A/N: Thank you all so much for your support on the first chapter! I was so happy to see it that I got super excited and couldn't resist posting this chapter a day early lol Hope you enjoy it! :)
Chapter 2
TRIS
I just stand in my room staring at the barren wall, letting my thoughts drift here and drift there. But mostly I think about him. What is he like? What's his favourite food? His favourite colour? Does he even have a favourite anything? If he's better at being Abnegation than I am then he probably doesn't. Valuing things that bring you pleasure is much too selfish.
I tremble with nervous panic at the thought that we might not have anything in common. He's Marcus' son after all, and who better to have taught him how to be selfless than the leader of Abnegation himself? Though, after the unveiling of Marcus' true character, I'd say it's only natural to bring into question the character of his son. What if he's as much of a monster as his father is? What if I regret this decision every day over and over again for the rest of my life?
"Beatrice?" my mother asks after knocking twice on my bedroom door, making me jump. She quietly lets herself in. "It's time, Sweetheart," she says, and her words are as heavy as iron sinking deeper and deeper into the pit of my stomach.
What on Earth was I thinking? This dinner was my idea after all. I figured it would make things less awkward at the wedding if Tobias and I at least got the chance to become better acquainted beforehand. It seemed like a good idea when I suggested it. I'm not so sure anymore.
But I take three breaths.
In. Out.
In. Out.
In. Out.
I will not cry.
I force a smile as my mother closes the door behind her and walks toward me. She takes my hand and glances questioningly at the wall, probably wondering what the hell I was looking at. If we were in any other faction, I imagine that's where a mirror would hang.
"You know, you don't have to do this if you don't want to, Beatrice," she says to me, gently tugging at my chin to make me look at her. "Are you sure that this is what you want?"
But her question takes me by surprise. Since when is anything ever what I want? Being Abnegation means putting others before myself. Marrying Tobias is what I am supposed to do. Why would she even ask me something like that?
"Of course," I say quickly, not letting the question unnerve me further. "Now let's go. It would be rude to leave the guests waiting." And taking her by the hand, my mother and I walk through the door and begin to make our way toward the stairs.
My heartbeat picks up in my chest and I let go of my mother's hand before she can realize that it's sweating. I've never been this terrified of anything in my life, not even my aptitude test. But then again, this is so much bigger than that. I'm about to meet my future husband.
I take a deep breath as I take the first step downwards, holding on to the rail so as to not fall flat on my face and roll down the stairs in a catastrophic mess.
"There they are," my father says as my mother and I quietly descend down the stairs.
I stare at my feet, making sure each one is planted firm before I lift the other. I'm not sure if I am as afraid of falling as I am of looking up, seeing him. Seeing him makes it real.
Get a grip, Beatrice! I scold myself. And with good reason. Am I not still the same girl who believed that she was brave enough to be Dauntless, fast enough to jump on and off trains, and strong enough to face anything?
"Beatrice?" my father says, forcing my eyes upward. I smile apologetically but the nerves refuse to unhand my tongue, and then I'm just standing there like a frightened mute.
"Good evening, young lady," Marcus says commandingly, and it takes extra effort to not scowl at his tone. Why does he think he can talk to me like that?
I choose to ignore him, shaking my head quickly to wake myself up. "Good evening, Marcus," I finally say.
"I assumed she was better mannered," Marcus says to my father. And just as he is about to open his mouth to say some other stupid thing my mother cuts in and says, "She's just nervous, Marcus. No need to patronize her," making little effort to hide the annoyance in her voice. I have to bite my bottom lip to keep my mouth from falling open. That's the second time she's surprised me today.
"Very well then," Marcus says indifferently and he steps to the side. "Beatrice, I would like you to meet my son, Tobias."
But standing behind Marcus is a god. He's gorgeous, with flawless olive skin and dark hair. His jaw is strong and set and I suddenly find myself staring at his lips. My eyes only break away when Marcus whispers something in his ear and Tobias immediately stands up straighter. He's tall, strong, his grey robes falling elegantly over his body, and I can't believe that he was standing there this whole time. Why don't I remember him being this beautiful?
"Thank you for having me," Tobias says to me, his voice deep. "It's truly a pleasure to meet you." He bows politely, obviously nowhere near as terrified to meet me as I am to meet him.
I bow back, careful to not fall forward as the impulse of my heart slamming against my chest propels me forward. "Thank you for coming," I somehow manage to say without sounding like I'm being strangled.
My hands begin to tremble and they only come to a stop when my mother's comforting hand falls on my shoulder. "Andrew, why don't you escort our guests over to the table while Beatrice and I get ready to serve dinner?" she says.
