If you're lost and you look then you will find me, time after time…

Oak Lake, it's not so bad. It's nice to be in a town where not everyone knows your name. It's nice to be in a school where people who don't know you don't hate you because of who you are. And it's nice to be on the court without the expectations of your father resting heavily on your head. Yet as nice as it is, there's something missing.

I do everything by routine, I get up, go to school, go to practise, do my homework, workout; every day's the same. My grades are up and I'm playing better than I can ever remember but it doesn't quite feel right. And now I know why; I'm lonely.

I never thought those words would be coming from my mouth. Nathan Scott doesn't do vulnerable, weak, needy. But here I am in my apartment before the first game of the season, just wishing that I had someone to share this with. With the Ravens I always had the whole school - the whole town even - rallied behind me. No matter how much people disliked my attitude and thought I was a conceited ass, they all cheered me on because I was the team. Now I'm just the new kid.

I sigh and grab my holdall and car keys to head for the gym. I need to get my game face on; feeling sorry for myself is in no way going to help me play well tonight.

As I drive I focus on the weaknesses of the opposition, and every intricate detail of the training I had at High Flyers. This is my first game with my new team and first impressions count. I can't help but remember Lucas in his first game. I used to laugh at the way he choked but now it just brings a feeling of dread to the pit of my stomach.

Oak Lake has got a good reputation as one of the best teams in the area and if I don't play well I can basically kiss away my hopes of getting a regular game. The coach isn't soft like Whitey; he's not all about good guys and second chances. This is basketball not a playground game.

I'm reminded of this fact in the locker room when our pep speech is delivered. I feel eyes on me and so I raise my gaze to meet them; the faces of the guys who have been benched tonight. They're the ones that want my spot on the team, the ones I am going to have to outplay to get to Duke. The coach lays a hand on my shoulder before we enter the gym, kind of like a warning rather than any kind of gesture of comfort.

The hall erupts when we enter; apparently Tree Hill isn't the only basketball mad town around here. It's odd to look out into the crowd and see an ocean of green. I look down at my jersey of matching olive and gulp down any feelings of fear. That's the trick with sports; even if you're afraid or nervous, you cannot let them know that. It's not all about talent and skill; it's about attitude and confidence too. I stand up tall and throw my most arrogant look to the opposing team. I feel everything flood back to me as I think of all the times I brought it home for the Ravens. I know exactly what I need to do here. It's called Stepping Up.

I keep my focus completely on the game I'm about to play, even as the cheerleaders perform. If I were back in Tree Hill maybe it would distract me but I don't even steal a glance.

We take to the court and just as the whistle's about to be blown I see the door at the far end slip open and a familiar leggy blonde enter the room. She sees me staring and offers me a wide grin before melting into the sea of green.

The whistle goes and instantly I'm on the attack. All thoughts of loneliness and doubt have disappeared and not because of any of my game plan tactics. Sometimes you don't need a whole town behind you, not even a whole school or small group of friends. Sometimes, all you need is one.

And if you have a moment why do we go, talk about it somewhere only we know…

We win the game easily and I secure my place on the team. The crowd cheers and the team share some high fives as we bask in the glory of our victory. I'm congratulating our Small Forward when her hands wrap around my neck from behind.

"Dude, you were awesome!" She compliments after Mike leaves for the showers.

"I was terrified!" I admit through relieved laughter.

She smiles widely, "Could've fooled me. Seriously, you were great tonight, Nate."

"Thanks." I graciously accept the praise, "What are you doing here though?"

"What do you think I'm doing here?" She rolls her eyes in a typical Peyton fashion, "Come on, hit the showers, I'm hungry."

I snort at her forward, pushy manner but comply, stealing a glance her way as I go.

Knowing that she's waiting, I have the quickest of showers and join her out in the lot where she's waiting in her car. I jump in and a strange déjà vu falls over me. She tears out of the lot at break-neck speed just like always and it causes me to smirk for some reason.

"Aren't the Ravens playing tonight?" I ask her, trying to rack my brains for their schedule.

Her face blanches slightly, before she covers her surprise with a well practised mask, "Yes, but I had some more important cheering to do tonight."

I feel a heat in my cheeks and turn away, "Thanks for coming, Sawyer."

"Are you kidding me?" She cries out, "I wasn't going to miss this, besides; I want to see your sweet new pad."

