I would like to say that I didn't say anything in the first chapter, and so I'm saying it now.
Pokémon does not belong to me, nor do any other franchises mentioned. The characters, mostly, ARE mine.
If I owned Pokémon, Ash would be fourteen. Really, do they honestly expect us to believe that he competed in all those regions in less than a year?
This is the only time I'm putting the disclaimer. Too much trouble.
Circuit opened his eyes. He did not scream. He stopped screaming decades ago. That didn't stop the nightmares. They only got worse.
He swung his legs off the bed and sat up. This one had been the worst one in years. A dark alley in a darker city, a flash of light and a sharp crack, and then a little boy screaming for mom and dad. He remembered that one. Nearly seventy years ago now… or was it eighty? The boy went on to become the only being across the whole of Reality that Circuit genuinely believed could beat him in a fair fight. He was a legendary hero now, but Circuit never forgave himself. No boy should ever go through that.
Then, the dream had changed scene abruptly: standing in the desert, on the roof of the bomb shelter, and suddenly a mushroom cloud billows up, tinted green, and in the distance he hears the tortured screams of a newborn monster. He remembered that, too. Nearly fifty years ago now. He heard that he recently found a wife and a home on another planet, only for it to literally blow up in his face. Poor guy. But it was meant to happen. Circuit couldn't have stopped it if he'd wanted to, and you better believe he did.
Next, he was watching as that foolish Guardian, a teenager in orange in black, faced his end trying to save a universe. As it turns out, the resulting catastrophe was supposed to happen (the terminology was different in that world, and so it had caused a clerical error), but the boy couldn't be saved. A towering figure in hideous black armor, trying to destroy his all-powerful "brother" and usurp him… Josh didn't stand a chance. If only Circuit had been more persistent when the boy ignored his lessons, maybe he would've survived…
And lastly, inevitably, the scene returns to the battlefield, as it always does. Wounded soldiers on both sides, fire and destruction everywhere, and up on the fortress's battlements, run up the flagpole, is… is….
Circuit shook himself. The past is the past. His failures exist only to teach him success. He'd been telling himself that for nearly a century. One of these days he would believe it.
Circuit made up his bed and put on his jacket and hat. He thought a moment, then grabbed his cane as well. Today was the Guild's first day of business,after all. He needed to make an impression, right?
He opened his front door and strode across the way to the gate. He looked east, where the sun was just rising over the trees.
Perfect… he thought to himself, a smile forming across his lips. He pulled a trumpet from its stand just inside the gate, strode to his position in the assembly hall, and played. He played it loud.
Hitmontop jumped at the fanfare, falling out of bed and onto the floor. His face broke his fall. "A wake-up call, huh?" he muttered. "Can't say I'm surprised."
His bunkmate, Croconaw, jumped out of bed, landing on his feet. "What are you waiting for?" he asked, "We gotta go!"
"Go where?"
"The morning assembly, of course! It's standard in a Guild."
Hitmontop sighed and followed the blue gator to the hall, where the others already stood in formation. Hitmontop and Croconaw took their place at the end.
A massive Electivire that could only be the Guildmaster marched to the front and waited a few minutes for the talking to stop. When it didn't, he cleared his throat.
"ATTEN-SHUN!" he bellowed. Silence crawled in after the echoes died out. No one dared move. Circuit eyed them suspiciously. Noctowl, standing behind and to the left (Circuit's left) of him gestured frantically to salute.
Everyone present immediately saluted. One of them didn't have limbs, but that just made it all the more impressive.
Circuit grunted, satisfied. He began pacing up and down the row of apprentices. He said, in a vaguely sinister tone, "So, you lot think you've got what it take to be explorers, do ya? Well, I'll be the judge of that. I'm the best there ever was, the best there is, and quite possibly the best there ever will be, so I'm more'an qualified to say whether or not you've got what it takes."
He stopped and bent low so as to look Hitmontop straight in the eyes. Hitmontop felt a bead of sweat roll down his neck. Circuit's eyes followed it.
He resumed pacing. "Well, I'll tell you what, I've seen worse greenhorns than you, but I can't remember when. A few of you look like you won't last three days before ya quit, and the rest of ya look like a bunch of yella-bellied cowards, but don't you worry, we'll iron that out soon enough, hehehe. All that said…"
He swung around and smiled at the assemble Pokémon. "Welcome to the Electivire Guild!" He grinned at the confused faces before him. "I'm General Circuit, the one and only, but you'll be callin' me Guildmaster or 'sir,' alright? Each of you will be handed your individual duties around the Guild-you know, chores and whatnot-and aside from that, you'll have free reign on whatever.
