"You look really scared,"

High school. Something that Vash Tanaka had been nervously dreading ever since he'd put on the new uniform, another time where he'd have to be put down as the kid at the bottom and possibly mistreated by any club he showed interest in. Oh well, at least the classes weren't sorted until second year, but Fumizuki chose to sort them differently than their familiar middle school classrooms.

He lowered his head, swallowing the bile that was boiling in the back of his throat as he looked up to meet the shimmering eyes of the unafraid Haruhi Seto. She offered him a bright smile, but quickly began to pout when coming face to face with his pathetic attempt to reciprocate. "Oh, come on, why are you freaking out? It's not really a big deal if things are different… Because everybody's going to be new and dumb when school starts."

"I know…" He muttered, fiddling with his glasses. The entire build up to their first year of high school hadn't made this any better, his metabolism had slowed down and he had to change around the sizes of his clothing.

Ugh, his self esteem was never lower and yet, nobody seemed to bat an eyelash at this. Haruhi noticed, but seemed more amused in the sense that she claimed it "fit him," and Kiyotaka didn't seem to think anything of it, or at least he just kinda grunted in what Vash supposed was indifference. So, maybe nobody cared about it besides himself. Well, except for…

"Then why are you upset?" She pouted.

"I mean… Things had been so perfect in Middle School." They'd all shared a class, the trio that had yet to be broken up. Sure, they were all headed to the same school, but the idea of being separated into a different class than his lifelong friends was beyond horrifying.

"Why would you be thinking about th-... Oh!"

Haruhi practically whipped around, turning to look back at her wreck of a friend, pointing directly at him with mouth pointed in a pout. "You're not going to be alone, you know I won't let that happen to you!"

"Haruhi…"

"No, I'm being serious, I'll fight the staff until they stick me in the same class as you!" She cried, mimicking slashing into something with fingers pointed to simulate claws. "That way, I can be with you no matter what~!"

She was making a scene, Vash looking around nervously as they approached the school gate. Kiyotaka had gone to school early for something, so he could already be in his classroom, knowing what they didn't.

I don't know if I'll manage if I lose everything I once held dear, it's a frightening idea. But everybody says once you get into High School, everything figures itself out… And I, I'm going to do fine here, because I'm adaptable.

"You've got that scared look on your face again…" Haruhi's voice was suddenly so much quieter, slipping her hand into his and holding tightly. "You know… If things were going to be bad, we would've known about it, we could've done something about it."

Vash nodded slowly, staring at their united hands. "You're… you're right."

"Of course I'm right," Haruhi snickered. "Jeez, sometimes you and Taka think you're the only smart ones, I can be smart too ya know."

Vash rolled his eyes at her teasing, not wanting to argue with her but finding a slight smile spreading on his lips. God, she said some of the stupidest things sometimes, but she was the one that kept the two men on their feet even when they were too bookish to keep her wild child tendencies amused. "Yeah, I guess you are pretty smart in your own way."

Haruhi didn't say much, just nodding somewhat stubbornly. "Of course I am."

"Look, look! Your name! That's your class!"

Vash jerked when Haruhi's voice cut through the waves of freshman trying to locate their names on the class rosters. He nervously looked around, trying to step through the waves of people he didn't exactly recognize in the hopes of keeping himself almost faceless in the crowd. He kept his chin down and his voice quiet as he approached Haruhi who was excitedly scanning through the roster.

"So, that's really it," Vash mumbled, fiddling with his glasses. "For the school year, this is where I'll be." He could feel his hand shaking slightly, biting at his lip, afraid to scan the rest of the names while Haruhi leaned in, desperate for the results.

"Look! Look!" Vash practically jumped out of his skin, Haruhi's finger darting forward and pointing to the white paper he'd been afraid to study himself. "It's my name! We're both in Class G-1!"

G, of course it had to be the only class type without grade letterings assigned to it. But at least he knew he wasn't going to be all by himself now, bringing himself to shakily smile and sigh with relief. "You are?"

