Duck Butt's Brother and Shark Bait

Ba-thump. Ba-thump. Ba-thump. Ba-thump.

Heart beat. Check. Breathing. Check. Those combined equalling life. Triple Check. I was still alive, right? But, what the hell is that? Something was smacking my face, and it was seriously irritating too. So as I opened my eyes, I saw Quia holding me upwards, slapping the crap out of me.

"Mama, wake up already" I heard her say.

"Papa, stop hitting me already, before I back-hand you all the way to oblivion!" my voice groaned.

"Not before I kick you to Timbuktu" she snickered.

"Not before I 'karate-chop' your ass"

"Not before I bitch-slap you all the way to Africa!"

"OH, YOU DID NOT JUST GO THERE!"

"Oh yes I did!!"

"Oh, no you did not!" I breathed, teasingly but somewhat defensively.

"Oh, yes I did, what cha gonna do about it?" she snapped back in a taunting tone.

I quickly got to my feet and at the same time so did she, my voice yelling "What! You wanna go me, Homie?" as I strutted into her personal bubble releasing an evil aura, Tiger against Dragon. And I swore I could hear rumbling. "I'll whoop your ass with my bread stick!"

"I'll eat your bread stick, then!"

"But…" I stuttered, glancing at the firm, rotting thing "you'll get sick and…die!"

"Oh. Uhm…then I'll…"

"You'll what?"

"I'll. Do something really evil to you once I figure out what that is!"

…

"I'll aquiver with fear" I sarcastically commented.

"Yeah, be afraid. Be very afraid"

"Ooh, I'm so scared"

"Yeah, I knew you would. But because I'm so utterly awesome, I will spare your puny, insignificant life"

"Oh joy"

"Anyway, have you noticed anything different?"

"Hm? With what?"

"With the fact that the mall just disappeared and we're now in a forest"

My eyes left hers as I stared everywhere. At the pretty lake and the huge tress and the really blue sky. "Hm, no, I don't see anything particularly different"

"Oh. Okay then. Wanna walk?"

"Nah, I'm hungry"

"You're always hungry!"

"And you're always anorexic!"

"I'm not anorexic."

…"Ahem, if you haven't noticed, honey. You're all bone! Serious, I mean, I remember one time when you crashed your hip into mine and made me practically scream! I never felt more like an old lady in my entire life on that day. You had me clutching my hip, looking like I was trying to locate the stupid dislocated thing!"

"NAH! You're just weak!"

"You wanna take this outside?"

"We are outside!"

"Uhm…That's what the Matrix wants you to think!"

"Ooh! Neo!! He's one hunk of man!"

"Yeah, I know"

'Hey, is that drool going down my- Oh, yep, it is'

"But the ending was sooo utterly corny!"

"Yeah, but is it cornier than the last episode of Inuyasha?"

"Uhmm…nah! The two love birds just hugged and Dog-Boy was like 'I don't know what I'd do without you, Kagome', and all that"

"…Lucky." 'But they didn't exactly hug…'

"Yeah, I know!"

"Well, at least Sesshoumaru is available!"
"Ergh, you can have him"

"Fine, I will!"

"Too bad though, you have competition! Kagura and Rin are out to have him"

"Meh, I don't hurt kids but Kagura can just go fly away like Merry Poppins"

"Super-cala-fraga-listic-espiala-docous!"

"Super…cala…whuh?"

"I'm not playing this game."
"Aww" I whimpered, "anyway…I'm extremely bored"

"Come on, let's go find people"

"Ooh! Terrorise?"

"Plunder"

"Divide?"

"And conquer!!"

We locked hands and started making our way further through the forest, both of us thinking 'that rhymed'! But the thing is that when we turned around, both of us crashed into a wall!

"Was there always a tree here?" Papa grumbled, rubbing her nose.

I mumbled an 'I don't know' but looked at the wall and saw it was completely black! With little red thingy-o's on it. Clouds, maybe? Staring at it longer, it became hypnotising, but I found out it was made of some kind of fabric. I poked it. It hurt. I poked it again.

"Hey, Quia, do rocks wear clothes?" I asked, repeatedly jabbing it, staring off at my partner's ghostly face. I would have laughed but after seeing that hideous look for so long, it gets old. He-he, I'm so mean. "Hey, Quia, what's the matter?"

Then something took hold of my stabbing wrist forcing me up in the air defying gravity, as my stomach was placed upon a steroid solid shoulder.

"So we just need to take these two to The Leader?"

"Yes"

"Too easy"

I saw from the view I had, that I was practically in the air, supported by this man. I couldn't see his face but I could see his retarded, spiky, navy blue hair, a massive sword thing covered in band-aids and past his huge, steroid-ness, Quia, shoving her hand in the face of the big guy's assumed partner. Now, the language my 'Papa' used was something no ordinary sixteen year old should be spouting. I will leave it to your imagination.

But she went limp in his arms as she shot him a glare, his red eyes returning the gesture.

I thought she was dead.

"LET QUIA GO!!!"

All of a sudden, vines shot out from the trees, wrapping around the two men but freeing my body from Gigantor, allowing me to run to my friend, now fallen to the ground. She was unconscious and her pulse was getting slow. "Wake up!" I yelled, shaking her insanely. "Don't die, Potty Mouth!!"

"Mmh. Two more minutes…"

...

IDIOT!!!

Inhale. "WAKE THE FUCK UP!!!" my hand violently smacking her cheek.

She jumped, shot up and yelled in reply "I'M UP ALREADY!!"