"A few of you may have heard that the other Guilds take 90% of the mission rewards earned by their apprentices. Well, not this one. We break even, takin' only fifty percent, so no worries there. YOU!" he shouted suddenly, pointing at Hitmontop.
Hitmontop jumped slightly, and snapped back into a salute. "Sir!"
"Did I say you could come out of attention?"
"Uh…"
"Did I, boy?"
"No sir!"
"That's better. Name?"
"Hitmontop, sir!"
"So you don't have one? Hmm… ah, no matter. You will be the gatekeeper."
Hitmontop frowned. "Sir?"
"When the sentry, who I've suddenly decided will be that one there-" he pointed at a Sandshrew standing behind Croconaw. She jumped and looked side to side, bewildered. "-when the sentry looks up from under the grate out front and determines from their footprint what Pokémon wants in, she'll call up to you, you'll determine whether or not to let them in and, if you do, open the gate for them."
He turned to Croconaw. "Now, you. It will be your job to wake everyone up at the crack of dawn ev'ry mornin'. You play trumpet at all?"
Croconaw stood up straighter. "I can learn, sir!"
"Good man! You'll play that fanfare every morning. When we're done here, come up to the third floor an' I'll show you the basics."
"Sandslash!" (Not the Sandslash from earlier; this one was male, and Sandshrew's older brother) "It will be your task to to update the Mission Boards, alright? Straightforward, I should hope. Ekans, beside you, has already volunteered to man the Swap Shop out by that fork in the road, out there." He gestured vaguely.
He turned to Noctowl. "Am I forgettin' anything?"
"Me and Kricketune, sir."
"Ah, right," he said nodding. He turned back to the group. "Noctowl here is the Head of Intel. Any question you may have, ask him. Any questions?"
Several appendages rose.
"Ask him."
He pointed to the large Bug-type next to Noctowl. "That one there's Kricketune. He'll be in charge of team assembly. You want to expand your team, take it to Kricketune. Incidentally, he's also the cook. Lunch is served at 11:30 and continues until one. Dinner starts at six' o'clock flat, and is served until seven."
Circuit turned and started towards the stairs. "Tomorrow we add more detail to the morning routine, but it's my first day, too, and I don't wanna drop everything on ya at once, now do I? At ease," he finished, waving his hand, then climbing up the next floor.
The room relaxed, and eight Pokémon started breathing again. A few minutes passed without anyone moving, and a guitar started echoing from the third floor.
Noctowl looked them over. From left to right, Sandshrew, Rattata, Croconaw and Hitmontop. The second row, starting behind Sandshrew, was Sandslash, Snover, Ekans, and Flaaffy. Not a bad crew, though they looked a little worried.
Noctowl rolled his eyes. Of course they were worried. The Guildmaster was not one for subtleties. Wait until they found out about dinner…
"All right, may I have your attention," Noctowl called, flapping his wings. "I'd like to apologize for the Guildmaster's behavior. Trust me, you will get used to it. I did, and it was actually fairly easy. The tricky part was learning how to tell whether or not he's joking."
He sighed. "I must warn you not to take him lightly, however. If you know anything about his legends whatsoever, you should know exactly what he's capable of when angered. Now, do I have any questions?"
Flaaffy raised her hand. "Um, I have a question."
Noctowl looked at her expectantly. "Hoo? Yes?"
"Well, um… I heard that Officer Magnezone wouldn't be coming to this town, and that another officer was assigned…"
"Who? Oh, you must mean Raichu. Yes, Virtue Village's resident enforcer is Officer Raichu. You will meet him soon. I feel inclined to warn you, he can be a bit… surly, at times. And never, EVER call him a mouse. He is a jerboa. Remember that."
Sandslash snorted. "What's a jerboa? Sounds like some kind of fancy scarf."
"I wouldn't say that in his presence. He'd likely kill you. Brutally."
Sandslash did not respond beyond a nervous gulp.
"Well, if there are no more questions, then you have free reign today. Feel free to enjoy the sights. Croconaw, you must report to the Guildmaster so he can teach you the William Tell Overture. If any of you need me, I will be in the Library. You may disperse."
