Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Sanctuary characters, only Emily. She's mine, you can't have her, maybe you can borrow her, but you have to ask first.
Emily sat reading as she often did. She was finally feeling more relaxed in the Sanctuary. Helen had returned the week before and they had spent some time talking. She understood that Helen would never have put her in that place of looking for her. Why she'd thought that she didn't know. It was probably the stresses of her life getting to her. The library was peaceful and warm. She had already finished several books in the time that she had been there.
Will entered the library looking for Emily. "I thought you might be here." He said sitting in the chair next to her. "What are you reading about today?"
"Actually, I was reading The Hobbit. I thought I would give reality a break." She said.
"That's always a good thing." He stated. "Would you like to join me for lunch?"
She looked down for a moment and smiled a shy smile. "Yes, that would be really nice." She placed the book back on the shelf where she had found it earlier in the morning.
"I was thinking. You've been here over a week now, but haven't gone outside once. Would you like to have lunch out on the grounds?"
"Really? I hadn't noticed." She never realized that she hadn't gone outside. "Outside sounds good."
"Good," Will lead her to an area in the courtyard of the Sanctuary. There was already a meal placed on a table for them. Had he planned this out? He had the lunch already here for them.
It was a warm sunny day. She had forgotten what the warmth of the sun felt like. The sun warmed her enough to want to remove her sweater, but she hesitated. She knew that her arm was still healing. She had been hiding it with sweaters and hoodies all week. Trying to forget that day.
"It is warm out today, why don't you take your sweater off?" Will suggested. "You don't want to get overheated."
She looked down. She didn't want to look at him now. That fear was approaching her inside. "No, I'm fine." She said and began to eat.
"You know," Will began. "Before I came here I worked for the police department as well. The things that one sees there can really be horrifying." She nodded in response. "Do you think you could ever go back?"
"I don't know." She looked down at her food. "It's just gotten so hard to see what I see."
"I wish I could understand more. You said you can feel the person's emotions and thoughts?"
"Yes, sometimes. Especially when the emotions and thoughts are strong."
He could tell she was drifting inside a little. "So, what else do you do? When you're not working?" He wanted to lighten the conversation.
She smirked and looked off to the side. "Other than reading, not much anymore."
"What were you thinking about?"
"I used to go singing, you know, karaoke. It's fun. But it's been several years now."
"Karaoke? Hmm." Will looked at his food. He realized that he hadn't even started eating yet. He took a bit of his food. He was glad the Big Guy had cooked for them; he knew that if he had tried to make something it would have been a simple sandwich and nothing half as tasty.
"You know, I can help you understand." Will looked confused. "You said you want to understand what I see. I can show you." She glanced back at her food. She couldn't eat anymore. The thought of sharing this with someone again was making her stomach turn.
"You can?" Will was shocked that she would even be ready to suggest that. "How can you do that?"
"I don't know. I've done it once before. Unfortunately, the person I shared this with left. He couldn't handle it. I don't even know if you can." She pushed her plate away from her. "Thanks so much for lunch, and getting me outside. I forgot how warm the sun felt." She sat back in her chair. The trees were green with summer colors.
"Are you ok?" Will asked.
"Yea, I was just looking at the trees. I never realized how green the leaves were."
Will looked at the trees she was staring at. "Yes, it is a beautiful day, isn't it?"
"Will," She paused. "I really want to thank you. You've listened to me ramble on and on about so much. I appreciate that."
"Like I said before, that's what friends are for." Knowing it was an overused phrase, but so true. "I don't feel like your shrink anymore. I'm your friend." There was a truth in his voice.
"Then what can I do for you?" She asked. "I don't like having a friendship that's only one sided."
"You've already done so much for me. You've let me be your friend."
They finished up their lunch and talked for some time. The day was a beautiful relaxing day. She was feeling comfortable for a change.
* * * * * *
They sat facing each other on the couch in Will's office. Emily knew that this would be difficult. Will looked at her, wondering what this would be like. Emily looked at her arm, the marks were almost healed.
"What do you need me to do?" Will asked.
