Chapter 2 – I Trust You September 2005

Summer vacation has gone by way too fast, but I'm excited for school to start. Being in middle school is going to be a whole new experience with new challenges and new friends to make. Of course I have Santana so I really do not need any more friends as long as I have her. But I like getting to know people and make friends. I think people are generally pretty fascinating. Everyone is so uniquely different. No one is as unique as Santana though. She is special; there is just something about her that draws me in. It is like she has some kind of force field around her; typically she uses her force field to push people away to prevent them from getting close to her, but with me I feel constantly pulled to her. The truth is I hate being away from her. We have been able to hang out a lot this summer but I still wish we had more time together. At least with school starting I will get to see her more.

I've been lazing around all day. Later my mom and I are picking up Santana and heading to the mall to do our back to school shopping. I was so excited about going shopping that I couldn't sleep in this morning. Usually I'm able to sleep in until at least eleven on Saturdays but today I think I was awake before the sun came up. Although I did roll over and force myself back to sleep. By nine I realized that I was awake and would not be able to get back to sleep. So I got out of bed and just kinda lazed around the house. I played with Lord Tubbington for a little bit. Santana bought him this cute little mouse toy a couple of weeks ago; so this morning I was throwing the toy and Lord T would go chasing after the mouse. Of course then I had to go chasing after Lord T to get the mouse back so I could throw it again. I guess what people say about cats and dogs is true.

"You live to please a cat whereas a dog lives to please you."

But I love Lord T regardless if he has me wrapped around his little paw or not. I would do pretty much anything for him; he is just so sweet to me. Eventually Lord T left me and went to nap; Lord T reminds me off Garfield, he likes to sleep and eat, a lot! I wonder if he'll be as big as Garfield when he grows up.

I'm lying across my bed bored out of my mind when I notice that it is already eleven. I leap from my bed and run into my bathroom. My mom wants to leave here by eleven forty five so that we will be on time to pick up Santana. It sees like no matter how early I get up I am always rushing in the end to get ready on time because I get distracted so easily. Santana is really helpful about that though. At cheer camp and whenever she stays over she always helps me stay focused and get things done. I wonder where she learned to be so focused, it's like she is always planning everything out in advance.

I shower as fast as I possibly can while still making sure to get clean. I finish my shower in about ten minutes, which is pretty fast for me, I love to just stand under the hot water and imagine that instead of being in the shower I am in a tropical rainforest standing underneath a waterfall. I love waterfalls. I blow dry my hair until it's mostly dry and then go to my closet to pick something to wear. I want something that will be easy to slip on and off because I know my mom will make me try on everything that I want to buy. She has this rule about trying on clothes; basically she refuses to buy it unless she has seen it on and sat in it to make sure it's comfortable. But since she is paying for all of my clothes I can't really complain. I pull a pink and yellow sundress from my closet and grab a pair of sandals to match. Both my dress and my shoes will be easy to slip on and off multiple times.

To my relief and my mother's utter astonishment I'm ready and waiting to go by eleven forty, I finished five minutes early that is a personal best for me.

"Excited to go shopping Britt-bee?"

"Yeah that and I don't want to be late to pick up Santana."

I know that timeliness matters a lot to Santana, so I never want to disappoint her by being late. Considering all of the things that people can expect from someone, being on time is not that difficult and I would pretty much do anything for Santana.

"Well let's get going then."

My mom and I head out the door waving goodbye to my dad and little sister as we go. I climb into the front passenger seat of my mom's car, bumping my head on the door frame as I get in. I really need to start getting into cars differently. My mind wonders as we drive to Santana's house. My mom has driven to Santana's house so many times this summer. I think we have picked her up at least twenty times but I have yet to see the inside of her house. I think my goal today will be to get to see her house somehow. I wonder if she'll want to stay the night tonight. We haven't had a sleepover all summer even though we have hung out a lot. It seems like her parents or abuela always need her for one thing or another. Sometimes I get a feeling that Santana has a lot of responsibilities at home and that is why she is always so detailed orientated and obsessed with timeliness. Or maybe it is just one of many unique personality quirks.

We pull into Santana's circular drive way and I can't help but stare at her house. A lot of the houses in Lima Heights Adjacent are old and not well maintained. Actually pretty much all of the house are that way except for the forty or so homes that make up the housing community where Santana's house is located. Santana's house is by far the nicest. From the outside it looks like it has two stories above ground and a basement. It is this creamy tan color and has maroon shutters on all the windows and the front door is maroon. The front door is really like two doors, although I've only ever seen one door open. On that door is this large black door knocker, it looks really fancy. I'm actually kind of intimidated by it so I always ring the door bell. Today is no different; I ring the bell and wait for someone to answer it.

When Santana answers the door I can feel my smile grow. I missed my best friend and now I get to spend the whole day with her shopping. I notice a list sticking out of her purse as she steps out of her house and closes the door behind her. I should have known Santana would make a shopping list for back to school stuff. She is always ten steps ahead. Santana smiles back at me, at first she looked a little stressed when she opened the door but now it appears that she is relaxing and is ready to go shopping.

I reach my mom's car first and open the rear passenger door for Santana. I hope she'll slide over to the other side of the back seat so I can sit in the back with her. This is kind of my test to see if Santana wants me to sit next to her in the back. I figure if she makes room for me then she wants me to sit back there with her, if she doesn't make room for me then maybe she would prefer if I sat up front. Thankfully, Santana slides all the way over giving me plenty of room to sit in the back with her. I catch a glance from my mom in the rear view mirror as Santana lets out a soft giggle. I wonder what she is giggling about already. I move my hand from fastening my seat belt to linking my pinkie with Santana's. Anymore it feels weird to be near Santana and not have our pinkies linked. Linking my pinkie with Santana's gives me this sense of comfort I've never felt before.

