Why do Opposites Attract?

August 4 – Tuesday

This morning I was cleaning up in my room, sweeping ashes from the fireplace and such things. I heard a knock on the door, and Allegretto's voice outside.

"Hey, Frederic?" I straightened up and looked at the closed door for a moment before moving to answer it.

"Yes?"

He just stood there, looking sheepishly at the floor, and I smiled. "Did you need me, Allegretto?"

"Can I… talk to you for a minute?"

"Certainly." I moved aside and he walked past me, not looking up. He pulled out a chair and sat down, finally meeting my eyes for a moment. I could see that he was blushing, and I couldn't help but let my smile grow wider, walking over to take the seat across from him. He dropped his gaze again and blushed harder. "Can I get you something to drink?" He nodded, and wordlessly accepted the cup of milk and cream I offered him (he hates tea), still refusing to look at me. "Is there something you would like to talk about, Allegretto?"

He shrugged uncomfortably and shifted the mug in his hands. "Do you… I don't know, do you believe in… true love?"

I looked at him, startled. This undoubtedly hadn't been the question I was anticipating - or anything even close. After a moment of silence, wherein I tried to regain composure and think of a response, he glanced up at me and then back down. Ah, there was infatuation in his eyes: young love. "I couldn't say, in all sincerity. I've been in love many times before, which would make me a liar if I were to say that I had experienced just one true love. But I've heard people say that it exists, seen people who have stayed happily together with one individual for their entire lives, so I'm sure it must be real."

"What about love at first sight?"

"Do I believe in it?" He nodded. "Sure I do. Of course, first impressions alone aren't enough to build a sturdy relationship off of, but that doesn't mean they can't be the starting point. There were some women I was simply besotted with and whom I'd never even met before."

"Some women?"

"You didn't believe Jazz to be the first?"

"Well… no."

I grinned at his uneasiness; the assumption didn't bother me at all, which, quite honestly, was a little surprising. Once upon a time the statement would have perturbed me to no end, but I found now that I truly didn't care. After all, it was the only logical conclusion to come to.

"Did you think that Aurore was a man?" I asked causally, trying to hide the amusement in my voice. He shrugged and the skin beneath his collar began to color.

"I don't know… I just sort of…" He shrugged again and downed half the contents of his mug in an attempt to cover his face. "I don't know," he muttered into the cup.

I smiled and crossed my legs (A terrible habit I ought to break myself of. My mother would faint away if she knew I was letting my body touch the back of the chair, let alone that I cross my legs…). "No, Aurore was a woman… at least, as a technicality. She was rough and plain-spoken like a man, which I expect is why she balanced me out so well. And there were many women before her and a few after. Jazz is the first of…" now it was my turn to blush a little, but thankfully Allegretto was still staring at the bottom of his cup, so he didn't see, "of that sort of love."

He didn't answer for a long time, taking his time as he finished off the cream. Somehow I got the feeling I would have my relationship with Jazz questioned even further, so I made no attempt to keep the tête-à-tête going. After a while he set down the mug and looked directly at me, now more curious than anything else. "Did you… did you like Jazz when you first saw him?"

"Of course! He was helping to save us from a wrongful incarceration; what was there to dislike?"

He reddened further. I knew I ought not to torture the poor boy, but he so rarely let me see any reaction from him at all that it was hard to refrain. "That's not what I mean." He paused, and I simply waited for him to go on.

"Oh?"

"Were you… y-you know, in love with him?"

I leaned back further in my chair, and put my laced fingers under my chin. (Elbows on the table, too? Mother would have an absolute fit if she ever found out…subtle rebellion, I suppose.) "Was it love at first sight, you mean?"

"Yeah."

I considered for a moment. "No," I admitted. "I loved him, of course, but not in that way. He was a terrific friend to me, and a wonderful protector with whom I knew all of you would be safe. I felt truly blessed to have him in my life, but that was all. It wasn't until…" I flushed a little and Allegretto smirked, "until he made his thoughts known to me that I realized I felt the same way and hadn't admitted it, even to myself."

"What did he tell you?"

