It is a bizarre thing to feel like you've known someone forever but to actually know relatively little about them. There's still so much they have to talk about and Clarke naturally has a ton of questions but all too soon duty calls. Neither one of them wants to ruin this time together with talk of war and unrest but the scheduled tactical meetings need to go ahead as planned; they still need to be ready for anything in the lead-up to Mt. Weather.
After the kiss and the conversation they'd shared earlier it had been almost unbearable to have anyone else in the Commander's quarters; even if they were high ranking Trikru. Lexa's tent had taken on new meaning for them, it felt like a sacred space now. This was their space. It was the only place now that Clarke felt safe and like she could do no wrong. Despite everything she had done, despite every choice she had made, Lexa cared for her and wanted her and needed her and all of that came to life in this room.
Having Grounders that still looked at her with distrusting eyes and who questioned her every comment and suggestion, here, in this place, at a time like this, felt wrong. It only took a shared look between them to tell Clarke that Lexa felt the same way. Lexa, to her credit, tolerated it but just barely. She had snapped at her men with more ferocity than usual when they questioned Clarke's intentions and it was clear that her patience was waning. It reminded Clarke of the meeting with Quint before he'd tried to kill her.
There was absolutely no mistake that Lexa wanted the others out and gone as soon as possible. The rest of the Grounders had looked questioningly at the Commander when she dismissed them all after such a short time but frankly if Heda was not in the mood for strategizing, it would be unwise to challenge her.
In truth, Lexa's head was awash with Clarke and talk of guard-post rotation schedules and scouting missions was of no interest to her at the moment. This is what she had Generals for, surely they were capable of handling this.
It had taken everything inside of her not to make even just simple contact with Clarke in front of the others. They had made a conscious decision to stand apart for the meeting but Clark was still within arms lengths and it felt unnatural not to be touching her. She longed to feel their fingers intertwined again just to reestablish a tangible connection. Not even hours ago she had been granted the freedom to reach out and touch Clarke and now she was being denied that simple pleasure. It was making her crazy.
She knew she needed to call an end to the meeting when she couldn't stop herself from brushing a finger over Clarke's knuckles as she passes by her while moving around the table. If anyone else noticed they didn't comment on it. The likelihood of them drawing attention to it was slim. A snide remark wasn't worth risking their lives for. Lexa knew she'd have to explain it all to them sooner or later and once she did she had faith they would understand. The respect for the odakeryon bond runs deep among the Trigeda. Right now though it still just felt too early to share this with the world. The connection that her and Clarke were forging was still new and nothing felt more important in this moment than protecting that. For now, this, was theirs and theirs alone.
"That was an abrupt end, Commander." Clarke leans with her back resting against the makeshift table housing the Mt. Weather model as her eyes follow Lexa around the room. The tent flaps had closed shut behind Ryder when the others left and now they were alone again.
"They offer nothing of value. My time is better spent on other endeavours." Lexa's tone is serious and the hint of annoyance she still felt from the meeting was slow to wear off. She rolls another map up and placed it back into the holding bin with the others.
Clarke can tell just by the way she speaks that this is more the Commander talking than Lexa. Now that everyone had gone, Clarke thought it would be easy to slip right back into the comfort they had around each other before but for whatever reason this feels almost like starting over. She is feeling almost timid again; uncertain how to proceed; uncertain of how Lexa wants her to proceed.
"What could be more important than planning for war, Commander?" Clarke asks it innocently, almost naievely. Clarke hoped that Lexa had ended the meeting so that they could spend more time together but now there's a hint of doubt creeping in and it seems like a valid question. Maybe there is somewhere else Lexa needs to be or something else she needs to be doing. The Commander seems distracted and tense and it makes Clarke nervous.
Lexa doesn't help Clarke's nerves with the way her darkly painted eyes bore intensely into Clarke's as she crosses the confines of the modest tent. It's times like this that Clarke is sure Lexa can see straight into her soul and it is both exhilarating and terrifying.
Lexa doesn't stop advancing until she's standing directly in front of Clarke with barely a hair's breadth between them. Clarke now knows what it feels like to be backed into a table. Turnabout is fair play apparently.
Just like that Lexa's eyes have softened considerably and any residual tension from the meeting has gone. She looks deeply into Clarke's eyes when she offers her answer. "You."
