The first day for Castiel crawled by. Every minute was tense and he tried to stay out of Dean's way. Dean, who always kept his head when there was a crisis. It was Dean who convinced Kevin to stay until they found out what was going on. It was Dean who made sure Kevin didn't get his hands on Crowley. It was Dean who fussed over Sam like a mother hen.

Cas tried not to get his attention and to be as little trouble as possible. He slept in a room that Dean had set up for him, he ate and drank and slept and did all those incredibly human things that he had forgotten about but were now enough to distract him. It distracted him from the world outside and for those first few days it worked and there was just life in the bat cave.

They heard reports of people who had appeared, with lost memories after the strange meteor shower.

The angels.

Dean realised there was one in a nearby town and planned to go and see it. Sam offered to go with him but there was no way Dean was going to let him. Castiel noticed that this time Sam didn't put up much of a fight. Cas opened his mouth to offer to come instead but Dean interrupted him.

"No Cas, what if the angels know you were involved? You won't stay alive for more than ten seconds," said Dean, "You stay here and don't go anywhere."

Dean sounded as if he expected him to leave anyway and was trying very hard to sound like he didn't care. Cas wanted to say "where else would I go?" but he didn't. So Dean left with an angel blade to find out how bad things were.

Dean only took the afternoon and came back in looking weary.

"Where's Sam," he asked Cas who was waiting, reading through some of the older books from the shelves.

"I'll go get him," and Cas went to Sam's room to wake him up. He didn't want Dean to see Sam like this. Tired and pale and dozing almost all the time. He was pretty sure Dean knew, but no one had said anything and Cas knew the Winchesters well enough by then to not say anything.

"Dean's back," he said quietly and Sam stirred from his stupor and got out of bed, unsteadily at first but he soon got his bearings.

When they got back, Kevin has also made his way to the main room of the bunker and there was an awkward silence between him and Dean. Kevin still wanted to leave but Cas was pretty sure there wouldn't be an end to needing the tablet translated just yet.

There never was an end to all of this.

Dean barely gave Cas a glance and spared his concern for Sam.

As he should.

Dean had asked for no more explanation or laid any blame on Cas since the night they came back to the bunker.

The other unspoken thing.

So Cas just stood still, rubbing his first finger up and down his thumb like a nervous twitch as Dean told them about the angel.

"Well I met one of the angels. Said his name was Daniel?" He made it a question and Castiel nodded. "They do remember they are angels, I think that the whole 'amnesia' thing was just a cover. He has no idea what really happened so I told him about Metatron (but not you of course Cas)." Dean was watching Cas while he spoke but Cas still couldn't meet his eye.

"They haven't got any powers so they are mainly worried at the moment about demons and all the other monsters they have pissed off over the years. This one had no idea about how to get back to heaven so Kevin unless that angel tablet says something useful then I guess they're stuck here."

Kevin shot Dean an angry look, "Dean I am not spending anymore time locked in a room, I was half mad before and I am not doing it again!"

"Kevin, this is important..."

"Don't start that again! I've heard enough!"

Sam interrupted, and said with a weary turn of his head, "give him a break Dean. With the angels disbanded I am sure we could find him a flat somewhere and send him back to college or something if he wants. He can keep in touch with us about the tablet." And he turned to Kevin, "but no rush."

Kevin agreed and so he left. They sent Crowley away on the same day once they determined he really was harmless. They got him a job at a sandwich bar and told him to be good and that they would be keeping an eye on him.

It was strange, Castiel thought, how one day could change everything so much.

It was after that the days started merging together for Castiel. When he had been an angel he could remember everything. Of course he wasn't thinking about it all of the time but his memories didn't blur and merge together like they did now.

Apart from the bits that Naomi wiped away. How many more things to be ashamed of? How much more evil have I done?

The worst thing was that although the vividness of the specifics was replaced with vague recollections, emotions seemed to be burnt across his mind. The guilt was weighing him down more with time rather than less.

There was also tension building in the bunker. Dean seemed to be waiting. Cas thought he was waiting for Sam to get better, so that his life could go back to what it was. It had soon become clear that he wasn't going to, that whatever the trials had done to him was permanent.

Then one morning Cas was eating breakfast, cereal, and Dean looked at him.

"Cas, you need to get out of those clothes. You finish that and I'll dig something out."

Castiel was about to open his mouth to protest.

"No buts. Firstly it will be summer soon and you can't walk around in a suit and a trench coat all year round, second, they need a wash and thirdly, you need a shower."

Dean found him a shirt and some jeans. They were slightly too large and they smelt like Dean, different and yet familiar. It felt strange to have different fabric lying against his skin, to have so many less layers, to see different colours out of the corners of his eyes.