Song: Sucks to be Me
Artist: Avenue Q
Summary: Almost sixteen years after the Twilight saga is over and there are no longer fans that care about the saga, what are the characters up too? Let's find out.
Title: Sucks to be Us
Leah walked toward a stream where she came upon an older Jacob as she sat next to him. He looked really down, she smiled and said,
"Morning, Jacob!"Jacob didn't look toward her, he just said,
"Hi, Leah."She knew something was bugging him,
"How's life?"Jacob sighed where should he start?
"Disappointing!"Leah tried to sound concerned with him,
"What's the matter?"Jacob growled then turned to Leah,
"The catering company laid me off."The catering company was his only means of income, granted his fiancé was daughter to the rich Cullens but he hated getting money from the leeches, she couldn't blame him.
"Oh, I'm sorry!"Jacob looked angry,
"Me too! I mean, look at me!
I'm ten years out of college, and I always thought…"
He stopped talking and threw a rock into the stream.Leah tried to urge him to go on,
"What?"Jacob shook his head no as he ran his hand through his hair.
"No, it sounds stupid."Leah smiled knowing he wanted to tell her,
"Aww, come on!"Jacob turned to her she was going to keep on insisting so he might as well tell her,
"When I was little I thought I would be..."
It sound so stupid he stopped himself from talking.Leah tried to urge him on,
"What?"Jacob smiled and then finally he said it,
"A big comedian on late night TV."
Leah had to chuckle, this couldn't get any better. Jacob a comedian?
Jacob kicked a tree,
"But now I'm thirty-two and as you can see,
I'm not."Leah shook her head,
"Nope!"Jacob shrugged his shoulders,
"Oh Well,
It sucks to be me."
She didn't think his life was that bad,
"Nooo."Jacob made his pockets go inside out,
"It sucks to be broke
and unemployed
and turning thirty-three.
It sucks to be me."Leah quirked an eyebrow at him,
"Oh, you think your life sucks?"Jacob nodded,
"I think so."Leah shook her head,
"Your problems aren't so bad!
I'm kinda pretty
And pretty damn smart."Jacob nodded,
"You are."
Leah smiled at that,
"Thanks!
I like romantic things like music and art.
And as you know I have a gigantic heart
So why don't I have A boyfriend?
Fuck!
It sucks to be me!"
"Me too.
It sucks to be me.
It sucks to be Jacob..."
"And Leah..."
"To not have a job!"
"To not have a date!"They turned to each other saying in unison.
"It sucks to be me."They heard Emmett and Jasper come their way as Jacob called out to them,
"Hey, Emmett, Jasper, can you settle something for us?
Do you have a second?"The two looked over their way. The Cullens and wolves had become better friends thanks to Renesmee and Jacob. Jasper came over,
"Ah, certainly."Leah crossed her arms,
"Whose life sucks more?
Jacob's or mine?"Jasper and Emmett crossed their arms glaring at each other, saying in unison
"Ours!"Jasper sighed,
"We live together."Emmett said,
"We're as close as people can get."Jasper punched Emmett, making Emmett rub his shoulder.
"We've been the best of buddies..."Emmett punched him back, although a bit harder, making him fly into a tree.
"Ever since the day we met."Jasper growled as he stood back up brushing himself off, he quickly made his way into Emmett's face.
"So he knows lots ff ways to make me really upset.
Oh, every day is an aggravation."
Emmett looked upset,
"Come on, that's an exaggeration!"Jasper sighed,
"You leave your clothes out.
You put your feet on my chair."Emmett then yelled,
"Oh yeah?
You do such anal things
Like ironing your underwear."
Jacob and Leah had to hold in a snicker at that. Jasper went right into Emmett's face again,
"You make that very small house we share a hell."Emmett glared right into Jasper's eyes,
"So do you, and that's why I'm in hell too!"
Jasper turned around practically pulling his hair out,
"It sucks to be me!"Emmett then yelled,
"No, it sucks to be me!"Lean disagreed,
"It sucks to be me!"Jacob then had to say.
"It sucks to be me!"All four looked at each other before asking,
"Is there anybody here it doesn't suck to be?
It sucks to be me!"
They started to laugh at the irony of their lives. Enemies talking about whose lives suck more. It couldn't get much better than this.Nessie came through the woods looking at the four smiling and laughing,
"Why you all so happy?"Emmett then said,
"Because our lives suck!"Nessie laughed,
"Your lives suck?
I hearing you correctly? Ha!
I coming to this country for opportunities.
Tried to work in Quillete deli but I am a Cullen.
But with hard work I earn two Master's Degrees in social work!
And now I'm a therapist!
But I have no clients and I have an unemployed fiance'!
And we have lots of bills to pay!
It suck to be me!
I say it
Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-
Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-
Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Suck!
It suck to be me!"A vampire from a different coven came up behind them,
"Excuse me?"They all turned around, Emmett spoke,
"Hey there."The man looked worried as he held out a piece of paper,
"Sorry to bother you, but I'm
looking for a place to live."Nessie looked at him confused,
"Why you looking all the way out here?"The man went on to explain,
"Well, I started at Avenue A, but so far everything is out
of my price range. But this neighborhood looks a lot cheaper!
Oh, and look - a "For Rent" sign!"Jacob nodded,
"You need to talk to the superintendent.
Let me get him."
The man looked excited,
"Great, thanks!"Jacob sucked in a deep breath before yelling,
"Yo, Eddie!"They heard Edward from inside the house yelling,
"I'm comin'! I'm comin'!"The man dropped his paper when he saw Edward come out.
"Oh my God!
It's Edward Cullen!"Edward nodded,
"Yes, I am!
I'm Edward Cullen from the movie saga,
Twilight I made a lotta money that got stolen by my wife!
Now I'm broke and I'm the butt of everyone's jokes, but I'm here -
The Superintendent!
On Avenue Q"Everyone looked to each other then nodded and spoke in unison,
"It sucks to be you."Leah nodded her head,
"You win!"They laughed and pointed to Edward
"It sucks to be you."Jacob smiled, putting an arm around Nessie,
"I feel better now!"Edward crossed his arms,
"Try having people
stopping you to tell you
"You are my life now,"
It. Gets. Old."Everyone laughed, pointing at him,
"It sucks to be you
On Avenue Q"
Edward nodded,
"Sucks to be me
On Avenue Q"
Everyone said,
"Sucks to be you
Sucks to be us
But not when we're together.
We're together here on Avenue Q!
We live on Avenue Q!
Our friends do too!
'Til our dreams come true,
We live on Avenue Q!"Jacob put an arm around kid's shoulders,
"This is real life!"Jasper put an arm around the other kid's shoulder,
"You're gonna love it!"Edward hand him the keys, to the new apartment
"Here's your keys!"Everyone surrounded the new kid,
"Welcome to Avenue Q!"
The new kid laughed nervously, what did he get himself into now? Yeah the characters of Twilight had gone crazy.
Hope you liked it, I changed a few words around in here in hopes to make it more closer to Twilight.
The part where I have Edward say something about "Try having people stopping you to tell you, "You are my life now."" Is a joke between my cousin and I, after reading that part in the book, we thought it was hilarious and now whenever we write a letter to each other or text each other, we always right, "you are my life now" at the end…or "Let's go eat some people!" which is from the youtube video, 'How Twilight should have ended' Either way, if someone read our txts, they would probably think we were freaks.
Please review! I am going to write several oneshots with hilarious song parodies.