Ha! Finally! Chapter one is ready!Before I go much futher, I think I should explain a few things. I actually started to write this as a different story, and posted a prologue. Soon after I was struck by a terrible case of writers block. But recently, I got reinspired and got busy! I reposted the same prologue, and began to write chapter one! Confused? So am i. Never mind. Anyways, on to the story! If you want to review you'll make a poor struggling writer extremely thrilled! If you want to flame, then go ahead, I can't stop you! But I can laugh at you! Constructive criticism is very welcome and if you have any suggestions for plot, etc. please, please, please, share them with me! Be kind to the newby author!

Enough of my drabble! Onto the first chapter!

Look away

Look away from the past

Think ahead

Think ahead so you'll last another day

And the days are so long

And you'll get by

But getting by is just another way to say half dead

And you think you'd rather live your life instead

Of just getting by

Don't you know,

Don't you know its bound to keep you up all night

Wonderin' where and how it all went wrong that night

It all went wrong

So keep in mind

Keep in mind you're not to blame

Bitter tears

Bitter tears can fall like rain

On your fields

And those fields need that rain

So look away

And think ahead

And live your life

And cry those tears

Cry bitter tears….

Bitter Tears by Shawn Mullins

Chapter One: Seeking an Escape

Seven years later……

Naruto turned onto his back, the sheets rustling crisply as he did. Sleep did not come easily these days. Tonight it had not come at all. Out side his window, bright starlight beckoned to him invitingly. Unable to resist, he sat up and got dressed slowly in the dark before disappearing out the window and into the night.

He already knew where he was headed. The old meeting place of team seven, the bridge. It was not used as team sevens meeting place any more. That team had been disbanded years ago.

Naruto contemplated his recent promotion from normal Anbu into Anbu captain. He had not expected such a transition, nor had he wanted it that much. When that person had disappeared so had that phase of his life, as well as his old ambition and his dreams. Childish dreams they had been too. Hopeful fantasy, created to provide an unwanted and unloved child with hope for the future. His efforts had been futile. Naïve and ignorant. He knew better now. Life was too hard, too difficult when one had an unachievable dream. It was better to aim for what could be achieved, goals that could actually be reached.

Naruto reached the bridge, and hoisted himself onto its railing to stare into its lazily flowing water below his feet.

Things were so different now. After that unsuccessful mission, he had trained non-stop with Jiraiya, his thirst for knowledge and skills becoming almost an overwhelming obsession. He must not fail; never again would he let teammates down, never again would he fail a friend through weakness, or break a promise. He must remain strong, if not for himself, then for the people who depended on his strength. Naruto knew this was becoming an unhealthy obsession and yet he could do nothing to get rid of it.

He had become powerful, and he was proud of his strength, but not in a boastful way. That would be arrogance and arrogance was a dangerous trait in a shinobi. He had learned that the hard way. But he'd worked hard for his strength, sacrificing his leisure time and sometimes his health in order to train and complete missions. He had been an insomniac for quite awhile now, so it was a convenient way to pass time. He'd earned his place within the village, and was respected amongst his peers and fellow shinobi, if not by the villagers themselves. That was enough.

Although he had tried not to change too much, he knew he was different. Most of the time he could remain himself, with a bright, friendly smile. He no longer bounced off walls though. That would mean he had excessive energy, which could be used for training. But on the inside, he felt different. He felt tired. Tired, alone, and empty. Half dead. Or half-alive. Whichever way you looked at it he was different. He was sickened by the act he had to put on for others. It was easy, wearing his anbu mask, but it drained him emotionally, making him feel like he could break into thousands of pieces. He felt fragile. Nightmares plagued his sleep. He knew he should probably speak to someone about it, do something about it, but he could not bring himself to admit he needed help. That would be weakness.

He could not bring himself to let go of the pain he felt. Never would he let it go. And he knew where this pain came from. It was an old pain, and a pain he knew well.

