4 month

I was awake but didn't feel the desire to stand up. I laid comfortable in my husbands arms, who was still sleeping.

Many things happened in the last 4 month. I found out that I was pregnant. I had to resign from my position as the Captain of the Guards. Some other man-elf replaced me but still when I passed by some guards they would bow their heads to me. If they did this because of me being their former captain or because I was married to their Prince, I'd never know.

First it was hard for me. I felt like giving a part of myself away as I resigned but now I was content with it. I didn't think that I would be able to be a soldier again after I had the child. I heard from other she-elfs that they felt weak and tired, some even wasted for many years after giving birth. Some didn't gain back their full vitality even after those years. I was scared of this time. My strength was all I had. My ability to fight was all I lived for, for many years. But still I was content with my life.

I watched Legolas sleeping face. He looked vulnerable in his sleep and I loved him for this side of him. I loved it when he would kiss my stomach every night before we would go to sleep. I loved it how he would always be by my side when his duties would allow it. I loved him and was content with the fact that he loved me in return.

Then I felt Legolas move. He tightened his arms around me and buried his face in the crook of my neck for a moment. Slightly loosening his embrace, he opened his eyes and looked at me.

„'Quel amrun, Melamin", I whispered.

„'Quel amrun", he breathed back and then ask: „How are you feeling?"

This was always his first question since we knew that we were given a child. He got even more protective about me and was concerned about my well-being. The vomiting had stopped a month ago, which was good, I thought.
„Fine and he or she is fine too, I think", I answered and smiled as I felt him stroke my stomach with his hand. For eyes the little swelling was invisible but you could feel it.

„You think?", he asked and raised an eyebrow. Idiot.

„I know", I said, rolling my eyes. Of course I knew. The healer, Elena told me that I would feel it when the child wasn't alright. I told Legolas everything that others were telling me because I knew that he was interested in everything our child was concerned in.

But I didn't tell him about my fear of what my life would be like after giving birth. I couldn't.

8 month

I jerked as I felt something move inside me. I placed a hand on my stomach and waited. My eyes widened as I felt it again. Then I smiled. I was happy because it was first time I felt my child move.

„What are you smiling at?", Legolas asked as he entered the garden of the Woodland Palace. I smiled even brighter as I saw him approach the bench I sat on.

He gave me a quick kiss as he sat down and I took his hand to lay it on my stomach. It was getting bigger but still I had 4 month of pregnancy left in which it would grow to almost the double of the size that it was now. At least that was what Elena told me.

Legolas eyes widened as it moved again.

„Is that..?"

I nodded in excitement.
„She is moving", I said. He quirked an eyebrow.

„She?", he asked, amusement clear in his voice.

„I think that it's going to be a girl", I admitted. I didn't know why but I always imagined a girl with wavy blond hair and blue eyes.

„How comes that you're so sure about it?", he was grinning.

„I am the mother", I replied and folded my arms in front of my chest. Legolas just laughed at it.

„And I'm glad you are. If our child is going to be a boy or a girl, does not matter to me", he said serious and wrapped his arms around my waist.

„Amin mela lle", I whispered, laying one hand on his cheek and the other on his shoulder. Then he kissed me tenderly on my lips.

10 month

„What are thinking?", Legolas asked as he came up behind me. I didn't hear him enter. I had stared into distance, thinking.

„Nothing", I replied quickly. I didn't want to tell him. He did not have to know my fears. He wouldn't understand.

„Melamin", he whispered. „I can see that something is bothering you. You can tell me"

I shook my head. Tired of his worry.

„Amin anta est", I said and turned away from the window. It was harder to move with my huge belly. Two month left. I was scared.

„Tauriel. Tell me what is bothering you", Legolas almost begged.

„You can't hide it. You can't just avoid this subject with saying that you're tired. You can't -"

„But I AM tired!", I screamed and turned around to face him.
„Can't you understand? Are you blind? Can't you see what this child is doing to me?", my voice broke at the last word. I was trembling. I had never admitted to myself that I blamed my child for this. Tears made their way down my face.

Legolas didn't move. He stood still like a statue, his eyes wide.

„Mani?", he whispered but I didn't reply. I covered my face with my hands and cried. My knees started to feel weak and I would have fallen to the ground if Legolas hadn't broken away from his rigid and caught me. He led me to our bed and sat us down. His chin rested on my head as he held me while I cried.

After a while I had no more tears to cry but I didn't raise my head to look at him. I didn't want to see his face. I didn't want to see his anger. I thought that he would hate me now after all I had said.

„Tauriel", Legolas broke the silence, after the sound of my crying had died down. I still didn't want to look at him.

„Tell me", he said and I knew what he meant.

„I feel tired and I am scared that it will not go away. Other elves had told me about this. They said that they felt tired and weak after they gave birth. They said that this would last for years and some that it would last forever. I'm scared. I don't want to be weak. I had fought all my life and now I have to accept the fact that I wouldn't be able to do anything anymore? I don't want this. And still I feel horrible that I am feeling this way. I feel horrible because I am blaming my own child. What kind of mother would blame her own child? It is wrong to want that I'm not pregnant. But still I feel like I don't want this child anymore", I said and new tears formed in my eyes.

Legolas said nothing. I moved away from him, away from his comforting embrace. I didn't deserve it. Elves are supposed to love children. Mothers are supposed to love their child! But do I love mine? Can I love mine even when I was thinking such terrible things? I don't know. I was confused. A part of me wanted this child so badly and the other part blamed it for making me weak. Shouldn't I accept it when I can have a child in return? I wanted but something was holding me back. The thought of being useless was crushing me. Would Legolas still love me if I become useless? I was scared of losing everything I had to fight so hard for. But still, thinking that way was definitely wrong.

„Sut an?", Legolas asked, startling me,

„What do you mean?"

„For how long did you feel this way?"

„Almost 8 month", I whispered, looking at my hands.

„Why didn't you tell me?", his voice was soft but sad. He was disappointed that I hadn't told me.

But why didn't I just go to him and tell him what was bothering me? Why didn't I talk to him about my fears?

„What if you leave me now?", I asked quietly but in knowing that he had heard it. „Why would you love someone who thinks such terrible things?"

To my surprise he took my hands.

„I would never leave you. You are scared. Who could blame you for being scared. I doubt that you will hate our child when it's born.", he said. „Amin mela lle. Don't you ever dare to think that I would leave you"

„Diola lle", I whispered. I didn't think that he would be able to help me. But he did. I was still scared but the fear wasn't crushing me anymore.

I scooted closer to him again and sat on his lap.

„Uf. You're heavy", he complained. I slapped his chest.

„Tanya awra!", he dramatically held the spot where I had hit him, making me laugh.

„Idiot", I laughed. I was amazed at how easily he could lighten my mood. All I had said before was forgotten.

„And you married this so-called idiot", he said.

„I don't know what got into me", I sighed and sunk into his chest, making him laugh too and wrap his arms around me.

12 month

It hurt. I wished that Legolas was there but he wasn't allowed to be in here. It felt like hours but as I heard the cry of my child I knew that it was worse it.

„It's a girl", Elena said. I felt a single tear of happiness making its way down my cheek.

„My Prince", a familiar voice said and I turned around.

„How are they?", I asked and was relieved as the healer smiled.

„Congratulations", She said "You are the father of a healthy girl"

"And Tauriel?", I asked smiling. I couldn't comprehend that I was a father now.

"You can see them, if you want", she replied and pointed to the door. I nodded and quickly made my way to the door. I knocked to be polite.

"Enter", I heard Tauriel say and did as told. I felt a wave of happiness wash over me at the sight of my wife holding our child. She looked tired but still she was smiling.

"Legolas", I said quietly. "Come her and look."

I could see that he was happy. He sat down on the chair beside the bed I sat in. We were alone with our daughter.

"She is beautiful", he whispered as he watched our daughter with awe. "Like her mother", he added and smiled at me. Then our daughter opened her eyes, revieling two blue sapphires.

"She has your eyes", I said.

"Can I hold her?", Legolas asked, making me laugh a little.
"Of course. She is your daughter too", I handed her to him. Carefully he took her in his arms. I loved the view of my husband holding our child. It made me feel at home. For the first time, after my parents died, I felt like I wasn't alone.

"What do we name her?", Legolas suddenly asked, ripping me out of my thoughts. I looked at him and then at her.

"Luana", I whispered and smiled, looking up at Legolas again.

"Luana", he whispered too, as if he was testing how this name felt.

He looked at me and returned my smile. I saw a deep happiness in his eyes I would never forget. It was similar to the one I saw on the day we got married. It made me love him even more.

'Quel amrun, Melamin – Good morning, my love

Amin mela lle – I love you

Melamin – My love

Amin anta est – I need to rest

Mani? - What?

Sut an? - How long?

Diola lle – Thank you

Tanya awra! - That hurt!

Well, I read about the fact that the pregnancy of elf-woman lasts a year but I couldn't find out about how it would proceed. So I just wrote how it could be. :D Tell me what you think ;)

I chose the name Luana because first it means something like happiness and second a hawaiian moon goddess was named Luana and I thought it would fit. :)