Sorry
Written by: chochowilliams
Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation or the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Summary: AU. He ran from Shuichi once. Will he take this second chance or let his past keep him from true happiness? Ryuichi/Shuichi, Shuichi/Eiri
Chapter summary: Shuichi moves on.
Warning: AU, Angst, drama, romance, language, m/m sexual content, Ryuichi/Shuichi, Shuichi/Eiri
Inserts: --
A/N: I tried to fix the mistakes. If I missed something let me know.
+--+--+--+
Chapter 1
(A Month Later – Zepp Tokyo – Tokyo, Japan)
Shuichi was exhausted.
Someone had given him a towel, which he was using to mop the thick rivers of sweat dripping from his body, and someone else had given him a bottle of water, which he finished in three large gulps. He could not remember whom. Nor could he remember if he thanked that person. He was so exhausted, both mentally and physically, that his mind and body were beginning to shut down. He could barely keep his eyes open. They felt so heavy and gritty. He yawned loudly and rubbed his eyes. Where was Hiro? It was getting somewhat late and he wanted to go home.
"That's a pretty big yawn. Are you tired?" came a sudden child-like voice.
Shuichi dropped his hand and blinked blurry eyes. He gasped and jumped to his feet, his eyes bugging out of his head. "R-Ryuichi S-Sakuma," he exclaimed in astonishment. Shuichi thought he had already left. "W-what're you…?"
"You were pretty good out there."
Shuichi took a step forward, and then cried out in sudden surprise when he tripped and lost his balance.
As he tumbled forward, his descent was halted by something warm and both soft and a little firm at the same time. Looking up, Shuichi met and instantly lost himself in the deep, baby blue eyes of Ryuichi Sakuma, his idol and the lead singer for his favorite rock band Sage. Ryuichi's eyes held such intensity that it sent Shuichi's pulse racing. Running his tongue over dry, cracked lips, Shuichi gulped and dropped his gaze to those lush, full lips hovering mere inches above his. He wondered what they would felt like against his.
Then in a blink of an eye, the strong, hypnotic gaze was gone. "Are you okay?"
Blushing madly, Shuichi nodded, turning away from the older man, embarrassed and mortified at what he had been thinking. "Y-yes, th-thank you," he mumbled as Ryuichi helped him to his feet.
"Why're you all red?" Ryuichi asked innocently, cocking his head to the side like a puppy.
Shuichi's face grew warmer.
"Hey, Shu," he heard Hiro call out. "We're all set. The van's packed and the guys are waiting."
Shuichi sighed deeply while saying a brief prayer of thanks. He had never been more grateful than he was right now to be pulled away from the man he thought of as a god. The singer turned towards his friend and smiled at the other man as he strode towards him.
"Hey, where you going?" Ryuichi asked curiously.
"We're just going to go to my place and order pizza, or something," Hiro told the older man.
"What?" Ryuichi cried in shock. "That's so boooriiing! You guys should be celebrating! You just had your very first concert and you blew them aaall away! You were waaay better than, uhm…" He scratched his head in confusion. "Who were those guys again?" Hiro opened his mouth to answer that Bad Luck had opened up for another band, ASK, also signed onto NG Productions, but Ryuichi shrugged it off. "Anyway," he continued, "you guys should go out and celebrate! Oh, I know! How about karaoke? Or we can go clubbing? Oo! Oo! There is this new all night café that just opened up. We can go there!"
Hiro shook his head. "No, thanks," he yawned. "I'm beat. Maybe some other time?"
"Aw!" Ryuichi pouted. "You're such a party pooper."
Hiro chuckled. "Why don't you go, though, Shuichi?" he suggested, turning towards his friend. For the passed month, Shuichi has been in a depressed funk. Even the excitement over finally being signed onto a major record label and their first successful show opening up for one of NG Production's hottest groups had not been enough to snap his best friend out of it. It might be a good thing for him to spend a little time with the rock god.
Shuichi's eyes widened. "What?" he gasped. "Me? B-but, Hiro! What about-?"
