Disclaimer—Star Wars is copywrite its respective owners. "Stupid" is written and preformed by Sarah McLachlan. All I did was create a situation.

Note—To the reviewers: kayladie, SithKnight-Galen, Mara Skywhiner (lol, love the name!), aniamifan1988, Kazzy, and AdraLoran, thank you! It's always nice to hear that the writing is appreciated. I hope this chapter lives up to your expectations. This chapter deals with Luke. I've also in the process of picking a song for the 'reunion' chapter, which gets started next.

Special Thanks: A huge thank you goes out to Kazzy, who has agreed to beta-read this for me. Kazzy, you're a lifesaver!

All my Sins

Part 2

The apartment was as dark and lonely as it had been when he'd left, and suddenly he wanted to turn and run again. The memories dredged up by the untouched apartment made Jedi Master Luke Skywalker feel choked and sore. But he forced himself forward into the mostly-bare room, fought his way into his bedchambers, and made himself face what had happened such a short time ago.

It was just as it had been when he'd stormed out weeks ago—the sheets still strewn about, his clothes in their undignified pile by the closet, his towel thrown haphazardly over the back of a chair. Running a hand through his hair, avoiding the thought of just how much damage had been done to his relationship—whatever that now was—with Mara, he settled down onto his bed and closed his eyes.

How much had happened in his absence? Did she hate him? Was she even still on-planet? His whole perspective had changed while he'd been away, but how to talk to her? He was afraid he'd lost her, but more afraid of her retaliation should he decide to see her.

He glanced out of the window into the well-lit blackness of the Coruscant night. He knew that he was using the late hour as an excuse not to face her. Still, he couldn't seem to make himself stand up and make the trip to Mara's apartment, no matter how badly he wanted to beg forgiveness. That left him alone, aching for morning but fearing the absence of night.

//Night lift up the shades let in the brilliant light of morning

But steady me now for I am weak and starving for mercy

Sleep has left me alone to carry the weight of unraveling where we went wrong

And all I can do to hang on, to keep me from falling into old familiar shoes.//

He knew he was exhausted, he could feel the weariness in his muscles. He felt drained from keeping his shields up. Drained from sorting out his feelings and organizing his thoughts. Drained from the endless squabbles with Mara. But for one reason or another, he couldn't sleep.

It had been that way since the fight, and he'd had to use the Force to rest his body when the need for sleep overwhelmed him. It was worry and pain that kept Luke up at night.

Love had never come easily for him, though he always threw his whole soul into it. Mara was his match in every way; by all reason it should work with her. But it didn't. He'd left in such a rage, reeling from the agony in his soul—agony that she'd wrought. But perhaps it wasn't all her fault. Still, even now the pain rose when he remembered her words, spat so thoughtlessly such a short time ago.

"Was it even me you were sleeping with, Skywalker?" she'd asked in scorn when the fight had deteriorated to his past loves. "I don't think so. You were making love to her. She's gone! She never loved you, ever, and yet even now you cling to her memory! Well I'm not Callista, Luke!"

Worse words—far worse words—breached from those harsh accusations. It was his own weakness that had made him flee, because at the time he'd been afraid that she was right—that Callista's false love still tainted everything, even his love for Mara.

While he was gone, trying to discover if that was true, he insisted to himself that it had been a fool's dream to think he and Mara would work. They were no good for each other, a match in strength of will, but opposites in temperament and courses of action. She was too independent, too eager for a fight. He was too much the pacifist. And even as he was busy telling himself that—chanting it to himself in his head—her voice haunted him, her face tortured him, and his heart betrayed him.

//How stupid could I be

A simpleton could see

You're no good for me

But you're the only one I see.//

Even now, even though there was no longer even a flicker of hope for them to fix this, his soul still sought her. He still reached for the pure, powerful light that was her existence. He'd been stupid and foolish before to think he could live without it. But he'd also stayed away too long. He'd fled when the situation called for patience, honesty, and diplomacy. His past failures at love made him scared. The thought of risking Mara had thrown him over the edge.

But what to do now? Everything in him begged for him to call out for her, to stretch out and touch her Force sense, to run to her apartment and take her into his arms and beg. He felt so empty and worthless without her. They'd made such a perfect team without realizing it.

//Love has made me a fool set me on fire and watched as I foundered

Unable to speak except to cry out and wait for your answer

And you come around in your time speaking of fabulous places create

An oasis that dries up as soon as you're gone

You leave me here burning in this desert without you.//

For several long moments, Luke sat in the dark with agonized thoughts, not noticing his tears. He didn't think he'd ever have to feel this kind of misery again, not after Callista. He'd been so determined to finish his life alone. Yet Mara had always brought out the extremes in his personality. Normally those extremes were anger or joy or frustration, never pain. And she'd always come around before. She'd always contacted him to let him know that they were okay, even if she couldn't apologize. This time she'd stopped trying after the first few hours, after he'd been a fool and ignored her calls.

He'd reached out to her through the Force during moments where she was sure to be unable to notice. Usually while she was sleeping, so the brief touch was more like a dream than reality. The first night as she drifted into slumber, he tried to gage her feelings. But they were so chaotic he settled with soothing her as much as he dared. Had she felt it? He didn't know. He'd kept himself cloaked from her at all times, unable to face her pain since he was unable to bear his own. He could hear her in mind's ear, chastising him for taking the coward's way out. Blasting off-planet was more her style than his.

Which reminded him…was Mara even on planet? It would be easy to check, but if she sensed him and came to confront him…

He wasn't sure he was ready for that.

//How stupid could I be

A simpleton could see

That you're no good for me

But you're the only one I see.//

After a long moment's hesitation, Luke opened himself to the Force. Her presence was breathtaking in intensity. He'd been craving this like a starved man, hoping for this while the rest of his world crumbled. He focused on that shining light, trying to keep control of his tempest of emotions, and nearly broke into tears once more. She was on Coruscant. Was there still hope, then?

//Everything changes, everything falls apart

I can't stand to feel myself losing control

In the deep of my weakness I know.//

Even as he pulled back, he felt Mara's own Force sense, aware of his and seeking to pin him down. There was a surge of emotions, too short and intense for him to recognize, and he slipped from her grasp to regroup. For better or worse, he knew now what he had to do. He opened his eyes, tightened his shields, and freshened up as best he could. With a deep breath, he faced the door.

//How stupid could I be

A simpleton could see

That you're no good for me

But you're the only one I see.//

Pulling himself together, Luke Skywalker made the longest, possibly hardest journey of his life.