A/N: yeah i'm weak as hell. I also really love this shit.

Warnings if you dislike suicidal stuff that's gonna be a repetitive element in this story - cutting, jumping in front of trains and what not. No main character is going to die (spoiler I guess), but for those of you who this really freaks out or who have issues with depression, I'm going to recommend maybe avoiding this story.

Also, it's come to my attention that some of my followers may be underage. You should really only ever read my writing when you're 18 or older. I think I have one story that's okay for anyone younger than that on /AO3 and that's it. So, consider this your warning for that too.

XXX

It was his sister who had he had do this for. She had insisted that he work to achieve his dream. Even if they didn't make much money or have much to live on, she insisted that he do what he wanted.

Rin tugged on the handle. It felt heavy. He knew that was likely because of general physics, but somehow it felt symbolic to him. On his back he had his entire portfolio of all his art, and in front of him, stood a possible way to continue it.

No matter what happened in the next hour, it was sure to change his life.

A man looked up from the desk towards the back of the place. He looked mildly annoyed by Rin's presence, "I don't tattoo children."

"I'm not a child and I'm not here for a tattoo," Rin tried his best to keep his voice steady. The man in front of him was also redheaded, but more orangey. Rin assumed it was dyed. He had tattoos on his arms, which he revealed. He was wearing a tight t-shirt that displayed his muscles. He was probably seven years or so older than Rin, and Rin was immediately attracted to him.

"Oh? Then, what are you here for?" the man asked.

"I'm here to see Mikoshiba-sama," Rin hated formalities, but he wanted to be safe.

The redhead smirked, "That would be me."

Rin got on his knees, "My name is Matsuoka Rin. Please let me be your apprentice."

Seijuro sighed. This wasn't terribly common, but it was common enough for him. Thus far, he hadn't taken on any students. There were a few reasons for that. One of them was that he hadn't found anyone who he believed was talented enough to study under him, and the other was that it was a major responsibility, "I'm not taking on any students."

"I know," Rin said still on the ground looking down, "but I am begging you. Please. Please at least look at my art."

"Kid, this isn't the kind of field you want to be in," to Seijuro, Rin looked a bit pampered.

"You're wron-" Rin remembered he had to be formal, "I...this is what I want to do, Mikoshiba-sama."

"Stand up," Seijuro said.

Rin obeyed.

Seijuro got a close look at Rin, "Look at me, kid. This is what you want?"

He motioned at his tattoos, then he asked Rin, "Do you know what it means to be someone's apprentice? It means your body belongs to me. It means you belong to me. You're too young to understand that."

"I'm not. I'm ready. I'm ready to do anything. I just - I need some money. Not a lot, just enough to send to my sister, but I will do anything for it. Really, anything."

"Your sister?"

"Y-yes. I'm the only adult in our family."

"So you're an orphan."

"Sort of. This past Spring, I became one," it was the middle of summer now. Rin had managed to find a job working fast food, but his sister had pushed him hard to try to do his art in Tokyo. The two of them lived in a small countryside suburb, and so, every weekend he came into the city to sell it on the street to tourists. One of his coworkers had jokingly suggested that Rin go into tattooing. When he went online mostly to satisfy his own curiosity and saw Seijuro's work, he was completely mesmerized.

"Hmm."

"I don't need a lot. Her schooling is all paid and we have some money set aside," their father's debts for the most part had died with him, and there was some money still left by his mother in an account that only his sister and him had access to, "I mean, if you can't pay me, I'll do my training for free and eventually, I'll prove myself and you can pay me then."

"That's not how it works," Seijuro said. His expression had softened. He saw something of himself inside of the kid in front of him, "I'll pay you if I take you on. What makes you think you can or even want to do this sort of work?"

"I've done a lot of art," Rin pulled out his portfolio, "It's only on paper, I know, but I just...I think the human body is an incredible canvas."

He's so innocent, Seijuro thought, "It is. What makes you think that I, the best tattoo artist in Japan should give you more than a single thought? I've seen kids younger than you make better art than this."

That last part was a lie, but Seijuro didn't dare show that he was impressed. Taking on an apprentice would be a lot of work for him and he didn't want to agree to it any sooner than necessary. Besides, the last thing he needed was to have a cocky kid working for him.

"I...I'm dedicated and you won't find anyone who wants this as bad as me. I'll do anything."

"Suppose I tell you to suck my dick. Would you do that?" Seijuro's voice was hard.

Rin nodded slowly, "I'd...I'd be honored Mikoshiba-sama."