The silence in the car is deafening. It is a hot summer day and all of the car windows are down. It is days like this that make me want to blast music as we cruise through the town. I adjust my seat belt and lean into the front seat turning up the radio as I give my mom a pleading smile. She smiles back, her way of telling me it is okay to turn the radio up. I can't wait for the day that I have my own car; I will be driving around windows down stereo blasting all the time! I return to my seat and look to Santana; she appears to be lost in her thoughts. As soon as I start to sing Santana is shaken from her thoughts and starts to sing along with me. She has an incredible voice!

As we pull into the mall parking lot Santana starts texting someone. I wonder who else she texts besides me. I'm sure she has other friends from her old school. I hope that when school starts up we will still spend a lot of time together, I mean she is my best friend and I really don't want to spend time with other people if she is not there. Santana is checking her phone again and smiling at whatever the message said; I really wonder who else makes her smile. I love making her smile it is one of the best things ever.

I fling open the car door and climb out from the backseat. Santana may be distracted texting other people but I will pull her back to me. I really love shopping and getting to go shopping with Santana makes it even better! With my pinkie still linked with Santana's I start skipping and pulling Santana along with me. She is so distracted it is difficult to shake her from wherever her mind has gone. Suddenly I feel Santana's pinkie slip from mine. I turn around and see that Santana has slowed her pace, why doesn't she want to walk next to me, she has never let go of our pinkie hold before.

"What's wrong S? Why did you let go?"

"It's nothing B, I just want to walk."

I know there is something more; I know that Santana isn't telling me the whole truth. I believe that she really does just want to walk but there is a reason for that. I hope I haven't offended her or embarrassed her in some way. I never want to be an embarrassment to my best friend. Sometimes I just get carried away and just do things because I really don't care about what other people will think, but I know that Santana is not like that.

Nonetheless, I want my best friend to be happy and if she just wants to walk then I will just walk along with her. I walk to her and re-link our pinkies. I can't help but smile when Santana lets me re-link our pinkies and walk towards the mall together. I'm glad that our pinkie link isn't what upset her, I don't know what I would do if she didn't want to link pinkies anymore. It has become such a piece of who we are together.

Santana leads the way into the mall. I bet she has already planned out exactly where she wants to go and in which order she wants to go to the stores. Santana is all about being super efficient. To my surprise Santana stops in front of the mall directory. I can't help but feel out of sync; I assumed that Santana would have pulled us straight to the first store on her list, which she would have already mapped out, she would have memorized the directory weeks ago. Why is she stopping to read the directory, this is so not like Santana.

"So Britt, where to first?"

Wow, Santana is letting me choose where we go first; she is giving me control. Santana likes to be in control, she has her process that she likes to follow and she is letting me choose first. It may seem like a trivial gesture to most people but to me this means everything. It means that Santana is willing to let me have a say in the things she does, she would only to do this for her best friend. I don't want to disappoint her or let her down so I make sure to scan every possible option. I look up and down the directory. As I'm scanning the list I feel my tummy growling; I'm starving. I decide that starting with food sounds like a good place, but nothing to heavy just something to tide us over. I point to the pretzel stand.

I feel Santana tighten her pinkie around me and pull me in the direction of the pretzel counter. When we get to the food court my mom instructs Santana and I to find us a table while she gets us all a pretzel. The best part about getting a pretzel is the nacho cheese sauce you get to dip the pretzel in and they have the best fresh squeezed lemonade. My mom approaches our table carrying a tray containing three pretzels, three containers of nacho cheese dipping sauce, and three freshly squeezed lemonades. My mom is amazing; she always knows what to order. We sat in utter silence as we all stuffed our faces with our pretzels. Apparently I like the nacho cheese more than my mom and Santana; I end up eating the majority of my mom's sauce and a fair amount of Santana's as well. As I sit sipping away at my delicious lemonade Santana looks up and locks her eyes on mine.

"Okay Britt, now where do you wanna go?

"I don't care S, wherever you want to go?"

I really don't care where we go. I know that no matter what store Santana chooses I'll be able to find clothes that I'll like. I see Santana glance at my mom; I wonder if she is worried about choosing the wrong type of store. My mom gives me a lot of free reign when it comes to selecting what clothes I wear and when it comes to back to school clothes I'm not typically limited on how much I buy, as soon as I don't go too crazy. Santana stands up from the table and throws away all of our garbage. When she returns to the table she links her pinkie with mine and pulls me in the direction of the first store she would like to shop at.

I hear my mom behind Santana and me shifting the bags in her hands. I know we have beyond worn her out today and we still have to buy back to school supplies. My mom is carrying some of my bags in her left hand and some of Santana's in her right. Santana insisted on carrying all of her own bags but my mom insisted even more that Santana allow her to carry a few of the bags. Needless to say Santana conceded and allowed my mom to carry a few of her bags. Both Santana and I are weighted down by numerous bags as well. It feels like we may have purchased a store's worth of clothing today.

As I watch Santana walk towards the car a brilliant idea creeps into my mind. I can't believe I hadn't thought of this earlier. Santana and I haven't had a sleepover since cheer camp and I would really like to have one before school starts, which means this is the last weekend we can do it. I wonder if Santana will want to sleep over tonight, she was distant earlier today but we did have a lot of fun while we were shopping. Santana pulls me from my thoughts.

"Hey Britt, what are your plans this evening?"

"Well, I'm hoping you can stay the night, I haven't asked my mom yet, I wanted to know if you wanted to before I asked her. We haven't really had a sleepover since cheer camp and that wasn't really a sleepover."

"I'll have to ask my mom to make sure it is okay with her but I really do want to!"

Santana and I reach my mom's car and quickly load our bags into the trunk. I love how my mom is always prepared with her key fob. I'm not sure how she would manage her car if she no longer had her key fob with remote start; especially in the winter.

"Well ladies, it looks like we did a lot of damage today! Britt-bee, your father would be shocked if he saw this trunk."

"Mom?"

"Yes sweetie"

"I'm wondering if it would be okay if Santana stays the night?"