"HI there!" the sunny one said. "Welcome to the wonderful-"
"-the amazing-" added the rainy one.
"-stupendous-"
"-spectacular-"
"-and incredibly cheap-"
"Forecast Bazaar!" they finished together.
Hitmontop stood still, a bit stunned by the sudden sales pitch. "Is that what this little stall is? I expected a Kecleon Shop…"
The two Castform ignored him. "I'm Cirrus," the Sun-form one on the left said. He gestured to the gloomy-looking Rain-form one on the right. "This is my brother Stratus. If you need anything, anything-"
"-Orbs, seeds, food, you name it-"
"-we've got it all! Any questions?"
Ekans, who'd been following Hitmontop around, hissed, "Is the Kecleon clan aware of thisss setup?"
"Eh?" Cirrus asked, confused.
"I mean, there'ssss never been a market that wasn't run by Kecleon. They may not resssspond with the esssssence of brotherly love, you see."
Stratus laughed harshly. "I asked the owners in Pokémon Square if they were okay with it, actually. I don't think they took me seriously, though. They just laughed." He sighed. "Are you gonna buy something or not?"
"Sorry guys," Hitmontop said, holding his hands up. "I'm broke. Maybe next time."
They walked on, exploring the town.
"Sssso," Ekans began, "would you like to try the Café? Togekiss and his pals make an excellent shake."
"Sure, why not? Where to?"
"She's up in the tree house. Over there, you see." He gestured for Hitmontop to follow.
Hitmontop caught up and asked, "How do you know your way around like this?"
Ekans gave a little, hissing laugh through his teeth. "Oh, I was one of the firssssst ones here, you see. Yessss, I was simply trying to do something with my life that didn't involve actually doing anything. Then I realized that that was sssstupid, and I signed up to help with thisss project, you see. Ah, here we are."
A rope ladder was hanging from the tree. Half of the tree house could be seen sticking out of the foliage. It was painted white. A sign was nailed to the tree trunk. It had a red and blue logo, and proclaimed to all who gaze upon its plywood glory that this tree held the
Togekiss Café
…and that any who wish to enter were welcome.
Hitmontop swung himself onto the rope, Ekans draped over his shoulders (since he couldn't climb it himself). He pulled himself to the doorway, and a pair of paws pulled him up.
"Welcome to the Togekiss Café!" A Plusle and Minun wearing red and blue bowties guided them to a table. Minun handed them a menu and ran off towards another stall where a customer was waiting.
"Would you like to order now or do you need a minute, sirs?" Plusle asked, pushing Hitmontop into a chair. "We'd like to apologize if our service is slow, we just opened. We're a little understaffed, sir."
"Uh… what do you recommend?" Hitmontop asked, struggling to keep up. Why were all these Pokémon being so… efficient? It wasn't natural.
"Well, I'm delighted you asked, sir. Miss Togekiss makes a splendid fruit salad and her Chesto berry soda is better than any coffee you'd care to name. And for dessert, might I suggest a slice of Cheri pie?"
Ekans snorted from behind his menu. (How was he holding it?) "Everything here's vegetarian. Don't you have any meat?"
Every last ounce of cheer and amiability left Plusle's face. It was replaced by a complete and utter lack of emotion that was incredibly disturbing. Plusle swiveled his head around to look Ekans dead in the eye.
"Sir," he said, deadpan. "If I may be so bold, have you considered precisely where we would get the meat from? Have you ever fully considered what meat even is?"
Ekans's head tilted in thought. Slowly, a look of horror sank into his features. He gulped and said, "I see. You know, I've recently been considering going vegan, you see."
It was like flipping a switch. Plusle jumped off the table, smiles and sunshine once more. "So that'll be two salads, a soda and an apple juice, coming right up, sirs! Our show will begin soon, so please make yourselves comfortable. Try not to look in his eyes."
"Look in-what?" Hitmontop started, but Plusle ran to the other stall, where a small kitchen was set up.
"A show. Well, that explains the stage, I see," Ekans mused.
And it appeared so. Between the two stalls, there was, in fact, a rather large stage. Several Kricketot were setting up a steel drum set and a xylophone. A bass guitar was being tuned, and several Bellossom were stretching. Hitmontop's eyes were drawn to the Hitmonlee playing the bass. Ekans followed his gaze.
"Friend of yours?"
"My older brother." Hitmonlee saw him and waved. He waved back.