Hiro patted his friends shoulder. "It's fine Shu. Go. Have some fun. You deserve it. You were great tonight."
Ryuichi nodded in agreement. "He's right, Shuichi."
"B-but," Shuichi sputtered. He could not explain it, but Shuichi just did not want to be left alone with this man.
"Come on," Ryuichi prodded. He grabbed Shuichi's hand and pulled the younger man behind him as he made for the backstage door of Zepp Tokyo.
"B-but, Ryuichi! Wait a minute! Hiro?"
"Have fun, Shu," Hiro called after his friend.
Shuichi bit his lip as Ryuichi Sakuma dragged him down the street. He was not so sure about this. He hoped he was not making a mistake
+--+--+
"Who were you looking for?"
Shuichi blinked, startled out his thoughts that were instantly forgotten by the sudden question. "What?" He turned and looked at Ryuichi. Gone was the innocent childlike man that he had seen backstage at Zepp Tokyo. In its place was the serious singer whom had sung with him earlier on stage. It was somewhat unnerving.
"During the concert. You seemed somewhat distracted. Like you weren't all there."
Shuichi was still a little unsettled by the split personality of his idol and the almost psychic-like abilities he seemed to possess. Startled by the sudden powerful insight, Shuichi was shocked into silence. He opened his mouth, but closed it without saying anything. He tried again. "I…I don't-"
"Shuichi," Ryuichi scolded.
It took half a dozen tries, but Shuichi finally managed to say, "I…we broke up…last month." He cleared his throat violently and blinked away the sudden unsought of tears that stung his eyes. "But I thought he'd…I mean, maybe…" Shuichi shook his head, sighing. "Never mind," he mumbled.
"You still love him…"
Shuichi bit his lip and turned away from the penetrating stare of the older man. Tears stun his eyes and his throat constricted around a sob. His chest hurt and his heart ached.
"…don't you?"
Fat tears rolled freely down Shuichi's face. Sniffing, he nodded. He did not trust himself to speak. If he opened his mouth, he would not be able to stop the sobs. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Ryuichi stop. Shuichi did as well, but did not turn towards him. He hugged his arms around himself and stared at the ground.
Ryuichi reached out and touched his young companion's shoulder. He gently turned him around and was saddened to see the boy crying. He smiled softly. "I like you," he confessed. "And I showed up."
Shuichi stood frozen before Ryuichi Sakuma as the black haired man's face drew closer to his. He gasped in shock and his vivid lavender eyes widened in surprise as his music god pressed his lips against his.
+--+--+
One Month Later
Ryuichi sneezed violently into a tissue. Dammit, he thought miserably. He knew he should have stayed home. He felt horrible. His head was pounding. It felt as if a jackhammer were drilling away inside his skull. Even that did not do his headache justice. It was more as if someone were using his brain as a punching bag. And he ached all over. Even his aches had aches. To top it all off, his nose was not only stuffed, but running. He probably resembled Rudolph by now.
Wiping his nose, he crumbled the tissue up and tossed it into the nearest garbage can. Turning, he scanned the banquet hall that had been rented out for the night by NG Productions for a party welcoming Bad Luck, his boyfriend of one month's band, to the record label as he took out his small bottle of hand sanitizer.
"Hey, Ryu," called out a male voice.
Ryuichi turned around and smiled as he watched a tall, thin male of Japanese descent stride towards him. "Hey! Daisuke. What's going on?" he greeted as he shoved the travel-sized bottle of clear gel back inside his bag.
The men bowed towards each other in greeting.
"Not much."
"Hey, you haven't seen Shuichi have you?" Ryuichi asked. His boyfriend vanished the instant they had arrived.
"Shuichi? Yeah, actually, I just saw him with Noriko and her husband."
"With Noriko? Cool. Okay, thanks."
"By the way, Ryuichi, I have someone I want you to meet." Daisuke indicated a man standing behind and slightly to the left of him.
Immediately, Ryuichi forgot about his head that felt as if it were about to explode and his leaky, clogged up nose. The collection of noise surrounding him vanished until there was nothing but peaceful silence into which was heard his fiercely and heavily beating heart. It was so loud he was surprised that nobody else could hear it. The room around him dimmed out of existence.
