Hey guys! How's everyone? As promised, here's a new chapter by the end of the week. Now I need you to help me with two big factors here.
Firstly I need you, awesome readers, to let me know if Christian's voice of POV sounds different than Ana's. I don't want them to sound too alike. Also please suggest me how can I make their POV more differentiated from each others'.
Secondly, I need you guys to try and get a read on Christian's personality and review your thoughts. I want to know what you as the readers think of him and how to proceed from there. Chances are you won't like him much further down the story, but you'll definitely hate Ana at some point. And that's okay because you'll also feel for her. It's all part of character development.
And on the note, feel free to curse the characters if they do something you don't like. Cuz they're gonna be doing a lot of those things ;) But also, I request you guys to direct your hate towards the characters, not the story in general and ESPECIALLY not the writer. I'm human too.
Finally, a big Thank You to all the readers, followers, reviewers and people who favorited my story. I wasn't expecting that many followers in just one chapter so thank you so much for making me feel worthwhile. You guys are rockstars!
Your reviews were really interesting to read. You gave a lot of insight into the story, helpful suggestions on my writing and just spot-on plot guesses. Dear kingb0b, if you smiling at this is bad then I'm the worst for writing it and making you like it. And I take full pride in that LOL!
Happy Reading :)
Chapter 2
Christian
"Had to lose my way, to know which road to take. Trouble found me. All I look forward,
washed away by a wave." – Imagine Dragons
My favorite hobby is to watch and observe them. The commotion. People struggling in their daily busy lives.
I like passing time this way. Trying to understand their simple movements, their interactions. Their reasons behind all of it.
Which is what I'm doing right now. Sitting in the cafeteria, watching them talk and eat.
Leila and her friends are decorating the area with 'Welcome Back' banners. Everyone in the cafe is eagerly waiting for the guest of honor to arrive. The person who they don't exactly like but would pretend to be the closest friends with.
Humans are an interesting species. I don't quite understand them.
They are social animals who prefer their personal time. Every individual craves recognition but also likes isolation. They want to be leaders yet they follow the crowd. Humans associate with people they don't like and distance themselves from the ones they love, for the fear of getting hurt.
It seems to me that humans can never be satisfied. They are an unfinished project that can never reach attainment.
I'm a human too, biologically at least. I eat. I sleep. I like to fuck. Just as every other human does. But I have never felt truly connected to the humans. Sometimes, I feel like I don't belong with them.
"Is everything ready? Are the balloons all set up?" Leila yells at Paul Hoffman, who is up in the air, tying the said balloons from the ceiling.
I wonder if Leila is partially blind. However, that happens very often. Humans ask the most obvious unnecessary questions. I could never apprehend why do they do that.
For instance, I wouldn't bother asking why Paul wasn't suspended after yesterday's fight when many others were. The answer is obvious. He is on the football team and he comes from a rich family. My questioning it wouldn't give me a different answer.
It's at times like these I feel so disconnected from humans.
Don't get me wrong, I do have feelings. I feel anger, contentment, sadness, frustration, and even peace sometimes. I have wants and needs too. But what is the one thing that makes humans so humane?
Their humanity.
It's the one thing I lack. It makes me different from everyone else.
Most of the times I feel nothing. I feel empty inside. Not in a sad or depressed way. I didn't shut myself down after a tragedy or a trauma. I've always been like this.
Maybe I was born this way. Maybe my nurturing made me this way. Neither would be surprising considering my colorful family history.
Hence, very few things in this world make me feel something. Anything at all.
Music is one. When I pick up my guitar and sing. That's when I feel true emotions. I forget the universe.
Fighting is another. It makes me feel pain, excitement. The rush of the adrenaline. The relief that comes after it, when you are beating the life out someone.
And then, there is Anastasia Steele.
She is a dangerous addiction. She makes me feel hatred, frustration and strangest of all… lust. Deep, insatiable lust. A gnawing hunger.
"WELCOME BACK!" Leila screams, followed by applause. People cheer, whooping when the awaited guest finally graces her so-called friends with her presence.
She looks around, confused. Pretending to be not expecting it. Her eyes collide with mine for a split second. I find myself gazing in those powder blue, bottomless eyes. They are framed with an enticing heart-shaped face, sharp cheekbones. Luscious round lips with a perfect cupid bow and long dark chestnut-colored hair.
What attracts me to her at the moment is the venom in her eyes. She really hates me. I shouldn't be surprised, but I can feel being so. She has been repellent towards me in the past. Now, I see pure hostility on her face. Every time she looks at me. Regarding me with downright abhorrence.
Then she turns away, plastering a smile, she joins the celebration of her return.
