Of Pretzels and Phone Calls.
"Misery loves company."
"Sumire Shouda! Let go of that pretzel or I will personally throw you out of my window!" I wasn't getting better at being sweet after getting my heart broken into several million pieces.
Who could blame me? I was bitter and food was my only company and yet, here's Sumire Shouda, stealing my food. As if, I haven't had enough stolen from me.
Welcome to my life of misery and woe a week after my heart was broken into several million pieces.
"Mikan! This pretzel will make you fat, just give it to me and I will dispose of it accordingly!" Sumire was at the other end of the room holding up the pretzel I had my eyes on.
"'Dispose of it accordingly' my face! You'll gobble it down like the monster you are!" I got off my bed and marched my way down to her but with all my stuff littered on the floor with a few discarded food wrappers and boxes and a lot of my clothing just scattered around it was almost impossible to get to her before she put her monster-lips on that pretzel.
I flailed my hands up and down to get her attention and I was successful as she laughed herself into a frenzy and I took this chance by wading through my room and then when I was close enough I leaped from my position and tackled her to the ground.
"Mikan! Oof- Get off of me! Your fatness will squish me!" She said as she tried to get the pretzel away from my clawing hands.
I scoffed and tried to get the damned pretzel away from her claws, to no avail. The damned monster wouldn't let it go! I rolled off of her into a pile of my washed clothes and I sighed. Sumire took a bite off the pretzel and I decided to let it go. It was just a pretzel.
"You know-" She stopped as she chewed her pretzel. She swallowed it and took another bite. Did humans really eat that slowly or is she just torturing me? "-you should stop this all 'oh woe is me' act you've been trying to pull. A week after and you've turned your bedroom to a waste bin having empty food wrappers and your clothes littering everything. It's not doing you good being a hermit and all. You can't flirt with guys when you're a hermit." Her pretzel is spewed on me as she doesn't stop talking. I wipe it off and get off the pile of clothes and return to my bed, albeit it took me a few minutes after all the clothes I had to go through. Sumire followed behind eating the last of her pretzel and as I flop on my bed she takes her seat at the foot of it leaning on one of the bedposts.
I readjust my position to have my face squished on a pillow. "I just need to accept that I'll be living like this in the next few years and someday I just might be lucky and get featured on Hoarders!"
Sumire picks off dirt from her nails and she raises her legs on top of the bed. She pats my foot affectionately (as affectionately one can pat a foot.) "You know, don't follow my advice. This whole hermit thing could be great for you! You can flirt with guys as a hermit, too. 'Oh I love the solitude of darkness, marry me and let me live in your closet!' will get the boys going to your lawn in no time!" I spot the fake cheery tone her voice has taken and I want to puke. Ugh. She was trying to make me feel better when I know that the life of the hermit was the life for me.
I raise my head to face her. "Sumire, I love you and all but please shut the fuck up. I just need to face it. I am going to be an old woman someday with 5 dogs and 10 cats and they will be named as Johnny Aplebee, Psyduck the wonderlad, Yo Mama, Anna the Whore, The Slutty Pumpkin, Kitty McHissface and other crude names that will surely bring light to my otherwise dull old woman life." I end with a resigned sigh as I smash my face to the pillow again. I feel Sumire stand up and loom over me. She takes a fistful of my hair and I cry out in pain. She lets my hair go (My poor hair!) and I tumble back down on the bed. I stand up and face her.
"Sumire! What is your problem?" I scream out as I gently stroke my mangled hair. RIP. Mikan Sakura's hair. She slaps me with her newly manicured hand as her eyes burn a bright green. As in a really bright lime green. It was creepy; it could light a whole dark room.
"What's my problem? My fucking problem? You're the one that has a fucking problem. It's not me! It's you!" Her shrill voice was so high and loud that I could barely understand it.
"We aren't breaking up Sumire! Why is it that it sounds like that?" I scream back at her. I hoped to scream at her at a higher pitch than she did so that she could experience the irritation that I felt.
"Mikan get off your fucking high chair and look at yourself! You're a fucking mess that-"
"Why the fuck do you keep saying the word fuck?"
"Because it's fucking expressing the urgency in my fucking words! Wake the fuck up. A fucking week has gone by. It's just another boy; there are millions of them out there! Get another one! Two if you want! Don't like boys anymore? Go for the girls then! I don't care just get out of your fucking room because I will not let you be a fucking old woman with 5 dogs and 10 cats with stupid names!"
Sumire was red after yelling at me so much and I looked like an idiot laughing at her. I laughed and laughed and laughed. I even snorted while I laughed. It was the stupidest speech I've heard in my whole life. Sumire left after an hour of me continually laughing with no end to my laughs in sight.
I woke up on a pile of my clothes and I felt fresh and new and I just felt whole again. Maybe laughing my head off after the world's stupidest speech was a good idea. I hummed a tune as I walked all the way to my phone in the hallway. I dialled in a number I memorized by heart. I hear three rings and the other end answers.
"Hello?" I ask with my voice slightly hoarse from laughing for an hour. I twirl the cord of the phone in my finger.
"Who is this?" The voice was sickly sweet and you could feel the sluttiness in her tone.
"Your worst nightmare." I say menacingly into the phone. I try to hold back my laugh as to not give away my identity but I snort anyway and the other end laughs and I know I've been caught.
"Mikan Sakura? Ruka Nogi's ex-girlfriend?" And I obviously hear the way she emphasized the ex-part.
"Luna Koizumi. Because of you I had thoughts of living alone in my apartment with 5 dogs and 10 cats with stupid-ass names that should be illegal." I pause as I hear her girly giggle in the other end.
"What else is new?" She retorts and I want to slam the phone to the wall but I swallow my saliva and keep my temper down.
"You should keep your hands to yourself Koizumi. You and your slutty ways will always just be a side dish to men. No one will ever take you for a main course. Plus! I know in a few years younger sluts will come to take your top slut place and soon no one will even take you as a side dish!" I inhale and the other end is practically speechless. I smirk to myself.
"And you know what Luna Koizumi."
She chokes out a 'what' and I stand up from the ground.
"I'm going to buy a pretzel today and eat it! HA! Yu and your slutty values will never let you eat one ever!" And I smash the phone down to its receiver and thus end my worries.
There's a knock on my door and I get it not bothering to change my clothes (blue pajamas with a matching blue bunny top) and I see the face of Sumire Shouda with a bag of pretzels in her right hand and I grin at her.
"Sumire, gues who's not going to be a hermit today?"
She laughs and I usher her in. We have a lot of cleaning ahead of us.
A/N: I'm candy high and going on an update spree. Awesomesauce.
Prompts: Catfight, Broken Hearts.