His breath hitched and his eyes widened fractionally as a man a good several inches taller than Daisuke stepped forward. Trailing down to tickle the collar of his black suit jacket, the man had jet-black hair slickened back from his face. There was a lot of bulk to the man, but the black suit he wore fit him in such a way that it was hard to tell what the bulk was from. Nor did Ryuichi much care. Deep chocolate brown eyes stared at him with such intensity that they made Ryuichi felt a vague sense of uneasiness.
"Tatsuha," Daisuke said, turning towards the man, "this is Ryuichi Sakuma."
Tatsuha stepped forward with a look upon his face that made Ryuichi suddenly wish he had not taken Shuichi's advice and worn tight leather pants. "I am sure glad I decided to come in my brother's place," Tatsuha murmured as he scanned Ryuichi up and down causing Ryuichi's blush to deepen. "It's very nice to meet you, Ryuichi," he said sticking out his hand. "I'm Tatsuha. Tatsuha Uesugi. I'm a huge fan."
Tatsuha's deep voice reverberated within Ryuichi's chest. "Nice…to meet you, Tatsuha," he whispered over his fiercely beating heart. A strange blush flushed hotly across Ryuichi's face.
+--+--+
Two Months Later
The sun was shinning brightly and warmly. The sky was an endless sea of blue without even a hint of a cloud in sight. The breeze was light and warm. It was a beautiful, perfect day. Humming happily, Shuichi strode down the street, skirting around the heavy throng of people with ease as he made his way home from the studio. He felt great.
Bad Luck had worked through yet another night on their upcoming debut album and surprisingly accomplished quite a lot. It might have a lot to do with the fact that both of their managers had called in personal days. Daisuke was currently going through a nasty divorce and K's wife has apparently not been feeling too well for quite some time now. They believed she might have cancer, but would not be sure until after all the tests came in.
Then their producer left soon after, saying something about errands he had to do for Tohma.
It was no big loss. With both their managers and producer gone, Shuichi and Hiro, along with the other members of Bad Luck- that included Suguru, Kevin and Ethan- managed to accomplish more than they normally would with them present. Shuichi was satisfied with the way the album was coming along. But as terrific as he was feeling about the album, Shuichi was completely exhausted and all he wanted to do was get home to bed and Ryuichi. Smiling widely at the thought of his lover, he giggled happily, his eyes sparkling.
It was strange. Just three months ago, he had been another fan, watching Ryuichi's music videos, going to his concerts, drooling over his posters and listening to his CD's and now here he was sharing an apartment with the man. He went from worshipping his rock god from a distance to having his god worshipping him.
As he waited patiently at the corner for the light to change, his gaze wondered and landed on a very familiar sight. Lowering his sunglasses, he peered across the street and studied the small outdoor café. He smiled widely, recognizing the place instantly. Ryuichi took him there for their first date, the night Bad Luck opened for ASK at Zepp Tokyo. He blushed madly as he remembered how that night ended.
The light changed and the crowd surged forward, taking Shuichi along with it. As he crossed the street, he caught sight of a suspicious looking figure hidden in a baseball cap and dark sunglasses walking out of the café and taking a seat in the shadows of the outdoor patio. Shuichi recognized him instantly.
"Ryu," he whispered.
He grinned widely. It seemed like forever since he saw his boyfriend. He called him early yesterday evening, informing him that he planned to stay at the studio for as long as they were doing well and then Ryuichi called to say "goodnight" before going to bed, but it seemed like a lifetime ago. Ryuichi was a welcome sight.
Shuichi wondered briefly, what Ryuichi was doing at the cafe.
Deciding to surprise his lover, Shuichi made his way stealthily towards the café when a sleek, black motorcycle pulled up in front of the café, rumbling obnoxiously. Then silence descended upon the neighborhood.
The rider pocketed the key, stood up and toed the kickstand. Shuichi watched mesmerized as the rider swung his long leg over the bike and stood on the sidewalk. The biker grabbed his helmet with black gloved hands and lifted it off his head. The man ran his fingers through his silky black locks as he held his helmet under his arm with his other hand.
When the man turned around, Shuichi gasped. A picture of a man with hazel eyes golden like the sun that seemed to be looking straight into his soul and artily disheveled sandy blond hair towering above those around him with an almost snow white complexion and a smirk on his face that made things low in his body tighten flashed through his mind.
Shuichi studied this man closely. Despite the black hair, dark eyes and tanner complexion, yes, this guy certainly did look like him. He wondered who he was.
Shuichi followed the man with his eyes as he walked towards the café. He saw Ryuichi stand up. He had a wide, toothy grin on his face.
"Tatsuha," his boyfriend called out to the Eiri look alike.
The biker turned towards the voice and grinned back, veering towards the older man.
Shuichi cocked his head, his brows drawn in confusion. Who was this Tatsuha guy and how did he know Ryuichi? Why had Ryuichi not said anything about meeting someone for lunch? Shuichi tried telling himself that he had been stuck at the studio all night and that it was possible that this Tatsuha person was an old friend and called Ryuichi up when he realized that he was going to be in town.
Shuichi watched as his boyfriend stood up, still grinning, and met Tatsuha halfway. They spoke softly. Shuichi was too far away to hear what they said. When the two men embraced warmly, his eyebrows shot into his hairline. Well that answers that question, he thought to himself. Now he really wanted to know who this guy was.
As he started towards the café, he came to a sudden halt, his breath hitching with a gasp. He stood frozen. The color drained from his face. His mind went blank. All he could do was stare at the couple standing in the middle of the café suddenly and inexplicably tongue wrestling. He developed a case of tunnel vision. He was not aware of the other pedestrians jostling him as they rushed by him. He did not hear their shouts or curses or see the dirty looks they threw him. The only thing Shuichi was aware of was his boyfriend in the arms of another man.
+--+--+
At the café, his hands lightly caressed the other man's arm as he reluctantly pulled away. Ryuichi's face was rosy. His eyes sparkled.
"Sorry I'm late," his date apologized.
Ryuichi shook his head. "Don't worry about it, Tats. I just got here myself," he assured him with a smile.
"What did you tell Shuichi?"
"Nothing. He's at the studio. He has been there all night with his band working on their album. He'll go straight home to bed when he finishes."
"Good, so we should be all right."
Ryuichi nodded, but then a frown marred his face. He glanced over his date's shoulder. It felt like he was being watched. Not like it was anything new. He was a celebrity after all, but he had to be extra careful nowadays. Maybe agreeing to meet Tatsuha here had not been a good idea. If word got back to Shu-
When Ryuichi's gaze landed on a small man hidden behind a pair of dark shades and a baseball cap, he froze and gasped. His eyes grew wide.
Tatsuha frowned when he felt Ryuichi tense in his arms. "Ryu? What's wrong?" He glanced down at his lover and saw him staring at something over his shoulder. The older singer looked like he had seen a ghost. Turning around, he followed Ryuichi's gaze. "Well," he said calmly as realized they had been caught. Tatsuha stepped aside to watch the two singer's face-off.
Ryuichi stared across the outdoor café at his boyfriend. Shuichi was watching him with a look of confusion, bewilderment and hurt on his face. For the first time in his life, Ryuichi was at a loss for words. A surge of emotion rushed through him. He stepped forward and reached out towards the younger man. "Shuichi," he whispered. "Shu, I-"
It was like being awaken from a dream. Shuichi shook his head vigorously as fat tears snaked their way down his face. This was not happening, he thought. Shuichi kept shaking his head as he slowly backed up. He was trying to convince himself that this was just a bad dream. It was a sick joke.
Ryuichi slipped off his sunglasses and took another step forward.
Tatsuha just watched everything with a neutral expression, though inside, he was screaming for the pink haired brat to just go away.
One glance into his boyfriend's face was all Shuichi needed. All he had to do was look into those gorgeous deep baby blues and he knew. Something broke inside Shuichi. Spinning around, he fled down the street, vanishing among the thick cluster of people and sobbing uncontrollably with tears coursing down his face.