As I ask my mom I make sure to give her my sappy sad eyes and accompany it with a pitiful pout. My mom can't resist my pouting ways and she knows that if she tells me no I will continue to look sad and pitiful the rest of the day. This is like the only persuasive power I have over my mom so I only use it when I really want something. I don't want her to become immune to it or anything. I hear that can happen, like if germs are exposed to a certain medicine long enough, but not so long that it kills them, then they become immune to it and the medicine is no longer effective. I can't lose the only medicine I have against my mom.

"Oh you two! You're too perfect for each other. You'll be the death of me, but of course it is okay for Santana to stay the night so long as her parents are okay with it. I take it this idea was recently hatched since Santana did not come with overnight stuff."

I guess you could say the idea was recently hatched. I mean I have been thinking for a while about needing to have another sleepover before school starts so I guess that is when the idea was created, like when a baby chicken is created in an egg. And then I thought about the idea for a while and kinda just let it sit there in my head, like how a baby chicken just waits in its shell. And then bam the idea hit me today and hatched from my thoughts into a plan, just like how a baby chicken hatches from its egg when it's ready. So yes this idea was definitely recently hatched. I nod my head along with Santana so my mom knows I heard her; she gets frustrated when I forget to respond to her questions.

"Well Santana we will take you home first so you can drop off your massive amount of bags and for you to pick up what you need for tonight. Then we can grab a couple of pizzas and maybe grab some movies for tonight? How about we go buy your back to school supplies in the morning? I'm worn out after being in the mall for so long."

Pizza, movies, and more shopping with Santana tomorrow; I can't think of a better way to spend our last weekend before school starts! Once again I nod my head along with Santana; I hope she is as excited about this weekend as I am. We're going to get to spend almost the entire weekend together this is amazing! As Santana calls her mom to ask for permission I can't help but hold my breath in anticipation of what her mom is going to say. I really hope she says yes, I mean I'm so excited already; I'll be completely devastated if she says no. When I hear Santana tell her mom that she will be by to drop off her stuff and pick up overnight stuff I can't help but let a squeal escape. Part of it is because I was holding my breath the other part because I just don't know how to contain my excitement. My mom said yes and Santana's mom said yes which means I finally get to have a sleepover with my best friend.

As we climb into the back of my mom's car I slip my pinkie around Santana's. I can't be near here without wanting to have a part of me touching here; our pinkie link seems to be the easiest way to achieve this. When I look at Santana she smiles at me; this is not any ordinary smile this is a smile that is showing me how happy she is in this moment. It warms my heart to see her happy like this, at the start of the day she seemed stressed and worried but now it has all melted away and she can't help but smile.

Santana and I causally chat during the ride trying to decide which movie we would like to rent. The truth is I really don't want to rent a movie, I would much rather spend the evening talking to Santana and enjoying our time together before school starts. I know that once school starts we probably won't get as many opportunities to have sleepovers and since it took all summer to get this one, I want to make the best of it. As we approach Santana's house I remember the goal I have about getting to see the inside of this amazing home, as well as how many bags Santana has to carry into the house, my perfect opportunity to get inside!

"S, do you want help carrying your bags inside?"

I watch as Santana mulls the idea over. I can literally see the wheels in her head turning and then her walls building up. I don't understand why she puts these walls up. Why doesn't she trust me? I feel like I have been a reliable friend but for some reason she refuses to rely on me.

"It's okay Britt, I can manage. I'll be back in like five minutes or so, you should keep your mom company."

I can't help when my smile disappears as I hear Santana's response. I just don't understand why she is so resistant to letting me see the inside of her house. Whenever we hang out it is at my house, we never just chill at her house. Sometimes I wonder if she is ashamed of me,, if she wants to hide me from her family, but I have met her mom, briefly. She is a really nice lady, super short, just really small. I can see so much of Santana in her mom, kind but fierce, gentle yet determined, a constant protector. Perhaps that is just how the Lopez family is; loving but always on guard. I just want to break through that protective barrier and discover all there is to know about Santana. I feel Santana gently squeeze my hand as she steps from the car; I know she is trying to reassure me. I smile at her; I don't want her to feel bad about being how I know she is. I know Santana is not like me; it is going to take her time to arm up to the idea of trusting someone so openly. I'll wait for her to be ready; she is my best friend and already means the world to me.

I watch as she runs to her house, it's like she is running away from me, away from the truth I know she wants to tell me. She'll tell me, someday. She closes the door quickly behind her, closing away the truth, away a part of herself. I feel like this will not be the last time that I watch Santana close a door to me. She is, by far, the most incredible person I have ever met, I just wish she could see how amazing she is, I fear that she cares too much about what others may think and not enough about what will make her happy.

"Brittany sweetie, what's wrong?"

"I just feel like Santana either doesn't trust me or she is ashamed of me or something. I just feel like she is either hiding part of who she is or she wants to hide me from her family. I just don't understand it."

"Oh baby girl, I'm sure it is nothing like that. You are special in the way you trust people and open up to people. You trust without qualification and you love openly. Not everyone is like that, in fact, very few people are as welcoming with their heart as you are. Santana cherishes you; I saw that the first day you two hung out at the house together. Did you notice that Santana purchased every piece of clothing you said you liked on her and did not purchase a single item that did not receive your approval?"

"Really? Thanks mom! I guess I'm just worried that I will embarrass her because I'm such a goofball sometimes."

"Sweetie, I bet one of the things Santana likes best about you is that you're such a goofball. You two really are perfect for each other. She will help keep you grounded and determined whereas you'll keep her light hearted and cheerful. You two complete each other in a way very few people ever find."

I smile at my mom and look over to Santana's house. I feel better about things now. My mom is right Santana does value my opinion and I'm sure one day she will feel comfortable enough to tell me about whatever she is hiding. I just need to be patient and let her find the way to open up. Santana has opened up to me more than anyone else, of that I'm sure. At cheer camp she was cold and distant to everyone except for me. She went out of her way to help me and make sure I was on time for things. I just need to let her work at her own pace and one day she will let me all the way in; I will be hers and she will be mine.

