The Peace Keepers take us to the district's Justice Building, and once we're in, we're escorted to different rooms, for the hour the tributes are allowed to say goodbye to their families. I walk into the room, and once the Peace Keepers shut the door behind me, I immediately begin to cry. I cry mostly for what's to come. I don't want to have to kill anyone. I don't want to play into the Games and die the way the Capitol meant for me to, for the rebels who are all long dead. Why should we have to suffer, when we weren't even living back then? I understand that what the Districts did was wrong, but how were they to know what would come from overthrowing our government and starting a war? We know next to nothing about the past, and as far as we know, the Capitol has no records of it, but seeing as Panem does have a past, we live in the ruins of what must have been a very powerful nation. Their civilization came to an end, more than likely of the same cause that began the annual Hunger Games. I hated the Games for all that they symbolized, but they were working for their purpose; to keep the Districts in check. For how much longer, no one could know. I'd heard talk from the mines, amongst our customers in the bakery. The miners are getting sick of the way that we are treated. I was, too, but this wouldn't be the way to solve things. I don't know what would, but I know that an uprising wouldn't.
My father, mother, and brothers come in, and this brings on a whole new round of tears. They don't approach me or attempt to show any type of comfort. At one point, my mother actually says something about how we might actually have a decent victor this year, and she's not talking about me. It just goes to show that out of the two of us, she will be the one to come out of the Games alive. I'll be the one who gets shipped back to District 12 in my coffin. I have no chances of winning, and I know that. I'm also okay with that. My family leaves, and I don't expect anyone else to come in, but someone decided that Delly Cartwright was my friend. Delly walks in and immediately gives me a big hug. Delly is a bit thicker than some of the other girls in our district, but she's the nicest person I've ever met. She never has a negative word to say about anyone. She showers me with encouragement, and I dry up my tears for her, since, now that I think about it, she is sort of my friend. Her parents run the shop next to my father's, and we've grown up together. I want at least one person to have faith in me, and if it's Delly, then it's Delly, and she's all I've got right now. To Pass the half-hour that we have left, we talk about my father's business, school, and Katniss. Somehow, I think that Delly knows, about my feelings for Katniss. "Well, it's a little obvious when you won't stop looking at her at lunch long enough to eat your own food, now isn't it?" Delly squeaks. She stands up to leave when the Peace Keepers call for her, and she says this as her last words to me, "You're not fooling anyone, Peeta. Except for Katniss. And I encourage you to keep it that way. For your sake."
She leaves, and I start crying again, harder than I was before. This time, I cry completely for myself. I wish I could just have a chance. With life. With love. With her. The Capitol is taking all my opportunity away, and I hate them for it. Now all I really want to do is get these Games over with my dignity intact. I'm determined to break the barrier, to stand out in some way, so that I won't just die as a part of the Games.
The Peace Keepers extract me from my privacy, and put me in a car on its way to the train station, which I must share with Katniss. I try and keep my emotions in check, since I hate to have her see me this way. I'm Half tempted to ask her how she's feeling about all of this, but I can't bring myself to interrupt her thoughts. I notice that she has on a small golden pin, a brooch, my mother calls them, and it has a bird in the center. It's a mockingjay, I realize. Mockingjays are the mutation of a Capitol creation called a jabberjay. These creations, called muttations, or mutts for short, were all male, and could memorize entire conversations, and were made for intelligence purposes. So that the Capitol would know about everything that the people of the Districts say against the Capitol. Eventually, someone figured out what the jabberjays were doing, and they started feeding the Capitol false information. Undoubtedly, those people were killed. The jabberjays were left alone after that, but what came next I'm sure the Capitol wasn't expecting. The jabberjays mated with mockingbirds, and produced these beautiful birds. They can't imitate human voices, but they can sing beautifully. Katniss reminds me of a mockingjay, in a way. Against all odds, she survived when there was nothing left to survive on. She found her way. And she can sing, oh, she can sing…
It was the first day of school, and my father walked me there. I saw Katniss from across the school yard, and even then, back when I thought girls were icky, I still thought she was kind of pretty. She was wearing a red plaid dress, and her hair was in two braids instead of her usual one braid. Her mother was with her and she was holding a baby Prim. She looked excited about going to school. I looked around at all the other kids, some who I knew before, and others who I would never know, like Katniss. My dad kneeled down in front of me and said "See that little girl? I wanted to marry her mother, but she ran off with a coal miner." I remember asking him why she ran off with a coal miner when she could have my father, and he told me that when he sings even the birds stop to listen.
I remember during the music assembly that day, the teacher asked if anyone knew that valley song, and her hand shot right up in the air. The teacher called her, and she stood on a stool and she sang. I heard nothing else, because all the birds had gone quiet to hear her. I knew from that point on that I had to make her mine. I fell for the coal miner's daughter, and I was just five years old.