Ryuichi let his hand drop to his side. He stared blankly where Shuichi just moments before stood. A lone tear tickled down his face.
Frowning, Tatsuha turned and studied his lover with a troubled expression on his face.
+--+--+
Three Weeks Later
With a key in hand, a figure approached the apartment slowly. He wore a hat pulled low over his face. The collar of his jacket was flipped up. He stood before the door, trembling.
It had taken everything Ryuichi had to come face Shuichi today. He had never been so scared in his entire life. He had no idea what he was going to say or how Shuichi was going to react. Would Shuichi forgive him and give him a second chance or tell him to go to hell?
Taking a deep breath, Ryuichi gathered his courage and slipped the key into the lock. The door unlocked with a click as the tumblers shifted. He turned the doorknob and slowly pushed the door open. Pulling off his sunglasses, he hooked them in his shirt and gulped as he stared into the darkened apartment. His pulse was racing. Licking dry lips, he gulped and stepped over the threshold.
He wrinkled his nose in disgust as he walked into the apartment. There was a horrendous smell in the air. Guess they were not kidding when they said Shuichi shut himself away, he thought.
He gazed sadly around the stale, cave-like environment. It looked as if all the shades and curtains in the apartment were drawn. All the lights were off and none of the windows apparently were open if the stench was an indication. Had he reduced Shuichi to this?
Pocketing his house key, Ryuichi shut the door behind him and picked his way through the living room towards the sliding glass doors that led out to the balcony. He cursed as he tripped over, stepped on or knocked into something with every step he took.
He searched among the folds of the curtain blindly for the drawstring and when he found it yanked it and the curtain flew open. Ryuichi hissed and cringed away from the bright afternoon sunlight as it streamed into the living room, blinding him. After his eyes adjusted, Ryuichi unlocked the balcony doors and slid open the door allowing the cool afternoon breeze to circulate through the apartment. Much better, he thought turning around.
Blinking stupidly, he stared at the sight before him. "What the bloody hell?" he gasped seconds later. The living room was in complete shambles.
His gaze swept over the destroyed house and landed on the photo of Shuichi and him that hung on the wall above the stereo system. He took an unsteady breath and blinked back tears.
He took in what left of the Buddhist altar. Ryuichi could picture Shuichi kneeling before the altar with tears coursing down his face as he prayed to Buddha, wondering why he was made to suffer. What had he done to deserve this? Was he being punished for something in a previous life? Had he not been an attentive lover? Had he done something to upset Ryuichi? Why had the universe turned its back on him? Why was this happening to him? Why?
Tears blurred Ryuichi's vision. No Shuichi, he thought. It is not you.
In his minds eye, he watched as Shuichi jumped to his feet with an angst-filled scream. His face was contorted in rage. Angry tears coursed down his face as he smashed the altar, sending the statue of Buddha flying across the room and into the wall, where it smashed into hundreds of pieces all except for the head, which was left untouched but for a small crack that appeared down his cheek. It was as if Buddha himself was crying. The incense holder and flower vases clattered to the floor. Water rained down the wall and puddled to the floor. Ash snowed down, scattered as if blown by the wind. The flowers were strewn before the balcony doors, wilted and dead. The runner laid hanging off the edge of the table. The candles lay in the middle of the living room, their holders stood forlornly on the table.
"Shuichi."
Next, Shuichi would turn towards the stereo system, which was the next nearest target. The system had been expensive, but well worth the investment. Their CD collection that included music from all over the world, as well as some hard to find albums, was stacked in the curvy CD towers secured to the wall. Or had been. Now the CDs were scattered all over the living room. Their cases were smashed. Ryuichi picked up one of the CD cases that were still largely intact. The compact disk had a large crack down the middle. He set it on the one speaker that remained standing and was mostly undamaged. The rest of the system, like the CDs, was strewn about the living room. He bet anything that it was broken. So much for that investment.
