"The world was on fire
No one could save me but you.
Strange what desire will make foolish people do
I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you
And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you."
The last mission had taken a lot out of him: Mathis' death, Field's death, developing mutual respect and understanding with Camille, and then having to leave with no promises. James swirled the contents of his glass as he moved from the now empty complimentary bar towards his bed. He'd only arrived that evening but M had had all the proper things supplied for him to write reports and send them off before heading after Vesper's ex's trail—she'd known he would do it even if she didn't approve or sanction it. He still had unfinished business there, business that was keeping him up at night.
James set his glass on the bedside stand and leaned against the headboard. He tapped his computer to life and idly glanced over part of his report. He looked at the clock and frowned. He'd been working on this bloody thing for over two hours and still wasn't done yet. Too bad he couldn't hire someone to do this dirty work for him. He much preferred the adrenaline of the mission to the mundane, mind grating work of writing reports.
He minimized his report and clicked through the odd-ball site he'd found on a random Google search of "betrayal+wicked," originally searching for the name of the old Chris Isaak song and its lyrics when it'd echoed around in his head for nearly an hour. The introduction of the top site had caught his attention, though he was sure it was only the added alcohol to his system that led him to actually browse through it.
Some of the articles and blogs hit rather close to his current emotional state of being in regards to Vesper. He found that the commentary and replies made by the creator, Frankie, both amused and fascinated him. He couldn't help but show some interest in whom the creator was. What was his, or her, story? It was uncharacteristic of him, he knew that, but with alcohol and the knowledge that it was only a computer screen staring him in the eyes, he didn't seem to care. He opened the message box and started typing.
To: btrydnmr
From: bSW3j07
Message:
Though I don't often send off messages to complete strangers, I couldn't help it this time. Your site both intrigued me and has offered some amusement. Reading through your comments, I couldn't help but wonder about the person who created such an "arsenal" of items about romantic betrayals. What kind of relationship could create such a strong desire to build a "world" for others of similar pain? Who could become so obsessed with this subject? Thus, I couldn't help but imagine that perhaps you yourself have tasted the acidic moments of jealousy and extreme anger brought about by betrayal. I don't know if I care if you write back or not, I'm too tired to care. I just wanted to express my…appreciation for providing a few moments of entertainment in the process of procrastinating from mundane work.
J
He closed out the website and went back to his report. Over the next few days he was so buried in his efforts to track Yusef that he almost forgot about his half-drunken emailing stunt. Then…
To: bSW3j07
From: btrydnmr
Message:
J,
I apologize that it's taken me some time to reply to your email—I make it a habit to reply to every email put to me. I'm glad that you took an interest in my website; I hope that it aids you if you are ever in need of it. Heartbreak could cause such a desire, and "I" could become so obsessed with this subject. Yes, you are not the first to enquire after me—the creator of such a site—and I doubt that you will be the last. Yes, I have tasted the bittersweet moments of love and betrayal. If there is more to me that you are curious about I'm afraid you'll have to ask more direct questions, as I am only human, and humans are very complex indeed. It sounds as if you are just coming out of a break-up yourself, if that is indeed apathy that I picked out of your last two sentences. I'm not claiming to be a "shrink" by any means but I can empathize with a broken heart. If you ever feel the desire to "bitch" about your issue then feel free. Hope you have a good weekend.
Take care,
Frankie
James was amused by the email, mostly at the obviousness of Frankie being female—a guy would most definitely not offer to listen to his "bitching" in the way she did. Sitting down with another vodka martini later that night, he perused the site some more. After three more drinks, and a few sappy articles he felt his stomach churn at, he figured he'd tell this Frankie what he thought of some of the articles.
To: btrydnmr
From: bSW3j07
Message:
Frankie,
One of the articles, "How to Get Back the Heart They Stole," must've been written by a woman as it is filled with some of the most sappy advice I've ever heard. Surely it wasn't written for men! The majority of your website reeks of over emotional feminine angst. There is no way I'm about to sit down with a box of chocolates and watch, "An Affair To Remember!" In regards to your reply, I will ask one question: where are you from? You use American English spellings the majority of the time and yet there are a few catch phrases that ring uniquely British. Also, did my apathy really come through that strongly? I'm sorry; I was hoping my general distaste for humanity would be a bit more obvious. I was in a relationship, yes, but I wouldn't say we had a break-up that I'm bitter over. No it's more along the lines of her preferring death over facing my confrontation over her betrayal.
J
He didn't know why he was being so candid with a complete stranger, a woman no less, but he again figured it was the alcohol. In either case, he didn't know the woman so it didn't matter one way or another. He was surprised when a reply came barely an hour later.