Even if she knew it was coming, nothing could have prepared Clarke for the way her heart leapt into her throat. Her Lexa was back. Her soul mate was back. It was just the two of them again.
Clarke can't help but smile shyly at her as she whispers, "There you are", almost reverently, before leaning forward to join her lips with Lexa's.
When Clarke pulls away Lexa is looking at her with furrowed brows.
Clarke simply smiles back at her and reaches out to smooth the worried indentation from between Lexa's eyes. "You were gone there for a while", Clarke clarifies.
Lexa simply nods in understanding. Separating who she is with Clarke and who she needs to be as Commander will no doubt be a challenge but she's nothing if not a fast learner.
Lexa kisses her again just because she can. Because she has been blessed with the freedom to do so and she's going to make sure she takes advantage of it before the next interruption comes.
Lexa is trying to make up for lost time and it pleases Clarke to no end. Clarke can sense the urgency in the way that Lexa kisses her. It takes very little time to go from the slow, lazy kisses they start with to the insistent, toe curling, open-mouthed kisses they finish with.
They both kiss like they are afraid the other is going to disappear. As if this is all merely a dream and if they stop to blink or even to breathe, the dream will be over and the moment will be gone and they will spend the rest of their lives begging for just a few more seconds.
Lexa can feel Clarke smile into the kiss and she understands now why she was wrong to ever think that feelings were weakness; that love was weakness. She has never felt stronger.
It's Lexa that breaks the kiss this time. They're both breathing heavy and it feels like someone turned the temperature in the tent up a couple degrees but there is no question that this is the happiest she has ever been.
Lexa is smiling at her in a relaxed way that is so rare for the Commander. Clarke has only seen Lexa genuinely smile a handful of times and she's really just caught up in the wonder of it when the words fall effortlessly from her mouth.
"I love when you do that."
Clarke's eyes widen a bit as she realizes she's just said that out loud. Real smooth Clarke, real smooth.
Lexa takes pity on her and doesn't draw attention to the fact that Clarke's cheeks are now bright pink. She just keeps on smiling that beautiful little smile she reserves only for Clarke. If the Sky Girl isn't ready to talk of love then she will wait. Just knowing that Clarke feels it is enough for right now.
Clarke knows she needs to change the conversation and quickly before she actually dies of embarrassment. She decides that now may be the time to get some of her questions answered.
"You know, that meeting reminded me a lot of the meeting with Quint. He accused me of being brave under the commander's protection. I knew all along that you'd been protecting me; that the only reason I wasn't dead was because you wouldn't allow it. I thought you were doing it for the alliance but you weren't. You were doing it for me."
It sounds like a rhetorical question and Lexa knows that Clarke already knows the answer but she confirms it anyway.
"Yes."
"You knew then that we were meant to be together but you still wanted me to leave you when Pauna attacked." Again, it's a rhetorical question but she needs Lexa to know that she is finally putting all of the pieces together. She is finally starting to understand where Lexa's heart has been this entire time.
"Nothing is more important to me than your safety, Clarke. Nothing." To emphasize her point she does what she has been longing to do, she reaches out and cups Clarke's jaw; running her thumb gently back and forth over Clarke's cheek. Clarke doesn't think she has ever been the object of such tender affection. Not even her own mother handles her with this much care.
She revels in the warmth that Lexa provides and nuzzles her face ever so slightly into Lexa's palm. Nothing in the world could be both as simple and as complex as this. She has barely scratched the surface of the connection between them and already Clarke feels like she is a wholly different person; a complete person.
"There was something you said to him in the woods, after you took the dagger out of his arm, what was it?" Clarke asks it as an afterthought. She had been curious and had meant to ask before but after the chaos of running from a feral gorilla and almost dying, it hadn't been a priority. Now though, it seemed important.
Lexa doesn't need to ask for clarification, she knows exactly what Clarke is asking and she knows why she is asking. It has nothing to do with Quint and everything to do with them.
"Attack her and you attack me."
The realization dawns on Clarke's face.
"He knew. The look on his face when you said it, it was recognition. He understood that this was more than just an alliance to you." Clarke is beginning to realize that there is probably a lot she hasn't been privy to with the way the Commander has been using trigedasleng to have secret conversations with the Grounders about her.
