Thanks to whoever read this! And to who put this in the faves, I'm so flattered! ^^
Switching POV, now it's Matt talking!
II.
I like falling asleep beside you.
I've been doing that since we were kids, but also now that we start travelling around the whole world, I always manage to find a lot of excuses for doing it: a thunderstorm I pretend I'm afraid of , your bed that I pretend to find more comfortable than mine, me pretending to be just too tired to go back to my room… and the list could go on and on and on, you know?
The most beautiful thing when sleeping next to you is that I always wake up before you do, so I can get the chance to stare at you while you still sleep.
I'm doing that even now that I've just woken up.
The alarm clock on the night table warns me that it's almost 8:00 p.m. , which means that we've been here for more than two hours. Gee, we were utterly worn out.
And you must be even more exhausted than me, since you don't seem to have any intention of waking up.
You lie down, with your stomach on the mattress and your right arm around the pillow, as you try to push it closer to you.
It's such a tender gesture, although… I have to admit it, I envy that lucky pillow, I'd like you to embrace * me * that way!
Plus, you have such a content expression on your face, you must have fallen asleep that way, probably thinking about some fans at the concert, or maybe at the Receptionist at the hall, I saw how she devoured you with her eyes!
But now there's no one with you, no one but me. This is another reason why I adore falling asleep with you, because in moments like this, when you sleep and I watch you, you are mine only.
It's almost as if we were a loving couple, but I know it's just an illusion, you and me are everything but a loving couple.
Dominic, what can I say? I didn't ask you to get into my life and turn it upside down this way! Well, wait. In a certain sense I actually asked you, it was me, back to those days of many years ago, who approached you and asked you to teach me to play the guitar better.
Anyway, it was your fault, you shouldn't have been so kind, you shouldn't have looked at me that way, you shouldn't have cast at me the that is so warm smile it could melt an iceberg down.
And it was me the iceberg in question.
And from that moment on I've been screwed up, I've been starting to think of you in a way that can't certainly be called friendly.
As if my adolescence wasn't already messed up enough: I didn't feel accepted, I didn't like myself one bit, I was so introverted, I talked about things that the others couldn't or didn't want to understand; that's why I was cut off by the other kids, without even mentioning the oddness of my family… well, oddness for the others, to me it was just normal routine.
So, in this problematical background, what did I do? I lost my mind for you, so cheerful, so sunny and always so well-disposed to help everyone.
You helped me, too, you made gain more self-confidence… and it wasn't a piece of cake at all!
At the beginning, I thought that mine was simple admiration towards you, that I was modelling myself on you, that I wanted to be like you.
Everything about you is how I'd want to be.
Anyway, the more time I spent with you, the more I realized that it wasn't so... you usually don't wish you could kiss and be kissed by your role model and exchange every kind of endearments with him, right?
And yet that was the way I felt, the way I still feel even now.
Plus, you're not a person I see just sporadically; you are my best friend, I see you almost every day and when we can't see each other we find any other possible way to keep in touch.
Dom, do you have the slightest idea about how hard it is to pretend that I don't fancy you?
Just like when I was nothing more than fourteen years old and dated the first girls. After all, you did the same, it's evident that you like girls' attention a lot, you were always surrounded by them.
And you are even more now that we are famous. You are the fan's favourite one. How could I ever blame them?
You are Perfection on legs.
Out of the blue, you stir in your sleep, toss and turn with your back on the mattress.
And I'm grateful for that. I can contemplate you better.
Through your green t-shirt I observe your chest raise and lower, with the rhythm of your so soft breaths, barely audible.
And I observe your arms, your biceps in evidence, after all your training through all these years.
I wonder what it feels like to be in those strong arms of yours.
I don't mean those fleeting hugs we exchange when we joke or when we pose for some pictures.
I mean a proper hug, like the ones between lovers, with you wrapping your arms around my waist and holding me tightly, almost as if you feared I could escape, but I would never ever escape from your embrace.
I look at your ears. Oh, yes, those ears you always complain about : you say that they are too big, too protruding ,too ungraceful.
I adore them, simply. I have such a soft spot for your ears. I'd like to turn the lobes over my fingers, suck the tip, flick my tongue inside them, caress them, nibble all the edges, really, I could make love to your ears!
After all, I can't help loving every part of your body, your attitude, your soul.
Everything about you is so easy to love.
Dominic, you didn't realize that, but I wrote 'Bliss ' just for you, it talks about you.