It gets me out of control whenever I'm near her. One of the reasons I've scorned her in the past. That and her pretenses. The mask she wears used to disgust me. It also made me curious.
How does she do it? More importantly, why does she do it?
She isn't like me, I know that much. She can be open with her feelings. Laugh when she wants to, cry when she needs to. I've seen her do it before.
But she doesn't. She hides them like a weak little human who just gave under the pressure because she wants to be liked, but not while being her true self. Pathetic.
Although, something is different about her now. Ever since she came back, she seems to be enjoying wearing her facade.
I watch her, more than I used to. More than it's socially acceptable. I see her sly expressions that no one else notices. The glint of madness that she covers up with forced and soft eyes. The raging violent that is building inside her.
She is enjoying fooling others. Almost like this is her stage and she is the main actress.
Something has definitely changed inside her. I plan to find out. Soon.
"Christian, are you coming?" Jose appears in front of me. Blocking my view of Ana and her small reunion party.
An urge to lean around him just to get another glance of her exotic beauty creeps in. Rather, I give Jose a terse nod and get up, following him out of the cafeteria. Into the music room. It's time for our band practice.
We meet up thrice in a week. At Jose's place every Monday to compose something new, here in the music room at our school skipping lunchtime once a week to practice, and at Ethan's garage over the weekends to perfect our pieces.
For now, we are only meeting in the music room, skipping the Monday's and weekends' routine due to the lack of a songwriter.
Our fourth band member recently moved to Miami this summer. Leaving an open spot for the pianist. His family didn't feel safe living in the town anymore.
He was also the songwriter for our band. When he moved, he put a copyright on all of his songs. He wants to perform them with the band he joined at his new high school.
Ethan and Jose were angry at his betrayal. They fume up every time his name came up. I didn't understand the anger or treachery in this situation. I just wanted to keep playing. Therefore, I convinced them to keep practicing. Reasoning that we don't want to lose our touch.
It's not that hard to manipulate humans to get what you want.
Picking up my guitar, I release a breath. My fingers stroke at the strings. I feel relaxed instantly. Ethan and Jose say I'm a completely different person when I play. I would agree with them. Only because they know the truth about me. Rather than running away from me, they help me channel my emotions.
Sometimes I wonder who is smarter. The rest of the world that is rightfully intimidated by me and thus, keep its distance. Or these two who befriended me and have no sense of self-preservation. Probably the former.
Jose starts playing the piano. Temporarily filling in for the pianist and leaving me to be the only guitarist for the time being. I follow his lead, playing my guitar. Ethan sits behind his drums set. Waiting for the drop.
I sing to the lyrics of Roots by Imagine Dragons. The song lights up every inch of my soul. The truth rings loud and clear in the words. I close my eyes, finding the perfect face to fit the lyrics.
Usually when I sing this song, I sing it for myself. It is for me and about me. Today, in the darkness of my shuttered eyes, I see her.
Her blue eyes and wild curls and sly smiles. I see Anastasia. Dedicating the song to her, I sing. Maximizing on each breath. Putting every vocal chord to its fullest usage. I sing, losing myself in the beats and the image of her eyes. Playing my guitar until Ethan signals the end of the song, hitting the cymbal.
"What the heck's gotten into you today, man?" Jose questions me. "I've never heard you sing like that."
"Was it bad?" I ask.
He shakes his head. "No, it was fucking awesome! You've always been a hot singer but you're a better guitarist, you know? Today, man, you sang like the world was ending. You sang like uh, like those musicians did when Titanic was sinking."
Ethan huffs, "War, those musicians never sang. They played cellos and-"
He shuts up. Not completing his sentence. But we know what he was going to say.
Cellos and violins.
It's practically a taboo to utter the word 'violin' now. Brings out the fresh memories everyone is dead set on forgetting about.
No one wants to remember about the violin instructor who abducted the teenagers. Imprisoned them in his basement for months. Forcing them to rape each other. To create salacious pornographic videos.
The whole town was devastated when the case of mysteriously disappearing kids was finally solved. Because the reality was much more perturbing. Everyone was shaken. Still are.
It's been merely a couple weeks since the basement was discovered by the authorities. With a dozen teenagers who have filed away either as runaways or missing. Ana has been the only one returned to school so far. Others are still recovering.
Ethan clears his throat. "Uh well, guys, I've been thinking we should really get behind that whole auditions idea. Unless Christian is gonna' start writing something soon."
He looks at me expectantly. I simply shrug.
One of the drawbacks of being a musician who suffers from ASPD. I could sing and play with all my feelings. But when it comes to writing, I feel empty again. I have nothing to give or write.