I gave him a dry smile that asked 'wouldn't you like to know?' but answered him anyway. "Do you recall when you and I had an argument, and I got up and left the house?" He nodded, obviously not keen on remembering. That was all a long time ago, and I held nothing against him, but I understood it wasn't a comfortable subject. "I was so angry that I lost my head for a while, and ended up finding myself stuck in the pouring rain, unsure of where I was or how to get back home. It was stupid of me, especially considering the fact that I was already very ill, but I was at a complete loss and I spent hours wandering around in the cold, trying to think of which direction I had come from. The climbing fever didn't help, and after a while I just sat down under a tree and tried to wait out the storm. I must have passed out at some point, because Jazz was there when I woke up, yelling at me."

"Yeah, I remember he was pretty mad when he got you home. He was about ready to rip my head off for making you go out there in the first place."

"Well, needless to say, regaining consciousness only to find your friend standing over you screaming isn't a terribly comforting way to awaken. I was sick already, and terribly frightened, and I just lay there, trembling and crying and trying to tell him I was sorry.

"When he finished yelling he picked me up and… hugged me." I smiled a little. "He was crying too, and I could barely understand what he was saying."

"W-what was he saying?"

"His mouth was right next to my ear and he was whispering to me, telling me to never leave like that again. He said… he said he was afraid to lose me, especially after he had lost me once already. He said he couldn't stand the thought of leaving so many things left unsaid. And then, before I could open my mouth to reply, he kissed me, hard, and pushed me up against the tree I had slept under."

"What did you do?"

"Nothing. There were a million thoughts flying through my head, but none of them translated into motion of any sort. I was so perplexed; one minute I was afraid for my safety, the next I was having my mouth ravaged by the man I had been afraid of. I had no idea what the proper etiquette was for the situation, so I just did nothing." I stopped and shook my head. "No, that's not entirely true. I moaned when he pushed me back even harder and the tree bark started digging into me. I guess that dragged him back to his senses, because he stopped suddenly and looked away, mumbling into my ear, 'You're burning, let's get you home.'"

Allegretto laughed. "Really?" I nodded.

"Didn't you wonder why we avoided each other like the plague after that?"

"Well, yeah, but…" he shrugged, "I thought Jazz was just still mad at you for running away."

"I'm sure that was part of it, but not the whole reason. I didn't know what had happened, and Jazz was angry at himself for letting it happen, and neither of us really wanted to talk about it. After a while, I even started to wonder if I had just imagined the whole thing; maybe it had all been some fever-induced hallucination that my brain had made up. But every once in a while I would catch him looking side longed at me, and I knew I hadn't dreamt it. We were afraid of each other, but… it wasn't really the other that we feared so much as ourselves, our own emotions that had yet to be decrypted. I was forced to examine my feelings, and I started to realize that he meant more to me than I thought. Maybe a lot more."

"You were in love with him."

"Yes. Madly, madly in love, without ever having known it. He meant the world to me, and I was the last one to get the memorandum." I gave him another smile that he didn't return. "I guess Jazz must have felt the same way when I… died, and he was thrown into these emotions that he hadn't known he was in possession of."

"So, like…. What did you do when you… realized?"

I laughed aloud and moved to take my cold cup of tea in one hand. "I told him, of course."

"Just like that?"

"Just like that."

"W-what did... I mean… how? What did you say to him?"

I thought for a moment and sipped my tea. "For a long time I still wasn't sure how I felt or if I actually wanted to act on those feelings. One night… hm," I chuckled, shifting in my seat as I recalled that midnight encounter. "One night I woke up from a dream and I just knew. I knew what I wanted and I knew that I wasn't wrong. I knew I wasn't mistaken. So… I got up and went into Jazz's room-"

"In the middle of the night?"

"Yes, one AM, sleepless and only half-dressed, I went to his room and didn't even knock. He was asleep in the bed on the other side of the room, and I…" I stopped, feeling the heat rushing to my face, and Allegretto leaned forward the tiniest bit, intent on my story. "I got on the bed, on top of him, and kissed him."

"Did you wake him up first?"

I shook my head. "No. I didn't even do that. I just… got on top of him and found his mouth." I stifled a laugh, remembering the look on Jazz's face. "His eyes fairly flew open, but he didn't push me off. In fact, after a minute, he kissed me back." I smiled. "I told him I loved him in between kisses, and he said the same back to me."

"So did you guys, like, start dating after that?"

I stifled another, much louder laugh and started choking on my cold tea. Allegretto waited patiently for me to find my voice again. "Uh-um, no, that's not… exactly how it happened."

"What? Why are you laughing?"

"Nothing, I just… didn't realize your mind worked that way."

"What way? What are you talking about?"