"Yes. Jomp em op en yu jomp ai op is a warning among the trikru; a declaration that one will pay with their life if they threaten someone you care deeply for. You and I are one, Clarke. You are my heart and if they wish to take my heart from me then they will have to kill me first."
It chills Clarke to the bone to hear Lexa say it. She can't think of Lexa dying, not now, not never.
"Don't say that. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere and neither are you. I need your spirit to stay where it is. I need you here; with me."
Clarke presses her hand over Lexa's heart and despite the fact that there are multiple layers of leather and cloth between her hand and Lexa's chest, she swears she can feel the heat as if the contact had been skin on skin.
Lexa's cheeks flush with colour. The rush from the contact, however innocent, was instantaneous. It's getting harder and harder to keep secrets from Clarke Griffin and having a body that betrays her in such an obvious manner isn't helping the situation.
Lexa shakes her head in disbelief and smiles despite herself. "You have no idea what you do to me, Clarke."
On the contrary, Clarke knows exactly what kind of visceral reaction the contact between them creates.
"Lexa, I feel this. Don't for one second think that I don't feel this just as much as you do. I do, and I've never felt anything like it before in my life." There's a lengthy pause before Clarke adds, "I felt it even before you told me."
This is news to Lexa and now she's waiting with bated breath to hear what Clarke is going to say next.
Clarke is hesitating and Lexa realizes it when she will no longer meet her eyes and is instead suddenly enamoured with the fray at the bottom of Lexa's shirt. Lexa doesn't say anything, she'll give Clarke all the time she needs. In the meantime though, the Commander's hands find their way to rest on Clarke's waist and Lexa brings their foreheads together. She remembers how effective the action had been at calming her when Clarke had done it. It turns out that the gesture is as comforting for Clarke as it is for Lexa and after a few deep breaths it spurs Clarke to continue.
"Do you remember the first time we touched? We were in tonDC and you handed me the torch to light the funeral pyre. My fingers grazed yours for just a second but a second was all it took. There was energy there and that's the last thing I should have been feeling in that moment but I couldn't help it. I knew there was something there; something I didn't fully understand."
Clarke grabs Lexa's right hand and turns her palm face up and then hovers her own hand less than an inch above it. Neither of them moves as Clarke speaks.
"Do you feel that? I'm not even touching you and it feels like there is electricity running through me... between us... but I thought it was just me. I didn't think you felt it."
Lexa definitely feels it. There is an unseen energy pouring out of Clarke's palm and into her own. It's almost like their bodies are humming at a high pitch frequency and each can feel the ripple effect radiating off the other. The transfer of energy is so intense, even without physical contact, that it is virtually indescribable. Clarke Griffin is even more under her skin than she imagined.
"No, it's not just you. It's us."
She can't help but look at Lexa with a sense of awe when she says things like that. He had heard the adage about "butterflies in your stomach" but never actually believed that it was a real feeling; not until today.
"So much of it makes sense now. All along I thought being sent to Earth was a punishment but it wasn't; it was the opposite. Last night, when I was worrying about the doors at Mt. Weather, you told me I was born for this. Does that mean the Grounders believe in fate as well as reincarnation?"
"We all have a destiny, Clarke. You are mine. I was born to lead my people as you were born to lead yours. I believe our paths were always meant to converge. Our destinies are intertwined. That is fate."
Lexa says it with unwavering certainty, as if it's a fact, as if no other possible explanation would suffice. The crazy thing is, Clarke believes it all. Today had been nothing short of an epiphany for her.
Everything about the last few hours has felt surreal but it's also the first time in her life that she has felt like she understands exactly what her purpose is and why she's truly here. All of this; every fight; every loss; every hard choice, has all been leading her back to Lexa. Now that she has her, she has no intention of letting go. She refuses to let this slip through her fingers and she needs Lexa to know that.
"On the Ark we had a saying, 'May we meet again'. Most of my people use it as a farewell or goodbye but it actually has its roots in ancient theology. It's a kind of prayer used to ensure that people find their way back to one another; in this lifetime or the next. I don't know exactly how we got here, Lexa, but there is no doubt in my mind that this is us meeting again. My soul knows that as well as yours does. This is fate."