To: bSW3j07
From: btrydnmr
Message:
J,
Actually it was written by friend of mine who is male, but is also homosexual, so thus you might discover where the more feminine advice came from. I believe he wrote it with homosexual and metrosexual men and women in mind. The more analytical side of my brain would agree with your assessment, that the majority of the website "reeks" of overemotional angst, but I'm sure you realize that is the general purpose of this website. It is an outlet for people who are grieving a relationship and need a place to shout out their irrational anger. If you're looking for rational outlets for anger then perhaps join a gym? And no, from what I've gathered from your emails, you are not the type to enjoy such a movie unless there was a specific reward for you in doing so. Do you at least enjoy chocolate? I am American, and since your email is based in the UK I'm going to take a wild guess and say that you're from the UK as well. More specifically I'm located in Atlanta. Have you ever been here? In reference to your apathy, yes it did come through quite strongly. To be frank, I wouldn't be surprised if your breath smelled of alcohol while you wrote these emails. You general dislike of humanity? Well I think everyone feels that way once in a while; as a woman I'm guaranteed to feel that way at least once a month. I going to guess again and say that you are bitter and resentful that she died so suddenly—which I am sorry for. I'm going to also take another wild guess and say that you are having dreams about her as well.
Hope you survive,
Frankie
James stared at the screen for a few moments, trying to figure out what he felt. Then after another swig of his drink he typed out a reply.
To: btrydnmr
From: bSW3j07
Message:
Frankie,
Why am I not surprised that it was a fruit who made such a fruity article. I do enjoy chocolate, though not to the degree that the grand majority of womankind seems to. I know the scientific reasons why women enjoy chocolate but still I don't think I'll ever completely understand some women's obsession with it. I am British, based in London actually, so good guess. No, I have not been to Atlanta, or Georgia for that matter. Although I travel extensively, my travels have yet to bring me there. Your skills of observation are astounding. Why should you be sorry? The bitch got what she deserved. And I wouldn't call them dreams so much as nightmares. What else about me do you seem to glean from these emails? My hair color and build perhaps? Can you predict my future? Tell me, please, I wish to know.
James
He figured after this many emails she was entitled to at least his first name. Again he didn't have to wait more than an hour before the reply came. He realized that he was using these emails as a diversion tactic, stalling falling asleep in order to keep his dreams of Vesper away. But the emails were also intriguing in and of themselves.
To: bSW3j07
From: btrydnmr
Message:
James,
A fruit? Really, is that necessary? I thought you were above name calling; guess I'm not ALWAYS right as you also referred to your ex as a "bitch." There is no possible way I could describe to you the immense joy and comfort womankind seems to glean from chocolate—myself included—it is the type of euphoric moment that can only be experienced and not described. I haven't been to London in years but I adore it! Though I do prefer the highlands of Scotland to any area in England, I did dearly enjoy my visits in the past. If you ever do come around the Atlanta area let me know and I'll gladly show you around, free of charge. I know that seems a bit forward, considering we've only exchanged emails and now first names, but chalk it up to Southern hospitality. I am not sorry for "the bitch" but I am sorry for the pain "the bitch" caused in your life. Nightmares eh? Oh they will continue for a long time—mine lasted for a good year and a half before they finally started to taper off. What else have I gleaned? Definitely not your hair color and build, though I can only guess that you are in some regards handsome. Your words evoke a general confidence that only the handsome and good looking, or those who believe themselves to be so, have. Other than that, I would guess that you are bitter, resentful, with violence brewing in your soul. I'd say "the bitch" and whatever else surrounded her death did a good number on you. You probably won't heal any time soon, especially not with your apparent tendency to harbor such hatred and anger. Is my frankness offensive to you? Well I am only being so frank because in bits of your reactions I see myself after my break-up and now that I've finally "kicked my arse" out of it I rather feel the need to be completely honest with you. Feel free to curse me to high heaven, cease your emails, or whatever you choose, but honesty is typically my only policy.
Sincerely,
Frankie
James felt irritation at first in regards to her reply and he didn't feel like replying. He shut down his computer and returned to work. He still needed to track a few more leads in order to find Yusef. He glanced at the bedside stand and saw Vesper's necklace gleaming in the lamplight. He felt bile rise in his throat but swallowed the last of his drink to get rid of it. When he checked his email nearly a week later he was surprised to find another email.
To: bSW3j07
From: btrydnmr
Message:
James,
I don't know if you'll get this or not but it is the holidays here so I figured I'd wish you a Happy Thanksgiving, even though you are a Brit. Hope you are doing well.
Later, maybe,
Frankie
James was amused that she'd wish HIM a Happy Thanksgiving and it was this amusement that prompted him to finally email her back.
