until a pretty blond woman caught his eye and smiled at him. He smiled politely back and she strolled over, a basket in one arm, what looked like a child's coat in the other.

'Hello,' she said, flashing him another perfect teeth smile, 'Can't say I get the attraction.' She gestured at the children who were clearly besotted by the clown. Wolf grinned. She was beautiful and, apparently, she didn't care that he had a kid.

'Nah, me neither. Clowns freak me out,' replied Wolf. The clown pranced from one foot to the other enthusiastically. Wolf wondered how much money they were paying the poor guy.

'That I get. I'm Jess,' said the woman.

'Luke.' He offered her his hand and they shook.

'That's my son over there, Ross,' she pointed out a little blond boy standing right in the middle of the other kids, beaming.

'Oh. Uh, that's Jack,' Wolf flicked his thumb over at Jack. In contrast, his kid was hanging back from the others with his hands dangling by his sides helplessly. His body was frozen to the spot, eyes glued to the clown, mouth clenched.

'He's cute. I like the curls. But is he scared of clowns or something?' Jess asked, frowning worriedly. She kept watching Jack, even after Wolf's eyes had fallen back to her.

'What? I don't think so. Why?'

'He just looks a little… scared, I guess,' she said.

'Uh, I think he's just nervous around the other kids.'

'Shy?'

'Barely talks to me.'

Jess chuckled, her face losing a bit of the worry it had etched into it. Wolf wondered if he'd look like that after a few years with a kid.

'Really? How old is he?' She asked.

'Five,' Wolf replied.

'Hey! Ross is five and four months. Maybe you two could come over some time for them to play together. I never get to meet anybody outside my single parents group these days,' Jess said, pulling out her phone and handing it to Wolf. 'Go ahead and add your number.'

Wolf grinned and did as she'd asked. She was beautiful. She was single. And apparently she thought that having a kid was a positive feature. He'd have to text his friends about it later.

'Cool. So it's just you and Ross then?' He asked, sussing her out with all the subtlety of a drunken elephant.

'Yeah. His dad never wanted to know. What about you and Jack?'

'His mother's dead. Actually, I've only known him two days. She never told me and I'm struggling to get to grips with the whole parenting thing,' Wolf said, laying it on thick. Jess' eyes widened in surprise and she made a sympathetic noise.

'You poor guy! And poor Jack! You two have to come over. I'll text you tonight with my number and you call me anytime if you need help, alright?' Jess said, resting her hand on his forearm. Wolf nodded, feeling slightly guilty that he'd used the boy as a chat up line. Screw it, he'd make it up to Jack later. Buy him a toy or something.

He was about to smile at Jess. He was about to tell her that sounded fantastic. He was about to thank her.

But he never got a chance to.

Greg Harris had been doing the whole Riley O' Reilly the clown deal for two weeks and he was already fed up of it. The money was rubbish, the hours were brutal and the suit stank of old farts. He was tired and hungry and the last thing he wanted to do was prance around to amuse a couple of snot nosed brats. But his supervisor always checked how many flyers he'd handed out, so he figured he'd better get a shift on and force one on all the little punks.

He managed to distribute them to the pack of tiny monsters without a fuss and he dithered over whether or not to approach the boy on the outskirts, the one on his own who hadn't moved for the past ten minutes. In the end, he decided not to exclude the kid and that it was nice to be nice. So he sprang over, flyer clutched in an outstretched hand.

The next thing Wolf heard was a scream like a tin whistle, more terrifying than a banshee, a shriek that went right through his head. It was like a loud, high pitched siren ringing in his brain.

He panicked, whirling around to find the clown and everybody else in the crowd staring in shock at Jack. The boy looked smaller than Wolf had ever imagined, standing there stock still with far away, jagged eyes that weren't seeing the same things as everybody else.

It was only after a minute that Wolf happened to glance down and notice that the kid had wet himself.

Wolf abandoned his trolley and crossed the aisle in two easy steps, full ready to spring into action. Then he stood there for a few seconds, wondering what, exactly, he was supposed to do.

Then Jess was by his shoulder with his trolley, her basket slung in on top of his stuff, calling Ross to her and telling him to hold onto the trolley. The blond boy obeyed immediately, gripping the metal and glancing at Jack out of the corner of his eye. And Wolf couldn't bear to see the look on Ross' face. That little blond prick was looking at Jack like he was weird, abnormal, a freak. Like he didn't belong. Wolf knew that those kind of looks stuck with a kid for life so he moved to stand between Ross and Jack, blocking both from seeing the other.

'Jack?' He said, not sure exactly what he was asking.

Jack's face was streaked with tear, messy tears, the kind that you never saw in movies because there was snot leaking and a little trembling mouth and a tiny body entirely wracked with sobs.

Wolf reached down at picked the kid up, something that felt completely unnatural for both of them. Jack was stiff in his arms, tense, trying to keep as few contact points as possible. Wolf was surprised to find that he wasn't even thinking about the possibility of having the kid's soaking jeans touching him. Instead, he was marvelling at how light Jack was.

'Hey man, I never-'

Greg Harris, aka Riley O' Reilly beloved clown, didn't get a chance to say anything more because Wolf grabbed his trolley and stormed off to the checkout, one hand steering, the other trying to support Jack.

It didn't take long for the cashier to tout up Wolf's modest purchases and, as a clumsy after thought, Wolf grabbed a bag of M&Ms and tacked them onto the end of the stuff. Jack's body heaved and sobbed silently in his hold.

The drive home was awkward, the only sound Jack's quiet crying. Wolf prayed that there was a change of clothes in Jack's suitcase and, seemingly, there was a god. He left the shopping on the kitchen table and carried Jack into the bathroom, setting him down on the floor, ready to cry himself.

Jack undressed wordlessly and climbed into the bath, still sobbing but silently and without tears, oddly enough. Wolf was worried that the kid would get sick but fortune seemed to be on his side because Jack didn't have anything to get sick with.

Wolf left him in the bathroom and went out to the living room, flopping down in his chair and cradling his head in his hands.

Apparently, he'd been wrong.

Jack clearly did not like clowns.

Right. It has been about eight months, hasn't it? You clicked on the Alex Rider link, you found my story, you read the whole thing and you wrote me a review. And I left you waiting nearly eight months for an update. If you were Wolf, I'd probably be dead by now. And I would completely deserve it.

Now, rather than act like an enormous baby and give you excuses, I know that nothing would ever explain the delay. Hell, I'm not even sure how it happened. But I did write you an extra long chapter with a bit of everything- K-Unit hung out, Wolf got his flirt on and then had his first real taste of parenting. I wrote 8,071 words of an apology for you and I hope you accept.

Also, I acknowledge that I'm not exactly Dickins. I really amn'ta good enough writer to make you wait around for my work. So I guarantee that from now on in, my updates will take no more than a month at most. Hopefully you'll have the next chapter in 2-3 weeks. If you have any grievances about characterisation (could someone clarify how that's spelt please?) or anything, do let me know. Oh, I also wanted to know what you thought about the language content of the story. I got a request to watch the swearing last chapter and just wanted to know if it bothered you guys.

And one quick question. Which member of K-Unit do you think is most likely to be scared of clowns?

-DIBAW