(AN: remember, this story was written after "The Ringer." It veers off canon from there.)
Chapter Two:
Irony
"Irony is a disciplinarian feared only by those who do not know it, but cherished by those who do. He who does not understand irony and has no ear for its whispering lacks of what might called the absolute beginning of the personal life. He lacks what at moments is indispensable for the personal life, lacks both the regeneration and rejuvenation, the cleaning baptism of irony that redeems the soul from having its life in finitude though living boldly and energetically in finitude." - Soren Kierkegaard
XXX
I never thought too much about why things happen before. Pre-destination, fate, it all seemed a bit too romantic for me. Somehow I missed the fact that my life is apparently one huge coincidence – and there's no such thing as coincidence. Did I ever wonder, why me? Why did Coraline pick me to turn into a vampire? Nah, I just figured it was my own fault for chasing after her like a dog in heat. I made my bed… and I was killed in it. Then came Beth, and I was unable to deny the connection between us, even if I didn't understand it. I still don't.
Right now, I have more questions than answers. And every answer I get brings with it three more questions. At this rate, I'm going to be buried in an avalanche of questions. Yet all I can do is grab a shovel and start digging. I have to wonder though, am I digging myself out, or burying myself?
XXX
The first difference was that he sat on the couch next to her, instead of taking his usual chair. That move earned him raised eyebrows. Undoubtedly she could tell from the moment he opened the door that something was wrong. Maybe something she read in his face, maybe just the bond they shared tipping her off.
"What's wrong, Mick?" she asked with her typical directness.
"I have something I need to talk to you about."
"I know, you said that on the phone."
"I don't know quite how to tell you," he admitted.
"Just say it right out. Preferably now."
Mick couldn't help the flicker of a smile at her impatience; it was so Beth. He decided to start the way Aldo had. "A man came into my office today and hired me to protect his daughter."
"Okaaay," she said when he didn't elaborate.
It turned out to be not so difficult after all. They'd always been honest with each other, about facts, at least. Feelings, they were another matter entirely. He found it easy to tell her things he'd never told another human, and he wasn't one for beating around the bush. Straight to the point. And she usually took it remarkably well, all things considered. He could only hope this time would be no exception.
"His name is Aldo Turner." He passed her a photo; it was a shot he'd pulled from the security camera outside the door. A bit grainy, but clear enough.
Beth stared at the picture in shock. "My father's dead," she replied, but the way she was looking at the man said otherwise.
Now for the next part, even harder than telling her about himself had been. "No. He's a vampire."
She jumped off the couch, hand going to her mouth. "What the hell's going on here?!" she stared at him accusingly. Maybe even she had a limit on coincidence.
It was time to hide behind the cold facts, and close down on the emotion. "Truthfully, I wish I knew. I can tell you your father came here to let me know you're in danger. From Coraline."
She started pacing. "My father's a vampire, and he came to tell you that your ex-wife is after me. Does that sound insane to you, 'cause I gotta tell you, it sounds insane to me. What, she's jealous or something? And by the way, she's supposed to be dead."
"Or something," he agreed. "I was right about Morgan, it is Coraline."
"How?"
He shrugged helplessly. "That's one of the many things I haven't figured out yet. Maybe she's found some way to…mask herself from other vampires, to appear human." That was Aldo's theory, anyway.
"You haven't told me why she's after me."
Mick stood too, going over to the window to gaze out at the city. "You remember I told you I killed her?"
"Hard to forget."
"And you know that when you were young you were abducted…by a woman."
The comprehension dawned. "Oh my god – it was her?" He nodded. "And you were going to tell me this when?"
"Soon." He continued impatiently. "You know I don't keep things from you. I'd just rather not dump everything on you at once. Unfortunately this time I don't have a choice."
"You mean there's more?"
"Just a couple dozen," he quipped.
"Okay, let's take this one at a time," she said enunciating slowly and carefully to make her point. "Why did Coraline take me?"