I look at the clock on my mom's dashboard and notice that Santana has already begin in the house for like ten minutes. Within seconds of noticing the time Santana sends me a text message telling me she is sorry for taking so long and that she will be out in a minute. I can't help but laugh at this. My mom is right we are like perfect for each other.

"Hey mom, Santana just sent me a text, she says she's sorry for taking so long and that she'll be out in a minute."

My mom bursts into laughter. I have no idea what she is finding so funny. I give her a questioning look and wait for her to regain her composure before asking her what she finds so funny. Apparently she read the confusion on my face.

"Perfect for each other!"

"Mom, I think I'm missing something, what is so funny?"

"Brittany you and Santana are so perfect for each other it is ridiculous!"

"What about that text message makes you think we are perfect for each other. I would never text to apologize if I had only taken ten minutes that would be like a land speed record for me."

"That's my point! Santana does everything you don't and you do everything she doesn't. I know that one day you will be late for curfew or something and it will be Santana texting me and apologizing for you being late. She will claim that it is all her fault when in fact it had been your fault for taking too long doing something. Then when you walk in the door you'll act like it is no big deal while Santana will follow you in the house continuing to apologize and begging us to not be mad at you because it is her fault."

I think about what my mom just explained and start to laugh hysterically. I laugh because she is right that is exactly how the situation would play out. I witnessed that at cheer camp. Santana was always willing to take the heat in order to protect me, but she was also so particular about being timely that she made sure we were never late. In the future, if we are ever late, I know for a fact that it'll be my fault and not Santana's. I applaud my mother's brilliance as I laugh because I know she has us completely pegged already. I wonder what else my mother observes about Santana and my friendship.

Santana opens the car door and quickly slips into the car next to me. I completely missed her coming out of her house and running, I'm sure she ran, towards the car. She apologizes to my mom for taking so long, my mom winks at me, smiles, and gestures to Santana to not worry about it. I can tell that my mom is enjoying the fact that her point has been made. I glance over to Santana and instantly notice that she is beyond frustrated. She explains to me that she had to show her parents everything she bought; I can't believe she was able to do even that in ten minutes. It would've taken me ten minutes just to decide what to pack for the sleepover. I know she is upset and I just want her to relax and be happy again.

"Well, at least they didn't make you do a fashion show and try everything on for them. That would be a lot of fun though; we should have a fashion show S."

My simple fashion show suggestion seems to have done the trick. After mere seconds Santana relaxes and a smile returns to her face. I'm glad that I know how to get Santana to relax. She always seems so stressed and at odds with herself; she is too amazing to always be so wound up. I watch her face as she mulls over my statement; her smile growing as she continues her analysis of my statement. Santana always thinks things over in her mind. It's like she is constantly marinating things, even the smallest of things.

My mom pulls the car into the video store parking lot and since I really don't want to watch a movie tonight, and neither does Santana, I suggest going to get snack food instead. My mom mumbles something about wanting to watch a movie. Maybe I like cuddling so much because my mom likes cuddling. I doubt she even watches half of the movies she rents; I'm pretty sure she only rents them so she has an excuse to make my dad cuddle with her. We only have fifteen minutes to pick out our snacks, although I'm pretty sure it will take my mom at least twenty minutes to decide which movies to rent that she won't watch.

Santana and I walk over to the grocery store and once we are inside we walk directly to the junk food aisle. I'm stoked that Santana seems to want junk food just as much as I do; I know that once cheerleading starts up we won't be allowed to gorge on junk food. I look at all the delicious options available and know that I must have chocolate no matter what so I quickly grab some M&Ms. I see Santana grab Twizzlers, which I love, but I'd rather have a sweeter chewy treat so I grab some gummy bears. I love gummy bears; they are one of my most favorite treats even if I feel a little bad when I bite their heads off. Why do gummy treats have to be animal shaped? We continue to grab treats making sure to get something salty to go along with all of our sweetness. After grabbing some soda, I'd usually get Dr. Pepper but I'm not really feeling that sweet of a soda today so I settle on some 7-Up, we head to the checkout counter.

My mom had slipped me a twenty when I climbed out of the backseat; I quickly hand the cashier the money when I notice Santana reaching for her wallet. Santana is sweet like that, always wanting to pay for things and offering to do things that are completely unnecessary. She is such a good person.

"My sleepover, my treat!"

I smile at Santana as she bashfully returns her wallet to her small purse. I hope she doesn't think I'm trying to take control; I just don't want her to feel like she has to pay for everything. I don't want her to feel obligated to take care of me or something. I also never want her to feel like I only want to be her friend because of her money; she means so much more to me than that.

Santana is amazing. I pay and so she grabs the bag. That's just the way Santana is I don't think she could ever give over control one hundred percent; she has to be involved, she has to have a job. This is why being head cheerleader was even more important to her. There is something about Santana, something that drives her to have control over things, to be able to micro-manage things. I wonder why she does this, why does she feel the need to take on so much responsibility all the time. It's like she's already an adult in some aspects. Oh well, at least she has both bags in one hand so she can link her pinkie with mine!

As I expected my mom is taking longer in the video store than she thought she would. She opens the trunk and unlocks the door with her key fob while waiting in line at the video store. Ever since my dad bought my mom this car last Christmas she has not once used the key to unlock a door or the trunk. I wonder what she will do if they key fob ever breaks on her. Santana places the bags in the trunk while I slide into the backseat.