"Not just the songwriting issue. We also need a pianist," I try to deflect.
Jose shrugs. "I don't mind handling the piano. I actually kind of like it."
"No, we need you to be at the bass." Emmet says, "you also do back vocals for Christian. You have to stay up front."
"Can't we find someone who does that too?" Jose asks nervously, "So that I can switch places with them time to time. You know how much I hate being in the front."
"Yeah sure. Someone who plays piano, a guitar too, writes fucking fantastic songs, oh and sings too." Ethan laughs. "You do realize we are looking for some high-schooler to join us? Not freaking Bruno Mars or Ed Sheeran."
They go back and forth for a while, throwing jabs at each other. Meanwhile, I rethink over Ethan's words. I do know someone who does all of that. Probably more than that.
"Let's do the auditions. We'll make a big deal out of it. Do it in the school theatre. After school on Friday."
"Why the theatre?"
"I think that's a great idea," Ethan replies to Jose. "This way they'll take us seriously and the more students come, the better it will be."
You wanted a platform? You got one. Time to come out of the shadows, Anastasia.
The loud sound of a head smacking against the metal captures the attention of those around me.
Phones are out in the anticipation of another fight coming up. I almost want to let go of the person I've got in my grip just to disappoint them all.
"I won't ask again," I threaten my target.
He struggles to break away. "Go fuck yourself. You don't scare me."
Brave thing to say for someone who can't even free his shirt from me. Imagine if it were his neck. He'd have already passed out by now.
"You know why?" He goes on, "because you're nothing. You're just a homeless faggot with no family. You're a pussy."
I try not to hurt him. I try really hard. Clenching my fists. Taking in deep breaths. I try with all my willpower to not hurt him.
Not because it's the right thing to do. Trust me, Jack Hyde deserves so much worse. I try to stop because I don't want to get suspended.
Ethan once told me to think of the good times. He said it will help me overcome my impulsivity. So, I try to think of one good thing in my entire existence of eighteen years. Something that has brought me some kind of resemblance to happiness.
Nothing.
Nil. Empty. Blank.
Just like me. Just like my brother's bank account status after I ran away with all his money.
There are no peaceful or happy thoughts to calm me down at the moment. Only contempt filling me, marking every cell of my essence.
The closest I ever came to feeling happiness are the two memories overshadowed by the guilt. If I want to spare this loathsome creature's life, I would do my best not to remember those times.
Music. Think of music. Think of… her.
"Hey, faggot!"
The kid wants to die. Why else would he taunt me? He can clearly see I'm trying to subdue myself.
Yet he continues. "Fucking coward!" he screams.
My arm swings back. Before I know it, my fist collides with his jaw. He goes down to his knees in just one punch. I'm not even done. I grab his hair and swing again. Hitting his cheekbone this time. I keep punching him. He can do nothing but lie on the floor and take it.
I want to keep hitting this low-lying scum until he chokes on his own blood. But I know I should stop before I accidentally kill him. I need to stop. If only I could find it within myself to-
"Hey, you."
That voice.
My fist halts mid-air. Pausing just an inch from Jack's face. His arms immediately go up to protect himself. But I don't care about him anymore.
I turn to look at the owner of the voice that just dragged me out of my red haze. A weird feeling of calmness immediately settles over me. I hate her for having that kind of control over me.
But she also helped me stop. I was struggling to control myself and the second Ana appears I'm tamed so easily. Concealing my wild confusion, I let the ever-present anger take over me.
"What do you want?" I snarl at her.
Not the first time I was unreasonably rude to her. I have always been mean to her. Used to make her flinch or cry. But today she stares back at me impassively.
"That's my locker you're beating him against. I don't want to get infected with all the blood splattering from his mouth, so can you please take it somewhere else?" She asks, tilting her head to the side.
I blink at her in surprise, not sure I heard it right. You could tell by looking at her that she is serious. A boy getting pummeled, his broken nose is bleeding and she is worrying over her locker's sanitation.
What happened to you, Ana? What did that son of a bitch do to you?
Two pairs of hands grab my shoulder. They yank me away from Jack who gets up. Flashing me a bloody smile as two of his friends attempt to hold me back.
"What's going on here?" An authoritative voice has got everyone to straighten up. Students move aside. Principal Walgreen makes his way to us.
He assesses the scene before him. Ana rolls her eyes, muttering something sounding like "finally" under her breath.
"I asked, what's going on here?" Principal Walgreen draws my attention back to him.
Silence greets him back. He eyes each one of us individually. Decides to target me. "Mr. Grey, would you like to tell me why are you involved in a yet another violent incident?"