"Uh, duh, why would I lie~" Haruhi was practically singing, excitement filling her. "See, I told you it would work out perfectly!"

Yeah, it was going to be okay, Vash glancing back at the paper and seeing her name printed right there, cementing her place by his side for the ninth year in a row. But… her name was the only one on the roster he recognized as a friend, some of the others were familiar and some of them brand new, but only Haruhi's name stood out as exciting.

Oh.

"Your face went dark again," Pouted Haruhi, voice growing whiney. "What's wrong now?"

"Kiyotaka's not in the class."

"Oh, that's all? Come on, it's no big deal if dummy Taka isn't in class with us, he's so mean anyways."

"I…" He never thought about it before, but suddenly he felt absolutely crushed. Maybe he just wasn't prepared to have the three of them split up for the first time, or maybe it was because of the sudden sinking feeling he got in his stomach when Kiyotaka was around him. Sure, he'd already figured out that his tastes didn't exactly involve women, but this couldn't mean what he thought it did.

No, of course it didn't.

"Hey…" Haruhi frowned. "That's not too bad, right? It'll be okay if he's not with us twenty four seven… It'll make it more fun if we get to see him a little less, because he won't already know everything we do."

"I guess so…" Vash muttered, looking down at his feet. Maybe I'm just not ready for everything to change.

"You and Taka have been acting really weird lately." Haruhi pouted. "I know you guys are close, but sometimes I feel like something more is going on…"

"N-No…" Vash muttered, reaching up to fiddle with his glasses. "Nothing like that… You know I would've told you if something came up."

"You better remember that." She huffed. "Because I'll never forgive you if you didn't tell me something like that. I've known you both since we were babies and if you leave me on my own, I'll never talk to either one of you ever again."

Vash blinked, forcing himself to smile and nod. "O-Of course… Come on, Haruhi, you know I would've gone to you if something was happening. Especially when you probably would've known how I felt before I did."

"That's right, I would've." She snickered, grabbing hold of his wrist. "Come on, let's get to class. I want to see if I got a window seat!"

Surely she's noticing nothing… We haven't gotten closer, at least not close enough for him to be sending me signals, right? I… I guess I would've even know if he was gay, it's not like we ever talked about it or anything… He… He couldn't be, could he? Would that make me happy? Would he make me happy?

There was something about cleaning duty that Vash found oddly relaxing. The smell of the cleaning fluid, how quiet the room became and just how he could lose himself in the sweeping of the floor always left him relaxed. It gave him an excuse to avoid going home right after school, something that hadn't exactly bothered him when he had things he'd rather not encounter.

Not only home, but recently, he'd been afraid to walk home from school. His cheeks would flush up, his voice would grow wavery and his heart would make his entire chest beat. Vash hated to admit it, but he was beginning to fall in love with his best friend.

A best friend who he didn't even know the sexuality of.

On a day like this where Haruhi had dance club, something she was so eager to go to that she'd left her bag in the classroom in her hurry, Vash would end up spending alone time with Kiyotaka. Sometimes it would collapse into nothing but stammering silence and other times, it would be nothing but the warm glow of somebody he adored, a feeling like no other.

The months passed as if everything was in a dream, the placement test looming over their heads and the start of a new year on the horizon as April made itself known. He should have been terrified, should have been sitting in dread of everything changing, and yet, all he felt was excitement.

But today, it was just him left in the classroom, flipping the final desk into its place on the far side of the room as he wiped his brow. It felt good, to know he could provide his best for the class. After all, the placement exams were coming up soon and he had to make himself look as valuable as possible so the class he found up in would be thrilled to receive him.

It was a relief just to have everything finished, Vash smiling to himself as he headed to grab his school bag, only to hear the door slide open.

"Haruhi? Did you come back for your bag?"