"You and every girl in this town." I shrug arrogantly and she bursts into a smatter of laughter.

"I've missed this." She says in a small voice.

My head snaps back to her, and I frown not understanding quite what she's talking about because I can't remember us ever driving about and talking. "What's this exactly?"

She twists her lips into a pout, "Just us hanging out. I miss spending time with you."

"Of course you do, who wouldn't miss me?" I ask smugly.

Her emerald eyes revolve for a second time as she comes to a stop at the lights.

I bump my fist against her shoulder, "Hey, don't be jealous, I miss you too."

"Really?" She narrows her eyes at me, as though she doesn't quite believe me.

I roll my shoulders, and a sharp remark comes to mind but I hold my tongue due to the deep searching look she's giving me, "I do."

The lights change from red to green but still she stares, an unsure, lop-sided smile across her lips.

"Sawyer?" I nod towards the lights in an effort to shake her out of her daydream.

"Right." She hits the gas, hard, as only Peyton can do and we sail over the crossing before nearly missing the turning to my street.

I watch her without realising that I'm doing it. I note her tongue poking out of the corner of her mouth as she reverses into a parking space. I smirk at the stray strand of hair that always falls into her eye line no matter how many times she tucks it behind her ear. I see the way her delicate fingers caress the steering wheel as though her car's a cherished pet. And I notice the lace of her beaten Chuck Taylors trailing below the brake pedal.

I manage to catch myself before I get lost in her eyes, and silently wonder to myself just how much I miss the blonde sitting beside me. The blonde that I argued with on a daily basis back when we were dating and the same blonde that mesmerises me every time I see her, speak to her and think of her.

"Are you coming?" She asks, getting out of the car and grabbing a holdall that I guess means she's staying the night.

And I will try to fix you…

It's taken me about an hour longer than it should have done due to the fact that I got hideously lost on the way, but finally I'm here. The Meadow.

She didn't exactly ask me to come, she didn't even hint at the idea of me joining her but I did anyway. She probably wants to be alone, she'll have all of her walls up and it's likely she'll tell me to leave her by herself when she sees me but I'm here all the same.

Since she called up with the news that Ellie had died I haven't stopped worrying about her. Her voice sounded so fragile and broken, so unlike Peyton.

I'm just sitting down to dinner when my cell starts ringing. It could be one of the guys or my Mom but most likely it's Peyton as she's the only one who really calls me these days. It's for that reason alone that I get up and check.

"Peyton, hey." I answer when I see that my assumption is right.

I can hear the shudder in her breath as she goes to reply, "Nathan?"

"Yeah, I'm here, I'm listening." I tell her quickly. Instantly I know that something's wrong, even though she's only said that one word. My heart's hammering as I think of what could have happened to make her so upset.

There's a muffled sound at the end of the line followed by a choked sob, like she's tried to answer but her cries have engulfed her.

"It's okay." I say as gently as I can, "Just tell me, are you alright?"

Instinctively I reach for my keys and begin mentally calculating how long it would take me to get to her.

"Where are you?" I question, "I'll come meet you."

"I'm okay." She whispers. "You don't need to come."

I hesitate in my rush to the door, "What's happened, Peyton?"

She takes her time to catch her breath, "Ellie."

I wince at that one word. In the past few weeks Peyton's been getting to know her Mom, they've even been working on a benefit record and concert together. There's just been one area that they've struggled with; Ellie's cancer. I know that Peyton's been concerned about her health but it seems to me that Ellie, like her daughter, is good at putting up walls.

There's dread in my stomach as I wait for her to expand on her answer. I fear the worst, knowing what it will do to Peyton.

"She's gone, Nate." The words are strangled and forced. It crushes me to hear her in such a state, especially when I'm this far away from her.

"Peyton, I'm sorry."

"Nathan, could you-" She pauses.

"Anything you need, Sawyer." I tell her in a sure tone.

She sniffs again, "Could you just stay on the phone a while?"

"I can come down, if you want me to." I offer again.

"No, really." Something in her voice tells me that she does want to be left alone, "I don't think I'm up for seeing anyone, I just, well, it's nice to hear your voice."

"I'll be right here then." I commit.

It was during those few hours that she told me about her plans to come here to the Meadow and scatter the ashes. Somewhere between the tears and the sobs at least.

