OK, a couple of things real quick before we get the chapter going…Disclaimer: All recognizable characters, themes, and dialogue are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer and no copyright infringement is intended.

Journey Through the Flames was nominated for a TwiTastic Award! Thank you so much to whomever nominated! That's something I still have a hard time wrapping my head around, but wow, what an honor! The voting is going on now, so if you read and enjoyed Journey, I'd love to have your vote. I'll have a link to the site on my profile page. :-D

And secondly, I altered the timeline of events in this chapter just slightly. I don't think it'll be noticeable unless you read this chapter in New Moon like yesterday, but I really wanted to wanted to see this particular conversation in here. Enjoy!

Chapter 2

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Alice

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The sound of Edward's approaching steps caused me to lift my face from where I had laid it against Jasper's hair. My arms tightened reflexively around his shoulders as our brother approached. Jasper still hadn't lifted his face – he had yet to even look at me. He was drowning in his shame.

I knew Edward was hurting terribly – I could see it in his eyes – but, selfishly, I wanted him to say or do something that would ease some of Jasper's guilt. I knew he wouldn't listen to anything I could say, but maybe, coming from Edward, he might be able to take it a little more to heart.

Edward came to stand a few feet away from me. Through the grief and lifelessness of his expression, he attempted a smile as I looked up at him with my plea in my eyes.

"Alice, could we have a few moments?" He asked quietly.

Nodding slowly, I slid my arms from Jasper's shoulders, reluctant to let go of him. Gently, I nudged his head up from its hiding place on my shoulder. I cupped his face in both my hands, stroking my thumbs along his cheekbones, and brought his eyes up to mine.

The look there felt like a literal blow to my midsection. I wanted to double over in pain. His eyes were desolate… hopeless like I hadn't seen them in so many years. I had fervently hoped never to see this look in his eyes again. But, in spite of my best efforts, I hadn't been able to do anything to prevent it.

I held his bleak eyes with mine. "I'll be back," I promised solemnly. He made a weak attempt at a nod. With a deep sigh, I lay my forehead against his, hating the thought of letting go of him while he was in so much pain.

I pressed my lips to his in a gentle kiss once… twice. He sighed against my mouth – a painful, shuddering sound – and cupped his hand over mine where it still rested against his cheek. Reluctantly, I released Jasper, standing slowly.

Edward squeezed my shoulder in a silent gesture of support as I stood. Without thinking, I threw my arms around his waist. He wrapped his arms around my shoulder and leaned down to kiss the top of my head.

We were all broken… we all needed each others support and comfort right now… possibly more so than ever before.

With a final squeeze around Edward's waist, I left, leaving my brother to talk to my beloved in some semblance of privacy.

My steps back to the house were sluggish and slow. I was almost embarrassed at the thought of seeing my best friend – my sister – after being so tempted by her blood earlier. I knew she wouldn't be angry. I knew that if we didn't bring it up, she'd never speak of it again – she was just that forgiving. But still…

She was still in Carlisle's office when I walked in the front door. Esme was on her hands and knees cleaning the floor where Bella's blood had been spilled. My throat flamed in response, though my nose burned from the scent of the harsh odor of the bleach, but I considered the flames leaping in my throat a just kind of punishment.

I knew Bella would need something else to wear home. Charlie was certainly used to her coming home injured in some form or another, but it wouldn't go over well for her to return home in her blood-soaked shirt. That would invite questions that none of us had the mental energy to lie to.

Esme was the closest in size to Bella, so I went into her closet to find a shirt similar enough in cut and color that Charlie wouldn't notice the difference. As I passed by the door to Carlisle's office, I spoke too quickly and quietly for Bella's human ears and asked him to send her to me when he was done.

I found what I was looking for and went back to my room, sitting on the edge of the bed and burying my face in my hands. I was trying not to eavesdrop on Jasper's conversation with Edward, but it was difficult to ignore the visions. I was always attuned to Jasper, more so than anyone else, but visions of him were especially frequent when he was hurting or in danger.

There was a part of me, deep inside, that feared someday he'd have enough and decide it wasn't worth this. He hated feeling weak, and that feeling was something he couldn't escape these days. I'd seen the depression that consumed him when he fed the "normal" way. I knew how relentlessly his conscience plagued him when he did. But I also knew how much a failure he felt when his nature prevailed over his conscience.

There was no easy answer for him any way he turned. He seemed to be damned either way he tried. And I hated it… I absolutely hated it for him. He deserved so much better than this.