Sasuke……

His face haunted his sleep, always in his mind, never far from his thoughts. He'd never forgotten Sasuke. His was the face he saw when his tired arm threw another kunai into a target. His face was the one he saw when he could hardly defend himself anymore from enemy attack, and that kept him from giving in. His face, was the face that kept him from failing. The hurt from that betrayal had never failed, nor lessened with time. Neither had the anger. That anger burned strong and constant. It was what kept him from complete breakdown.

I still miss you….

He missed the way they competed against each other, the way they'd always trade insults, or the way they always had to best the other. No day had ever been the same, from sunrise to sunset. When Sasuke had been around, naruto had had something to live for. He had been full of fierce ambition to be the best, to win. Now he was among the best, but the position held no joy.

It wasn't worth the price………

After that painful event, Naruto had tried to forget, and most of the time, he could put it in the back of his mind and take his mind off him so that he wasn't constantly reliving that memory. But it was nights like these when he felt his loneliness and his pain more than normal. Instead of constantly mourning the loss of his closest friend, he devoted himself to caring for his friends and training. He'd been there for Sakura at every point, helping her in her sorrow, being the shoulder to cry on, and the best man at her wedding to lee. As a result, they shared a brother/ sister closeness, but it wasn't the same. He was no longer the lovesick boy he had once been. He was now a man, with more responsibilities and duties than he cared to think about at the moment. Sakura had trained under Tsunade, and had become an expert in illusionary techniques and healing procedures. His other friends and peers had become skilled jounin, anbu members or teachers at the academy. He had many friends now, and people who cared about him and respected him, and he was extremely grateful to them. He had a life with people who cared about him, which was more than he'd had as a child. And yet, he still felt as if something was missing, as if he was disjointed from reality.

He'd watched as they'd all slowly forgotten about Sasuke. They'd all moved on. But he couldn't, no matter how much he wanted to, or how much he tried.

It's not the same without you. I miss you………

With a sigh, Naruto rubbed his eyes. Tonight was not a night to be alone. Not with these thoughts and memories. He needed company. He knew who to go to. And he knew where he'd be.

scene break!--------------

Jiraiya sat on top of the hokage monument, happily puffing on his pipe as he lay on his back and contemplated the recent happenings in Konoha. They were building a new bathhouse in Konoha, seeing as the old one had been destroyed during a battle involving a man who, in Jiraiya's opinion, had a few screws loose and had been taking some substances which he clearly shouldn't have been messing with. He'd have to go "researching" at the new bathhouse, he grinned to himself. Lots of promising potential had surfaced in konoha of late, and despite Tsunade blatantly forbidding Jiraiya not to go peeking on pain of death, the temptation was just too great. He just wouldn't do it when there were people around to see and to blab. What she doesn't know won't hurt her right?

"Hey Ero-sennin. Mind if I join you?" a voice asked from the darkness behind him. Jiraiya knew who it was without turning.

"Aren't you a little old for name calling Naruto? I think its time you gave your poor old teacher the respect he deserves" Jiraiya asked, put out.

Naruto grinned.

" Since when have you been poor and old, you pervert? And anyway, if you are so old why are you still peeking at girls less than half your age?" Naruto retorted playfully.

"Hummph. That is completely irrelevant.What brings you out here tonight, Naruto?" Jiraiya asked, despite already knowing the answer.

Naruto shrugged as he sat down next to his former sensei.

"I have no missions for the next few days, I thought I'd stay up for awhile and fit in some extra training." He replied.