I glance to her now; she's crouched down in the centre of the vast space, whispering into the wind. I can't help thinking that she just looks broken.

I wait for her to say goodbye, not getting out of my car until she goes to leave, I don't want to intrude on any kind of grieving process. She rises from the floor but she doesn't quite seem her full height, like something's keeping her from holding her head up high. I see her heave a shaky breath and bring her hands to her face in a complete show of devastation. It's enough for me to forget whatever polite protocol I'm following and run to her.

There's no look of surprise, no shock and no questioning. She just falls into my arms and clings to me as though her life depends on it. I stroke her hair and repeat to her that everything's going to be okay whilst she soaks my shirt.

Slowly her sobs subside and she raises her halo of golden hair, a set of wide emerald eyes fall on me; pouring with sadness, "Thank you.'

"Don't mention it." I tell her.

She shakes her head slowly, "How did you know where to come?"

"I looked it up, don't worry about that." I'm more concerned about her than anything else, "Do you want to talk about it?"

"There's not much to say." She shrugs, "I just want her back."

I sigh, it's about the only thing I can't do for her; the thing that she wants most in the world.

"I want to be strong and do all the things that she told me to do; to go out and enjoy life, have fun and laugh so hard I cry, but I can't right now." She tells me sadly.

"It'll come, you just need time." I explain softly, "She sounds like a smart woman though, Ellie."

"She was," She attempts a smile, "She was smart and brave and funny."

I pull her closer and she closes her eyes momentarily, her brow creasing as she does so. It looks as though she's finding the courage to pull up the memories that still feel raw and painful.

"I think you would have liked her, Nate. She was a rebel; she liked taking chances and trying new things." There's such warmth in her voice, such pride and adoration.

"I'm sure I would," I offer a smile, "I have a soft spot for rebels."

Her expression softens slightly, "Her heart was in the right place though; she was honest and passionate, kind and insightful. She taught me about the world, she experienced so much and she had no regrets."

I give her shoulder a quick squeeze as she blinks back the tears, "No regrets."

She nods back at me, "She was so strong too, even with the cancer, she just took every hit and in the end I think she was at peace with it. She was amazing, Nate."

I grin because although Peyton can't see it, it seems to me that she inherited a lot from Ellie, "She sounds amazing."

Her gaze falls to the floor, "I just want to make her proud. I'm here because of her, she didn't have to have me but she did and now she's taught me all about living, like really living, I hope I can measure up."

"I think you already are." I assure her.

A spark of relief ignites her features, "I needed to hear someone say that."

And you hold me, like you'll never let me go…

It's the weekend of the Classic and honestly I've never been so eager about a tournament. This time it has nothing to do with basketball though.

I have to refrain from running from the bus to the hotel; I'm just desperate to see her. The last time I was with Peyton we scattered her Mom's ashes, so it's fair to say I'm worried about her.

I enter the hotel with the team who are shouting and jesting so I'm surprised when the hunched figure across the room doesn't so much as flinch when we invade reception. I break away from the group to go and investigate. She's the absolute picture of sadness and I wonder madly why it is that they've all deserted her when clearly she's broken hearted. Her head's bowed and her eyes are fixed on a well-thumbed photograph.

I approach her slowly, hoping not to startle her but I do anyway.

She clutches a hand to her chest and then sighs in relief when she sees that it's me. She offers a smile but I know that it's forced, her eyes are glittering with unshed tears and her shoulders are slumped.

I slip down onto the floor beside her and throw an awkward arm around her back.

"I'm sorry." She whispers. It doesn't sound like her, not the Peyton that I know, this is the open, walls down version of her. As much as it pains me to see her hurting, it's good to see that she's letting people in.

"Don't be sorry." I tell her forcibly, "Just let it out if that's what you need to do."

She nods gratefully and runs a finger beneath her eyelids in an attempt to ward off any tears. "I should be back in the hall to rehearse."

"There's no hurry." I remind her. Some things are more important than cheerleading.

"I haven't even said hello!" She gushes, "What is wrong with me?"

"It's fine, I understand." I assure her.

She grins, "Hi Nathan, it's really, really good to see you."

"Back at you, Sawyer." I tell her and she brightens somewhat. We fold into a hug and then take a moment to study one another, as though we might have changed during our time apart.

