Hikari: So, when I was wondering how I was going to get a chapter for this out each month, some of the "holidays" they celebrate ended up not being holidays at all. Such as this month's subject! Yawi, get the disclaimer.
Yawi: …A reviewer called me cool…
Hikari: Yes, and you've been in shock about it for days. Can you please get your brain back?
Yawi: After the chapter.
Hikari: Works for me! Disclaiming time!
Yawi: You think Hikari of the Moon owns Yugioh? At all? HA HA HA HA! She owns none of this but the plot! And money? She gets NONE for writing this!
Hikari: Yawi, read the card like it says next time!
Yawi: She also doesn't own the paragraph for the reading section. Her brother came up with that.
Ryou was sitting at his desk, reading some text books. He started chewing on his eraser, and groaned when it broke apart in his mouth. His wonderful, note the sarcasm, yami ran into Ryou's room and threw the phone at his feet.
"Ryou! Malik won't come play with me! How come?" Bakura shouted his question at Ryou.
He glanced up from his book to look tiredly at Bakura. "We're taking our final exams tomorrow and he's probably studying. Like I am." He hoped Bakura understood that he meant "Get out of my room so I can study!", but…
"Final exams? Ryou, what's that?" Bakura stopped playing with one of his less-important lighters to listen to the answer he knew he was going to get.
"It's the test that shows the school who's smart and who skipped class all year. The smart ones pass with higher marks, while the ones who skipped class fail."
Bakura was quiet for a few seconds. "So how come Malik won't come over? We both know he'll fail!"
"Malik won't fail if he studies hard." Ryou actually believed in Malik until…
"Ry, when Ishizu walked into the classroom for a parent-teacher thing, they thought Malik was dead!"
Ryou's face went stark white. "Malik's toast…"
The next day, Bakura was being dragged to school with Ryou. Malik and Marik were standing in front of the school, probably waiting for their white-haired friends. Marik ran over to them. He was waving some papers as he ran and slid to a stop in front of Bakura.
"Bakura, guess what I got for us!" Marik shouted.
The papers hit Bakura in the face while he replied, "Let me guess. Those papers?"
"They aren't just papers! They're…tests!"
"Test?" Bakura took the papers, which where bound together like a crude book, from Marik. These were tests? "You mean the thing Malik's going to fail?"
Marik blinked. "You know Malik can hear you, right?"
"Well, he will!" Bakura snorted. Malik always laughed and came down from whatever tower of rage he was on when Bakura snorted. He hoped Malik would do the same now and not tell Ryou about what he said. Knowing his best friend, he'd blow everything out of proportion and Ryou wouldn't give back Shawn, his lighter, for another week. That is, if Malik didn't use his normal excuse. Ryou always saw through Malik's normal excuse.
"Good idea." As always, Marik knew what Bakura was planning when he snorted. "Unfortunately, we have to take the test."
"WHAT!"
"But that's not all! Guess who else is joining our wonderful little test group?" Marik held up three fingers. "You have this many guesses!"
"…I don't know. The Easter Bunny?"
They both laughed. "No, he's still got that re-training order on me."
"Restraining order, Marik." Bakura corrected.
"Yeah, yeah, who cares. They both rhyme with lame." Marik's eyes widened. "Oh, I know! I'll give you some hints!" Then an evil smirk the likes of which Bakura had never seen and, frankly, had never wanted to see, appeared on Marik's face. "He's a stuck up jerk we both hate, he's right behind you, and he's wearing a collar and chain."
Bakura snickered, then said, "I know who we both hate, I know he's a stuck up jerk, but there's no way Yami would wear a collar and cha-" Before Bakura could finish, Marik grabbed him by the shoulders and turned him around. "-Oh there is no way we both didn't bring a camera! NO WAY! Tell me you brought a camera."
"…My cell phone has a camera in it, Bakura." Bakura turned to the speaker.
"When did you get here, Ryou?" Bakura asked.
Ryou glared, but then…"Well, it was about sixteen years ago. My mom was in a great deal of pain and-"
"RYOU!" They both screamed to stop him.
Yugi, Yami, and those…people who followed them around finally made it to the school gates where everyone, save Malik, was. "Hey Ryou," Yugi said, "Yami's here for the testing!"
"Whether he wants to or not." Yami said glumly while toying with the collar. "Did you have to use this, Yugi?"
"You wouldn't have come otherwise." Yugi smiled and ignored his yami's complaints. "Now, should we get them ready?"
Ryou nodded. "Malik's been getting the room set up for them; it should be ready by now. Come on."
Bakura, Yami, and Marik followed the former two's hikaris into the school. While they walked, Bakura leaned over to Marik. "By getting the room set up, he means Malik took over people's minds and got us a room, right?"
Marik replied, his voice hushed. "Well how else would the demon-hikari get it done?"
Marik, Bakura, and Yami were forced in their room, into chairs far enough away from each other so they wouldn't cheat or fight, and got the teacher into the room as well. As they left, Ryou and Yugi couldn't tell who looked more uncomfortable: the yamis or the teacher.
Malik leaned against the door, millennium rod in hand, and gave the teacher her commands. "You will give these three idiots," the idiots all complained to Malik as he said, "the YSAFI test exactly as you are supposed to. Once you finish, you will collect the answer sheets, grade them as normal, and then mail them as if nothing is abnormal about them. Then…forget this ever happened." He snapped the rod down, ended the commands, and with a smirk, darted out the door.