Jiraiya sighed inwardly. He knew the real reason. Naruto hid his insomnia from everyone, but the people who knew him best, had read the signs and knew what was going on. He'd grown up a lot over the past seven years. Gone was the energetic, hyperactive child he'd once known, who'd been eager to unlock the secrets of the future. In his place was a shadow of his former self, a quieter, more reserved Naruot. One who pretended to be happy and spirited, but on the inside was deeply unhappy. Jiraiya saw through the act. He knew Naruto. The boy was worn thin, exhausted, both emotionally and psychologically. Tonight, he wasn't acting though. Tonight, Jiraiya only saw a tired man, who's thinking had driven him to seek company to escape the thoughts and memories that haunted him. He knew what was wrong with him. After all, Jiraiya had experienced the same betrayal, years before when Orochimaru had left. He'd experienced the same emotions and doubts. But he had moved on and found his own way. Naruto had found his own way also, but he hadn't moved on. This led Jiraiya to suspect that there was something more going on than what he, or anyone else for that matter had been told. But, he kept his thoughts to himself. There was no use bringing it up with Naruto. He preferred to battle his demons alone.

He looked over at his former student once more as he gazed up at the stars. Gone was the trademark orange tracksuit. Instead, he wore black cargo-style pants with the large pockets for equipmen, and a black t-shirt, with fishnet sleeves over his forearms. He wore Konoha sandals and the fingerless gloves with metal strips over the backs. There was no sign of his hiate, but he had no need of one. Anbu members were not required to where the Konoha headband, as they were easily recognizable from their black robes and masks. Naruto did not carry his mask now, nor was he wearing the black robe over his clothes. Tonight, he was just himself, not the young Anbu captain, or even a ninja. Just a man, looking for an escape. Yes, he had grown a lot. He was a tall man, taller than most, but still shorter than Jiraiya. He was broad shouldered, and strong, with lean muscles, and a handsome face. He had none of childhood chubbiness, and his face was no longer as round. Instead, it was lean and handsome. His eyes had only gotten bluer, his hair more golden, and his skin more brown. In fact, he was a very handsome young man, who looked remarkable like the fourth hokage, with his hair as long and as shaggy as it was. Many would have remarked upon it had they seen it. Most of the time though, he kept it hidden by his Anbu mask and the hood of his robe.

Naruto had gotten rid of that ridiculous tracksuit after Sasuke had left. In fact, it was like he had disregarded practically everything after he had left, as if saying ' that part of my life is over now, and so must go all the things associated with him'. That included the more boisterous side of his personality as well. It had been locked away, never to see daylight again. Jiraiya found himself missing the old naruto, even though if he had said that awhile back, he would have either laughed himself silly or killed himself in a frustrated rage. Jiraiya knew better than to bring up the subject of Sasuke though. Whenever that name was mentioned, Naruto's eyes would go hard and with anger and behind that, a hurt that ran so deep inside him that it had become a part of who naruto was.

"I heard about your recent promotion to Captain. Congratulations." Jiraiya commented casually.

"But that was months ago…" Naruto pointed out, confused, only to be smacked across the back of his head with a clenched fist.

"What was that for?" Naruto asked indignantly.

"I've been gone for more than half a year on that ridiculous mission that Tsunade sent me on you baka!" He said irritably.

"Oh yeah! I forgot! Sorry!" Narutot said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head with a smile. "It wasn't that big of a deal. The other captain retired and they needed someone to fill the job."

"I doubt that your promotion was solely for those reasons. They wouldn't have picked you if you didn't have the necessary qualities for the job" Jiraiya pointed out.

"I suppose." Naruto reluctantly agreed. Jiraiya suspected it was only because he wanted to change the topic but he let it pass without comment.

"Why are you out here, Ero-sennin?" Naruto asked after a few moments of silence.

"Me?" Jiraiya grinned" I'm a creature of the night Naruto! It's when I function best!"

"Pervert!" Naruto muttered beneath his breath. They lapsed into a long period of comfortable silence, both lost in their own thought, as they relaxed together beneath a night sky. After a while, a deep reluctant sigh sounded from Jiraiya, as if he'd just made up his mind about something. Naruto looked over at him curiously, and waited to hear the explaination which he knew was coming.

"They didn't want me to tell this…" Jiraiya sighed.

TBC…….

Soz to end on such a cliffy, but I didn't want to make it too long. Its already 5 pages! Anyways, plz review and tell a poor girl what you think! Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed!