"The One with Phoebot X29"
Scene opens at the coffee shop. Ross, Rachel, Monica, Chandler, and Joey are sitting down. Mike runs in.
Mike: Have you guys seen Phoebe?
Everyone: No
Mike: Well she's gone insane! Her pregnancy hormones are making her weird.
Ross: What's she doing?
Mike: She's running around the city calling herself 'Phoebot X29'
Rachel: What? I didn't know hormones could make you do that kind of stuff.
Ross: Well, let's keep in mind that this is PHOEBE we're talking about.
Everyone: Good point.
Phoebe jumps into the coffee shop.
Phoebe: I am Phoebot X29! Now, off to fight crime!
She leaves.
Mike: I'll drive.
Monica: I'll get sleeping pills.
Chandler: I'll get a taser.
Everyone looks at him.
Chandler: What?
(Opening Credits)
Scene opens in an alleyway. Phoebe is trying to climb a wall.
Phoebe: What is happening to my powers?
Everyone rushes in.
Monica: Phoebe! What're you doing?
Phoebe: Who is this Phoebe you speak of? I'm PHOEBOT X29!
Mike: Please, Phoebe, come home!
Phoebe: I don't know you!
Phoebe runs past everyone, stops a random cab, and jumps in.
Ross: Well, there she goes.
Rachel: This is so weird. I've never heard of something like this coming from hormones.
Chandler: Yes, but let's remember that this is PHOEBE!
Mike: We don't have time for this. Ross, Joey, you go to the doctors office and see if they know a way to calm her down. Rachel and Monica, you go look for her. Chandler and I will look too.
Joey: Great! But do I have time to get a sandwich first?
Mike: Joey!
Joey: Fine!
They all leave. Scene closes then opens at the doctor's office.
Doctor: Well, this is strange.
Ross: But can you help?
Doctor: All I would think to do would be to tie her down until she stops.
Ross: Ugh, okay. Bye.
They start to leave.
Joey: Wait, can I have a lollipop?
Ross: Joey!
Joey: Fine! What does it take for a guy to get some food in this city!
Scene goes to Monica and Rachel. They are at Phoebe's massage parlor, talking to the receptionist.
Receptionist: Sorry, Mrs. Hannigan hasn't been in since she went on maternity leave.
Monica: Thanks anyway.
Rachel: What do we do now?
Monica: Well…
Phoebe jumps in.
Phoebe: Evildoers! Prepare to be foiled!
Rachel: Get her!
Scene goes to Monica, Rachel, and the receptionist all tied to separate massage beds.
Monica: man, she's pretty strong for a pregnant lady.
Scene goes to Mike and Chandler. They walk in to a department store.
Chandler: This is where those people said Phoebe would be.
Mike: Yeah. It can't be too hard to spot a crazy lady here.
Chandler: This is New York! You can run into thirty crazy people walking to the mailbox!
They walk past a mannequin. The mannequin jumps out.
Mike/Chandler: AHHH!
Phoebe: I stopped two evildoers already, now to take on two more!
Scene goes to Chandler and Mike dressed up as mannequins in dresses. They are tied up.
Chandler: This is getting ridiculous.
Scene goes to Joey and Ross again. They are at Central Perk waiting to hear from the others. Phoebe walks in.
Phoebe: Ah. The last of the evildoers.
Ross: Stop it Phoebs! You need to come back home. Mike's worried.
Phoebe: The one who calls himself Mike is no longer an issue.
Joey: You killed him!
Phoebe: No, but he's a little tied up now. Wahahah!
Ross: Seriously, Phoebe, you have too-GUNTHER NOW!
Gunther jumps out and grabs Phoebe.
Phoebe: NO!
Scene goes to everyone tied up in Mike and Phoebe's apartment, including Gunther and the receptionist.
Ross: How did this happen?
Chandler: I know! She's pretty strong. But you know, I didn't try my hardest, because I didn't want to hurt her.
Everyone: Right.
Chandler: Hey!
Phoebe walks in.
Phoebe: So, evildoers. Ready to give up crime?
Mike: Phoebe, let us go!
Phoebe: No! Not until you pay!
Mike: For what?
Phoebe: For not caring!
Everyone pauses.
Ross: What do you mean?
Phoebe: Well, ever since you and Rachel got engaged, everyone's been fussing only over you two. I'M the one who's pregnant!
Monica: Phoebe, you can't expect us to just only care about you.
Phoebe: Well, you even got MIKE to care less about me. I mean, I'm having cravings and when I ask for things all I hear is "Phoebe, not now, we're picking out flowers" or "Phoebe, not now, we're writing Ross' vows for him."
Everyone looks at Ross.
Ross: Uh…CHANDLER MADE ME DO IT!
Ross struggles to get up, but falls over.
Rachel: Well, Phoebe, it's our time too.
Phoebe: But none of you understand what it's like! I can't drink, I can't sleep on my stomach, I can't go mountain climbing!
Monica: But you've never gone mountain climbing.
Phoebe: But that doesn't mean I don't want too!
Mike: Sweety, if you untie me, I'll get you watever you want.
Phoebe: Good…CAUSE ALL I WANT IS SOME FRICKIN ICE CREAM!
Scene goes to everyone standing in the apartment, now untied. Phoebe is sitting on the couch eating icecream.
Phoebe: Thanks. I feel better. Now, Gunther, I'm sorry for getting you into this.
Gunther starts to cry and runs away.
Phoebe: And Charice, I'll see you at work in a few months.
Receptionist: Whatevs.
Charice leaves.
Phoebe: Well, that was fun. Someone get me so pickles, or I'll go Phoebot on you.
Everyone laughs.
Phoebe: I'M SERIOUS!
Everyone rushes to the kitchen to get pickles.
Joey: Sheesh, and I thought I got angry when I wanted food.
END CREDITS
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
Well, it wasn't a spectacular comeback, but it was a comeback. I just wasn't feeling this episode, but I didn't want to disappoint, so I wrote it up and here you go. I'm more excited about the next episode, "The One where they're Locked In". I plan on writing it soon, but look for it to be up in about two weeks. It may be sooner. It's good to be back!
TTYL,
Capitolpress