The stack of various music and teen magazines, which they kept in clear plastic cubes near the stereo system was next to take Shuichi's wrath. The magazines had been torn to shreds. The pages were sprinkled around the room like confetti. Ryuichi picked up what was left of one of the magazines. It looked as if a dog had been gnawing on it. He dropped the magazine back on the floor and looked around.
The knick-knacks he had been collecting from all over the world had been swept off their perches and onto the floor. They had been shattered to dust.
It looked as if anything and everything he could get his hands on, Shuichi tossed, chucked, smashed and destroyed in his all-consuming anger. If this was what the living room looked like, Ryuichi was afraid to see the rest of the apartment.
He swallowed over a lump in his throat. Tears pricked his eyes. "I'm so sorry, Shuichi."
"What're you more upset about? That you've been cheating on him for two months or that you were caught?" asked Tatsuha in his head.
Ryuichi picked his way through the mess and down the hall to the bedroom as he remembered his reply, "I love him, Tatsuha. I always have and I always will. I have to try to fix things with him."
"But…But what about me? Us?" Tatsuha had then asked.
Ryuichi stood before the master suite. He reached out with a trembling hand, but jerked his hand back at the last minute and clenched his hand into a fist. He dropped his hand to his side and stared at the closed door. Dropping his head forward, he squeezed his eyes shut.
--
Ryuichi sighed. "Tatsuha…"
"Don't my feelings count for anything?" Tatsuha cried searching Ryuichi's face frantically. He had a look of stricken panic on his face.
"Of course they do! You know that!"
An inkling of hope appeared amongst the panic. "Then-?"
Ryuichi smiled gently. "I love him. I have since the moment I saw him and I want to make things right with him."
--
Taking a deep breath, Ryuichi lifted his head and reached for the doorknob. Turning the knob, he pushed open the door with his index finger and stared into the darkened room. His pulse was racing. Licking his lips, he gulped and stepped over the threshold. He wrinkled his nose in disgust as he stepped into the bedroom. There was that horrendous smell again. In the dim light, he took in the state of the bedroom. From what he could see, it was in a similar condition as the living room.
The closet door was wide open, its contents spewed all over the floor as if the closet itself had been sick.
The dresser and nightstand drawers were hanging open, their contents scattered to the four winds as if a bomb had gone off. A few of the drawers had been ripped out and were flung across the room. There was a trail of miscellaneous junk in their wake.
The lamp and alarm clock that used to sit on Shuichi's nightstand were missing. Ryuichi could see the red glow of the clock rising up from behind the nightstand. He spotted the lamp in the far corner of the room. Other than the missing shade, it appeared to be unscathed.
The dresser top had been wiped clean. Deodorant, that was missing their caps, hair gel and wax, cologne bottles that had miraculously not broke, but had lost their tops, causing their contents to leak out (which would explain the smell in the apartment), combs, brushes, jewelry and makeup cases, pill bottles, whose contents were scattered all over the place like droppings, and Shuichi's contact lens equipment littered the room. The mirror above the dresser had a spider-webbed crack in the center of it. A crack snaked its way from the epicenter down to the bottom.
Ryuichi's eyes widened with a gasp. Did Shuichi do that? Was he hurt?
He turned towards the bed and spotted a lump buried underneath the blankets. He wiped his sweating palms on his pants. Swallowing over a lump in his throat, he took deep, even breaths to try to calm his racing heart. He clenched shaking hands and licked dry lips. Steeling himself, he shut the door behind him and walked towards the bed, hoping that it was Shuichi and at the same time praying that it was not.
--
"Please, Ryuichi!" Tatsuha tried pleading one last time. His voice was thick. His eyes shimmered with unshed tears. "Don't do this!"
"Tatsuha, I love him," Ryuichi said again in a soft calm voice.
"But why?"
Ryuichi did not have an answer to that.
Tatsuha grew enraged. "Dammit! What about me?!"
"Tatsuha, you know I love you."
"Then why are you going back to him?" Tatsuha shouted.
"I told you why…Listen, Tatsuha. Shuichi has nothing to do with you. He has nothing to do…with us."
Tatsuha's eyes grew wide. "…What?"