Ekans looked around at the other tables. There were four. They were at one, a Pachirisu and a Pikachu with blue hats were at another, a trio of Murkrow at the next. The last table was empty.
"Enjoy your food!" Minun said suddenly, leaving two salads and drinks on the table before rushing back to the Recycle booth.
Hitmontop looked at his suspiciously. Ekans took a cautious bite and immediately started tearing at his plate, pausing long enough to say, "It's good!" before diving back in.
Hitmontop took his fork and ate a small bite. This narrator possesses neither the linguistic ability nor the motivation to describe how delicious this fruit salad was, as this narrator, regrettably, does not frequently use his taste buds to their full extent.
The lights dimmed and focused on the stage. Hitmonlee played a short riff on his guitar before the percussion joined in, and everyone present groaned, booed or growled as a Ludicolo burst out of nowhere and began dancing like a maniac. You know the Burger King, and how his commercials are always really creepy? Well, Ludicolo-this particular Ludicolo-was the Pokémon equivalent of a dancing Burger King.
Hitmontop cringed; he'd looked him in the eyes.
"Alright kid. For yer first time that was pretty good."
General Circuit waved Croconaw out of his office. "Same time tomorrow, alright? Okay, so you can just do whatever the rest of day."
"Thank you, sir. See you later." Croconaw marched down the stairs.
Circuit watched him go until he was out of earshot. Once certain Croconaw couldn't hear him, "Good kid. Reminds me of Typhlosion, back in the day…"
Circuit shook himself. No sense getting caught up in nostalgia. That road leads to too many painful memories to make the good ones worth it. He looked at the guitar sitting in the corner, then let his gaze pass over it to the violin hanging on the wall.
Circuit smirked. Violin? Violins were for upper-class sissies. He pulled the instrument down and carried it down to the first floor. It was empty.
He pulled a stool out from the corner and began to play. A violin is too slow. A fiddle is much more fun to play.
Noctowl jumped from where he stood in the library, sleeping, as The Devil Went Down to Georgia started echoing through the building. The Guildmaster wasn't a bad singer, as it turns out.
Noctowl sighed. He slipped on a pair of earmuffs before going back to sleep.
"Hello, Hitmontop," Croconaw greeted, seating himself at the table with him and Ekans.
Hitmontop grunted. He was listening to the singers. Ludicolo had been booed off stage, and Hitmonlee had been joined by his brother Hitmonchan. They were singing the Pokérap. They were actually quite good.
"Those your brothers?" Croconaw asked.
Hitmontop grunted again. Ekans pulled himself out from under the table. "Well-you see-welllllll…" Ekans slurred, then gave up and fell limp on the table top.
Croconaw blinked. "Is he drunk?"
Hitmontop snorted. "No. Ludicolo was performing earlier. We nearly had a riot on our hands, and in all the commotion Ekans got thrown out the window. I think he landed on his head."
"Oh," Croconaw said frowning. "Shouldn't we take him to the infirmary?"
"Infirmary?" Ekans hissed, then groaned from moving too fast. "That'sssss a fancy word for hosssss…" He trailed off as he started tipping over. Croconaw pushed him back into sitting position. "…pital, isn't it? You'll never take me alive!" He threw himself to the side, right into a Beedrill, knocking over her drink.
Croconaw and Hitmontop winced as Ekans was stung several times. Ekans slunk back into his chair, muttering, "Maybe the Vile seed wasn't the best choice for a drink mix…"
"A Vile seed? Arceus, Ekans…" Hitmontop glanced at Croconaw. "I guess he is drunk. Yeah, let's take him back to the Guild."
Croconaw picked the snake up and started to the door.
"Uh…"
"What, Hitmontop?"
"Can you pay the bill? I'm broke."
Croconaw stared at him. "You're not serious?"
Hitmontop shrugged, an embarrassed look on his face.
Croconaw sighed.
"Ha! Ha! Welcome to Honchcrow Bank! The enemies in dungeons, they're tricky devils. If they knock you out, they'll rob you nine times out of ten."
"Only nine?"
"The tenth time is the time when you don't get knocked out. Ha!"
"What is that supposed to-"
"So! If there's any money you don't want to lose, leave it with me and I'll guard it with my life!"