I pulled myself together when I saw that Bella was coming this way. "Alice?" She called unnecessarily before stepping hesitantly into my room. "Carlisle said you were waiting for me."

"Yeah. I was." I said softly, offering the shirt to Bella in my outstretched arms. I cast a rueful glance at my best friend. I wanted to apologize for my hideous lapse earlier – for even being tempted by her blood – but I couldn't quite find the words.

Bella grimaced, "Good thinking. I guess Charlie would get suspicious if I came home looking like this," she gestured to the ruined shirt she was wearing. "But then again, by this point, he shouldn't be surprised." Her attempt at a smile fell flat.

"Do you need help changing?" I asked as she took the blouse.

She shook her head. "I think I can get it." I turned around, giving her privacy as she slipped the clean shirt on over her head. She grunted in pain a couple of times at the movement, but she managed to get herself changed.

I walked over to the vanity while she worked the shirt over her head and picked up a brush. Sitting on the edge of the bed, I patted the space in front of me for her to sit. She did, without hesitation, and I ran the brush gently through the mussed strands of her hair.

"How's your arm?" I asked quietly as I started stroking the brush through the lowest ends of her long hair.

"It's fine," she shrugged. "I've certainly had worse."

Yes, she had, especially since having met us. At the reminder, I couldn't help remembering the long weeks at the hospital in Phoenix before she'd been well enough to move, and then the weeks after that where she'd needed help with even the most simple tasks. She'd been in bad shape, but at least it hadn't been directly caused by our hands… not like this had been.

We'd fought to save her before. This time she almost needed someone to save her from us.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I'm so sorry." I whispered lowly, still working through her tangles.

She turned, her hand, blazing hot against my cheek, lifting my downcast face to look at her. "You haven't done anything wrong to be sorry for." She sighed when I didn't respond, "Don't apologize for what you are, Alice. That's not something you can help." With a sigh, she turned back around, letting me resume my task.

I worked in silence for a few moments before her quiet voice broke through again. "How's Jasper?" She asked with genuine concern.

As the image of my beloved's desolate face came to mind again, a jagged wave of pain ripped through my chest. All I wanted was to lay in the floor, curl into a ball and weep. I shrugged instead, biting my lip and absently toying with one of Bella's curls, twirling the strands with the brush.

"He feels absolutely terrible." I whispered, my voice rough with pain. "You don't have any idea."

Bella turned around again and caught one of my hands in hers. "I don't blame him, Alice. I'm not mad at him… not at all." Her quiet voice was earnest and unquestionably sincere. "You'll tell him won't you? I don't know if that will make him feel any better, but it's worth a shot, right?"

My eyes burned with emotions seeking an outlet. Truthfully, she had every right to be angry – even as fiercely protective as I was of Jasper, I knew that. She had every right to avoid him for the rest of her human life… and it would be entirely fair for her to do so. But she wasn't concerned with that. She was so selfless that she was seeking to eradicate his guilt.

"I'll tell him," I promised in a choked whisper. Looking down at her hand clasping mine, marble held by fragile glass, I bit my lip again. "He tries so hard, Bella… and it's so much worse for him than for the rest of us. And then when something like this happens, he… it makes him question everything."

I wasn't sure how much Bella actually knew about Jasper's history. She knew he was the most recent to our way of life – Edward and Carlisle had both told her that. But, as far as I was aware, that was all she had been told. There was so much more to it than that – that was only one small factor in the whole scheme of things. I knew this wasn't the right time to tell her why he struggled so badly, and it wasn't my story to tell anyway, but I wanted her to understand… to know that he was trying.

"Will he be all right?" Bella asked, squeezing my hand with her fragile human strength.

I nodded. "Given some time, yes, he will be."

Bella hesitated, wanting to ask about Edward, though it seemed like she was almost afraid of the answer.

I smiled half-heartedly. "He's blaming himself for it all. You know how he is." Bella and I exchanged a chagrined smile. Yes, we both knew.

"It was an accident… it's not the end of the world. He needs to understand that," Bella said absently.

"I know. But good luck convincing him of that."

Bella sighed, her shoulders heaving. We both knew Edward wouldn't be easily persuaded… if he could be at all. And speaking of whom… I could see him now, heading this way.

"Edward's on his way back. He's ready to get you home." I told Bella in response to her questioning gaze.

She nodded and stood. "Will I see you in school tomorrow?" She asked hesitantly.

"Probably not," I said, shaking my head regretfully. "Jasper's going to need me for a while. I can't leave him while he's like this."

"Okay," she said in understanding. "But you'll call if you have a chance, right?"

"Definitely," I promised.