--
A Week Later
The picnic table was hidden in the shade of a triumvirate of trees. The lavatory was off to his right. A little girl no more than five raced inside, her mother several yards behind her. Behind him was the parking lot filled to capacity. A car was circling, trying in vain to find a spot. Couples and families stretched out on either side of him for as far as he could see. They were picnicking and sun bathing. Some were riding bikes; others were either on roller skates, scooters or skateboards, while still others were on foot, walking, running or speed walking along the bike path that followed the length of the river.
The afternoon was warm. The sky was a deep, endless blue with no clouds in sight. The sun was shinning brightly. The breeze was light and warm. The waves crashed upon the rocks. Spray glistened in the sunlight, but Shuichi was oblivious to it all. He sat hidden in the shadows staring blankly out over the water as the events from a week ago replayed in his head.
--
"Get out."
Ryuichi was startled out of his thoughts by Shuichi's muffled voice that came from beneath the layers of the blankets on the bed. "Shu-"
"Get. Out. Now," Shuichi ordered. His voice was tight and even.
"Please, Shuichi," Ryuichi pleaded. "Let me explain."
With a low growl, Shuichi flung back the covers and sat up. He glared through the dim light at his so-called boyfriend. "What's there to explain?!" he yelled angrily. "You fucking cheated on me!"
A sharp pain jolted through Ryuichi's heart.
"How could you do this to me?" Shuichi sobbed. A lone tear strayed down his cheek.
Ryuichi's chest tightened. There was so much pain in Shuichi's eyes that Ryuichi found he had to look away.
"We were together three months, Ryuichi. Three months!" Shuichi's face was red with rage. "I gave you everything!"
I'm not too sure about that, Ryuichi thought as he thought back to that night three months back.
Shuichi sharpened his gaze at once. "What?" he demanded.
Ryuichi mentally cursed when he realized he said that a loud. He shook his head vigorously. "Nothing. Look, Shu-"
"Shut up!" Shuichi growled. "I do not want to hear a damn thing you have to say. I thought I knew you. I though you loved me. I trusted you! I loved you and you played me like a fool! I don't ever want to see your face again!"
Ryuichi's heart ached. "I'm so sorry, Shuichi. I never meant to hurt you, you have to believe me."
"Get. Out." Shuichi's voice had gone dangerously low.
"Shuichi, please! I do love you! I've loved you since the moment I saw you."
"Liar."
Ryuichi's eyes widened. He took a step further into the room. "No, Shuichi, please!"
"If you loved me so goddamn much then how could you…" Shuichi's voice dwindled into tears. "How could you…? What did I do? How could you do this to me? To us?"
"Shuichi, you didn't do anything! It was…I do not know how it happened, Shuichi. I have no excuses. All I can say is that I was weak."
That was not the verb Shuichi would have chosen.
"I, I was…I just…I couldn't…I know it was a mistake," Ryuichi choked out. "It…it was something that just happened!"
"'Just happened'? Bullshit! You don't 'just happen' to sleep with someone! You don't 'just happen' to let someone stick his tongue down your throat! You got involved with him willingly!"
"It was a mistake, Shuichi. You have to believe me! I love you! I never meant for it to go this far! I, I was just lonely. You were, you were always working and…I don't know what came over me. I just…Please, Shu! Tatsuha meant nothing! Nothing! It was only a one-time thing! I, I called him that day to, to break it off! Please! Shuichi!"
"Why should I believe you after what you did to me?"
"God, Shuichi! I'm sorry! It won't happen again," Ryuichi sobbed. "I swear to God! I never meant to hurt you! Never!"
Shuichi's face softened.
"I swear to God it'll never happen again! Please, just, just give me a second chance!"
"…I don't know, Ryuichi. I don't think I can. You hurt me."
The hand unclenched from Ryuichi's heart just the littlest bit. "I know. I know I screwed up, screwed up big time! I know that and I know I lost your trust and respect and I do not expect you to ever forgive me. I wouldn't blame you if you hated me and never wanted to see me again, but I…I-"
"I don't hate you, Ryuichi," Shuichi rejected softly. "I never could. I love you. That's why it hurts so much…I just…"
"Give me a second chance, I beg you."