A lot of nasty secrets were coming out tonight. Despite his earlier optimism, he had to wonder if she'd finally hate him, by the end of it. "Because of me. She wanted… I didn't want anything to do with her; she was trying to get me back. She had some sick idea in her head that we could be a family, the three of us. She wanted to turn you." He looked directly at Beth. "So I killed her."
Beth sat down again, abruptly. "Okay," she took a deep breath as if shoring herself up. "So she's after me now, why?"
"To make my life miserable, but that might just be a pleasant side effect for her. I don't really know for sure. I promise you I'm going to find out."
Beth picked up the picture that had fallen on the table and stared at it. "I thought he died in a plane crash. Is that when he…"
"I don't know when he was turned, but it was before that. Beth, he left to protect you."
"Protect me?" she turned liquid eyes on him and almost broke his heart. In that instant he was grateful he hadn't done the same thing. "All those years, growing up without a dad. And my mother never got over losing him—" She looked a question at him.
Mick sat back down next to her. "He let you both believe he'd died in that crash, because he was afraid that his presence in your life would be dangerous to you. Because of what he is. But your mother knew he was a vampire."
"I don't understand," she said, and it was the first time in very many years he'd heard that voice. It was the voice of a scared little girl he'd rescued.
He covered her hand with his own. It was a move each of them had often done in their short friendship, a little touch that conveyed so much. "He was a vampire when they got married."
"Then… he's not my real father." Now she just sounded confused – and a bit pissy.
"Apparently, he is."
"Excuse me?"
Mick sighed. "There are rumors among vampires about a rare occurrence. Vampires and humans having a baby. Turns out there's truth to it after all."
"That means I'm--"
"Part vampire."
She made a disagreeing face. "How can that be? I don't feel like a vampire – at least if my experimentation with B.C. is any judge. I enjoy food, and I have no desire whatsoever to drink blood. And since I saw a few more lines in the mirror this morning I'd say I'm getting older."
He patted her face. "The lines are your imagination, you're gorgeous. And I don't know what it means, not really. Just that it's very rare, and it could be why Coraline took you. And/or why she's after you."
"Wait a minute; it's you she's gaslighting. There's been no indication of her wanting to do anything with me."
"Don't underestimate her. She's been watching you for awhile now. For months she's been working for Buzz Wire, and developing herself a presence. Then she arranged a meeting."
Beth pierced him with her gaze. "Is that what you did?"
Perceptive. She was making unexpected connections, asking tough questions – and not the ones he thought she would. He shook his head. Spread his hands out placating. "Okay, yes I checked up on you, once in awhile, just to make sure you were okay." So this was to be his first outright lie to her. "But when we met at the crime scene – hey, I didn't tell you to get into crime reporting, and I sure didn't get you assigned to that story."
"Okay," she said, accepting that. "And shortly after that, Coraline starts working for Buzz Wire under an alias. So she was watching you? And then me? No, that doesn't sound right. She must have known who I was even before. Then when you contacted me, she took up her alias. "
He always enjoyed seeing her reporter mind at work, even under present circumstances. The way she could look at even a personal situation, with shrewd objectivity. She was amazing. Maybe you're just…biased, a little voice whispered to him. He ignored it.
"So she was watching both of us." Beth shivered, glanced around. "Not exactly a warm and fuzzy feeling. But I still don't understand why. I mean, okay, so she took me when I was a child, but I'm all grown up now. And she couldn't have known you and I would--Maybe she just wanted to recreate the whole story again? Have it turn out differently this time, the way she wanted it?"
Mick nodded, accepting the possibility. Basically, just letting her run with it.
"No, that doesn't make any sense either. I mean, I'm an adult. She can't want us to be a family," she made a face, as if she'd bitten into a lemon.
Mick grinned. He agreed it was a disquieting thought, considering his feelings for her now, that she had been intended to be his daughter. "Keep in mind, she is crazy. Sense may not come into it."
"I suppose you're right. How did my—"Her hesitation revealed that despite her composed demeanor, the issue of her father was bothering her the most. "How did my father know about all this?"
"No clue."
"What, you didn't ask him?!" she sounded offended.