I still have to fix it better, but I already know that it won't be a song like any other of our new album, no way, it's gonna be one of our greatest hits! I'm pretty sure of that.
At least, if I can't tell you directly how much you mean to me, I can scream it in a song.
I should do that more often.
Sometimes I'd like to tell you how I feel about you, but I fear your rejection way too much. You would be scandalized, you would push me away forever. It would be the end for Muse, too.
I really can't do that.
On the other hand, there are times when you look at me, talk to me, act with me in such an ambiguous way… I mean, you never do that with Chris!
Anyway, every attempt of me to encourage you is so vain! For example, when we play and I get closer to you, sometimes I even straddle your drum-kit, I look at you very naughtily, I give you tons of signals, but nothing ever happens!
Especially today, I tried harder than usual, but, as always, you had eyes just and only for your stupid, damn drums!
Sometimes I hate that instrument, you know? And I feel such a great pleasure whenever I destroy it, that's why I try to do that at the end of almost each of our shows.
Mostly because I often drag you with me when I fall, starting a little fight with you.
The fights.
This is another of the moments I love so badly, because I have you at my whole disposal, in a so close contact that I disguise as a game between us.
I know that sooner or later, due to all that closeness with you I'll end up betraying myself, I have this feeling, but as soon as it doesn't happen, I can still keep treasuring all those moments.
I resume watching you, with particular attention at your mouth, so beautiful, with those full and soft lips, slightly parted.
Your mouth almost make me have impure thoughts, I wish you could place it on every part of my body, even the more unmentionable ones.
Here we go, I am already having impure thoughts!
Well, it's impossible not to, not after that dream.
Yep, Dom, I dreamed of you. It had never happened so far. I mean, I dreamed of you countless times, just like I dreamed of Chris, Tom or whomever else, but in an innocent way, sometimes even a bit nonsense.
But this time, gee, it was another kind of dream, a rating nc17 dream! And it was so realistic that.. oh, God, I still have to recover from that!
The most beautiful thing is that, as it rarely happens, I remember it in every slightest detail: it takes place here, right after our concert. You follow me in the dressing room. There are only you and me there. Chris is outside calling Kelly or talking with some fans, I don't know. You get in and double-lock the door. I look at you questioningly, but you don't seem to mind. You get closer to me, without saying a word, but your look is already so eloquent! No matter how much I miss your golden locks, I really like this new hairstyle of yours, too, your now red-dyed hair is worthy of the tempting devil you are, at least in that moment.
You push me with my back against the wall and start rubbing yourself against me, slowly and deeply, as you make me feel how aroused you are and you can also feel how this is turning me on.
Still without saying a word, you start blowing against my nape as your nose rubs against it, that contact and your warm breath on that very sensitive spot of my body drive me crazy, but for you it's not enough yet, since you begin torturing my already turgid nipples with your fingers, through the fabric of my shirt.
I'm such in ecstasy that I barely realize that you took off my shirt and got rid of your t-shirt, craving a deeper contact between our skins, a wonderful contact.
You trace my chest with kisses and caresses, going down until you reach my belly, in such a slow agony that you almost kill me. As a matter of a fact, I urge you to go lower, but your kisses stop there.
In return, you pull the zipper of my pants down, you set me free from captivity as your hands begin taking good care of my throbbing cock and my balls, and…
Hey, wait a minute. What the hell is happening to my cock now?
It can't be. Does it mean that recalling that dream only is having such effect on me?
No, it can't happen, not here, not with you beside me who could wake up any moment.
How would you react if you found me in * this * state? I don't even want to think about the consequences.
All I need is a bit of concentration. C'mon, I've already done that, I can do that again, I just need unsexy thoughts.
Let's see…
Slaughtered chickens. Yeah, right, I should start raising them, so I can kill them with my bare hands.
No, shit, this is not helping.
The famine that is advancing. Soon we'll be just like Third-World countries. There's still plenty of time, but maybe I'd better start storing up great quantities of cans and oil.
No, neither this one is good.
The secret agreements among the aliens and the Government, no, wait, the governments of the whole Planet. I know that there's an uncomfortable truth behind that and sooner or later we'll find out.
Uhmm, it's getting better.. one last effort.
With the greenhouse effect, the hole in the ozone layer and stuff like that, if we don't get it together soon there won't be the necessary weather conditions to cultivate bananas anymore. Dammit, no way! Something so terrifying can't happen for real!
Alright. It worked. Order is re-established. Lucky escape.
And you are still sleeping, unaware of everything.
My gorgeous Dom, evidently it wasn't enough daydreaming about you, now I have to do even when my eyes are closed, but you'll never know it.
I only dream of you, my beautiful.
I only dream of you and you never knew.
Perfect. It seems that I've just found a new song to write for you.
But I'm not gonna insert it in our new album, no, I want to take my time for this one, even years if necessary. I want this to be something epic.
Anyway, I'd better start taking some notes for it.
If my memory serves me right, in the drawer of your night table there should be a block notes.
I'm lazy, I don't feel like getting up and walking towards there. After all, I can reach it from here if I lean a little bit.
That's what I do, but just when I'm about to touch the knob, my elbow slips, I lose balance and fall onto you.
Obviously, you instantly wake up.
Still a little numb, you stare at me with your incredible eyes, which can change from hazel to green, from grey to blue with every emotion you feel.
It's so rare to get a chance to observe them so close, right now all said colours are mixed up together. In a word, amazing.
At the beginning you almost seem to smile at me, but then your eyes grow darker as I can clearly read terror in them.
You push me away as if I was plague-stricken, so bad that I almost fall from the other side of the bed.
"Shit, Matt! What the hell is wrong with you?" you snap, visibly agitated and turn with your stomach on the mattress.
It's another clear sign that you don't care about me at all. Not in the way I wish you would.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to. I was trying to take something from your night table, but I lost balance in the attempt!" I explain to you, as I pretend indifference.
After all I've been pretending for years. I'm fucking good at this.
"C'mon, it doesn't matter. I had to wake up anyway, it's almost dinner time!" you reply, definitely calmer, getting up from the bed.
"It seems that this show bloody wore us out!" I chuckle.
"Yep, but we recovered. Now we have to shower, change clothes and the night will be ours!" you suggest, the smile I love so much back on your features.
"Shower? Do we really need it?" I ask you, not liking that eventuality one bit.
"We've been playing for hours, madly, under the sun and now we suck. So, yes, Matthew, we really need it!" you insist.
"But I don't want to!" I protest. Why do I have to face that unpleasant, bloody jet of water that at the end leaves me cold and shattered?
"What's up, Bells? Do I have to get in the shower with you to be sure that you actually have it?" you suggest ironically.
Oh, my god. Paradoxically, if you really got in the shower with me, getting clean, my ass! I would just get dirty… with you.
Anyway, I recover from my not so chaste fantasises.
"Ah-ah, very funny. Okay, you won. I'll go having a fucking shower!" I surrender, before leaving your room, but you place yourself in front of me, preventing me to go away.
"Too easy if you go to your room. You'll have a shower here, and you'll go first, so I can check you. In my bathroom there's all the necessary, even another bathrobe. And I'll lend you my clothes, after all it wouldn't be the first time." you summon me.
I accept, but only because I get to wear your clothes who smell like you so much.
"As you wish, Boss!" I strike back as I walk towards the bathroom.
"Matthew?" you call me, before I disappear behind the door. "I didn't, but … maybe did you have any interesting dream?" you ask me, catching me off guard.
I'm about to answer you enthusiastically that I dreamed of you, of you doing to me so wonderfully indecent and indecently wonderful stuff, but then I remember your sharp reaction of a few minutes before and the fact that you use to ask me if I have dreams pretty frequently. It's nothing special.
It seems that there's some kind of expectation in your eyes and tone of voice, but it's just my imagination playing tricks to me. I don't want to delude myself.
Dominic, no matter how much I'd like to, truth is that I can't make you dream my dreams.
"No, I don't remember!" I shrug, before going to the bathroom.
Yep, I'm such a big coward.
TBC
Don't you find incredibly sweet their mutual craving each other? I do, a lot! ^^
Next chapter will be with Dom's POV once again!
POV is so much fun, but veeeeery complicated, too!
About Matt's unsexy thoughts.. well, it's plenty of references , I bet you caught them all! ;P
Anyway, I'm sure that our dear Mattie still thought about that stuff even at that tender age.. ;)
Disclaimer: it's obvious. Anyway. The first two italic verses are from the lyrics of 'Bliss ' , the last two ones from the lyrics of 'Sing for Absolution ' , both by Muse.
As always, I hope you'll like it, but feel free to tell me whatever you think of it, pleeease do! The more you let me know, the happier you make me! ^^