Shuichi watched Ryuichi dejectedly as the other man searched his face frantically for some sign. "…I don't…"
"Please!"
--
Shuichi dropped his face in his hands. He was so confused.
Suguru's angry snap echoed in his head, "You know as well as I do that if he did it once, he will do it again. I personally think you should dump his ass and tell him to go to hell."
Even Hiro had agreed with the young keyboardist. "We're not talking about me. This is about you. What do you want to do?"
But that was the whole problem. What did he want to do? He knew without a doubt that he loved Ryuichi, despite what the man did. Ryuichi hurt him, betrayed him, his trust and respect. He did not like to admit it, but Suguru was right. What proof did he have that Ryuichi would not do it again? Ryuichi had apologized a week ago for his poor judgment and promised never to do something to hurt him again, but Shuichi was not sure if he believed him.
Part of Shuichi agreed with Suguru's sentiment, but there was a little voice inside his head that was telling him that everybody deserved a second chance, even a no good two timing bastard like Ryuichi.
No, Shuichi knew what he should do, but he was not sure if it was what he wanted to do.
Ryuichi's pleading voice and his tear stained face popped into Shuichi's head. "I'm so sorry. Please give me a second chance. Please. It'll never happen again."
Growling, Shuichi scrubbed his hands over his face and then slammed his fists on the picnic table. He was not afraid to admit that he was scared. As much as he loved Ryuichi and as much as he wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, he did not want to go through this again. It hurt too much.
"Give me a second chance. Give me a chance to prove to you that I love you. Please."
With a sigh, Shuichi stood up, stepped over the bench and shoving his hands in the pockets of his jeans, made his way across the parking lot. As he made his way slowly down the street, he let his mind wander back over the past few months and by the time he reached the apartment, he had come to a decision.
He thanked the doorman who held the door open for him, made his way across the lobby to the elevator, and pushed the up button. As he waited, he hugged his arms around himself and tried to settle the butterflies in his stomach. The elevator dinged and seconds later slid open. Shuichi dropped his arms and stepped inside. He pressed the button for his floor and as he watched the elevator doors slide closed, his nervousness intensified. He hoped he was making the right decision.
+--+--+
The door opened, throwing light into the shadow-strewn hallway. Ryuichi stepped into the apartment and tossed his keys on the table next to the front door as he shut the door behind him. Toeing off his shoes, he shrugged out of his jacket and opening the closet, hung it up. Taking off his hat, he tossed it on the top shelf. Shutting the door, he turned and jumped with a yelp. "S-Shuichi," he exclaimed in surprise. "Wh-what are…?""
Shuichi stepped forward and smiled softly. "Hello, Ryuichi."
Ryuichi opened his mouth, and then closed it, at a loss of words.
"I…" Shuichi stared at his feet, gathering his thoughts. "I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive you," he said quietly.
Ryuichi's shoulders sagged. He nodded in understanding.
"But…"
Ryuichi's ears perked and he caught his breath, waiting in anticipation.
"I'm…I'm willing to…to give you a second chance."
"Really?" Ryuichi felt his heart sore.
Shuichi raised his head and stared into Ryuichi's eyes. "But you have to earn my trust back. You hurt me. Bad."
Ryuichi nodded. He had expected as much. He would do everything in his power to win back Shuichi's trust and respect, to make up for what he did to his lover. He stepped towards him, but Shuichi stepped back and shook his head. "Shuichi? What…?"
"Don't make me regret this, Ryuichi. Don't make me sorry I gave you this second chance."
"You won't," Ryuichi assured the young singer. He stepped forward and embraced him tightly. "You won't regret this." He planted a kiss on the younger man's newly golden blond head. "I love you, Shuichi. Thank you."
Shuichi wrapped his arms around Ryuichi's waist and stared at the closed front door with blank olive green eyes, but remained silent. He hoped he was doing the right thing.
---TBC--
Preview: Things are not so perfect in paradise.