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Chapter 2

I can feel the Change

BPOV

I was making the table when I heard mom talking. I heard Phil wishing her a good night and then the sound of an engine.

Before leaving he called after her, again reminding about their date, they are going to an Opera tomorrow. Phil was right..., mom needs an
advanced organizer!

I put some heated spaghetti on my plate, and made another plate for Renee, smell of meat sauce made me ravenous. And my head felt like it's
full of iron nails. I need sleep…I put a mental note to grab some of Renee's cold pills when she's in the bathroom.

I heard Renee enter the kitchen.

"hi ...it smells goo...d you're spoiling me you know...I don't want to get fat before my wedding" mom hugged me from my back,.we rocked together like that for a moment. I loved the way she smells...it 's my smell of home.

Cinnamon, honey, dust and something warm and mild... my tensed body relaxed from her touch...

"So... how was your day mom?"

She hugged me tight for another second and released me, we both seated, grabbed our forks and tucked in to our dinner.

"usual, Phil came to pick me ,so I left my car at Mrs .Suze's place...Phil had practices till five, went to the park, mmm...this's
really delicious hun, from where did you find the recipe?"

Renee was blushing! That's one of the bad things I inherited from her. I always wished I had her balance, eye & body coordination instead...this thing was embarrassing...

yeah mom...,I know you went to the park, that's alright, I know the beauty of nature dazzled you so much that you even forgot to pick your
daughter. I bit back those words and a snort.

"It was from the internet, found the recipe yesterday" I answered with a smirk, Ok mom...I know...!

Several awkwardly silent minutes passed. She ate her dinner while her face getting redder. And then she cleared her throat again.

"So how was yours?"

Ooops...! that caught me offgaurd

"mm...Miss Debbie taught us an Indian melody, it's called a "raaga". It was a melancholy one, but really beautiful... Amy almost cried when it ended" Renee laughed, her whole face lights up when I'm talking about music...another thing she wanted to learn, but abandoned halfway.

"And...I got a lift from Amy, and...we're having a show in two months"

Her eyes widened and she dropped her fork with a clatter.

"Oh god! I'm sorry Bella, I forgot that I had to pick you! oh dear...Oh I'm so sorry honey"

Rene came to my chair and rubbed my cheek. I could see tears in her eyes.. she ran her fingers through my wet hair, combing it tenderly. I
wished that she wouldn't try to be observant today. I didn't want her to notice my bloodied lip or bruises on my arms.

"I'm so sorry...sorry..."she mumbled continuously.

"It's alright mom, I said I had a lift...! It was fun...Yeah I know, Amy's like a sloth when she's driving...I was counting butterflies that outrun the car while listening to her old stereo! She filled me with latest Hollywood gossips, and her cubby is filled with chocolates."

I smiled warmly at her, but she sighed... my face dropped.

"I'm the worst mother in this world"

"No you're the best mom" I patted her hand. She walked back to her hair, she didn't eat again, but continued watching me skeptically.

"You looked tired"

I groaned ...not today!

"I fell down at the class...that's all"

Her eyes took my swollen lip and red arm, "oh..." Her eyes again sad. "I'm sorry"

I snickered. "Why are you apologizing for my clumsiness? charlie's the one who should get it! His bad genes in me are to be blamed" I made a
stabbing gesture at myself from the fork. "Kill the bad genes"

Finally she smiled again...I relaxed when she started eating again.

"I was going to tell you something important Bells..."

She drank deeply from her glass. She looked nervous. and uh, bit embarrassed?

"mmmh? Are you pregnant?" I asked cautiously. She turned to the shade of tomatoes then. I had to laugh.

"Sorry mom, I was joking" I knew she wouldn't mind.

Her lips thinned in to a hard line and she glared at me for a moment, then she suddenly smiled the smile I love to see on her. She looked like
she's in her twenties when she smiles like that. Like my elder sister.

"Sometimes you're so absurd Bella" she smiled again . "No, I'm not pregnant silly, but it's about Phil "

I raised my brows

"He got the job" Her smile was bright, I felt really happy for her...but same time my heart ached from something I knew that was coming.

"We have to move next month dear.. and we're planning to marry after eight months. Phil's already searching for a new house." her mood was
radiant. I didn't want to spoil it.