"He was defending me, sir." Ana steps in, shocking the hell out of me.
Walgreen looks surprised too. He probably didn't even notice her standing there. Just a few steps away from the fight. The way his stance changes immediately confirms it.
"Ms. Steele, how may I help you?" He says in a softer tone. As though he's trying not to break her. I bet Anastasia just loves people treating her like a glassed China doll these days.
"I'm saying that Christian just defended me. Jack has been mean to me ever since I've been back. He makes snide comments and writes me rude messages, mocking my - uh - recent situation. Christian just stepped up to him on my behalf."
She says all of that with these calculated doe-eyes and pouty lips. Even I almost believe her for a second.
Principal Walgreen looks flustered. "What kind of snide comments?"
Ana opens her mouth and closes it back just as fast, pressing her lips in a trembling line. She blinks her eyes rapidly.
She's really good.
"Are you alright, Fytzie? Would you like to talk about this in my office?" Walgreen eyes her with concern.
She shakes her head, forcing out a sad smile. "No, I can do this." She nods repeatedly, closing her eyes. Like she is talking to herself. "I can be strong."
"Take your time, dear. Whenever you are ready."
What. The. Fuck. I almost laugh out loud. Am I the only one who can see what's going on here? Does no one else see her faking it?
"He asked me about my time in the basement. He asked if," she sighs visibly, "if I enjoyed it. He also wrote me these notes in the class." She fishes out two folded sticky notes from her pocket and hands it to the Principal.
Whatever is written in those notes has his ears turning red. He is glowering at Jack, who has the decency to remain quiet and lower his head. The way his Adam's apple bobs up tell me that he knows he is in deep trouble.
Walgreen turns to me. "Well, that still doesn't give you the right to take matters into your hands and hurt students, Mr. Grey."
I start to defend myself but Ana interrupts me again, "he didn't do anything wrong, sir. He just told them not to disturb me anymore and Jack ganged up on the poor guy with his friends."
Poor guy? Are you shitting me right now? I want to crush her windpipe for calling me a poor guy. What am I, some damsel in distress?
"Is that true? Then what about the blood coming out of your mouth, Jack?"
"That was him tripping against my locker." She points out at the tiny dried up blood spots on the mentioned locker. None of the spectators expose her lies.
Principal Walgreen grimaces. Clearly not buying her story but not daring to call out on her either. After all, her father is the mayor and also one of the trustees of the school.
"Ms. Steele, are you sure Mr. Bridges just happen to trip against your locker and hurt himself that seriously?"
She narrows her smoldering eyes at him. "Mr. Walgreen, are you calling me a liar?" She challenges.
That shuts him up immediately. "No, not at all. I was just making sure." Pussy.
She sighs again. "I didn't want it to come to this, but if it makes you believe." She shrugs. The audience surrounding us all caught in her act, myself included.
"Look for yourself, see what he did."
She opens her locker and stands aside. Letting us see the red letters painted on the inside of her locker door.
No one utters a single word. They all stand shell shocked, reading the words. Looking at Jack with disgust.
I, myself, have a hard time to not go and throw few more punches. I tell myself repeatedly, this doesn't concern me. I shouldn't care. But those freshly written words. Paint still dripping down the metal. They're enraging enough to make me want to erupt again.
PEDO'S WHORE
"In my office. Now!" Walgreen screams at Jack and his friends.
"Back to your classes, the rest of you! If I see anyone still standing here in the next ten seconds, they'll be sitting home for the next two days with a letter of suspension in their hands."
That causes everyone to break up and move quickly. Only when Mr. Walgreen leaves with Jack and his bitches in the toe, do I see Jack turning to give Anastasia a menacing glare.
Anastasia winks back. Smiling wickedly as she collects her books and goes off in the opposite direction. The exchange happens so quick, if I weren't standing right there I wouldn't have noticed it.
Something occurs to me then.
Did she just turn this over by stepping in the spotlight, manipulating the Principal and ratting out Jack? With an added bonus of entire school now hating him for the insensitive act.
And did she also save me in this whole process?
A smirk crawls up on my lips. I think I like this new Ana.
What do you guys think? Is this a good buildup? Or do I need to make it a little more interested? Some really chaotic mess created by our favorite couple is coming up in Chapter 4 & 6. With lots of hate-love intense moments. Stay tuned ;) AND DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW.
This is the most unconventional story I've ever so I really, really need to know what's going on in your mind when you're reading it. So please, review!
P.S - for my lovely loyal readers and those who have been waiting for it, a new chapter was uploaded for The Cinder on Friday. Hope you like it :)
Love ya all,
~Kaishi xoxo