I shook my head and took a deep breath, still coughing slightly. "Things moved a whole lot faster than that, Retto." I brought the tea cup up to my face in an effort to hide my expression and slightly crazed smile. "A whole lot faster."

He looked at me, obviously confused. "I don't get it."

"There really was no dating period, Allegretto." I leaned forward and lowered my voice, although I was sure no one could hear. "We slept together that night."

His eyes widened as though he couldn't believe what I was telling him. "That night?" I nodded. "You've got to be kidding!"

"We didn't talk about it or anything. There was no discussion of feelings beyond those three words. It was simply… natural, like there was nothing else in the world that would be right. And it was, it was right, and I've never regretted a minute of it."

"Wasn't it… awkward? I mean, you guys had been 'together' for all of ten minutes, right?"

I considered. "Yes and no. What you have to understand, Allegretto, is that we had been 'together' for months. We had been 'together' almost since we had met, but neither of us realized it. That night was less an introduction to those feelings than it was a confession of them. It only seemed fitting that we confess them all."

He looked away and I saw him swallow a lump in his throat. Another intimate question. "Did it hurt…? I mean, the… the…" He trailed off, and I smiled. Another question that ought to have bothered me and yet somehow didn't. I did, however, entertain the momentary whim to be peeved that he assumed I was on bottom, but quickly dismissed it. He was right, after all.

"He was gentle," was all I said, and Allegretto turned three shades of scarlet. It can't he healthy to blush so many times in one day.

"Th-that's good," he murmured, looking away. I laughed.

"Allegretto, you shouldn't ask questions you don't want to hear the answers to."

"I did want to know, I just…" he paused, and an unwilling smile crossed his lips. "Yeah, you're right."

"You're used to people giving you vague euphemisms in the place of answers, hm?" He nodded silently. "Unfortunately, I typically don't give such responses. If you ask me a question, I will do my best to answer it, not avoid it."

"You're weird that way, you know."

"Am I?"

"Most people try to confuse you so much that you forgot what you asked to begin with. I'd think someone as proper as you would be a lot more… you know… reserved. Especially around kids and stuff."

I nodded in agreement. "I try not to treat you any differently than I would an adult, and sometimes that means giving you the whole truth, rather than just the parts I'd like you to know."

"Not even Jazz does that."

"Well, Jazz dapples in much darker matters than I do. The facts about my love life are far different than those about war and death and famine."

He paused. "You really love him, don't you?"

"Yes, I really do."

"Do anything for him?"

"Yes, and he for me, I'm sure."

He cast his eyes back to the floor. "Do you… do you think me and Polka will ever be like that someday?"

I smiled and resisted the urge to put my hand out to him. I should at least attempt not to humiliate the poor boy. "Yes."

"But, you know, we're really different. She… she's like my polar opposite."

"Jazz and I aren't that much alike, either." He glanced up at me, and my smile widened. "Think about it. One of us is the fearless leader of the Andantino Rebellion, whom thousands of people have sworn to follow into battle and even into the grave. The other one is a sickly pianist who was too cowardly even to join the uprising in his own country, and who can't go a whole day without someone telling him he's insane. What do we have in common?" I waited for an answer of some sort, but when I got none (thankfully he neglected the obvious trait we share…) I persisted. "Allegretto, let me be the first to tell you that anything is possible when two people love each other. Love is one of those things that will always be there when everything else starts falling down around your ears. It is the only thing that can carry on regardless of time and space and all those other things that keep us from being together."

"You don't get it, though. Polka is selfless and kind and brilliant and all that stuff that I'm not. At least you and Jazz are both smart and talented; you never had this kind of problem."

I emptied the tea cup and set it back on the table carefully, trying to think of a reply. "The philosopher Plato says love was born of Poros and Penia – Plenty and Poverty."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Love always comes from between opposites. That's what makes it interesting. You balance each other, protect each other, bring to the one what the other lacks. You make each other whole."

"Yeah?"

I nodded, and he smiled - maybe the first honest smile he'd given me all day. "Thanks," he murmured, and stood up. "Thanks a lot." Then he walked out the door and left me alone in the room again. All I could do was shake my head and go back to sweeping the fireplace.

Oh, I'm tired! I never knew how much work it took to sooth a lover's troubled heart. I suppose I'll go off to bed now, and maybe actually sleep tonight.

If all goes well, Jazz says he'll be home in eleven days! I believe I'll begin a countdown.