"Just relax." She took his hands in hers. Her fingers were ice cold, no wonder she brought a hoodie with her. "Close your eyes and clear you mind."
He listened to her. The two sat for a moment, there was no noise in the room, which would have been too distracting.
There were flashes in Wills mind. Pictures and noises. Everything was blurry and muffled. Emily breathed deeply and focused more. Now it was clear.
He was with the Big Guy and Olauf. They were drinking tea talking. The room they were in was filled with beautiful antiques. Now there was a man coming at Will with an ax. It was almost as if it were in a movie, but he was terrified. He could hear the man yelling at him but didn't' know what he was saying. Just kill me, please, just kill me, get it over with. Now he was in a different room. He saw blood all over himself. What happened? How could he have done this? The thoughts in his head were confusing him. Did he just kill someone? He looked at his hands. They were covered with blood. He was happy about it though.
It stopped abruptly. Will opened his eyes. Emily was crying. She had only shared three memories with him, but it pained her deeply to do this much. Tears streamed down her face as she pulled her hands away from Will. Emily stood up quickly, moving away from him.
He was speechless. How could he have killed someone? Was this what someone else had done? He looked at Emily. She had started pacing and shaking her hands, as if to shake the blood from them. She was overwhelmed with emotion. Will stood up and walked toward her.
She looked at the floor shaking her head. "No, go away." She moved farther away. She began to itch again. It had been a couple days since she had this happen to her. She had to stop.
"Emily," Will moved closer to her. "It's all right. I saw it, you showed me. You don't have to do that again." He reached out for her hands. This time she didn't pull away. They were cold, very cold. She began to shiver. Will guided her to the couch. He picked up her hoodie and wrapped it around her. She was freezing now. "Why are you so cold? Does this always happen?"
She shook her head slightly. "Not always," She sat on the couch.
"Thank you for sharing that with me." Will was amazed that she could do such a thing. She showed him what she had seen. To have those memories of someone else in your head, that was truly a bewildering thought.
"You're welcome." She took a deep breath. Her itching had subsided slightly. "I'm sorry I had to show you something so horrific, but I knew if I just showed you a good memory you wouldn't truly understand."
"I understand better, but it's still not the same as what you're feeling." He knew that was true. He still could see the blood on his hands in his mind, but knew that it was not his memory. How could she sift through hundreds of memories that were not her own, but felt like they were? "You ok?" he asked.
"Sure." She answered. She took a deep breath and let it go slowly. She slipped her arms into her hoodie and zipped it. She shoved her hands deep in the pockets. She leaned back on the couch. "No, I'm not ok." She blurted out. "I want out. I want to leave."
"The Sanctuary?" Will scrunched his eyebrows.
"No, I'm just tired. Part of me wants to die, just get it over with. But I know that's not the answer. I just don't know what to do anymore."
Will understood. "Everyone feels that way at some point. You know that right?"
"Yea, I know."
"So, we take it one day at a time." Will said sitting back on the couch next to her. He could truly understand the confusion one feels when life becomes overwhelming. "Can I share something with you?"
She nodded. He then proceeded to tell her about the time the Cabal took him and turned him into a "monster". How he had attacked his friend Danny, even tried to kill him. "So, I know that the memories you have are not yours, but that's just it. It's not you, you didn't do those things, you didn't live those lives, you just witnessed them. I lived it, I wanted to kill him and I have to live with that."
She realized that he was opening up to her for a change. She looked at his eyes; she could see the anguish in them. "I'm sorry Will, I never realized."
"How could you?" he said. They sat quietly on the couch for a while. "How have you been sleeping?"
Emily looked out the window. "'bout the same, I guess." She replied.
Will could tell she was withdrawing from that question. He chose not to continue that topic.
There was a knock on Will's door. "Hey, Will, Doc wants to see you in her office." Kate said popping her head in the door.
"Sorry, Emily." Will said.
"That's ok. I'm going to head back to the library." Emily said standing up. She headed out the door. She was glad for the interruption. The idea of talking about sleep was not really what she wanted to do.