"Alright students!" The teacher said, "I'm Ms. Calamari, your examiner for this test!"
"There's a new attitude for mind control. Overly perky." Marik observed under his breath.
"No more talking, children!" Ms. Calamari squeaked. "Okay, as you already know, the YSAFI test is your final test for the year, and since you're from another school district, you can't take them by subject. Okay then! Any questions?" Bakura wondered why they came up with excuses when she was going to forget this anyways, but on second thought, decided that wasn't a question.
Yami raised his hand and, once he was called on, asked, "What does 'YSAFI' mean?"
"Well, the YSAFI test is called that for reasons you must answer on your own." They pulled out the test questions that Marik had thrown in the other two's faces and set them on the desks. If they hadn't known it was Malik controlling Ms. Calamari, they would've known when she threw the answer sheets at them.
"In the first section, you have thirty minutes to finish as many of the forty math questions as you can. If you have extra time, make sure you didn't skip a row. If you did, erase the answers after you put them in the right row. Begin now!" At that, the yamis sprung open their test books to the right page and started working.
"Okay, first question," Bakura thought, " 'If Boy A is riding a rocket car at ninety-nine miles per second, how long will it take for him to die? A, one second; B, nine seconds; C, eight seconds; D, fifteen seconds.' How does any of that make sense! Okay, skip this one for now. 'Question two: If Boy B found the body of Boy A, how many pieces would it be in?'" Bakura put his pencil on the desk and gently lowered his head on the test book. "I am officially ready to shoot Marik for making me do this…"
Thirty minutes dragged on for Bakura, who refused to answer any of the questions after the horrid first two, and it flew on for the others. "Pencils down!" Ms. Calamari screeched. If for no other reason than shock, they put down the pencils. "The next section is critical reading. Why it's so critical, I don't know. You have twenty minutes for this section. If you finish early, and actually did your work, check that you didn't put down B instead of D. Any questions?" Bakura and Yami raised their hands. "Mr. Motou?"
"Why didn't you answer my last question?" Yami asked.
"Because what YSAFI stands for is none of your business. Why it is called that is explained with your scores. Now, Mr. Bakura?"
Bakura asked his question. "Why were the math questions so strange?"
"They seemed strange to you because you're a strange boy. Now begin!"
Bakura carefully read the paragraph. " 'Buck-toothed goats lives in the plains of Antarctica. They run wild through the plains and eats all the skunks they want because his nose was sealed closed by a teenager with a welding torch.' Hey, that wasn't a welding torch; that was Shawn!"
"Times up! Pencils down!" They dropped their pencils and the mind controlled Ms. Calamari continued to talk. "The last section is social studies! This contains questions about history and geography, not dating. Not that you three would do better with those questions anyway!"
"I'm telling Ishizu about that, Malik!" Marik snapped.
"You've got twenty-five minutes for this section. Have fun! It began when Marik interrupted me."
"WHAT!" The yamis screamed and quickly started work.
" 'Which pharaoh regained for the shortest amount of time?' I know that answer," Bakura thought with a smile, "Yami! …How can he not be an answer choice? Okay, Yami has an A in it so I'll just answer A." He filled in circle A and continued working in that fashion.
"Okay, stupid, weird-haired freaks! Time's up! Now leave your answer sheets and test books on your desk and get out of my sight. Your 'wonderful' hikaris are waiting outside the door! Good bye and good riddens!" With Ms. Calamari's warm sendoff, they walked out of the room and sure enough, Yugi, Ryou, and Malik were standing in the hall. Each yami had their own thing to say about the test.
"But what does YSAFI mean?" Yami asked Yugi.
"We can ask a senior if we see one," Yugi replied. Yami ran up the hall after that.
Marik lightly punched Malik's shoulder as he said, "Why did you make her act so mean?" Malik just shrugged and smiled creepily. "You're weird, Malik."
"NEVER AGAIN, RYOU!" Bakura screamed and shook Ryou. "Those math questions were scary!"
Marik looked over his shoulder at him. "You were scared of the math questions?"
"Blackberry jam." Marik shrieked and hid behind Malik; Bakura laughed loudly. "Oh I love doing that!"
"Do I want to know?" Yugi asked Ryou.
He shrugged before responding. "If you want. But it's right up there with your sleepover-duel off story."
Yugi turned a dull red. "No thank you!"
"Yugi! I found one!" Yami came back down the hall, dragging an older girl with him. "So, Miss, tell my friends and me what YSAFI means!"
"Well," the girl said, "I've always found it really weird, but I mailed the testers and they said it stands for 'You Stunk and Failed, Idiots'. Can I go now?" Yami nodded and the girl skipped down the hallway.
"Yeah, that's encouraging!" Yami said, a little disappointed.
"I think they're talking to you, Yami," Marik said.
"Why than- HEY!" Marik ran down the hall. "GET BACK HERE!" Bakura grabbed Ryou's cell phone and used the camera to take a picture of them.
"At least I'm having fun…"
"You won't if you fail!"
"I won't fail, Ryou."
"So…you don't fail if you fall asleep during the test?" Malik asked. "I always thought you had to stay awake."
"YOU DID WHAT!" Bakura took a few steps back. "YOU ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE!"
He turned and ran towards the door. "Hey guys! Hide me!"
Hikari: Alright, I get a little break before next month's chapter.
Yawi: Review and tell us what you thought of this chapter!