Sandslash and Snover were introducing themselves to everyone in town. The Castform brothers were almost normal. The Happiny twins were cute and finished each others sentences. Miss Kangaskhan was a familiar face, just like her aunt in Treasure Town. Togekiss, Plusle and Minun were happy and cheerful. On the other side of the bridge, however, it got weird.
Take Honchcrow. He had a strange, hungry gleam in his eye, and kept looking at the vault behind him with a look of longing. There was a hint in his voice that he was playing a game-similar to the kind with fake diamonds and moving cups.
Snover thought that this was suspicious. "Haven't I seen your face somewhere before, mister?"
Honchcrow flinched, ever so slightly. He hoped they didn't notice. "Whatever could you mean? I'm just an honest businessman, trying to make an honest buck in a dog-eat-dog world. Honestly!"
Sandslash narrowed his eyes. "You wouldn't happen to be the same Honchcrow they arrested recently, would you?"
"I haven't the slightest-"
"The one charged with fraud, theft, robbery, and all kinds of illegal sales and trades?" Sandslash pried.
Honchcrow froze. The two apprentices were glaring at him. He let his wings fall and sighed.
"All right, I'll admit that I may have let my greed go to my head, just a little. I may have done a little… pick-pocketing, here and there, but-"
"You stole over two million Poké!"
"Two million, five hundred thousand, four hundred and sixty-three," Honchcrow corrected, with a hint of satisfaction in his voice. "But that's behind me now. See, while I was in prison, it occurred to me that there wasn't any point in stealing money. I mean, there wasn't anything in particular I wanted to spend it on, and even if there was I'd be recognized and caught before I could get near the store. Besides, if I stole the money just to buy something, why not skip a step and steal the object in the first place, right?
"So I realized: What was the point? Why did I want the money? Just to have it? Pointless!"
Snover and Sandslash let this sink in. "So," Sandslash ventured, "Why did you become a banker?"
"Ha? Ah! Yes, I was getting to that. Well, if I wanted money just to look at it, I can make a pretty honest living looking at other people's money, right? So…?"
Snover nodded. "Makes sense."
"Would you like me to take your money for you?"
Snover and Sandslash glanced at each other, then shrugged. They left their money and walked quickly away.
"Ha HA! You can trust me to keep it safe, friends!" Honchcrow called after them. "Come again soon! Ha HA!"
They moved on to the next stall. The sign read "Grumpig Link Shop." The shopkeeper appeared to be asleep standing up.
"Hello?" Snover asked, cautious. He reached out to poke him, and Grumpig's eyes snapped open. Snover jerked his hand…branch…thing-which will from here on out be called a hand-back.
Grumpig yawned and stretched out. "Welcome…*yawn…to my link shop. If there are any moves or some such that you wish to remember or any combos you'd like to learn, it costs 300 Poké a pop. Can I help you?" His speech had a bored monotone to it.
"Uh… not today, sir. We just wanted to introduce ourselves. I am Snover and this is Sandslash. We're apprentices at the Guild and…sir?"
Grumpig had fallen back to sleep.
Snover looked at Sandslash. They shrugged and moved on. The last shop to visit was Slowking Appraisal. The owner wasn't immediately visible, but emerged from inside as they approached.
"Hello, my young scholars," he greeted in his lazy, deep-ish voice. "I am Slowking, a seeker of wisdom and solver of problems profound. I have dedicated my entire life to unlocking the secrets of the universe, of which there are many. Do you, too, wish to join me in the pursuit of wisdom?"
Sandslash sweat-dropped. "No…"
"That's too bad. Would it be correct, then, for me to assume you are here instead to seek my service in opening a chest?"
"No, we just wanted to introduce ourselves. I'm Sandslash, and this is Snover."
Slowking nodded. "Charmed, young sirs."
"And we're training at the Guild," Snover finished.
Slowking frowned. "What Guild?"
"…the Electivire Guild?"
"Oh, yes. Tell my good friend Circuit something for me, will you?"
Sandslash nodded, surprised.
"Excellent. Tell him that Espio the Chameleon wishes him a happy retirement."
"Who?" they said together.
"He'll recognize the name. Also, Waluigi sent him this." Saying this, Slowking handed them a large, purple box in black and yellow wrapping paper. A card on the side wished the recipient a Happy Retirement, You Deadbeat.
"Uh…"
"Please take that to him. I must await customers. Be off with you, please." The two apprentices looked at each other, then shrugged and began scuttling back towards the guild, the present supported between them. Slowking watched them go, then returned to his studies.