When Santana scoots in next to me I take both of her hands in mine. I can't help but notice how incredibly soft her hands are and how warm they feel against my hands. I kind of just want to hold them forever. I shake the thought from my head and turn our hand holding into a game of speed slap. Santana's palms rest on top of mine, I can feel the warmth of her hands spread onto mine. I tickle her palm softy with my index finger. As Santana raises her eyes to look into mine, a small smile begins to appear on my face. I know she is distracted, I know this because she is looking at me too intently. It is the look she gives when she is lost in her own thoughts. Like a bolt of lightning striking the ground I slap the top of Santana's hand. She removes her eyes from mine and shakes loose her thoughts and her hands. I really hope I didn't slap her too hard. She places her palms back on mine. I watch as her eyes travel my face and land on my lips. She stares at my mouth like all of my secrets are kept there. A smile begins to creep across my face again. I go to slap Santana's hand but she moves it out of the way before I can. I swear I had her, I thought she was distracted again but I was wrong she was reading me and this time she read me better than I read her.

"Sorry about the wait girls, the video store ware really busy, but I think I picked out some great movies!"

My mom always thinks she picks out the best movies. I bet anything she rented all comedies, most likely three total movies, she always rents three, two will be romantic comedies and the other will be some manly comedy for my dad. I take the bag from my mom as she hands it back. Let's see there is the Wedding Date, Monster-in-Law, and Sahara, just as I predicted. Two romantic comedies that my mom really won't play attention to because she will cuddle up and fall asleep after five minutes yet still be content to know that in the end the girl got the guy, and a comedy for my dad to put in once my mom falls asleep. She is so predictable. Santana places the movies back in the bag and places the bag up front.

The car bumps as we pull into my driveway; I squeeze Santana's pinkie mine. I am beyond excited about our sleepover tonight! This is our first official sleepover and I want it to go perfectly so that Santana will want to have more sleepovers at my house. She squeezes my pinkie back; I know it is her way to silently communicate that she is also excited. Santana and I have quickly developed our own secret unspoken language. It's like I know what she is thinking when she smiles a certain way or when she furrows her eyebrows together. We no longer need words to express what we think and feel to each other. With our bags in hand I pull Santana towards my bedroom; I just want to officially start our sleepover. Unfortunately before I can even begin talking to Santana I can hear my mom calling us from downstairs.

"Girls please come here."

I sense my own disappointment at the interruption and shrug my shoulders. I allow Santana to walk out my bedroom first and I follow behind her. When we reach the living room, my mom is sitting on the couch with the phone and a phone book. I completely forgot about ordering pizza! I love pizza it is one of my all-time favorites.

"Where do you guys want pizza from and what toppings do you want?"

I never care where we order from as long as I get my favorite toppings and my mom knows what my favorite toppings are so why is she even asking me this question.

"I want pepperoni and black olives, Mom, geez you know what I like on my pizza. I don't care where you get it from as long as it's delicious."

I smile at Santana after reminding my mom what kind of pizza I wanted. Oh, Santana, I guess my mom wouldn't know what kind of pizza she likes. I hope she knows she can order whatever she wants; she doesn't have to eat what I eat.

"Santana, do you have any pizza preference, you're eating as well so I want to make sure we get something you like and that you're not allergic to."

My mom knows the perfect things to say; especially after I have been so speedy and impulsive with my response. I can't believe I didn't think to consider that Santana may want something different then what I wanted.

"Oh, sorry, I'm not allergic to any foods. What Britt said works fine for me, actually it sounds really good."

It warms my heart to know Santana thinks my favorite pizza toppings sound really good. It just another thing we can have in common. Although, I wouldn't mind splitting a pizza in half and only having my favorite toppings on half of it and Santana's favorite toppings on the other half; the truth is as long as I'm sharing something with Santana I'll be happy. I lead the way back to my room and Santana follows closely behind. I can feel her eyes watching my every move. I like that I'm not the only one that stares.

I grab an assortment of nail polishes and nail supplies and sit them on the floor next to Santana. I then grab her left foot and start to give her a pedicure. She has the smallest most delicate feet I've ever seen. They are super soft as well, like softer than a feather. I run my finger up the middle of her foot and watch as her toes curl in response. I shy smile spreads across her face; she is lost in her thoughts again. I return her smile and start to paint her toe nails.

I look up when I have finished her left foot and notice that Santana is still lost in her thoughts. I take her right foot into my lap and begin to paint her toe nails. I watch as the color smoothly glides over the surface of each nail. Coating each one; hiding them behind a layer of color. That's what Santana does; she hides behind her walls afraid of what she may reveal about herself. But one day her walls will come down just enough to let me in. I look up at her and smile wondering when she will feel safe enough with me to let me in. Her eyes catch mine and she shakes her head at me and smile. It is this silly little gesture she does when she catches me catching her lost in thoughts. I think about asking her what she was thinking about when I hear the doorbell chime. At that moment my starvation wins out and a leap. Santana remains sitting on the floor tightening the lid on a bottle of nail polish.

"Come on slow poke let's go get some pizza!"

I take Santana's hand and help her to her feet. She drops the bottle of nail polish as I guide her out of the room and down the stairs to where the pizza awaits us. My mom peers around the corner of the stairs just as I reach the bottom stair. Pretty sure the sight of me right in her face startled her as she jumps back. I can't help but laugh at my mom; she looks like she's seen a ghost when really it's just me and Santana. I hear Santana's stomach growl as we stand there waiting for my mom to regain her composure.

"Someone's hungry."

I reach over and tickle Santana's belly; I can feel her abs tighten as she laughs. The sound of her laugh causes me to laugh. I love her laugh; it's like the one time she lets her guard down and exposes a small piece of her. She slaps my hand away from her belly. I laugh again as I take her into the kitchen. My mom has spread the pizza boxes across the kitchen counter and placed a stack a paper plates out on the counter. I grab a plate and hand it to Santana and then take another for myself. Usually I would let my guest get their food first but I know that if I did that with Santana she wouldn't get like any food. So I take the lead and fill my plate; I'm starving so I'm certainly going to eat. Plus I know once cheerleading starts and my dance classes pick up I won't be able to eat such unhealthy food all the time. Santana and I sit at the dining room table. She is really sweet; she actually waits for my parents and sister to sit down before she takes her first bite of food.

I glance over at Santana and can tell that she is lost in her thoughts. She scans the table carefully looking at each of my family members and the faintest of furrows appears on her brow. She is analyzing something about my family. I wonder if she is comparing us to each other or if she is comparing us to her family. I wish I knew what went on in that head of hers. My dad starts to tease my mom about ordering so much food. I laugh at their playful banter. I look forward to the day when I have a relationship like that. A relationship where I love the person so much that we can tease each other without hurting each other's feelings.

"So are you girls excited for school to start on Monday?"

"Oh my gosh Dad, I can't wait for it. Santana and I are going to get matching backpacks tomorrow. Maybe some of our other supplies can match as well. I dunno. But it is going to be so much fun. When mom took us to register last week the school let us pick lockers right next to each other. And they are top lockers, sixth graders usually never get top lockers, but since we are cheerleaders they let us. I guess the cheer coach likes to have all of the cheerleaders' lockers right by her office and since we are captains we get top lockers!"

I guess maybe I should have let Santana talk first but I'm just so excited for school to start that I can't help but share my excitement. I realize now that I must have spewed out my excitement though because I have to take a couple of deep breathes after finishing. I watch as my dad smiles at me and turns to look at Santana.

"I'm really excited too. This year will introduce us to how classes will be organized in high school. Plus we will start cheerleading on a daily basis instead of a couple of practices a week. And we will actually get to cheer at games and stuff so that will be a lot of fun. I think the best thing about school starting is that I will get to see Brittany every day."

A squeal escapes from my mouth as Santana finishes speaking. I can feel nervous butterflies frantically flying around in my tummy. Am I really the highlight of school starting for Santana or is she just saying that to be nice. It feels like the swarm of butterflies in my tummy are about to launch into outer space as I ponder the thought that I may really be the best thing Santana can think of about school starting.

I lead the way up to my room. I haven't stopped thinking about what Santana said to my dad. When we are both inside my room I turn around and wrap my hand around Santana's.

"S, do you really mean what you said to my dad?"

"About what Britt?"

"About getting to see me every day is what you are most looking forward to with school starting."

"Of course I meant it Britt, I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it."

I lunge towards Santana wrapping her in a big bear hug. This is the nicest thing someone has every said to or about me. I'm not sure what I did to deserve a friend like her but I'm more than delighted to have her as my friend. I think I could hug her forever. It feels warm to have Santana's arms wrapped around me, embracing me.

I cannot believe that three weeks of school have already gone by. This year is moving so fast. I love cheerleading more than I ever thought I would. It is a lot of hard work but it is such satisfying work. I get to use my love for talent and dance all the time to help create amazing routines. Working with Santana and Quinn is fantastic. We are like Neapolitan ice cream; each uniquely different and amazing to have by individually, but when combined it's even better. I should have Neapolitan ice cream at my birthday party. I guess coach Sylvester was right, we do make any amazing team of captains.

It's only five thirty in the morning and I'm already up and ready for school. I don't mind getting up early, actually I kind of like it because I get to see the sunrise. I love a rising sun; it's like the sun is bringing the promise of a new day, the promise of new opportunities. Plus being up so early helps me make plans for the things I want to achieve in the day and finish any homework I didn't complete the night before. Sometimes I get distracted by Lord T. and forget to finish my homework at night. But if I don't finish it before cheerleading practice in the morning Santana always helps me when after practice. Even though I know she would rather take a nap before class starts, Santana hates getting up early, she either helps me with homework or just hangs out with me.

Santana is the world's greatest best friend. She is always with me and sticking up for me. I have said a few things in class already this year that people have tried to make fun of me about, but Santana always shoots them a nasty look before they say anything. I'm really not stupid, I just say things to make people laugh but they don't get the joke sometimes and laugh at me instead because they think I'm stupid. I'm glad I have Santana. That's why I asked her to sleepover after my birthday party on Saturday.

I thought about having Quinn and maybe a few of the other cheerleaders stay over but in the end I know that I can only be my crazy self with Santana, she is the only one that gets me. Sometimes I think she understands me better than I understand myself.

It's finally Saturday, my birthday! My party starts at two but Santana will be here around noon to help me decorate. Really I just want to spend more time with her. I know she is super particular when it comes to details so she probably won't like the way I decorate but I'm sure she'll be okay with it.

My mom and I went to the store last night and bought streamers and balloons to decorate the house with. I couldn't decide on one color or even two colors to decorate with so I picked out rainbow colored streamers and we picked an assortment of multicolored balloons.

This morning my mom surprised me with breakfast in bed. She does this every year so I guess it is not that much of a surprise but I love it nonetheless and act surprised every year. I wonder if she'll send me breakfast or something when I go to college; I really loving getting my favorite breakfast on my birthday. Every year she makes me stuffed French toast with homemade syrup. She brings me a plate of French toast and a big glass of orange juice and it is the most amazing thing I eat like all year. She makes it other times during the year but there is something extra special about it when she serves it to me on my birthday while still in bed.

I spend the rest of my morning cleaning my room; I don't want Santana to have to wade through the piles of clothes that liter my bedroom floor. I make sure to change my sheets and comforter; I take off the Pound Puppies comforter, it's my favorite but I don't want anyone who may come into my room to see it and make fun of me about it. There is something about being in sixth grade that makes everyone think they need to suddenly grow-up and stop being a kid. Personally, I never want to stop being a kid. I love the innocence of youth.

I hear a car pull into the drive-way and look out my bedroom window. I recognize the car immediately; its Santana's abuela's car. Santana's abuela has dropped her off at my house a lot. I think it is amazing that she is so close with her abuela. I wish I was that close with my grandmothers but they don't live close to us. One lives in Colorado and the other lives in Maine. I run from my room, down the stairs and out the front door.

I'm lucky to have a best friend that is willing to spend two hours on a Saturday helping me decorate for my birthday party. I run towards Santana and wrap her up in a hug as soon as I reach her. She buckles into the hug a bit, I guess I shouldn't have leapt into her with such force, I mean she is pretty small. I feel Santana's chest heave as we hug. This happens a lot when I hug her; it's almost like she can finally breathe again.