I then took her into a brief hug before ordering her to never sleep-die ever again. She just looked at me like I was an idiot but in exchange for never sleep-dieing; I wasn't allowed to scream swear words into her ear or hit her. And it was sealed with our high-five; up high, down low, snap ya fingers!

We sniggered but a dark shadow loomed over us, a voice demanding that we 'go with them' or something along the words of that.

Quia lightly formed a fist, but the base of her hand motion met her opposite palm, like she was holding her balled hand, as she exclaimed "I remember you!!"

… "You know them?"

"Yeah!"

"Papa, you know weird people"

"Mama, you know them too!"

"Huh?!"

"They're Naruto Cosplayers!!"

"Uh-huh…"

"Yeah!! That one's Itachi and that one's Kisame!"

"Ooh, Duck Butt's evil brother and 'Shark Bait'?! You serious?!"

"Take a look for yourself!"

I did as she said and spoke "Damn, you guys are good! You look just like 'em! Where'd you get the outfit? E-bay?" I asked.

"Hm, I don't think so. But we so need to check it out when we get home!"

"Hang on. But, Papa…I just realised something"

"Hm?"

"We didn't go to a convention thingy before"

…

"Oh, who cares?" she muttered, mumbling an 'I don't'.

"Of course you don't, you little Shit!"

"I'm not shit!"

"You are too!"

"Well... Oh my God! I have invented new codenames for us!"

I painted a surprised face, asking "Already? Tell me!!"

"You'll be Shit One and I'll be Shit Two"

"…I think that's a good idea"

"I know, and it's like Banana's in Pyjama's"

"Ha-ha, so true!"

"You know what I'm thinking Shit One?" Quia whispered, having me respond in the same tone "What is it, Shit Two?"

"I'm thinking we should tag along with fish-boy and his side kick"

"Why?"

"Why not?"

… "I don't know"

"Well, even better! Let's go!"

We both turned to see the faces of the men, raising eye brows, with the signs 'who are these idiots' plastered on their foreheads.

"We'll come with you" we both chirped, wearing happy grins.

"I shotgun Shark Bait!" I yelled, sprinting towards Gigantor.

"Yeah, ok- Hey! I want him!" she screamed, grabbing my leg, trying to drag me to the ground, when I just started my hike.

"Let go!"

"I want Shark Bait!"

"Hey, that's my nickname for him, no one else can use it! And why do you want him? Weren't you an Itachi fan?"

"That was ages ago!"

"Oh my God, you hippity hopper! Stick to one man already!"

"Make me!"

"Don't start this again!"

"You don't you go to Itachi?"

I raised an accusing finger at the victim, but my other hand gripping Kisame's robe and yelled "Do you think he will be able to hold my weight?!"

"You're not fat, Elle!"

"Yes! I am P.H.A.T! Pretty Hot and Mother-pucking Tempting!!"

She released a sigh "We all knew that"

"Sure you did"

"Anyway. GIMME!!" she screeched, yanking my foot down, resulting in my butt hitting the ground hard.

"YEEOUUCH!!"

"Oop. Sorry. You okay?" she apologized, but ignored me by climbing up Kisame, wearing a smug face saying 'you snooze, you lose'.

"I think I dislocated my butt"

Quia giggled as she placed herself on Shark Bait's back, her arms secured around his neck and legs around his middle. Kisame was looking as if he didn't know whether to murder papa, or laugh at my suffering.

I grumbled angrily, whilst marching to Mop Head. His back was towards me, so to be a little show off, I took a running start and cried "GLOMP NO JUTSU!!" crashing into his back, which didn't even faze him.

'Oh you're good'.

"I see you have survived my technique…" my voice resembling something like Bruce Lee and the Karate Kid.

"Hn"

I grasped him just like Quia was doing to Blue Boy and spoke "Well… lead away"

And at the end of my sentence, we went like Superman, and started rushing past the trees and branches with Quia screaming behind us. 'Poor Kisame, Papa's afraid of heights'. Ooh, I know! I know exactly what gets her mind of it!

I prepared my voice and after a few 'ahem's', I sang, just loud enough for her to hear me "I believe I can fly!"

"I got shot by the FBI!!" she sang in return

"All I wanted was some chicken wings!"

"And some fries from Burger King!"

My mind went blank as I sang "I believe I can soar!"

"And…I can't remember anymore!!"

"Me neither!" I simply said.

"Hey, you didn't sing it!"

"You didn't either!"

…"White Flag!" she said, then going silent. That wasn't something good. It meant she was panicking. Oh damn, what do I do?

"Hey, Itachi, can you slow down to Kisame's pace? I need to calm her down"

His face remained emotionless but he did as I asked when my eyes met the scared, pale face of my best friend.

"Papa, let's play the Rhyming Game, 'kay?"

She took a sharp gulp and mumbled an 'okay'.

"Late" I calmly said.

"Hate" she followed.

"Fate"

"Mate"

"Plate"

"Kate"

"Annihilate!"

"Perpetrate!"

"Administrate!"

"Manipulate!"

"Uhh, invigorate!"

She stuttered but said "Exaggerate!"

"Penetrate!" I exclaimed, pointing a finger at me.

But then I exploded into a hilarious fit when she screamed for the whole world to hear.

"Masturbate!!!"

God, it was so hilarious. I was never expecting that! I tried stopping myself, taking deep inhales, but I just sounded like a suffocating fish.

"I Surrender!"

Then my laughter died down when a sharp pain coursed at my body, making me wilt and become tired. The last thing my eyes saw was Quia asleep on Shark Bait's back. Hey…where'd my bread stick go?