The front door opened almost silently as Edward ghosted into the house.

"Edward's waiting," I said, pushing a lock of hair over her shoulder. Her arms wrapped around me in a hug, and we clung to each other for a moment. The two of us were in the same boat right now… we both had hard-headed men, intent on wallowing in blame, to talk sense into. And both of us knew it wouldn't be easy.

Bella pulled back after giving one last squeeze which I returned carefully. "I'll see you soon," she said quietly.

"Good luck," I half-smiled, though I was serious.

"Thanks," she chuckled lightly. "You too."

Bella went downstairs then and the front door closed moments later. Her truck roared to life and they were gone.

I glanced into the future, searching for Jasper... he was exactly as I'd left him earlier. His hair, ruffled slightly by the wind, was the only part of him that moved. He wasn't blinking. He wasn't breathing. His body was as still as stone.

With a deep sigh, I opened the window and dropped to the ground, sprinting back out to the field. It was exactly as I'd seen in my vision. His eyes were faraway… his body entirely motionless. His whole being screamed of absolute desolation.

It broke my heart to pieces all over again.

In an instant, I was at his side. His only movement was to take in a deep breath. I knelt beside him and placed my hands on his shoulders, nudging him gently onto the grass. He went without any protest whatsoever.

I draped my body over his, trying to cover as much of him as I could… like I could actually shield him. I wanted to soak up his pain in my body. I wanted to defend him from the despair that clawed at his heart. I wanted to take his doubts and his fears and insulate him against them… protecting him from their vicious blows.

But I couldn't.

So, I simply laid there with him… heart against heart… sharing in his pain.

I was immensely relieved when his arms immediately wound around me – one encircling my waist and the other draped across the length of my back, his fingers tangling themselves in the strands of my hair. He held me tightly to his chest and turned his face towards me, pressing the softest whisper of a kiss on the top of my head.

There was no denying that this situation we found ourselves in was horribly bad, but I had to believe that we would find our way through it somehow.

We just had to.

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Jasper

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As I fled from the house, I wasn't entirely certain where I was going. I just let my feet take me where they would. I only knew I had to get away. Like the crushing, destructive waves of a tsunami, the realization of what I had done struck me, devastating me.

I hadn't been prepared against the attack Bella's blood waged on my senses… I hadn't been braced to combat it. I had reacted the way that a century of instant gratification – of blood and death – had predisposed me to. My instincts had ruled me, obliterating my sanity.

When Emmett and Rose had forced me outside – when a wave of unscented air had cleared my head and restored conscious thought – the realization of what I had done razed everything else in its path. I had never, in all my existence, been more ashamed of myself.

I had done despicable, horrible things that stained my conscience… but never anything like this. In one single instant, I had betrayed everyone that meant anything to me.

I finally stopped, finding myself at the Rainier field… how ironic. This was the very site where only months before, our whole family had banded together in defense of Bella. Through the circumstances set in motion here, I had found myself playing the role of body-guard to my brother's fragile human-love. I had deliberately walked through the flames of hell in the ballet studio – soaked as it was in her blood – and had walked out unscathed.

After that, I had been so certain that I could resist any temptation she might offer. I was well aware how much Edward and Alice especially had grown to love her. I'd come to care about her myself… it was difficult not to.

Only months from that, how vast the difference was. Today I was the threat my family had to protect her from. The shock and fear in her eyes as I'd lost control haunted me now – fear of me… a monster in spite of every effort to the contrary.

All my striving and struggling had been for absolutely nothing. In the end, I had failed miserably anyway.

I should have expected nothing less.

If Emmett hadn't been so much stronger than me… if Edward hadn't acted so quickly, Bella would be dead right now. I saw it as clearly as if I was seeing one of Alice's visions… the shock and horror on my family's faces as Bella lay lifeless in my arms, her body crushed and bloodless… my eyes growing crimson with her blood.

I shuddered. My stomach revolted.

I cursed myself, calling myself every foul name I could think of. How could I have done this to my family? How could I have wronged Edward – my own brother – so terribly? And Alice? I would do absolutely anything in my power to keep from causing her pain, but I had failed miserably today.

Each of them had always been unfailingly patient with me and my struggles to stay true to this way of life. They all knew my history… they were witness to my daily battles, yet they never cast blame. They had loved me in spite of myself… supported me unconditionally.

I vividly remembered how strange it had felt to me when Alice and I had joined the Cullens. How foreign it had been to me to be part of a family – to be surrounded by love instead of abject hatred. I hadn't known what to do with the acceptance they offered so generously. It had been so foreign from my experience to be loved for who I was and not to have my worth based on what was to be gained.