I link my pinkie with Santana's and lead her into the house. Once we are inside the house I turn to shout the front door and Santana walks towards my bedroom. She has this little bounce in her step as she walks away from me. I stare as she walks up the stairs and disappears into my bedroom.

While Santana is putting her bag upstairs in my room, I gather all of the supplies we will need to decorate the house with. Then I put the presents my parents gave me on the dining room table; this way people will know where to put any gifts they have brought. Next I grab the birthday cake from the kitchen counter and place it on the dining room table. My parents will be chilling in the kitchen during the party for the most part so I want to have anything I need from the kitchen in the dining room so I don't have to bother them. The only thing I can't setup right now is the ice cream.

Santana descends the stairs and places the gift she brought on the dining room table next to the ones my parents gave me. She really didn't have to get me a gift; helping me decorate is a good enough gift. Oh well, that's Santana for ya, always making sure to be as sweet as she can be, at least to me.

I begin to randomly hang streamers throughout the living room while Santana hangs some in the dining room. Once all the streamers are in place I take some balloons and randomly disperse them throughout the dining room and living room. I watch as Santana stands back and looks at the two rooms and then starts to move things around. She is trying to balance out my random placements. This is one of those traits about her that I adore; she likes things to look perfectly the same, balanced.

"What's the fun if everything looks the same S?"

"Sorry Britt, I can't help the impulse sometimes."

"Don't worry S, I'll get you to relax later."

I know how Santana is and I know she needs to relax. Later when everyone is gone I'll cuddle up with Santana and watch a movie. This is what my parents do so it must be relaxing. Plus that last night at cheer camp this is what Santana and I did and she fell asleep right away. I consider telling her my plan but the doorbell rings interrupting my thoughts. I walk to the door and let Quinn in. I'm not surprised to see that she is the first of my guests to arrive, well besides Santana. Ever since cheer camp Quinn has become insane about being early to things. Of course if you were on time or God forbid late at cheer camp you would pay for it in blood, sweat, and tears.

The rest of the afternoon is full of birthday party games, eating, and opening presents. I get some really fantastic presents. My favorite by far is the journal I receive from Santana. It is leather bound and has my name embossed on the cover. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, well besides Santana. The leather feels soft in my hands; like Santana's touch. Everything about this journal reminds me of her. My other presents are nice and I am grateful for them, the CDs and clothes and movies, but none can compare to the beauty of this journal.

Eventually the only people remaining at the party are the girls on my cheer squad. I figured since I didn't ask them to stay the night I could at least invite them to stay a little longer than the rest to hang out. I feel guilty as I watch my parents clean up the mess in the dining room from my party. I'm about to get up and help them clean when I hear Quinn clear her voice, which is her way of demanding attention.

"Let's play truth or dare!"

I guess that could be fun as long as Santana plays as well. Santana had been standing of to the side; I think she had been pondering helping my parents clean as well. I look up at her pleading for her to play; I really don't want to be a party pooper, even if it is my party. As the game plays along it seems kind of lame. One my first turn I say dare and Stephanie dares me to do a dance. I love to dance and I'm a really good dancer so I don't understand why she would have me dance. No one ever calls on Santana I think they're all afraid of her. On my second turn I say dare again and Lindsay dares me to a cartwheel. I go out into the front yard as they all watch from the living room window. I have been working on a no-handed cartwheel forever and I thought this would be the perfect time to show it off. I stand back and then lunge my body forward; successfully completing the cartwheel with no hands. I keep a smug look on my face as I walk back into the house. Even Santana has a look of shock on her face; mission accomplished. When I get called on for a third time I decide to choose truth because the dares have been pretty lame, even if I got to show off my new talent.

"Truth"

"Have you ever been kissed by a boy?"

I don't know why Quinn would ask me this question. We had talked about this on the bus at cheer camp, briefly, in between her stories about her amazing summer vacation. She knows I haven't kissed any boys. I feel embarrassed to answer this question. I feel like there is something more to this question.

"No. I've never been kissed."

All the girls, except Santana, start to laugh at me. They start talking about how girls are only popular if they have been kissed. That being kissed means you're desired and that desire equals popularity. I know that most of these girls had never been kissed before the start of the school year. I guess a lot changes when you get into middle school. I feel so lost and embarrassed as my cheeks turn bright red.

"Whatever, this game is so stupid! Let's just watch a movie or something." Once again Santana saves me.

Santana leaves the circle and grabs Beauty and the Beast. I know Santana doesn't really like this movie. The only reason it is out is because my baby sister Ashley was watching it this morning while my mom made breakfast. I'm not sure why Santana chose this movie until I see the effect it has on the girls. None of them are particularly interested in watching 'a little kid's movie,' as Quinn calls it, and so they all leave. I love how Santana knows how to get rid of a problem so quickly.

Santana and I clean up the living room and carry all of my presents upstairs. I look at the presents again and my eyes naturally fall on the journal; I can't wait to write my first journal entry tonight.

I drop the presents in my arms on my desk and then pick up my new, beautiful journal and place it on my night stand. Santana places the presents in her arms in the same place and then walks over to her cheer bag and grabs out her pajamas and toothbrush. I walk into my bath and Santana follows. We stand in front on the mirror silent brushing our teeth. I really want to be happy and have fun tonight but the girls laughing at me and making fun of me is burning in my mind.

"Britt-Britt, what's wrong?"

I place my toothbrush back on its charger and can feel the tears burning in my eyes. I close my eyes hoping to make the burning stop, hoping that I can gain my composure and not ruin this evening with my silly feelings getting hurt. My tears heat my checks as they fall freely from my eyes. I look up and can see that Santana is genuinely concerned about why I'm upset. I guess it is better to tell her than to keep it a secret.

"I just want them to like me, I want to know that I have friends and I don't understand why kissing is so important. I don't like any of the boys at school and certainly not enough to kiss. Really I only like one person enough to kiss."