We arrive at the train station and board the train, waiting for the photographers to get their shots of us, and then we're off to our deaths. I am escorted to my compartment. It has an incredibly lush décor about it. The room includes a chair that must have foam in the cushion, which I refuse to sit on, because if I do, I'm slightly afraid that I won't come out of it. I explore my room, and have to stop once I open the bathroom door. I'm fairly certain that I won't be taking a shower willingly on this damned train.
Effie comes to retrieve me, and by then I am sitting on the floor outside of my room. She gives me a questioning look, but shrugs her shoulders and takes me to the dining room. When we arrive, I see that Haymitch is looking nauseous with his head in his hands on his knees. Effie turns back the way that we came, to go get Katniss I presume.
"Well… I'm going to hit the sack." Haymitch says, and he walks off in the other direction, and I'm left alone in the dining car, with no one but the Capitol servants to talk to. I wouldn't do that anyway. They never have to suffer. I wonder if these people are being punished, or if they choose to watch tributes go to the Games. Really, they're just helping us to die. It'd be magnificent if they would assist me in throwing myself off the train.
Effie comes back with Katniss in tow; she's changed into a forest green shirt and plain black pants. She's remembered to attach her brooch to the shirt and it glints in the light.
"Where's Haymitch?" Effie asks me.
"Last time I saw him, he was going to take a nap." I tell her.
"Well, it's been an exhausting day." She says, and she sounds relieved. Probably because she doesn't have to deal with Haymitch for a little while.
The Capitol food is incredibly rich, but it keeps coming. I am stuffed by the main course. Effie comments on our manners, and says that she was disgusted by the pair of tributes from last year's Games. Apparently, the pair of tribute's from last year's Games ate everything with their hands, which didn't surprise me, since they were from the Seam. Katniss is an exception, but I know that when you live in the Seam, you kind of have to eat like someone's going to take it from you. After that exchange, Katniss is making it a point to eat with her fingers and wipe her hands on the table cloth from that point on. Effie looks constipated.
The cake is what really got me. I'm feeling slightly woozy by the time we're done. After the meal. We go into another car and watch the reaping recap. This year there are actually volunteers. The boy from 1, who looks like a beast from the wilderness. The girl from 7. We get through all the districts and finally come to our own. It's heart-wrenching to watch Katniss volunteer in place of her sister for a second time, because I can actually see her reaction. I then watch Haymitch fall off the stage, and conceal a laugh. Effie is in a state about her pink wig. "Your mentor has a lot to learn about presentation." She says, in a voice that's about to octaves higher than normal. "A lot about televised behavior." I let out my laugh. What was she expecting? "He was drunk. He's drunk every year." I tell her.
"Every day." Katniss unexpectedly chimes in. I smile at her joke, but she doesn't notice. Effie gets an angry look and hisses when she speaks.
"Yes, how odd you two find it amusing. You know your mentor is your lifeline to the world in these Games. The one who advises you, lines up your sponsors, and dictates the presentation of any gifts. Haymitch can be the difference in your life and death!"
Just then, Haymitch comes into the car. He's definitely going to be sick soon. "I miss dinner?" He asks, and he vomits on the floor, then falls in it. Effie looks disgusted, and just before she leaves the room she says, "So laugh away!"
Haymitch proceeds to wallow in his own vomit. He wipes some of the vomit onto his face. I sigh.
"Let's get you back to your room. Clean you up a bit."
Katniss helps me take Haymitch back to his chambers and put him in his shower and Katniss turns it on, since we don't want to spoil the bedspread.
"it's okay, I'll take it from here." Katniss looks relieved when I say this. I know that her mother is a healer, and I would have expected her to help. I hoped that she would, but she says that she would send one of the Capitol people help me. I tell her that I don't want them, but I mean that I want her. She walks out the door. I remove Haymitch's wet clothes and rinse him off. I don't attempt to turn any of the knobs or press any of the buttons, for the fear that I may damage the shower. Or Haymitch. Or myself.
Once I turn off the knob that I saw Katniss turn the shower on with, Haymitch is at least coherent, enough so to get dressed on his own. I toss pajamas and underclothes into the bathroom, and he dresses and comes out. He sinks into a lush chair, the very same one that I was afraid to sit in. He looks up at me expectantly.
"So?" He says.
"So what?" I ask him.
"What do you think?" He asks me. I start to ask what he means, but I realize he's talking about Katniss. Every tribute has an angle. For the girls, it's things like "Sexy" or "Shy". For boys, it's "Strong but Silent" or "Charming Lady-Killer". I make a decision, right then and there about what mine will be. And I think that I might be able to reach my goal of avoiding dying just as just another token in the Games.
" She'll make it. She'll be the one to come out alive. And between the two of us I intend to keep it that way." He raises his head to look at me, and I realize that we have a mutual understanding. We are going to keep her alive in the arena.
And to do this, I am going to be in love with her.