"Of course," Dad replies. And gracefully, my mother leads me into the kitchen.
When we arrive she passes me a pair of oven mitts. I slide them onto my trembling fingers after thanking her and I slowly remove the pan of freshly baked chicken from the oven. I turn around to find her still looking at me curiously. I blush, embarrassed. I'm sure she saw me gawking at him.
"He's handsome," she says to me, smiling a little.
"Yes, he is," I say almost nonchalantly, but though terrified, I can't say I'm not relieved. The only thing worse than an arranged marriage, is an arranged marriage to an unsightly man. "Now let's just hope he's not as wound up as his father is," I think out loud.
"Beatrice!" my mother scolds playfully. She tries and fails to hide a grin, making me grin back.
It's strange seeing her this way. Today she is as unabnegation as I have ever seen her; asking strange questions, responding to Marcus' snide comment and now finding the humour in my disrespectful remark instead of scolding me. Strangely, I like it. Maybe she's more comfortable around me now that I'm an adult. Maybe she sees me as a peer and not only as her daughter. Makes me wish that Marcus would die in his sleep so that I could stay and be with her. Maybe with time we'd become closer, talk the way I imagine mothers and daughters do in other factions. Maybe she'd be that one person that I tell my secrets to.
I smile at her, and feeling just a bit more at ease I walk slowly towards the dining table before the scorching hot pan burns through the mitts.
Today's dinner is a bit more extravagant than usual, so it takes three trips to the kitchen to bring everything to the table. Tobias offers his assistance more than once, and I refuse just as many times, but only because I'm supposed to. I would actually appreciate the help.
"This all looks lovely," Marcus says when my mother and I finally sit at the table, all the food spread out in front of us.
"Beatrice prepared everything herself," my mother says. "She's quite gifted in the kitchen." I smile shyly at the compliment. There's so much more that I'd like to try in the kitchen, but faction norms dictate that I use all ingredients and seasonings sparingly.
"Let us be the judge of that," Marcus says snidely and I almost don't resist the urge to roll my eyes. Beside me, my mother squeezes her fork and my father sets a gentle hand on her thigh. I have to remind myself to look away. I rarely see my parents touch.
When I shift my eyes, they land across the table only to find Tobias staring straight back at me. I suddenly wonder if he's disappointed. I am nowhere near as attractive as he is. He could change his mind about the wedding now that he's seen how utterly unimpressive I am. But he smiles at me anyways, maybe a little bit too long, and I feel hot as blood rushes to my face.
I'm grateful when everyone else starts eating, and I try to focus on the clinking of forks against plates instead of the fact that Tobias keeps passing small glances and smiles my way. Every time our eyes meet I feel like I might turn into liquid or burst into flames.
What is it about him that makes me so nervous?! I think. But no. These aren't nerves. This is something else.
"This is really wonderful, Beatrice," he says to me. I almost faint. His voice is mesmerizing.
"Thank you," is all that I say.
I suddenly want to hit myself. How am I supposed to marry him if I can barely bring myself to speak to him? He's like the ultimate Abnegation prize, and somehow I have to find it in me to wake up every morning and be this beautiful creature's wife when I don't have a selfless bone in my body. What will he do with me when he realizes that I'm nothing more than a fake? A selfish Divergent wrapped in grey robes?
But then again, what can he do? This is Abnegation after all. The only way you leave a marriage is dead.
Marcus' eyes shift between the two of us and with his palm he presses a firm grip into Tobias' arm, though I don't know what for. But it seems to mean something between the two, because after that Tobias keeps his eyes fixed on his plate. And for some reason I feel disappointed.
"So Tobias," my mother says as if she senses the awkwardness. "You seem like a fine young man. Tell us about yourself."
Tobias smiles. He has a nice smile.
"Unfortunately, there's not much to tell, Mrs. Prior," he says.
"There would be plenty to tell if he would involve himself in more of the faction's activities," Marcus cuts in. "But Tobias prefers to sit aside and watch others do his portion of the work for him. Isn't that right, Tobias?"
"I'm sure that's not true," my father says. "He looks like quite the hard working young man."
"Thank you, Mr. Prior," Tobias simply says.
"Your father tells us that you're looking to be his successor?"
He nods. "Yes, Sir."
"I pray that all goes in your favour when that time comes. You'll make a fine leader."
Marcus scoffs. "I have yet to make a fine leader out of him. He needs to learn how to make others want to follow him not because he is my son, but because he is a man of his own. So far he has earned nothing. The name and position he holds in this community is solely because of my work, my sweat, the burdens I have carried on my back."