It was true. After what had happened with Haruka, Rin didn't care about how his body was used, and if it had to be used, it may as well be by someone who he at least admired.

Seijuro bit his lip, christ, "Take off your shirt."

"N-now?" Rin asked a bit afraid.

"Yes."

Rin obeyed.

Seijuro sighed, "Turn around."

Rin obeyed and bent over. He started undoing his pants.

"We're not doing that yet," Seijuro was a bit surprised by the boy's eagerness, "let me look at your back. Put your arms to your side and stand up straight."

Rin did as he was told.

Seijuro touched Rin's back softly and closed his eyes, "When you become someone's apprentice, Rin," it was the first time that Seijuro used his name, and Rin felt his skin crawl, "you give your body over to them. I expect you to practice your art on yourself with my approval, but there is one place that you cannot reach. That's your back."

Rin nodded and Seijuro ran his hand over it. Rin arched his back in response to the coolness that he felt from Seijuro's fingers.

"I'll tattoo whatever I want on you, whenever I want, wherever I want. That's how this works," Seijuro's voice was flat and none of this was news to Rin, "if you become my pupil, your body belongs to me. The most important part of which is your back as it is the place you yourself cannot reach."

Then, Seijuro added in a whisper, "And when I fuck you, it's the place that I'll look."

Rin blushed.

"Have you ever been with a man?" Seijuro asked.

"Yes," Rin answered.

"How many?"

"Just one."

"Hm, it's a bummer you're not a virgin."

Rin apologized.

But, Seijuro didn't actually care, "Starting today, you will only sleep with me for as long as I am your Master. When you get your own pupil, you can fuck them. Right now though, I want you to live entirely as my own as is custom," Seijuro himself could hardly believe the words coming out of his mouth. He never thought he'd actually take on an apprentice, but he had been impressed by Rin's art and there was something in the redhead's eyes that made him feel protective of the boy. He also had to admit, Rin's back and body were definitely nice to look at it. He felt an urge to cover Rin in his art.

Seijuro asked, "I'm going to ask this and I'm only going to ask it once, so think carefully, Rin, are you sure this is what you want?"

Rin nodded, "I'm honored you would take me on as a pupil, Master."

He smirked, "Quit your other work. I'll send whatever you need to your sister when she needs it. Starting today though, you will live with me and spend every minute with me."

Rin flushed. He couldn't believe it. He was going to study art under Japan's greatest tattooing master. People had dedicated their whole lives to this and Seijuro still didn't give them a chance. He forgot everything for a moment and was genuinely happy.

"I'm going to take you out and get you drunk," Seijuro said, "I think it'd be funny to see."

"I'm underage, I'm only 18."

"I don't give a single shit about that as long as you don't perform drunk and don't perform on anyone drunk."

Rin nodded.

"Promise me. It's obvious why you shouldn't be performing drunk, but it may be less obvious to you why you shouldn't perform on anyone drunk. First of all, it's terribly dangerous, but before long it that won't be the problem. It's mostly the fact that it's dishonest and it's cruel to perform on someone drunk, Rin."

Rin promised.

"There, that was your first lesson as my pupil. Now, tell me something, and this is something which will determine how your style will develop, Rin," Seijuro said.

Rin nodded eager to please.

"What would you never put on someone's body? What do you consider to not be art?" Seijuro asked.

Rin thought about the question. That was difficult. What would he never tattoo? "Words," he decided, "I want my art to be images. Words have definitions, that make them less open to interpretation and thereby less powerful. I want my art to be something at which people marval. I want people to have to think about my art."

Seijuro smirked, "A decent answer, but you and people who think like you are wrong, Rin. It's the definitions of words that make them powerful as art. When used properly, words are the most powerful tool a man has. Artists can make anything their tool. I'll show you what I mean some day."

XXX

Haruka went over to Makoto's office. He went into the waiting room at about 5 pm. The secretary was informed of the situation. Makoto stepped out at around 5:30 and greeted Haruka.

"Sorry," he said softly, "long day. Come into the back with me?"

Haruka nodded. He stood up and followed Makoto. He couldn't help feeling terribly guilty being there. Being in Makoto's office was more punishment for getting that wasted than getting the tattoo.

He followed Makoto into one of the offices. Makoto motioned for him to have a seat in the chair. Haruka obeyed.

"Well," Makoto asked, "How have you been?"

There was something about the look on Makoto's face that was pained. Haruka understood why. Makoto may have been the one to end it, but it was ultimately Haruka's fault. And Haruka was making it worse by being here. The problem was that there was no one else who he trusted the way that he trusted Makoto.