"He said he heard… "She gave him a look. "Hey, I was having a bad week to begin with, then he walks in and throws all these soap opera bombshells on me, cut me some slack. I'll find out."
Mick didn't like the way she was looking at him now, kind of disappointed, like he'd dropped a bit in her high estimation of him. "If he doesn't want to tell me how he found out, he won't," he snapped. "I assume he has some connections."
"Maybe he's working for her," Beth's face closed down tight.
"No, that's not part of her game," Mick said gently, taking her hand in both of his this time.
"Whatever," she said sounding like she was trying to not care.
"Hey, whatever's going on, we will find out, together. We make a good team, remember?"
That got a small smile out of her, as was his intent.
"There's one other possibility I have to share with you, even if it's remote."
"What?" Beth asked, wary again.
"That she's not 'hiding' anything. That she is human."
"What--you mean she found a, cure or something?"
"She bled. She didn't heal. She doesn't smell like a vampire, and believe me to another vamp it's a smell you don't mistake. How the hell could she do that?"
They were both silent for a bit, pondering the puzzle.
Beth spoke first, hesitantly. "If she found a cure, what's she doing here?"
"Taunting me with it. Or taunting me by pretending to have one, because she knows – she knows all my weak spots." Knows how much he hates what he is, and that he'd give almost anything to change it.
"And how to use them against you?"
Mick nodded. Somehow he knew it was understood that one of those weak spots was Beth.
"And you know how, with contagions, there's a patient zero. And you can use the blood of someone immune to create-- "He stopped right in the middle of what he'd been saying, a vision of that desert hotel bathroom in his mind's eye. Knowing what he should have noticed at the time, how he should have needed so much more blood than that to recover, considering how close to death he'd been…
Wouldn't that be the ultimate irony of his life? The thing he wanted most, at a price he could never pay.
"Mick?" Beth questioned when he was silent for too long.
"You need to dig deeper into Morgan's background. Especially her parents' backgrounds."
"Give me your computer and a phone," she replied immediately, sounding happy to have something productive to do.
Mick was glad she hadn't asked him why he wanted the parents checked out. He preferred to keep this particular theory to himself for the time being. That Morgan might have been an H.B. If they were the 'cure' he had a feeling the donors didn't fare well. Like the vampires Lola had used to make black crystal. Kill Morgan for her blood cure and assume her identity, then come after Mick and Beth.
Mick had a vision of guarding Beth for the rest of her life, from vampires wanting to be cured. On the other hand, how many wanted that? From his experience most were happy with what they were and wouldn't be interested in changing. He was an exception. Aldo had asked him if Coraline seemed like the type to want that, and he said no. But if the payoff was great enough – destroying Mick's life, maybe she would. And once human, could she have someone turn her again after she was done? Or did she think they would both, as humans, live happily ever after for the next sixty years? It was a sick twisted puzzle he was trying to piece together. Just like Coraline.
The hope born from Aldo's words was fading with the return of reality, and he felt depression settling in his bones. What kind of fate was waiting for Beth? He wanted to believe she could still have a normal life. That was his greatest wish for her; to be happy and healthy, and live a long mortal life with someone who loved her and could give her a family. It would make everything he'd done and gone thorough worthwhile. Fulfill the promise he'd made when he saved her all those years ago. Conversely, his greatest wish was also the one thing that would nearly kill him to do. Give her up.
"What am I looking for?" Beth asked, oblivious to the direction of his thoughts.
"Anything out of the ordinary."
"Let's get started."
XXX
The only sounds in the apartment for the next several hours were the clicking of computer keys, occasional brief telephone call to contacts; the printer humming to life, printing out page after page of information. In the interest of time and efficiency, Beth left it to Mick to read through the stuff she was pulling up, looking for answers.
Every now and then she would glance down at the picture lying next to the monitor. Not ready to go there, yet. With all the crap she let Mick get away with, she knew she should at least try to understand her father's actions. She did, to a point…but the empty space that had been in her life, the grieving she had done under false pretenses, those were hard to brush away.