In one moment, I had thrown all that to the side like rubbish. I had never done anything that warranted their love and support – I knew that – but never less so than now. I had let every last one of them down, and I was well deserving of their wrath.

I heard the soft padding of Alice's footsteps come into the clearing behind me. I didn't look up… I couldn't. I couldn't bear to look at her when I knew I should see condemnation there. I had seen the devastation fill her eyes at the house when she'd followed me outside. Her eyes had glistened with a sheen of emotions fighting for an outlet… if my shame hadn't been overwhelming before that moment, it had nearly crippled me then. I had put that look there.

I had let her down unforgivably… but still there hadn't been a trace of anger in her gaze. She was far too forgiving for her own good.

Alice had been my constant source of love and my abundant joy since the day she came into my life. She was the only thing that made my existence worth living. She was truly my heart and soul… and the reason for any particle of goodness in me. The thought of hurting her in any fashion was absolutely deplorable.

Without a word, she sat down beside me, wrapping her tiny arms around me and pulling my head onto her shoulder. I resisted at first, knowing that it would be far more fitting for her to rant and rave at me for my monstrous behavior earlier. I had never deserved her in the first place – I had always known that – but this afternoon proved it yet again.

She wouldn't let me pull away, though. She only held me tighter. Rocking me in silence like a child that had been awakened from a nightmare… only this nightmare was of my own making… and one there was no waking up from.

After a few moments, I heard Edward trudging across the field. I buried my face further in Alice's neck, not knowing how I could ever look my brother in the eye again after I had betrayed him today. I wondered briefly if he meant to exact some form of retribution for my misdeeds. Alice hadn't, but that didn't mean Edward wouldn't. If he did, there was no doubt in my mind, I would do nothing to stop him. I more than deserved anything he might dish out.

"Alice, can we have a few moments?" He asked in a low voice. There was nothing threatening or ominous in his emotions… he was as devastated and hurt as I was… and that caused me more pain than any beating he could ever give.

I felt Alice nod beside me. Her hands came to cup my face, bringing it up to hers. The eternal assurance of her love, shining from her eyes, washed over me in a warm, soothing stream. "I'll be back," was what she actually said, but what was unsaid was spoken just as surely… I'll always be here… whether I deserved it or not.

Her lips pressed softly to mine, a wealth of love communicated through the simple gesture. My arms felt empty when she stood, and, immediately, my body felt cold from her absence… missing her just that quickly.

Edward slumped down beside me when she was gone. He exhaled roughly, running his hands through his hair, tousling it more than it already was, but he didn't speak.

I didn't know what to say to him. There was absolutely nothing that could even begin to set my wrongs right. I had betrayed my brother in the worst possible way. I didn't see how he could stand to be in my presence, let alone how he could ever begin to trust me again.

There was no way to make this right.

I couldn't help but recall my years as a soldier – more specifically the discipline of army life. In the human army, discipline had been swift and harsh. Defectors and deserters, when caught, were shot or hanged. The sentence was carried out publicly as a warning to others not to follow in their footsteps. In vampire armies, discipline had been even more ruthless. Dissenters were destroyed without question – without having a chance to defend themselves – there were no questions asked… no second chances given…

I'd had my second chance… and then some.

Mercy and forgiveness had been foreign concepts to me for almost a century. Even still sometimes it was baffling. Surely there had to be a limit to be reached… some indefinable line that I would cross someday. It was a mystery to me how I hadn't gotten there already. Someday, surely my family would tire of my relentless weakness. Would there not come a day when they would look at me and say that's enough… no more… we've had enough? How was I not there already?

"Stop that," Edward's almost inaudible voice interrupted my musings. He ran his hands roughly through his hair again, making it stand almost on end. "Jasper, what happened today wasn't your fault." His voice was rough with emotion… grief, hopelessness… but not a trace of anger… none of the condemnation I had more than earned.

I laughed bitterly once, scoffing at his impossible statement. "Yes, it was." I remembered again his face as he'd pushed me away, desperately trying to keep me from harming Bella. The memory seared through my mind, branding me and leaving its irreversible mark.

It was my fault… and it was unforgivable… I know that. If I live for a hundred thousand years, I'll never even be able to begin to tell you how sorry I am… how much I regret what happened. If there was anything at all I could do to go back and erase it, I would do it.