Tobias' fist clenches beside his plate, but ever so slowly he relaxes his hand and takes another spoonful of his meal. I can't help but feel upset and confused. Marcus is supposed to be trying to sell his son to us, lie about his every flaw, decorate his every imperfection. Or is he that obnoxious to believe that my parents would force me to marry his son regardless of what kind of person he is? Though, for some reason, I hardly believe that Tobias is any of the things his father says he is.
"Well the boy is still young, Marcus," my father defends Tobias a third time. "I'm sure that with time he will make his own path and he will do great things in this faction."
Tobias smiles kindly at my father, but it disappears just as Marcus says, "A man is made in his youth, Andrew. I'm sure you remember how young we were when I was voted into power by the people. You should. You were my most competent opponent."
My head quickly twists around as I turn to face my father. I never knew that he ran against Marcus to lead the faction.
"And no offense," Marcus continues. "But even then the faction was able to see that I was better suited for the position. And you're not much more of a man now than you were then."
"And you're not much of a man at all," I blurt out long before I realize that I have, unable to passively listen to Marcus' repellent rambling any longer.
"Beatrice!" my mother chides me at the same time I hear Tobias coughing on the other side of the table. I immediately stand to my feet and I rush to pour him a glass of water. Strangely, it feels like instinct. And in less than a second I'm by his side, pressing the glass of water into his hands.
"Here," I say as I offer him the glass. But nothing could have prepared me for the wave of static that rushes through me when ever so slightly his long fingers brush against mine. I almost drop the glass, but Tobias is quick, grabbing the underside of it before it could fall out of my hands.
"Thank you," he whispers, and I'm almost sure I see a smile on his lips as he presses them to the glass.
Great. Now he thinks I'm rude and clumsy.
Quietly and with my head facing the floor, certain that absolutely no one has forgotten the comment I made only a minute ago, I return to my place at the table. I'll refrain from saying another word to Marcus, but I won't apologize for what I've already said.
During the short duration of this evening's dinner, I've already realized what kind of man he is. He's weak and in order to feel strong he preys on those he deems weaker than himself. It's why he belittles my father. It's why he belittles his son. It makes me wonder how come I've never seen it before. But then I realize that he's a liar, a fraud, and he's got all of Abnegation fooled with the righteous leader act that he has had decades to perfect.
Marcus looks at me from across the table, almost as if expecting an apology, but he waits in vain. He seems to realize it and he passes a death glare to my parents as he slowly rises to his feet. And that's when I remember why I'm supposed to be doing this in the first place. My parents would never force me to go through with this. It's entirely up to me to save them from him.
In less than a second I swallow my pride. "I do apologize, Marcus. Please forgive me," I say. The words taste like salt and vinegar in my mouth. "I meant no part of it." I meant every word of it. "I don't know where the rash words ever came from." I know exactly where they came from.
This seems to satisfy him and I thoroughly want to make disappear the smirk that finds his face. "Very well," he says, and he slowly retakes his seat. He loves the control, I realize.
Tobias just stares at his plate, his face blank and his body tense. I figure it best to do the same.
I'm quiet for the rest of the night. My mind finding itself in strange, dark places. I realize that all this time I've been afraid of what life would be like married to a stranger. But I'm afraid I've been afraid of the wrong thing. I now believe the worst part of marrying Tobias is having Marcus Eaton as a father in law.
If I ever thought I could get away with not being selfless enough, I know better now. Abnegation was supposed to be the safest place for someone like me; at least that's what the Dauntless woman who administered my aptitude test told me. If this marriage is to work and if I want to protect my secret, I have to maintain some kind of peace with my husband's father. I can't let him discover what I am. I have to be selfless enough to ignore his demeaning comments, outright as they may be. And my mind must be quicker than my tongue.
I glance at my parents, watching for a moment as they eat in silence, wishing that I was able to lose myself the way that they so often do. Do I really want to do this? Can I do it any at all? Can I be anything other than the selfish, curious girl I have always been? Because she will have to die if Tobias agrees to marry me. But if he does not, then I must stand and watch as my parents' lives fall apart.
In that moment I feel fear like I have never felt if before. And I don't know which fear is greater; the fear that Tobias will choose to marry me, or the fear that he will not.
A/N: Please let me know if you liked chapter two :) And no, Tris hasn't yet realized that Tobias is being forced into this just like she is. She won't for a while… but that's as much as I'm giving away lol Until next time xoxo