Mick came over with some coffee, set it on the desk in front of her. Thinking he'd go back into the other room, she was stunned when he moved to stand behind her and began kneading her shoulders. She leaned back into the touch, groaning appreciatively. It was a bold move, for Mick. She wondered what it meant.
"Thanks." She looked up at him and their gazes locked. The connection flared between them.
"Why don't you take a break?" he suggested.
Was that innuendo in his voice? No, couldn't be. No way. Sometimes when she was around him, she found it difficult judging reality from fantasy. Or so she told herself.
Grabbing her coffee mug, she followed him into the living room. Papers were spread over the table; she cleared a spot to put the coffee down and sat. "So what do we know so far," she asked gesturing to the papers.
"We know Morgan is really Coraline, and she's been watching us for months. She's trying to psych me out with some unknown agenda.
"And it's working really well," Beth added.
"Not anymore," he denied.
She shrugged. "So you say."
"You know, when I said take a break, I meant a break."
"Okay, okay, taking a break." She settled more comfortably into the cushions, sipping at her drink. She'd rather be focusing on the investigation, didn't particularly want time for her mind to drift to things she wasn't ready to deal with yet. Her mind trying to find something else to pay attention to, she idly watched Mick watching her. Wasn't there some saying about idle minds? The moments passed, too many to be appropriate for casual acquaintances.
Making eyes at each other, my grandmother would have called it. "What is that saying, something about idle minds?" she asked. Idly.
"An idle mind knows not what it wants?" she frowned questioningly. "Ennius," he explained.
Beth shook her head. "No, my mind knows what it wants. An idle mind is the devil's playground."
"Are you trying to get out of taking a break?"
She leaned her head back against the couch, to more easily look up at him. "No." She was content, for now, just to study his eyes. In fact, she thought perhaps she could stare into them for hours and not get bored.
Or, until he shifted uncomfortably and pretended to study the papers on the table. She thought of reminding him they weren't supposed to be "working", but there was something else on her mind, much more important.
"I need to ask you a big favor," She began, her mind working even as she was forming the words.
"Uh oh, a favor, huh?" He was smiling again though.
"While we're looking into this, I mean at least for tonight. Can I stay here?" His smile, she noted, vanished from his face at warp speed. "To be honest, I'm kinda freaked out by this whole stalking thing. If I go home alone I'm going to be paranoid, convinced I'm being watching. I mean, who knows what she's up to?"
"You're right, it's safer here."
"That's what I was thinking." She looked at him pointedly. "I've always been safe with you."
Even as she said the words, a thread of unease wound its way through her though. She hated that, hated doubting Mick after having felt security from the moment they met. Still, the memory of Mick telling her about his intense feelings for Coraline was too fresh in her mind. How he'd acted with 'Morgan'. Crazy wasn't too far from the truth. What would a confrontation be like now? Now that there was no little child to protect, would he be able to resist her lure? Beth silently added one weak spot to Mick's list: Coraline. Not in the same way, but it was obvious she still had a hold on him. The jealousy this train of thought brought her wasn't really a surprise. She'd felt it before. And for far less reason.
"What about Josh?"
The mention of her boyfriend was an unwelcome addition to the things on her mind. "He's out of town on business." That exchange didn't come out right, sounded like… well, something it wasn't. Or maybe it sounded too much like the truth. At that moment she cursed herself for not having the guts to end it with Josh. She knew how this made her look, but she hadn't been cheating on Josh. Not really. The reality was a lot more complicated. Half the time she was convinced Mick felt the same way she did, the other half that it was her imagination, wishful thinking. If she hadn't met Mick, she would never have considered breaking up with Josh. They'd had a good relationship…until now.
Now, all she could think about was Mick.
In the deepest darkest recesses of herself she'd known what she wanted, but was unable to admit to it, for many reasons. Not the least of it was the conflicting signals she'd been getting from Mick…
Don't lie to yourself. It's not just Mick. You know how he feels. Just admit it. It wasn't a thought, but a little voice inside her. Sounded like the one who had tempted her in the mirror the night of her experimentation with BC. Hell, everyone could see their connection, even strangers. Some days she felt if one more person commented on how she and Mick looked at each other, or how obvious it was, she'd strangle them. All both of them ever did was deny.