"I've been better," he admitted.

"Have you…" Makoto started, but he couldn't finish. Part of him didn't want to know the answer to the question. Instead he started a different one, "So, why are you here?"

"It's a bit embarrassing," Haruka said softly.

Makoto nodded gently. Part of why he had been so successful as a doctor in Japan was that his bedside manner was the best. Still, he couldn't fix all of Haruka's problems. This one though, was more simple.

"I…" Haruka started. He closed his eyes and let his head drop, "I got a promotion recently, and I got really drunk."

Makoto raised an eyebrow, but he let Haruka finish.

"When I was drunk, I got a tattoo," he bit his lip, "I'm here for you to either help me get it removed or to refer me to someone you trust."

Makoto could hardly believe it, "You got a tattoo?"

Haruka was a lot of things, in Makoto's mind, but not someone who would get a tattoo. Haruka frowned and looked away, "Yeah. I don't remember doing it though."

"Show me?" Makoto asked. It was partly his job, but it was also in part his curiosity. He never would have expected this from Haruka.

Haruka stood up and turned around. He lifted his shirt and revealed the butterfly. Makoto inhaled sharply. Usually the curvature of his patients' backs he hardly even noticed. But, Haruka's was different. Haruka's was special. He knew every inch of Haruka and seeing his back again reminded Makoto how hard this break-up was.

Haruka didn't say anything.

Makoto stepped closer to Haruka and got a closer look. He touched part of the tattoo, causing Haruka's back to arch.

"I can remove it, but I wouldn't dare," Makoto said.

Haruka turned around. He knew Makoto probably didn't love him anymore, and he knew that he had hurt Makoto, but he never thought Makoto would be bitter. Haruka gave him a look.

"It's not that I don't want to...it's that I think I know who put that tattoo on you, Haruka," Makoto's voice was soft, "His name is Rei Ryugazaki. I'm surprised he'd tattoo a drunk person, but the fact is, his tattoos are art. They aren't something people are ashamed of. Americans and Europeans fly out to Japan just to get tattoos done by him. There are even certain Japanese politicians with his designs. You should at least go check out his shop and see if he can fill it more. In the right circles, you'd be amazed how many people would fuck you just for having one of his designs."

Makoto was being truthful about this. Tattoo removal was one of many services that he offered in his office. He had never had a client get a tattoo done by Rei Ryugazaki and had someone want it taken off, "It's not like it's a Yakuza tattoo," Makoto explained, "Your office would even probably be okay with it if they saw it."

Haruka was a bit surprised by that, "This guy is that famous?"

Makoto nodded, "You should see if you can get it filled in...I mean...it looks nice, Haruka," Makoto's voice became more husky than he had intended it to.

Haruka sighed, "I'll talk with him, I may still want it removed though, Makoto. If I decide to do that, will you?"

Makoto nodded, "Yeah."

The men sat in silence for a minute trying to figure out what to say to each other. Haruka broke the silence by saying that he had better leave. Makoto nodded.

That didn't go nearly as bad as it could have, Haruka thought.

XXX

Nitori stepped out of the shower at Rin's apartment. He had been living there for a week already, and Rin hadn't made a single advance on him. He wondered if he wasn't to Rin's liking. He knew that Rin had been with Seijuro, and he couldn't understand why Rin wasn't trying to be with him in the same way. Perhaps, I'm not putting myself out there enough, he decided.

Rin was seated on his couch, working on some design on paper. Nitori walked over to him in just his towel. Rin looked up at him. He didn't say anything, but his eyes asked, "Do you want something?"

Nitori let the towel fall and revealed his entire body to Rin. Rin had seen it all already for work, but he wanted to offer himself to Rin in a different way. Rin was supposed to be his master now, after all.

Rin looked at him for a moment and then looked away. Christ, he thought. He remembered being this way with Seijuro, but he had decided that he wouldn't sleep with his apprentice. It was too hard to separate the feelings from their position as time went on. Besides, in his mind Nitori was simply so young. He was only 3 years younger than Rin. Nitori was 19, but there was something about his innocence that made him seem younger. Rin knew Nitori wasn't entirely innocent, given Nitori's experience with his previous Master, but Rin didn't want to continue that or be like his past master.

"Put your towel back on," Rin said, looking out the window.

Nitori shook his head, "But, why? Why won't you ever look at me? Why won't you ever touch me? Is it because I had a master before you?"

"No," Rin sighed heavily, "Christ, I don't care about that."

