-.x.-
Losing Grip
"Am I just some chick you placed beside you,
To take somebodies place?
When you turn around can you recognize my face...?
You used to love me, you used to hug me,
But that wasn't the case.
Everything wasn't okay..."
-.x.-
~ Toph
"Yes. She is my everything."
Those five words rang through my head like a ton of bricks hitting over and over again, even years after they'd been spoken. A raging inferno I really couldn't ever have escaped from, the blaze of hate. I'd been literally thrown from my loved element - my one and only Earth - into something I could never have controlled. Something that hurt like hell and scorched my soul desperately searching for something to feed on.
I was at a loss of words for what seemed the millionth time since meeting him, thinking back to when he'd spoken them. I'd always thought of the newly-appointed Fire Lord as a respectable human worthy of ruling his country. Hell, I'd even had sympathy for him once, but that was a long time ago. His temperature raised several notches that day and I could only have assumed him to be thinking pathetically disgusting thoughts of 'us'. He'd made it clear I wasn't going to be someone he wanted to be with; he wanted a damned fuck toy. He didn't want me because he loved me to any extent, he wanted sex. Hardcore, passion-filled romping in the middle of the night with no attachments, no romance, just pure fucking pleasure. That was the one thing Mai would never have given him even now. He was with her still but they'd still never married, or so I'd heard.
"Baby..." he had coaxed smoothly, "why must that end things for us...? Love cannot fulfil my desire, my need to feel truly wanted. That is something only the greatest bender to live can give me." Zuko had finished with a new found resolve and wrapped his arms around me.
You could have given the man a prize; he'd officially become the one thing I never thought possible of him. Scum Of The Earth. I'd even capitalised that in my mind, the only term possible to describe such a request. I didn't even need my earthbending back then to know that he did not feel regret to the fact he'd proposed cheating on his 'everything'. I double checked the word through my mind as I realised it meant very little to him. He was never true to his vow of chastity. Regardless, I'd gotten up from where we were sprawled as sunrise dawned upon us and walked toward the woods with Zuko, following in some manner he might have thought 'discreet'. I had quickly turned and glared the best I could; coldly and cruelly.
"Toph, baby? Your eyes are narrowed so deeply I don't really see them anymore. Are you okay?" he'd supplied, thoroughly spooked.
No, you dumbshit. I thought. I'm not o-kay. It hurts because I'm fucking glaring at you the best I can, and you won't take a damn hint and shift your ass outta my sight! There is not a God damn chance on this universe, or any other, that I will ever tell you I will be your quick screw. I totally despise everything about you.
I thought back to then, I was still so young. Feisty - granted - but still not old enough to fully comprehend his needs. I'm sixteen now and haven't spoken to His Highness for a full three years.