Now, Coraline was back, planning something nasty. Beth's gut instincts told her it was time to stop pretending. There was a knowing inside her, that voice telling her what needed to be done. She wanted to deny that too, but both their lives might depend on acknowledging it. Mick was going to have to go up against Coraline again. Did he have as good a reason as last time, to resist her?
She wants to destroy what you have, the voice said.
'What do we have'? Beth asked it desperately.
Her hold over him is strong. You need to break it. Replace it.
Beth reviewed her possibilities. She might be going crazy. Or maybe she was having a flashback from the BC. Or maybe it was some weird 'ability' that half-vampires had. Some kind of inner instinct, or precognitive sense? She chose to go with the one that was most comforting for the time being.
She tried to remain calm, be open to the 'voice'. 'How do I replace it'?
Replace her darkness with your light. Give him something to hold onto.
Huh?
Consummate the bond.
When Beth was next aware, she was staring straight ahead, mouth open. Mick was touching her hand, calling her name with a combination of amusement and worry on his beautiful face. "Hey," he began, seeing she was back with him, "you really spaced out there."
She took firmer possession of his hand, so he couldn't let go this time. "Sorry, just thinking." His eyebrow rose skeptically. "Very hard."
"Of course you were."
What had they been talking about? She frantically scrambled to remember the conversation. Oh, Josh. God only knew where Mick thought her mind had been. She could feel the slight tension in his hand, knew if she let him he'd be breaking the contact. She didn't let him.
There was no more time for stalling. It was fish or cut bait, as her…father…always used to say.
However, when you were talking about seducing Mick St. John, it was easier said than done.
She was painfully and embarrassingly aware of her recent attempt via black crystal. If she came on too strong, it would only scare him off. And she wasn't the manipulative type, seduction wasn't her style. She'd have liked to just come right out and say it, but that lacked romance, and wouldn't be very persuasive.
She sighed, frustrated.
"What is it?"
"Truth?" he nodded. "I'm in love with you." She watched his mouth drop open in shock. "And I don't know what to do about it."
Wow. Turned out she went the direct route after all. She didn't know who was more surprised, her or Mick.
"What, uh. What do you want to do about it?" he finally managed.
She looked up at him, opening her mouth to speak but not knowing what to say. I want to be close to you. But that too was an echo of what she'd said on the drug. She couldn't say it now even though it was true. She wanted so many things; she couldn't even begin to know how to verbalize them.
"You can't deny the universe seems determined to make sure we're together. I know you feel the connection too. Admit it!"
"I feel it." Somehow she knew he was thinking that connections weren't necessarily good things; the only other one he had to compare it to was his with Coraline. She had to show him the difference.
Show, don't tell.
A bit of inspiration came to her. She released his hand. "Hold your hands out, palms up," she instructed. He gave her a questioning look, but did as told. "Okay." She placed her hands over his, palm down, close but not touching. The way the vampire wannabe professor had explained pranic energy to her. "Close your eyes." A wary expression entered them, but he did as told. "Take a deep breath, and just relax," she said quietly. "Concentrate on the energy. Do you feel it?" she whispered, almost surprised to find her hands were tingling, like little shocks of electricity shooting through them. She'd felt nothing but silly when the professor was doing it.
She snuck a peek, saw Mick's Adam's apple working and knew he felt it too. She reached out and put one hand against his chest. Taking his and placing it over her heart in the mirror position. "We're connected. Can you feel it?"
There was little space between them, their bodies swayed close to each other. It looked like the moment was going to be all she could've hoped for. Mick spoke, his cheek almost touching hers…
"Did the women in Professor Ellis' class really fall for that line?" he asked with grin in his voice, breaking the spell.
"You asshole!" she scolded, embarrassed, and he was laughing outright, but his hand was still on her, and they were still close. As if they were magnetically attracted, couldn't move away. "Thanks for letting me make a fool out of myself."