"I want to hear all about what's going on with you later." She tells me, "Are you free tonight? We should catch up."

"Definitely." I say readily, "I'm there."

"P. Sawyer?" Brooke's familiar voice rings through the room, her worried hazel eyes scouring every corner in search of her broken friend.

I wave her over and a small relieved smile flies to her lips.

"Nathan." She nods in my direction but her eyes are focussed on Peyton. "Break's over, Sweetie."

Brooke keeps her eyes on her friend and I feel the slight bite of friction in the air. I can't say that I didn't expect it; Peyton's told me how much closer Brooke and Haley have become in the past few months. I guess the guy who skipped out on your roommate isn't going to be someone you share small talk with.

"Sorry, Brooke." Peyton lifts to her feet and looks back at me, holding her gaze for a moment longer than usual, "I'll see you later then?"

"Yeah, call me." I tell her.

She nods and I hear Brooke asking her if she's okay as they walk away. I watch them until they reach the double doors and just as they're about to disappear into the corridor, Brooke turns around. She offers me a smile from across the room and I know that it's her way of saying thank you for looking out for Peyton.

I return the gesture.

Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember…

She's giggling; a waterfall of sweet laughter tumbling from her parted pink lips and filling my drab hotel room with the kind of happy high I haven't felt in a long time. We've been hanging out all evening and I can say without hesitation that it's the most fun I've had in a long, long time. Her company is addictive and I don't want tomorrow to come; for the Classic to be over, for her to go back to Tree Hill and me to return to Oak Lake.

"Another drink?" She proposes, shaking the bottle of Tequila in front of me. Not waiting for an answer, she unscrews the cap and pours two heavy measures. She's surprisingly accurate considering the amount she's drunk to this point. "Ready?"

I nod and pass her a slice of lime before pouring some salt onto my clenched hand; she then copies my action and smirks my way.

"3, 2, 1." She counts down and we sink our drinks.

She smacks her lips together in a satisfied manner and helps herself to a second slice of lime, "Good thing I grabbed this bottle when I left my room, Rachel will get mad and we get drunk; win, win."

"Haven't you got a routine to perform in the morning?" I gently remind her.

She shrugs, throwing more attitude into a simple rolling of her shoulders than I thought possible, "What does it really matter?"

It's a fair question, what is the point of a cheer leading competition? Can't say that I know but I do know what she needs to hear, "Maybe it doesn't matter in the long run but I know that you'll perform tomorrow because you don't let your friends down and you said yourself that Ellie thought you made a pretty great cheerleader and she wouldn't like to see you give up."

"You know me too well." She sighs, "I miss having you around, you know?"

"Trust me, I know." I say sincerely, "You've always been there when I needed someone and it sucks that I live so far away now."

"Sure does." She nods and shuffles closer to me on the bed. Her eyes are hooded and I can see that she's thinking hard.

I drift away as well, thinking about a future that's not yet paved.

"And the stars are crying out for what we could have had." Her voice is soft and melodic. I can't remember her ever singing before but she has a nice voice.

"What's that?" I ask cautiously.

She looks shocked that I heard her sing, "Were we horrible together?"

I arch my brow, "Um,"

"Because I miss you so much, like to the point that I don't understand it." Her brilliant eyes roll towards me, "It seems crazy but makes the most perfect sense."

"So it's not just me then?" I muster.

She swings her legs round to the floor and turns her back on me, "I'm drunk."

"Peyton," I reach out and touch her arm.

She turns her head, a curtain of hair falls across her face, just a peek of her eye visible. Her gaze is heavy and conflicted, "Can we pretend for a second that we're not us?"

I frown and she swivels round and leans in towards me, brushing her smooth parted lips against mine.

I reach for her and welcome a kiss. It feels right; it feels better than right; like all the heartache, confusion and turmoil has brought us here. We had to go there to come back; we had to have time away from one another, to be with other people, to grow and change, to become two people who fit together perfectly. That's how it feels.

She pulls away slowly. Her smile's shy and her eyes are dazzling.

"Let's sleep on that." She suggests before slipping beneath the sheets and rolling over.

I stare at her in complete wonder, both at how she can sleep at a time like this and how beautiful she looks. Halos of golden hair splay across my pillow and her rose lips that I can still feel grazing mine are curved to form the slightest of smiles as she dreams.