" That's great mom. I'm happy for both of you" my answering smile was genuine.

"Thanks hun." she reached for my hand across the table .we wrapped our fingers and stared, I tried to push back the twinge in my chest. I'll
have time for that later.

She helped me with cleaning and went for a shower. I sneaked in to her dresser and stole some of her cold pills and went back to my room. I
locked the door, even checked the locks my windows. it 's easy to believe things when you're lonely.

I was trying my best to forget the evening...but all the time while I was having dinner with mom, it resurfaced….. I'd put my dirty clothes in the washer... all the blood and dirt were washed away. I was already in my pjs, so I drank the pills and just curled on my small bed.

Bed covers had a pattern of teddy bears and roses. I know….it was so girlish...,it was Renee's choice. I always preferred gray, or white. but
right now, the pattern was soothing. I imagined about bears and roses, all the funny cartoons I've watched...it helped me to forget my fears.
Vampires don't exist!

But I can't believe it when I already had evidence with me. That strange bracelet was on my table. I didn't touch it after I put it there... now
I have another thing to worry. I knew I cannot live with my mom after her marriage. I barely have eight months left to spend with her. I
didn't know what to do.

I stared at the ceiling. It was painted with an uncommon brown color...reddish brown... brown, soft brown,...brown hair...soft and unkempt. I
closed my eyes, unsuccessfully trying to push away the godlike image flashing back to my memory, I thought about sun, trees, rivers, an
island filled with fairy story characters... finally pills took effect when I was roaming through a lovely wood I imagined and I drifted to
unconsciousness...worries about tomorrow were left for tomorrow.

EPOV

I dismembered his body. It was a disgusting thing to do, but something that had to be done every time we kill...those are criminals. But we
can't just dump the body in front of a police station, unless we want to make headlines. Bloodless corpses with bite marks on necks….

FBI would be dumbfounded. I dug a hole on the wet ground using my hands. The soil was nothing. I dug five feet deep, and piled the limbs
underneath. After filling the ground back, I smoothed the surface..nothing gave away.

The river next to the dark wood slithered away as a black serpent. I washed my dirty hands clean, watching the water turn a colour of muddy
red. Morning was several hours away, there were no one within ten miles radius. I could here nothing as I lay down on soft grass next to a huge tree,
a tree maybe even younger than me...hundreds of men I killed, men? 're not worth to call human, they were buried in this same ground, under me..this is where I spend my day time...away from humans, away from their emotions, some rotten, some too happy or sad to bear.

I wanted to leave & run away from all these decaying dead. I felt exhausted, I know physically it's impossible to feel tired, as I'm a one
damned vampire! But I felt my mind's somehow getting towards insanity,slowly...

I was shocked and disgusted while I pondered on what happened today. I couldn't forgive myself for loosing control like that. I stared at the
vast blackness above me. A pair of frightened ,wide chocolate brown eyes mocked me.

My heart ached with something unknown. I wanted to follow her from the moment I left that ally. I don't know whether it's because of my blood lust for her, or just the need to see her safe...safe ?she'd be much safer without me! Even laying there like that, it took my whole self
control to restrain myself jumping and running to her.

I sighed. I don't know what's happening to me. I wished there was Carlisle with me. I wanted someone to talk. I haven't actually talked
with anyone in last ten years...No conversations, unless you count cursing murderers, comforting victims or refusing horny women as
conversation.

Minutes turned in to hours, hours to days, days to weeks...I lay there for five weeks...not moving even an inch. I saw grass grow around my
cold body...sun circling the sky, and animals walking in distance, never coming closer to me.

It was twilight when I decided it's time to go back to them...twilight is my time of the day...I finally realized I wasn't any better than those monsters decaying under me. I was worse...it was not my duty, I don't have any right for this. I can not go against nature, more than I've already had.

I wanted to be a better person. I wanted to be someone like Carlisle, my father. I felt shame shadowing my conscious. I stood up. Debris of fallen leaves and damp soil fell down from my jacket, and looked in to my path, which was still dark, but I could see the first streaks of sun
coming along.

then I turned from what I left decaying, my past and my sins...and started running...to the people I loved & who loved me...running to a
new hope.

I'm going to Alaska...