As Heard from Outside the Door of the CBI Attic:

.

Jane.

Hey, Jane.

Jane! Wake up! It's 11:00 in the morning, there's no reason for you to be asleep right now. Get up. I mean it. Jane!

*WHACK*

Well, if you didn't want me to whack you with a file folder, maybe you shouldn't pretend you can't hear me, huh? You're lucky it wasn't my fist. Now get downstairs, I'm sending you out with Cho to re-interview the parents on the Menedez thing. Something doesn't smell right.

Swear to God, Jane, if you go back to sleep I'm going to dip your hand in warm water, like it's third grade all over again. NOW, Jane! Go!

Yeah, that's right, such a slave driver. Cry me a river.

(...)

"Jane, what the hell did you say t- agh! What the hell is – okay, is that an aeroplane? Woah, that. That's just not what I was expecting when I walked in here.

No! Jane don't – don't get it near me, it's gonna get stuck in my hair! Don't, Jane, I'm serious!

Okay, okay, I'm going, I'm, gonna make a strategic retreat. But you know what? As soon as I get my surface-to-air missile system online, I'm gonna be right back up here. "

SLAM.

(quietly): Huh. That thing was actually kind of cool ...

(...)

Jane, WHAT THE HELL DID YOU SAY TO HIGHTOWER?

Can you like WARN me when you're going to pull this kind of stuff so I can TAKE A VACATION DAY?

Uh-uh, no way, you'd better not be laughing. If you are laughing I – I don't even know, okay? I'm gonna – I'm gonna – jeez, there's nothing else to freaking threaten you with, I've already used everything!

I'm going home, you deal with this crap. Solve the case while I'm gone. You know you've already figured it out.

Jerk.

(...)

Alright. So. Are those uh flowers from you? They'd kind of better be, because otherwise I've got some kind of creepy stalker who can get into my bedroom.

Real statement you're making there, by the way.

But they're, uh, nice. Thanks. I guess.

Or whatever.

You're still a jerk, though.

(...)

Jane you can't just avoid me forever, eventually you're going to have to write an apology to – oh. Uh. Oh jeez. I'm sorry, would you like a, uh, a moment? I'll just come b – maybe I should just come back later?

Or do you, you want me to get you anything? Tissues?

Uh, tea, you want tea?

No. Why don't I just – uh – I'm gonna … I should go.

But, uh, listen. I'm here, if you wanted to. Mm. Talk. Which you never do.

Yeah.

But, if you ever, you know, did, theoretically, then you know I, ah, would.

Okay?

Yeah I'm not – uh, I'm not especially good at this kind of. Ah-hem. Thing. You may have noticed. Like that, that time with Van Pelt in the elevator. God, that was awful. But, uh, anyway -

What was my point?

Yeah, with the – talking. Right. So if you ever, well, you've, you've got my number.

I'm just going to be out – shooting something.

Uh, right.

Bye.

(...)

Jane, are you in here? Jane? Knock knock. It's me, Lisbon. Jane? Okay, I'm coming in … Okay, that's weird. Not in the batcave. Where the heck did he go?

Boss?

Van Pelt, do you know where Jane is? I want him at the briefing on the Heines case. I'm not repeating myself in twenty minutes just so he can squeeze in some extra brooding time ...

Uh, yeah, boss, that's what I was coming to tell you. We're all downstairs, waiting for you. Jane too.

Oh. Huh. Well then, lead the way.

Yes Boss.

Quietly: Man, he is such a jerk.