"I heard that you hate tattoos with words, Rin, is that why? Is it because I have them tattooed across my chest?" Nitori's previous master had not begun on his back tattoo. So, Nitori's back was bare, but his previous master had put a Russian prison tattoo across Nitori's chest. It was a shameful tattoo to have, especially in Japan, and while Nitori actually liked it, he thought that maybe Rin was embarrassed for him.

His previous master was half-Japanese, half-Russian, and he did some tattoos that were considered on-the-verge for Japan. His shop had been closed because they simply didn't get enough business, and Nitori was left to look for a new person to train under. This was difficult because most people didn't want to have someone who was trained under anyone else. Rin had taken him on, but Rin was completely different than his previous master. Nitori tried to learn everything he could about Rin, but given that they had been together such a short period of time, it was hard to understand him.

The words on Nitori's chest were written in Russian, they read "Man is wolf to man," in other words, "you're your own worst enemy."

Rin sighed again, and furrowed his brow, "I don't hate tattoos with words."

He figured that Nitori must have heard that from Seijuro, who enjoyed tormenting Rin with everything he had ever said in the past.

Rin put his sketch pad down on the seat next to him, stood up, and he ran a hand across Nitori's chest, "I like your tattoo just fine, Nitori. You could even say that it is one of the reasons I chose you. I didn't take you on lightly, okay? I just, I'm not going to fuck you or touch you the way your last master did or anything. I'm just not going to."

"But...but my body is supposed to be yours. It's supposed to make me more connected to you, Matsuoka-sama. I...I want it. I want it badly. Please, you're supposed to do it," Nitori begged. He felt completely ashamed of himself because Rin wouldn't touch him.

Rin shook his head, "I'm not supposed to do anything. It's your body Nitori. You don't have to worry about any of this for me. You can do whatever you want with whomever you want. I'd appreciate it if you didn't walk naked around my apartment, but you're welcome do that too if that's what you want."

"Matsuoka-sama?" Nitori asked.

Rin started back for his couch, but he turned around, "Yes?"

"Are you exclusive with Seijuro-sama?" Nitori asked.

Rin bit his lip. Not exactly, he thought, I don't haveto be anymore, but I still am, "No."

"I see." Nitori said, but he didn't. He couldn't understand. He couldn't understand why Rin wouldn't touch him, especially if he wasn't exclusive with Seijuro.

XXX

Nagisa and Haruka walked over to the tattoo parlour together. He decided to take Makoto's advice, and go over to talk to the person that had given him this tattoo. He also wanted to try to get his money back or at least get them to pay for the removal of it or to finish it. He hadn't decided yet, but he wanted to at least hold them accountable.

Haruka opened the door and saw two men. One had dark hair, and was dressed in a t-shirt with tight skinny leggings that were purple. He was rather attractive, but not really Haruka's type. Nagisa, however, stared hard at him. The other had silver hair and appeared to be a lot younger. He seemed like some sort of apprentice and he was too busy doing whatever he was doing to look up. The dark haired one opened his mouth and revealed that he had his tongue forked, which caused Nagisa to stare and then, blush, "Hey."

"I'm looking for Rei Ryugazaki," Haruka said keeping his voice even. He was distracted though, looking all around the room. There were all kinds of different designs that Haruka guessed were samples for tattoos. In one corner, which was labelled Rei, there were all kinds of butterfly designs. Haruka had to admit that they were pretty nice.

"Yeah? That's me. What can I do for you?" His eyes though were on Nagisa.

Haruka looked at him firmly, "You can tell me why the hell you tattooed me drunk."

This made the silver haired man look up. Suddenly, his face went pale.

Rei smirked, "I did no such thing. I don't even know who you are."

Haruka pulled up his shirt and displayed the butterfly. Rei came closer and looked at it. He ran his hand over Haruka's back, then he let out a sigh, "It wasn't me who did this."

"You have all those butterfly designs though. Isn't that your signature style? And besides my credit card was charged here. It had to have been you," Haruka's voice was firm, but slightly desperate. He wanted answers. Besides, he trusted Makoto to have told him correctly who had done this to him.

Rei sighed, "Yeah, butterflies are my thing. I'm telling you this wasn't me though," then he sighed, "But, I know who it was."

Nitori bit his lip. He was sure that Rei was going to call him over to explain on behalf of Rin.

"Hey Seijuro," Rei called instead.

"What?" Came an answer from the back.

"Get out here, we have a customer you're gonna want to talk to," Rei turned his attention to Nagisa who couldn't stop staring. He winked at Nagisa who looked away quickly.