Vash turned around, expecting to see a panicked and exhausted Haruhi at the doorway, only to notice Kiyotaka standing in the doorway, his emerald eyes glued to his feet with apparent nervousness. Immediately, the shorter male stumbled back, tripping over his own feet and tumbling to the ground, smacking his head against the wooden floors in the process. "K-Kiyo!" He gasped, before groaning, hands resting on his now pounding head.

"A-Are you okay!?" The sound of feet smashing against the wood could be heard, Vash bringing himself up into a sitting position only to be face to face with a now kneeling Kiyotaka. Oh god, he wanted to collapse again, but this time in embarrassment.

"Y-Yeah… Just fine…" He groaned, holding his head. "Why are you here?"

"Well… I was waiting for you."

"Waiting for me?" Vash muttered, picking his fallen glasses up and placing them back in their place. "Why were you doing that? I told you I was the student asked to clean the classroom today."

"I-I know… I just needed to talk to you about something."

"Talk to me?" He frowned, eyes running up the frame of Kiyotaka before their eyes met. He was trying not to shudder, ears beginning to pound in anticipation. "W-What did you want to talk to me about?"

My best friend.

"I…" Kiyotaka glanced down. "God, this is so embarrassing."

A man who I've fallen in love with.

"It's just that… I… Well, there's something I should've told you before, but I never had the courage to tell anybody until recently."

A man who might not even be gay.

"I just need you to listen, okay? Let me say what I need to and… and if you don't like it, we can talk about that after. Promise me you'll just listen to what I need to tell you."

A man who I've known since infancy, who I know more than I know myself.

"I promise."

Who I want to keep by my side forever.

"I should have told you once I found out… I know this is sudden, but I want you to know that I… I'm gay." Kiyotaka whispered, staring into the eyes of the stunned Vash Tanaka, afraid of just what could be running through his mind. "At least, I think I am. When I'm around you, I'm consumed by all of these powerful emotions that I've never experienced before. All I can think about is if this is because I'm gay, or because I just love you. I... I'm still working to figure everything out, and you're the only one I've let in, but I knew I needed to tell you that I'm in love with you."

I can't breathe.

Vash was shaking, hands slipping from his head to coil around his chest, embracing his trembling frame tightly. He couldn't even look up at Kiyotaka, let alone speak or touch him.

I never thought I would face this.

"I…"

"Are you okay?" The sudden sound of panic in Kiyotaka's voice bringing tears to his eyes, the sensation of his hand on his shoulder sending chills down his spine. "V-Vash, I didn't mean to hurt you… I didn't kn-"

You really love me.

"Don't say that… I'm… I'm not hurting…"

This is crazy, but I need you.

Before Kiyo could even manage to ask him what was wrong, Vash knelt forward and pressed his full lips against the slim lips of his lifelong best friend. The sensation of Kiyotaka losing his breath sending shivers through Vash, squeezing his blue eyes shut tightly and trying to relax into his first kiss.

Show me you love me. Prove it to me.

When the kiss broke, light flooded Vash's eyes as he met the emerald irises of the taller student. He was trying not to pant, trying to sort through the shock of this situation. "I… I guess we both should've told each other sooner, h-huh?" Shaking his head before pressing his forehead to the chest of Kiyotaka. "I just never thought you might be… That my feelings would be returned."

"I just never realized what I was feeling until you weren't constantly at my side. Only after you weren't always there did I realize just how badly I wanted you to always be there."

Vash felt his cheeks light up, heart pounding in his ears. All of this felt so sudden and yet, he felt compelled to get everything he ever wanted in those moments. He couldn't stop himself, lifting his head and pressing a kiss to Kiyo's neck, running his tongue against the tender skin.

A shudder.

"V-Vash?"

"Please, stay by my side. Don't leave me. Let me have you, at least for now." He found himself saying, voice wavering in a begging tone. "Let me have you."

He'd never thought about what having Kiyotaka would entail and yet… He couldn't deny that any attention from the person he'd wanted for so long would be refreshing, comforting and… desirable.

"Is this… Is this what you want?"

