Chapter 6

And so just like that...The four of us found ourselves in a smelly downtown second-hand appliance shop looking for a DVD player – preferably one Haruhi would offer some more love and affection to.

"This one should suffice." Miss Nagato – who's normally as loud as a dog whistle, pointed at a device which might have been perceived as a DVD player.

"Miss Nagato, that's a fax machine." I explained as kindly as possible. Yuki gave me a few rapid blinks which might have been Data Processing Language for 'I already knew that you jerk!'.

"I think I'll go and ask the manager for some help." Koizumi fluttered away into the other aisles like a bird looking for a fountain of water. Mikuru crept by my side as she scanned the shelves for the pesky device.

"Um...Kyon, why do you think Miss Suzumiya reacted in such a violent way towards that movie?" Miss Asahina spoke to me with eyes which glistened like pearls in the deepest depths of the ocean.

"I've been asking myself the same thing – among other very challenging questions involving her – throughout the entire day." I lightly responded.

Koizumi returned with a short middle-aged man who wore thick black spectacles. "So your after a DVD player I hear?"

"Yep." I nod. "Seems our old one had some relationship problems."

The owner seemed more than happy to help us out and smiled his salesperson smile. "I think I've got some fresh stock in the back-room so if you want I can grab it out for you."

"Thanks Mr. Owner." Koizumi smiled as the man went into the storage rooms for the DVD player. "I guess this was easy enough after all." Koizumi regarded. Easy for him to say though since he isn't the one forking out the bill.

"Here we are." The owner came back out in less than a minute with a large white box, I couldn't tell what the brand was, but the box appeared blank. He lifted the box over the counter and smiled again – his grins were starting to worry me, maybe he just liked the look of Koizumi or something (wait where am I going with this? Move on!).

"So how much is it?"

The man tapped the box and chuckled. "Y'know what, you guys can have this one for free."

"Really?" I said as I half held out my notes.

"Yeah sure, I wanted to get rid of this one anyway." The man passed me over the box and waved us goodbye. "Be sure to take good care of it!"

And just like that...We had 'acquired' a DVD player for Miss Suzumiya. As we left the store I noticed Koizumi with a rather perky smirk painted on his face. What kind of charm did that Esper pull this time?

'''''

Later that day, we 'dropped off' Haruhi's new DVD player though for some reason she'd arranged for it to be set up at – what would you know it, the place of yours truly. I was granted the privilege to install 'her' new player and read to her all the instructions and warranties. She never listened to a word I said anyway, and warranties? For gods sake it was a second hand DVD player we got for free!

Okay Haruhi so that's how you install a DVD player...So now you can go home and practise doing it yourself...But no...before she left, Haruhi made us sit through another 105 minutes of pure torture. She wanted to make sure the thing would work, so she made us watch some documentary about a prepubescent boy who somehow managed to woo scores of prepubescent teenage girls into following his so called music. I think he was called James Beaver or something but I didn't care enough to remember the name.

Thankfully Haruhi didn't mind and wasn't going to destroy another piece of technology. Perhaps she just knew how much I would hate it. After that was over I was granted the privilege of packing up her DVD player and giving it back to her so she could finally leave me in peace.

'''''

For some reason I kept finding myself watching this Anime called 'Lucky Star' every night. It was the most stupid cartoon I had ever come across. A bunch of high-schoolers drawn by some perverted old man as lolicon bait. Yet for some reason I was compelled to watch the show – I mean I suppose that one with the blue hair is pretty funny, she kind of reminds me of another crazy girl...

My mobile began vibrating again. I grabbed it off my table and discovered it was from Koizumi.

"Hello?"

"I need you to meet me outside right away." Koizumi said with blunt seriousness as he hung up. I went downstairs and opened the door to discover he was waiting by a taxi driven by a posh looking driver.

"What's this all about?" I ask scratching my head.

Koizumi isn't smiling anymore. "Could you please get in?" Koizumi opened the door and I shuffled to the end seat. He slid in straight after and gave a signal for the driver to start moving. "This is about Miss Suzumiya?"

"What a surprise?" I groan. "So lemme guess, she's gotten so mad over Devilman she's formed another closed space?"

Koizumi shook his head. "If only that was it. In fact another rather strange phenomenon has emerged, and unfortunately you're not put of the equation either."

"Come on! I'm not going to have to kiss her again right?" I argue.

Koizumi flicks his hair and shares an uneasy glance. "Have you always held onto that belief that whilst Miss Suzumiya has brought together an Alien a Time Traveller and an Esper that you were still just an ordinary human?"

"Uh...yeah..." I nodded with very little confidence.

"Well I'm afraid that is no longer the case." Koizumi glanced over the driver's shoulder. "Ah we're here! Thank you." Koizumi half lifted his body out of the taxi. Although it was getting dark I noticed that we had reached some sort of old warehouse on the outskirts of the city. I suppose when you end up putting the words 'old', 'warehouse', and 'outskirts' into one phrase then you know you're not going to a picnic..."Are you coming?"

"Could you at least explain what we're doing here?"

Koizumi faced the warehouse and sighed. "There will be time for explanations in the next chapter, but I should ask you one last thing." The strange Esper hung his head back into the car. "Did you happen to bring a spare pair of clothes?"

TM: I would like to disclose that Kyon's views and opinions are not always relfective of the authors and that I should apologise on Kyon's behalf for any Lucky Star fans who may have been offended by his snide remarks in this latest chapter.

Kyon: Don't do that!

TM: Do what?

Kyon: Make me sound like the bad guy here. It was just a small comment I made about some insignificant show.

TM: [Loads handgun and fires]

Let that be a warning next time.

Kyon: Goddamn otaku...

TM" Moving on, I would also like to stress that although Kyon's narrow-minded views on Lucky Star do not reflect my own, I don't apologise for Kyon's views about Justin Bieber. I think we can all agree that that half-assed excuse for a fangirl harvester can go die in a closed space somewhere.

Kyon: That's better.

TM: So two chapters down and we find ourselves already in the action.

Kyon: Meh...We still haven't been told what exactly is going on yet, or who the enemy is for that matter.

TM: Ever heard of padding things out? Anyway next chapter Kyon's true nature is finally revealed, what will Kyon have to do to save the world this time?

Kyon: [Yawn] Find out in the next 'exciting' chapter...

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TM: Why Kyon? Just...Just why do it?