He shook his head. "I'm the only fool here." And then his hand was sliding up past the place where the blouse covered, to the side of her neck, touching the bare skin there. She shivered, wondering that a simple touch could be so thrilling. She could almost feel his fingerprints making their mark on her skin. She held her breath, willing him to cross that line. Hoping through their connection she could tip the scales in her favor.
"Do I have the right to take away your chance to have a normal life?" his voice whispered close to her ear, sounding like he was in a confessional.
"I don't want 'normal'. You told me you trusted me. Trust me now, Mick. You're my destiny; I feel it with every fiber of my being. We belong together. I know you feel it too. Can you take that chance away from me?"
His face was so close to hers, it was an easy thing to turn slightly, find his mouth close too, and press a kiss at the corner. Her bold tongue snuck out for just a slight taste of his skin. She felt his entire body shiver.
"I don't want to hurt you."
"Then don't reject me." She was so connected to him now she could literally feel his inner struggle. The words she spoke felt true, but alien, as if someone else was saying these things. "I was made for you."
She just had time to note the surge in his emotions before his lips where – finally – covering hers in a real kiss. Not like the kiss in the parking lot. This kiss was full of promise, love, and heat. And it was only the first. Somewhere amidst the kissing, she had a moment to wonder why the hell they hadn't done this before, and then was distracted by his wandering hands. She could feel them shaking, and that almost broke her heart.
"It's okay," she murmured. She slipped her hands inside his shirt, unable to resist touching his skin. It was a feast for the senses, and she felt like the black crystal was running through her veins again.
"Beth," he murmured between kisses, "are you sure? Are you sure?"
Good god! Every molecule of her body sang where he touched her and she was about to melt into a puddle on the couch, and he was asking stupid questions!
"Do you love me?" she countered.
"More than my life."
"Then show me, dammit!"
She felt his smile through the kisses. "Pushy," he managed without stopping. Then he was the one pushing her back against the cushions. Now that's more like it, she thought happily, as his hands started exploring new territory.
Make him declare his allegiance, the voice, returned, told her. She wasn't sure she liked the tone or the implications, but she had made her choice to trust it.
"I need to know you want me, not her."
He moved away from her and gave her a long look. She would have liked to turn away, but forced herself not to. She had just a moment to panic when he rose from the couch, but it was short lived because he took her hand and pulled her up with him. Then he wound his arms around her and kissed her again.
"You're mine," he said as if the news startled him. "You're mine."
"Yes. And you're mine. Not hers."
"I'll always be yours," he promised. "You have my soul. You always have. Coraline stole it, and you got it back for me." And it was probably the most honest and truest thing he'd ever said to her.
Then they were melting into one other, as if their bodies couldn't get enough, they had to be touching. The long kisses got shorter, just so the clothing could start coming off, piece by piece. At the same time, he was leading her slowly towards the stairs.
Sounds like a plan, she thought giddily.
He was talking again, in between kissing and undressing her. She loved a man who could multi-task. "No biting, and no nails," he instructed in a voice roughened with passion.
She found herself moaning, not sure if it was assent or not, but it seemed good enough for Mick.
Sex with a vampire. She wasn't sure what to expect. Didn't care, really. Even if it involved blood. He'd be upset to know that she was so unconcerned about what she was getting into, but it was the truth. This was Mick, and whatever they did together was going to be all right with her. He was so noble she just wanted to smack him sometimes. A big part of what she loved about him, but a bit infuriating none the less.
In the end, it turned out to be as simple as two people in love, making love. He was gentle and tender; she did her best to replace his memories of being with Coraline, wanting that place inside him filled with her, not his ex. As she felt him deep inside of her, she knew they could no longer be torn apart.
Together now at last, in every way, they were unbeatable.
Coraline didn't stand a chance.
end chapter two: Irony
Quote from Quintus Ennius (239-169 BC). A writer during the period of the Roman Republic, and is often considered the father of Roman poetry. He was of Greek descent. Although only fragments of his works survive, his influence in Latin literature was significant.