The world's got a funny way of turning 'round on you
When a friend tries to stab you right in the face
Losing faith in everything I thought I hoped I knew
Don't sweat it, it's set on false pretense.
-False Pretense; Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
False Pretense
Amarxlen
Maybe it makes me oblivious, not to have noticed this before. It probably makes me blind and self centered not to have seen this coming. I just never thought...
It was sudden.
I saw him yesterday. Smiling. Laughing. So I smiled too. I laughed too. Because when he did, I could believe everything would be okay. I could believe we'd get through this, that it'd be we three again. As long as he smiled. As long as he laughed.
Maybe it was me being weak, never being the first one to smile or laugh. Never being the first one to crack a joke or allow myself to look farther back into the past than a few months.
It hurts to go back farther than that.
...But I never thought about how it must hurt him. At least as much as it hurt me. Stealing my breath at unexpected moments. There were even some nights I would cry myself to sleep, staring at our photo, our memory, our ecstasy.
I never gave a moment to wonder if it hurt him at all. Maybe I'm just blind. Those nostalgic expressions... What was he remembering?
Maybe it was a gradual thing, building and building until—
I never saw him without a smile and of course he would never say anything.
Maybe I'm completely oblivious.
Or maybe he's entirely too good at pretending.