"P-Please."

Vash found himself being captured in a kiss, lower lip trembling as he was quickly swept into the arms of the person he had wished would love him. His history of personal inadequacies suddenly felt lost; the abuse of his father, the body image struggles that came with finally buying that large uniform shirt, the fear that nobody would accept him as a nerdy gay kid, suddenly nothing mattered but the touch of Kiyotaka Nensho. He wanted this more than he understood, pressing himself to the fellow first year.

Before Vash could even think through it, hands were running up his thighs, eager to try and awaken the virgin frame that he'd feared to explore since things had begun to change. But with trusting eyes, he allowed himself to be explored by the person he'd known since infancy. He wanted to feel protected, to feel adored by the person he'd yearned for for far too long.

"I'll be careful." Kiyotaka whispered, gripping at the collar of Vash's uniform shirt. "I promise."

He couldn't even speak, only nodding while trying to mask the fear of his developed frame being exposed. The fear of being hated for being what he had become within the past year. No, Kiyotaka wouldn't hate him, he was going to love him. He was going to be there for him no matter what.

But as Kiyotaka removed his shirt, exposing him to the taller student, Vash was pressed into a lustful kiss. The small of his back pressed against the desks he'd previously stacked, the sensation of familiar hands wrapping themselves around his hips before tugging at his pants causing Vash to release a squeal.

"Do you want me to fuck you?" Kiyotaka whispered, biting at his earlobe.

"I-I…" Oh god, he couldn't say no. No, no, there was no way he could refuse this. "I do."

"Then tell me, tell me what you want."

Neither of them heard the sound of the classroom door sliding open.

"I… I want you to fuck me!" Vash cried out at the sensation of his neck being nibbled on.

"Vash? Taka?"

The boys whipped around, both turning to see the mortified Haruhi, her hands shaking and the usual smile plastered on her face completely gone. She looked like she might scream and yet, with her eyes darting from one boy to the other, she looked like she might cry.

"Haruhi…" Vash whispered. "W-We can.. We can explain!"

I'm still working to figure everything out.

"I… You two are…"

You're the only one I've let in.

Vash wanted to focus on her and yet, the sudden absence of Kiyotaka's touch was apparent and sudden. He turned to look at him, only to see the darkened look in the eyes of his childhood best friend. He could see the humiliation in the dark emerald orbs, the shaking of his shoulders and the doubt in his posture. "K-Kiyo?"

"I have to go."

"Wait, no, you can't." Vash stepped forward, grabbing on the warm hand that had embraced him only moments before. "Please, don't go, I don't want you to leave me al-"

Kiyotaka ripped his hand from Vash's grasp, causing the shorter male to stumble back. "Let go of of me!" His voice suddenly sharper, more militant. "This was a mistake."

"K-Kiyo, I-I…"

"This. Was. A. Mistake." He growled, turning his back to the trembling and exposed Vash. He took a few steps before facing the mortified Haruhi, the way her lip trembled making it clear that she was on the verge of sobs. "And you."

"Taka, I-I won't tell anybody! I… I didn't know!"

"You've been a thorn in my ass since our mother's brought us together," His voice was hushed, but the tone it held was stronger than any scream. "And what you've done here today, whatever it causes, is going to be all your fault. If I never speak to either of you again, it's going to be all your fault, you'll lose the both of us and when you start to reflect on it, I hope you never forget that having no friends was all your fault. You did this to yourself."

She was shaking, tears streaming down her face. "N-No… I… I didn't know… I…"

"If you weren't so damn nosy, maybe you wouldn't end up alone. But as it stands, I hope you fail the exams tomorrow and end up all by yourself." He growled, practically spitting. Without even glancing to Vash, he stormed out of the classroom, ignoring any whisper or cry for him to stop and reconsider leaving them.

Vash couldn't even look at Haruhi, trying to keep himself calm before trying to latch onto his discarded shirt, pulling it to his chest and trying not to cry. By the time he let the tears fall, he looked up to see that both of his childhood best friends had left him.