To: btrydnmr
From: bSW3j07
Message:
Frankie,
Yes, it is quite odd that you'd wish me a Happy Thanksgiving. I've been traveling for work and didn't have the time, or energy, to reply to your email earlier. It is taking longer than I would like but hopefully everything will come to fruition soon. I am doing…well I'm surviving. I've got some vodka to keep me company, as I'm sure you're well aware of. Now, I will admit that your other email thoroughly irritated me. "The presumptuous bitch!" was my initial reaction—and it's still lingering in my mind just so you know. However, once again, your powers of observation are dead on. I do harbor my anger and guilt from the situation with "the bitch." If you knew all the gory details I'm sure you'd probably understand a bit more why it is so difficult for me to let it all go while it is still so fresh. I must say, I do appreciate your frankness, and the courage you had to actually spell it out to me—risking whatever type of relationship this is. I can admire you for your gumption at least, if not for your actual opinion of me.
James
He didn't have to wait more than two hours before his computer beeped alerting him that there was a message waiting.
To: bSW3j07
From: btrydnmr
Message:
James,
It is good to hear from you again. Though your emails are usually bitter and full of anger they still make me smile. Not sure why exactly but they do. I'm glad my opinions and honesty haven't "scared" you off. That shows that you're more of a man than most others would be. Most others would skulk off to lick their egos, and though I'm sure you did for a wee bit, you at least came back to face my "fire" once more. I'm sorry it's taking you longer than you originally planned to finish off work. I don't believe I've ever asked you what you did for a living. Come to think of it, I don't think we've ever exchanged any more personal information beyond where we're located. Is there a reason for this I wonder? For myself, I don't mind if you know more. However, you being the person that you are—from what I've learned from our past encounters—I can't help but believe that you have revealed about as much of yourself as you want to for the present. Am I right? Well even if you don't tell me anymore about yourself you can ask me anything you like and I'll answer, if I feel like it. Hope you have a good weekend.
Later,
Frankie
James was surprised, again, at her honesty. He didn't know her, and she certainly didn't know him, but she appeared to be taking his emails and his opinions at face value. He couldn't come up with any ulterior reward for her acting this way, or for her trying to manipulate him into replying more. He was in fact, surprised, to find that somehow he was starting to enjoy her emails as well. In his world her words were like a rare breeze in a desert. Whoah...maybe he should lay off the vodka for a bit. He was waxing poetic. James smiled at the screen, though it didn't look like much of a smile. They hadn't talked about anything beyond his relationship, or her opinions of him, and yet it felt almost cathartic to talk to her. Usually, after he emailed her, it felt as if for a little while, Vesper wouldn't hover over him in memories, and his desire for the death of her ex became less strong. He sipped at his drink as he typed out his reply.
To: btrydnmr
From: bSW3j07
Message:
Frankie,
In my line of work more personal information can often be used against you so it has become habit for me not to reveal anything more personal than my name and such. Habits are hard to break, and some habits should never be broken. However, I wouldn't mind revealing to you some of my preferences—for example in regards to food, music, etc. They seem harmless enough, and it is not likely you could manipulate me into a dangerous situation merely from knowing what my preferred genre of music is. Feel free to reveal the same information to me as well, if you feel like it that is. Your "fire" isn't too hot, so you needn't worry about it scaring me away. I've faced many dangerous "fires" before and yours is quite charming in comparison.
James
He didn't know why he even initiated the sharing of "preferences" it was completely uncharacteristic of him; maybe it was his own curiosity about her that prompted him to offer a little bit of himself in return. No matter the reason he wasn't surprised when her reply came barely an hour later.
To: bSW3j07
From: btrydnmr
Message:
James,
Well I won't bother myself with trying to guess what you do for a living-you apparently don't want to share that. My favorites? Well that is quite the list there my friend; however I shall do my best to give you a brief synopsis of some of my more frequent ones. Favorite season: summer. Favorite food: pizza of any kind. Favorite drink: Green tea. Favorite movie: The Boy in the Stripped Pajamas. Favorite book: Timeline by Michael Crichton. Favorite song: Wicked Games by Chris Isaak. I can't think of any others in particular so if you want more you'll have to ask for them specifically. I'm glad my "fire" may be considered charming, though sometimes I wish I was more intimidating, it would make life easier in some ways.
Take care,
Frankie
James laughed at her email but stopped almost as soon as he laughed. That was one of the first times he'd laughed since…He took a deep breath and slowly let it out. There was nothing wrong with him laughing and it was about bloody time anyway.
To: btrydnmr
From: bSW3j07
Message:
Frankie,
I'm not much for actual "favorites" but I do have preferences. Preferred season: summer. Food: good food. Drink: vodka martini, shaken not stirred. Movie: yet to be determined as I've never much time to watch films but it is definitely NOT "An Affair to Remember." Book: not quite what you'd call a voracious reader so I don't have a preference. Song: I must say I'm quite the fan of Wicked Games as well, it was what led me to your site actually, and at the moment I can't think of any other songs since I have it playing so we'll leave it at that for now. How long did it take before you laughed after your breakup?
James
"No, I don't want to fall in love
[This love is only gonna break your heart]
No, I don't want to fall in love
[This love is only gonna break your heart]
With you
With you."