Edward shook his head morosely, "No. It wasn't your fault." He looked at me finally, enunciating each word carefully, trying to will me to believe it. "It was mine." He looked away again, blinking hard several times. "I had the audacity to think that I could flaunt nature's laws and get away with it. I was wrong. I should never have put you – any of you – in the position that I did. And I'm sorry."

I gaped at him, disbelieving. "That's ridiculous, Edward – quite possibly the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard."

"It's true," he persisted. "Jasper, you don't understand. I can't possibly be angry with you when I know excruciatingly well how close I've come to killing her myself… so many times. Even today… even though I love her with everything I am, everything I could ever hope to be, I still had to hold my breath. I had to leave the room, because I couldn't trust myself around the scent of her blood." He grimaced, his face a mask of torturous pain. "I could have killed her today just as easily as you.

"I've done nothing but put her in harm's way since the first day I met her. I should have been stronger. I should have stayed away. But I didn't. And now we all have to pay the consequences for my actions."

His words burned a searing hole in my chest. How like Edward to place the blame on himself instead of where it belonged.

Silence enveloped us for several moments. Words were pointless right now. Finally, Edward rose slowly to his feet. "I need to get back," he said, in a voice devoid of any life. "I need to get Bella home."

He sighed deeply and looked down at me again. "Come home when you can," he said quietly. "Everyone's worried about you… Esme especially."

I nodded wordlessly, swallowing the lump in my throat that made forming words difficult. The thought of anyone worrying about me, especially after what I had done, was like heaping coals of fire on my head… it was like killing me with kindness.

As Edward walked, head down, out of the clearing, I couldn't help the feeling that I had plunged a knife in his back. The pain of his grief was overwhelming. I'd never seen him move so slowly… so despondently.

I'd hated myself virulently before, but I struggled to remember any time it had been worse than now.

Only a few moments after Edward had gone, Alice came looking for me again. I breathed deeply of her scent as she stood over me for just a moment – hers was a fragrance I could place absolutely anywhere. It was soothing, even to my ravaged spirit.

Alice's hands nudged me gently onto my back, and she settled herself over me, laying her head in the crook of my neck. I wrapped my arms around her without any conscious thought – it was simply instinct to hold her. I pressed her body closely to mine, drawing what comfort I could from her presence. I brushed my lips over her hair, just breathing her in.

I didn't know how much time passed as we lay there together, and, truthfully, I didn't much care. The sun had long since set, and the moon filtered dimly through the cover of the clouds. Everything was still… too still. My mind was running rampant with the events of the day – from the joyous high that had permeated our home as we'd prepared for the celebration to the desolate low we were in now.

I didn't know what the consequences of this afternoon's disaster would be yet. I had no way of knowing how far reaching they might be. I only knew there would be consequences.

With a sudden jolt, I recalled that the look in Edward's eyes this evening was the same expression that I had been so wary of in the hospital in Phoenix. I had been fearful of it then – of what it might mean – I was exponentially more so now.

I had a terrible feeling growing in the pit of my stomach about what the future might hold for all of us. I didn't know what exactly was going to happen, but I had a dreadful feeling that it was going to test us all as we had never been tested before.

Alice shifted for the first time in perhaps hours, laying a gentle kiss on my collarbone.

"How was Bella?" I asked, slightly fearful of the answer.

"She was fine," Alice responded, tilting back her head to look at me. "She asked about you. She was worried."

I shook my head, overwhelmed, and unable to speak. How could she possibly have cared – much less have been worried about how I might be handling what happened.

"She doesn't blame you, Jasper. She wanted me to tell you that. The only one blaming you is you."

What was I supposed to say to that? How was I to respond to that kind of forgiveness from everyone who was justified in their anger? How could I accept that kind of forgiveness and, in turn, forgive myself?

I wasn't entirely sure anymore.

I wrapped my arms tighter around Alice, clinging to her as my one anchor in the midst of my uncertainties. It never failed to leave me awed how tiny and fragile she seemed. I knew she was just as indestructible as I was, but she was just so delicate. It was instinctive in me to want to shelter her from whatever pain might come her way… especially when that pain was of my own doing – however unpremeditated it might be.

Her size was deceptive, though. I had yet to encounter anyone with a bigger heart. Small though she was, she had, time and time again, been my sole saving grace. She was the only one who could pull me out my despair. She had done it before many times, and, by her mere presence alone, she was trying to do so again tonight.

We stayed in the clearing for the rest of the night – not talking, just holding each other… taking what comfort we could in the fact that we were together… that no matter what happened, we wouldn't face it alone.

Thanks for reading, everyone! Please take a second and let me know what you thought… and don't forget to vote! :-)

Nik