So Kirk was p much frozen in place, frozen by the cold stare of mister managed and stuff and golly Jesus he was WORRD! Keptin Pike, kinda like the spear pike Pike but maybe the fish, started to approach. Oh no. Ohhhh nooooo'n!
"Wahtre u doin, hopscotch?," the manager proclaimed poking Spock's ear. "Waidrdo," he whispered. "Kirdk we went ovdr this befour. STAHP FU KIN COUNTERZ M8!"
Kirk paled. Went sheet white. Ice white. Whiter than the Irish kinda white because oh no TROUBKELEE!1211!1!1!/!1! Kirk sighed. Spock grim aced.
"This is awkward," thy all said in unison.
suddenly salad
appeared from the sky
it was raining salad
why? no one knows
and those who do know
have all died whoopsie
wait no that's not what was happening at all ! Kirk shook his head (lik his actual head nit his penis head gosh we've been over this) to shoo the stray thiught from his otherwise empty noggin
"kIRK YIU SEX OFFENDIG FREAK! r U evEn liStne" pike shRIEKED
kirk onl stared
he stared his eyes (btw thery was hazel but now they were as blue as his testicles right anbout now) at the customer
and then he stared his oddly colored eyes at pike
wHo wASN'T ACTUALLY THEREB!? kirk had imaginrd him
he had imagined the whipped crema too wow what a freak
but he didn't imaginr the sex-on-legs reminding him that the chroustormer wanted a Togo cup
kirk was aPPALED but also turned on
(But he's like awlays turned on soooo not much if andiffrrentcr here)
a TOGO CUP? HRE HAD NEVER BREN TO TOGO? he had been to its neighboor, burkina fasao, but the visit was hot and brief and sPEAKING oF HOT AND BRIEF wow his underwear was really wet bc if the hottie mc hottcakes in front of him
wAaaait focus focus fucos fuuckme god famnine
wait a sdcond
kirk stared at the customer andn replayed what the vustomet had said ti him and using context clues kirk was able to discern that the customer infACT MEANT TO-GO, NOT TOGO. woe wowi
so kirk sheepishly loked at the alien cusotmer and loudly dragged the mug of whatever the alien otdrederd and walked backwards to the to-go cup stack
kirk bent dien brhind the countrr so the customer couldn't see what he was doing but, if the customer lookedd behind the silvrr box mahine taht nobogdy kniws what it dies, tHen Thr cusotmer woudls get a prrfect view of kirks marvelous butt
but altlas rhe scudtomed did nit do any if thst
nhs customer remained still and kirk fumblrd behind the mysterious silver bix mahine to find a lid
once kirk poured the perfectly okay liquid from the mug into thr to-go cup, hr reaized somehong vewwy importante
therE WAS NIT ENOUGH LIQUID TO GILL THE TO-gO CUP?!:?):! PANIc
instead of doing the LOGICAL thing and getting a smaller cup, kirk decided he nEEDED TO MAKE MORREE COFEE so in a fRAZZLED FRENZY he wHILPED over to the customet adb said "sorry sweatheart, i don't have enough juice to makr this tobaccoo roll they way we want it ti, capidhe?!" And the customer was vrrey confused as any SANE being would be be
kirk actualyly faceplamrd himself X-O
but he pRRSISTED and said "i. Am sorry i nedd to make more coffee csn i hAve yo nuMBA i msan naME CAN I HAVE YOUR NAME so incsn write it on the new cup likr they used to do at starbucks but apparently don't anymore (becaus e i have never had a starbucks rmploysree wrote my name on a cup inguess they don't do tshat?)
the customer daid "spock" and kirk sCREAM ED "-DROP AND ROLL" and dOVE oVER THE COUNTRR, SABVING SPOCK FROM THE MYSTERIOUS FIRE THAT WAS SUPPOSEDLY IN THE BUILDJNG AND HE TAKLED SPOCK TO THE FLOOR, PINNING HUM DOWN WJTH HIS ENTIRE LENGTH AHAHHA I MENA BIDY AND EXTREMELY ERECT PENIS AND YOU KNOW WHAT KIRK DID ? HE DIDN'T PUT A LID ON THE NOT-WUITE-enOUGH-liQuid aNd in the extrnely convinieynt dive across rhe counter abd even more extrnemly convinient position they were in, tHE EXTRMELY INCONVINIENT HAPPENED AND THE HOT, FOAMY, FROTHY LIQUID HAD SPIKT (very sensuousyyly) over spock and kirk's bodirs and also clothing
spOCK WAS ALARMED ans kirk was breathing heavily and vrerh aroused pOSSIBLY EVEN MORE AROUSED THAN BEFORE,?! spock said in a deliciously monitone voice "i said spoxk, nit stiop"
if kirk was rmbarassdd before, he aasn't embarassrd now! He had saved spocks life ! H e was a hERO and neeeded ti be rewarded ohongonh... but shit spocks clothingg was all wet and tHANK THE STARS AND THEIR SLANG WIRD FOR CURRENCIES BECAUSE EOW IT DISGUISED KIRK'S lEAKING ORGAN dROM BEING NOITICED!
he was on fIRE THIS SEDUCTION WAS GOIG GR10! wait did he saybhe was in fIRE?!/!/!:2?:
kiTK LEPT FROM SOCK AND ONTO THE CEILINGN "I have childhood trauma" kirk SHRIEKD, giving insight to his dakr (or rather, very lit) pAsy t
spock sas !? ?!:?:? He was FASCINATE becaue hiw kirk sudden dEFY PHYSICS AND GRAVITY? it was turning him on
while spock calculatrd the Newtons needed to propell kirk's muscular body onto the ceileingg and the amount of figs it woukd take to keep him there, kirk was busy warping time and soap but klspock inly cared about physics and derawing vector addition fiagrams onto his chest using the ocfee liquid
cOFFEELIQUID THATS RIGHT HERE COMES THE PLOT kirk un-defyesd fuzzsucks and returned to the nasty tiled floor and said "you need to tske off tour clotheds i need to takenoff your clotheds and also my clothes have to go "
spock was ! Wow kirk aas so smart because the cofee liquid was al over! but innreality kirk just wanted to have secks and he hwasnt that smart in all actyality bUT SPOCK THOUGHT KIRK WAS BEING NICE so kirk ?!
kirk said "come
with me to the storage ckoset to change your sexualitky i mena clothing"
fight the heteronormative society we live in