I can't believe I just said that; I didn't mean to say that it just slipped out. I cover my hand with my mouth to prevent any more words from flooding out before I can stop them. I watch Santana desperately. I pray I haven't freaked her out or anything.

Santana reaches up and pulls my hand from my mouth. My heart races in my chest. It's pounding so hard against my rib cage; I'm sure Santana can hear the thudding. I can hear my pulse in my ears, my world is caving in. Then I feel Santana pulling me closer to her and slipping her other hand on the back of my neck. She pulls me closer and closer. I watch as her eyes flutter shut and then her lips touch mine. It feels like I have electricity running through my body. My lips tingle and the hairs on my arms rise as Santana's lips caress mine ever so gently. I understand why people kiss now. It feels like, I don't even know. It's better than amazing. It's better than perfect. This is its own unique word; I've never felt anything like this in my life. I feel everything that is great in life all at once; and all of it is trying to escape from my heart. My heart is beating faster than it has ever beaten; Santana is leaning completely into my body, she must feel my heart beat against her body.

The kiss ends. Santana smiles at me and walks out of my bathroom. I stand there frozen, unsure of what to do next. The world comes flooding back all at once. I realize how cold my bathroom is, I hear the water running from my sink, and I taste the remnants of the kiss Santana just placed on my lips. I don't understand why Santana had done that. Is she trying to tell me that I'm desired so I can be popular? The kiss has brought up more questions than answers but I don't care. I feel happier than I have ever felt in my life, and for now that is enough.

I cautiously walk into my room. I'm not sure what I should be expecting when I see Santana. Her brow is once again furrowed; she's thinking, no she's worrying. She's worrying about the kiss. I can read her worries all over her face. She kissed me because she wanted to but she is worried about why she wanted to. But I wanted to kiss her just too and I'm not mad about her kissing me, I wish we could do it again. As I look at her I know now is not the time to discuss all this and even if I wanted to I think she has other plans. She reaches under my pillow or her pillow for tonight and pulls out a small box. I didn't put that there.

"This is something I wanted to give you but it's just for you I didn't want the others to see me give it to you."

Another present, this is too much! Santana has already given me so much today. Helping me decorate, the beautiful journal, saving me from the girls, and the kiss, it's all more than I could ever ask for. I take the box from Santana and slowly open the box. Removing the lid from the box I see a small charm bracelet inside. I take the bracelet from the box and notice the single charm hanging from it. It's in the shape of a heart with my initial on it. How perfect is it that on the day Santana makes my heart feel the fullest it's ever felt she gives me a heart shaped charm.

"S, this is beautiful! Thank you so much! Will you put it on me?"

I stretch out my left arm as Santana takes the bracelet from me. She fastens the bracelet around my wrist and gives my hand a gentle squeeze. I lift my wrist and admire the way the charm dangles from the bracelet. I have the most amazing best friend. I give Santana a hug, trying to express all of my gratitude for her in that single embrace. She pulls away from the hug and takes my hand leading me towards my bed. There is a look of worry in her eyes that makes my pulse race as panic sets in.

"Brittany there's something I want to tell you."

I watch as Santana struggles with herself. She struggles with the truth; she struggles with letting her walls down. There's something she wants to say; something she needs to say. She has been thinking about this all day. I can tell that she wants to share, that she needs to share. She just doesn't know how. She doesn't know how to let me in.

"Santana, what's wrong? You know you can tell me anything! You're my best friend."

Tears fill Santana's eyes; only moments ago it was my eyes that filled with my tears. I watched as sobs racked my best friend; I watched as she crumbled before. I had no idea what I should be doing. I didn't know how to soothe her, how to calm her worries. She lifts her hand and wipes away the tears. I should be the one wiping away those tears; I should be comforting her. But I don't, I don't know how. I sit quietly and motionless as I wait; I wait for her to be ready, for her to let the walls down and to let me in. My mind races with thoughts of what she may be about to tell me. It could be anything; there are so many awful possibilities.

Santana starts to talk about her brother. I had no idea she had a little brother. I sit and listen as she tells me about his illness and his physical impairments and about all the amazing things he is still capable of doing even though he is limited. I listen to her tell me about how much he means to her, about how much she loves him. I watch her face as it twists and turns representing a thousand different emotions all at once. She begins to shake as her emotions and sobbing get a hold of her. This is when she needs me most of all. I reach out and pull her into me. I rest her head against my chest as cries. I gently stroke her hair and just let her cry. I doubt she has ever told this to anyone. I doubt she has even told her parents about how she feels. I feel her sobbing slow; and when it has stopped completely and all that remains is the silence and her head upon her chest I decide to talk to her about her brother.

"What's your brother's name?"

She has told me everything about her brother except for the most important thing, his name. A person name is the first thing you should get to know about a person. I knew Santana's name before I even knew it belonged to her.

"Manuel Santos Lopez, but we usually just call him Mannie."

"I like that name, I like the nickname even more!"

I can almost picture an even smaller and male version of Santana. Full of attitude and fight; strength and spirit that is unmatched. I love the nickname Mannie, it's playful and enduring. I bet Santana's abuela was the first person to call Manuel "Mannie." Santana's abuela is the only one I have heard call Santana "Sannie," I think that is her thing. Nicknames, Santana's abuela likes to give people nicknames. I laugh at the thought of this feisty Spanish lady giving these adorable and precious nicknames to her grandchildren. I know that Santana has just shared something that is very difficult for her to share. It doesn't change my opinion about her or her family; well, maybe a little but only in the sense that it makes me love her even more and understand why she is always so grown-up in some sense.

"Thanks for telling me about you brother S. I'd like to meet him one day, when you're ready of course."

"You will Britt, I promise. I trust you!"

Author's Notes:

Thank you for your comments. I'd love to know what you think! I know I have rated this story M and it will eventually have M content but it won't be for awhile. I hope to have weekly updates now that school is out!

Also I am still looking to bring a Beta on board so if you're interested please let me know!