Having nothing else to he began to analyze his room. It wasn't as large as his room back home but it had enough room for a bed, a dresser, and a small desk. The walls were white, the bed sheets were white, the paper in front of him was blank... and white. Ugh Bro this is seriously not fun, he thought. He was quite bored, there's just not much to do. Even though the Doc told him writing about it might help. The Doc also told him not to force words on the page.
He closed the journal and looked round for something. He kept his stuff very organized, it's just how he was raised or else his momma would totally have his head.
He paused his search and sighed, he missed his family. He understands that they sent him here to get better, hell he wanted to get better too, but sometimes he was homesick. After SJ's-
5
He was looking for something wasn't he? Yes his iPod he forgot that he was listening to it last night and left it under his pillow.
He went to retrieve it and sat up against the headboard on his bed, listening to music. He was content on listening to classical, he didn't use to listen to that type of music. It use to be SJ's thing, back when she was still studied med, before the parties, before the drugs, and before she-
4
He took out his ear buds, and took a deep slow breath, waited a few seconds, and released it. Then he changed the song and plugged the buds right back in.
Bro keep it together Kirsch, he sternly told himself, besides that's the Sarah Jane he liked remembering, the "before" one.
The "after" SJ and him had similar taste of music. That's why he decided to deleted a considerable amount of songs and choose a genre he never really listen to.
It is a few minutes later when he was lost in the music, that a song popped up.
It was not a classical.
It was some kind of techno-pop. He didn't even know he had this song, SJ most likely sneaked it in. It didn't matter that it wasn't the same song. The beat was similar enough.
They were on the road heading to the house party SJ wanted to go to. Kirsch was slightly frustrated, she had been going to parties non-stop since she dropped out. Kirsch could only attend so many with her because he was still in school.
SJ had plugged in her phone too the car and was blasting club music on his speakers. She was dancing in her seat, a little drunk, and already in the party mode.
Kirsch loved Sarah Jane and knew that this had been her way of coping. She hadn't wanted to dropout but the situation hadn't been preventable. But he knew this had to stop, he turned off the music.
"Hey!" SJ whined, "I was listening to that."
"I know babe," he says, "It's just that, well, we need to talk"
SJ crossed her arms and looked out the window. "There's nothing to talked about."
"Come on babe." Krisch said taking his eyes off the road for a second to glance at her, "Shouldn't this partying, I don't know don't you need a rest from it?"
"But Boo thought you liked a good party." SJ jeered.
"Babe I love to party." He chuckle a little, "But," his smile dropped "It's a Tuesdays."
"Yeah so?" SJ said annoyed.
"SO I have class tomorrow," Kirsch looked at SJ again but just like last time she kept staring outside so he couldn't see her face. "I can't keep going out like this with you."
"Well nobody asked you to." She once again annoyed but he could hear her voice breaking.
Kirsch frowned thought that it was probably best to pull over, and pull into a restaurant's parking lot.
Once the car was stopped he took off his seatbelt to turned and looked at her. He slowly took her hand in his and lightly brushing his thumb across her knuckles waiting for her to talk.
It took another five minutes before she turned to looked at him. She was crying, and instantly he took off her seatbelt and brought her in his lap.
Once her crying calm down a little, he spoke softly, "I know babe, I know it hurts." He pulled back to put they're foreheads together, "but Sarah you can't keep going on like this."
SJ started wiping her eyes dry "I know," she shudder out a sigh, "I know, it's just that this have been hard and I just wanted to lose myself."
Kirsch knew the circumstances surrounding her dropout. Her parents where in a bad place financially, her dad had fallen sick and they couldn't pay for both college and the hospital... or even the plane ride home.
"You miss them, don't you?" His hands cupping he face and he used his thumbs to dry the tears. She just nods.
"Hey babe," Kirsch had an idea and it didn't seem like a bad one, so he couldn't keep his enthusiasm out of his voice.
Sarah Jane knew that tone of voice, and her lips twitched to a ghost of a smile "Yes Boo?"
"Why don't you let me buy you the ticket home?" He could do it, he wouldn't say that he was loaded but his family certainly never had money issues. The closest thing he could think of that they were was lower upper class.
She frowned, "Kitsch I- I can't pay"
"As a gift," he said smiling, but once he saw that SJ hadn't lighten up he sighed and added "You can pay me back later, if you want."
Then Sarah Jane started to smile the biggest most wonderful smile he ever saw, and threw her arms around him. She started crying again but this time he one they were happy tears, it had been a long time since she had seen her family.
She pulled back to give him a kiss. "You are the best boyfriend." She said between kisses.
Then she gave him a serious look, "But don't think this gives you permission to spend money on me."
He laughs "Wouldn't count on it." Last time he tried that he got lobster in his shirt.
After another make out session they both decided to go to his place and watch movies.
The last he saw Sarah Jane truly smile again, was when he dropped her off at the airport, because she never did after finding out that her father had died during her flight.
He didn't notice that the song was over or that there was tears running. The only that keep going in his mind was, that time he had stopped her, that time he had done it right, had said the right thing, why couldn't he have done it during the party that-
3
Kirsch tried to think about something else anything else. There- there was his new bro. Yes, his new bro he made here. He made fast friends with another patient, Will Luce. Will is actually pretty cool bro... most of the time. Will was more solid than his bros back home. They didn't stick around for long after Sarah Jane-
2
He had to stop this train of thinking, he was almost out of numbers. He doesn't want the numbers gone, he had been doing so well lately. He was almost done with the day and he had to go to the dining room to eat dinner soon. Then he could sleep and the numbers could start over.
But... there had been a time when he didn't need the numbers. There was a time when he wasn't lock up because of his mental instability. There was a time when-
He had to stop he wanted to get better.
Oh, a little voice spoke to him, prodded him, poking him, you mean like when you could have stopped SJ-
1
His breath caught, the tears running. Yes, there was a time when he could have saved Sarah Jane from death.
0
He ripped off his ear buds, sprang up and threw the iPod across the room.
He heard a crack telling he that it broke and it cluttered to the floor.
He grabbed the closest thing near him which was the chair. He swung it up and with all his might threw it down hard against the floor. The wooden chair stood no chance.
He heard a loud crack telling he that the chair broke and pieces flying everywhere.
A splinter of wood cut him on his cheek but the didn't fazed him. There was a shout in the hall but he turn around and stalked to the nearest wall, the wall opposite of the door. Raised his hand and punch.
He had seen the signs.
A stronger punch to the wall.
He could have talked to her.
Once more his fist hit the the wall with more strength than the last.
He raised his fist and to throw his hardest blow.
He could have stopped her.
He heard a crack telling he that his hand was broken, but that didn't stop him.
He paid no attention to the commotion behind him. The yelling of the another side of the door pounding of feet on the floor, and when the door was flung open were all lost to him.
He kept going, his mind on autopilot, he wasn't seeing the blood running down his arm. Hands came from behind him and pull him from the wall.
It was then that him notice how hard he had been crying which made him cry harder.
They had pushed him on the bed and were holding him down.
It didn't matter how many things he heard crack and break.
The needle found its way through his skin and the liquid injected in him.
No it didn't matter because, they would never ever compare to the cracking sound and broken form of Sarah Jane.
Then he passed out, stolen by the medicine.