He was all by himself.

"You'll have two hours to complete the Fumizuki Placement Exam. Please flip over your papers now and begin the test. Best of luck to you all."

Vash could barely see, his eyes practically swollen shut. Locked up in his classroom and unable to even glance in Haruhi's direction while the pencil in his hand only marked on the paper under it due to the shaking of Vash's hand. His head was pounding, chest shaking with gasping breaths.

He finally felt loved, he finally felt accepted by somebody.

And now it was gone.

Was he just not worth the embarrassment? Did he matter so little to anybody that he could just be abandoned if the person felt the slightest bit humiliated around him?

Maybe he truly was as worthless as his father said he was.

He couldn't hold it back anymore, eyes blurring with tears as a choking sob fled his throat. He didn't care if he failed the test, he didn't care if he got kicked out of the high school he'd worked so hard to make sure he got into. He just wanted to feel like he mattered to somebody, to feel like he mattered and had a reason for belonging to this world. Kiyotaka wouldn't look at him and Haruhi seemed to be skittishly avoiding him.

Sobs began to bubble up, the class trying to ignore the kid they knew was going to fail the test if his emotions continued to tear him apart like they were. Nothing could be done for him at this point, or at least nobody seemed to want to do anything for him.

He was all on his own.

"And here, I present you with your class representatives for Fumizuki's second year class…

"Class F will be overseen by Vash Tanaka…"

The empty look and half smile of a broken man, that was all Vash could offer as he gazed down at the yellow Class F tie that he'd been given. Nothing about this felt right, this wasn't where he was supposed to be and yet… here he was, representing the failures of Fumizuki Academy, the students the school had let in only because they pitied them for one reason or another.

His father had found it ironic, that his son was an idiot, fitting for somebody who "didn't understand how to fucking diet" or "man up and get a girlfriend".

He deserved this. He deserved failure when he couldn't do anything good with himself.

"Class D will be overseen by Fuuko Oboro…"

"Class C will be overseen by Haruhi Seto…"

The struggle to smile was something Haruhi didn't seem to be facing as she waved her hand nervously, the green neckerchief of Class C seeming to suit her well. She couldn't let them know just how terrified she felt being on that stage, sitting beside the person she feared hated her more than anything on the planet. It took every ounce of strength within her to keep her from bursting into tears right there, the smile as tight as possible to keep every whimper she wanted to release kept inside.

"Class B will be overseen by Kiyotaka Nensho…"

Nothing. He said nothing. Emerald eyes so much colder than when he was still in his first year, his posture alert and erect and his voice gone. There was nothing to say, not when everything was so different now. He felt so terrified and yet, he couldn't let anybody know what was going on inside his head. He only straightened his blue Class B tie, glancing around the room to the sea of blue he was expected to lead.

This would have to do.

"And Class A shall be overseen by Valvatorez Salvatore…"

Nobody would even look in his direction, the fear of the Class A rep all too powerful.

"...This concludes your induction ceremony, welcome to the true Fumizuki Academy second years!"

When Vash got out of his seat, he couldn't help but notice Kiyotaka turning to glance at Haruhi and then over to him. Those sharp green irises had never been so terrifying and yet… Vash couldn't look away.

"I hope you both understand that if you even think about challenging my class, I'll destroy you with my own hands."

"T-Taka, I know you're upset but I-"

"I'm warning you ahead of time." He growled, Haruhi slinking down in fear. "I won't drop my guard around either of you, regardless of what happened when we were kids."

At one point, I was going to give myself to you. But now, I feel so afraid of you.

Kiyotaka walked off the stage without so much as a word to Vash, leaving the shaking Class F rep to his own thoughts.

I only wish you knew that even though you've destroyed me, you still have my heart. I just wish you saw forgiveness… Because I need to feel love… I need you to teach me why I'm on this planet even though I'm all on my own

I need you to love me again.