Seijuro appeared. He had orangey-red hair that was clearly dyed. He was wearing shorts and a sweatshirt. He obviously hadn't been planning on coming out from the back, "What is it?"

Before Rei could talk, Haruka started, "So you're the asshole who tattooed me drunk?"

"Excuse me?" Seijuro asked.

"Take a look at his back," Rei said.

Haruka's shirt was still slightly lifted. Seijuro went over to it and looked at it. He frowned. Then, he looked over at Nitori.

Nitori stared down at what he was supposed to be doing. He didn't dare look at Seijuro. Seijuro sighed, "My associate who did this to you isn't here right now and won't be in today. I can help you though. Tell me what happened exactly."

"I got drunk, and must have come here. I had this tattoo done, and now, I want to either have it fixed and done properly for free, or I want my money back and I want you to cover what it's going to cost to remove. That guy's specialty is butterfly tattoos right? He can fix it. I'd be okay with that," Haruka had fallen in love with the designs on the wall. He had always had an appreciation for art, ever since high school. As long as he kept the design hidden as much as possible it should be okay. Besides, if what Makoto said was true, these tattoos were high end enough that people wouldn't view them so negatively.

Seijuro looked over at Rei. Rei shrugged his shoulders and shook his head, "No way in hell. I am not touching anyone marked he's marked. If you want it fixed, Sei, you should do it yourself," then he winked at Nagisa, "You though, you're clearly a blank canvas. I'd be happy to perform my art on you."

Nagisa turned dark red. He wished he could stop staring at Rei.

Seijuro sighed, "I'm not going there either. I doubt you'd trust the guy who did this to you to fix this?"

Haruka sighed.

"I guess I'll have to get you your money back then. Let me pull up your receipt," Seijuro went over to their register, "What's your name?"

"Nanase Haruka."

Seijuro looked up at him, "Sorry, could you repeat that?"

"Nanase Haruka."

Seijuro laughed, "Well that at least answers why he'd do such a thing. You should be glad it was actually Rin who was here and not me."

"Rin?" Haruka said, he was surprised to hear the name. He hadn't heard it in a long time.

"Yeah, Matsuoka Rin, you dick. If it had been me who was tattooing you, you would have ended up with a lot worse than the outline of a butterfly. I'd probably have just written 'asshole'," Seijuro frowned, this was going to be problematic for him.

He ignored Seijuro for the moment. Matsuoka Rin did this to me? Haruka thought. His heart skipped a beat, he could hardly believe that he had gone into Rin's tattoo shop. He didn't even know what Rin was doing nowadays. This was quite the way to find out. He turned his head to the designs marked "Rin". They were beautiful. Some of them had elements that he recognized from Rin's high school work. He sighed.

"I'm not giving you your money back," Seijuro said, "You deserve whatever happens to you for what you did to him."

"What I did to him?" Haruka asked.

The look on his face surprised Seijuro, Haruka looked genuinely confused. Nagisa looked surprised too.

Matsuoka Rin? That was the guy who Haruka slept with before he tried to...Nagisa didn't even want to think about it.

"Yeah. Get the hell out of my shop," Seijuro's tone shocked both Rei and Nitori.

Haruka still didn't understand, "I'll be back when Rin's here. I want to talk with him about this."

"Stay the fuck away from him," the more Seijuro looked at Haruka the angrier he got.

"Come on," Haruka said to Nagisa, "We're going to go."

Haruka had realized that at least for that moment nothing good was going to come out of this. The two of them left and when they got outside Nagisa started to say something, but Haruka beat him to it.

"I remember some of that night," he said touching his lips, "he...he kissed me."

"H-haru…" Nagisa said softly, "do you want me to sleep in your bed tonight?"

There was nothing sexual about the question. Haruka knew why Nagisa was asking that, "That's probably not a bad idea."

Nagisa sighed.

"Sorry. I don't mean to trouble you."

"It's not that, Haruka. I just...I worry so much."

Haruka frowned. He couldn't help it, he hated himself so much.

Anyone who wants to do that sort of thing is right about themselves. They should just all be dead. You should do it too, Haruka. The world would be a better place without you.

When he left the shop, there was silence for a minute. Rei stared at Seijuro waiting for him to say something. Nitori tried to disappear himself from the situation.

He looked up and looked over at Nitori, "Go home. Go get your Master. Tell him I'm going to kill him and to get his ass over here," he looked at Rei who clearly wanted an explanation. He didn't offer one though, "I'll be in the back."

XXX