A/N: Hey guys! I'm back agaiin! Just re-reading my fanfiction and still seeing no Manolo/Joaquin fanfiction ((sniff)) and I decided, hey, why not? But I didn't have a decent plot line for the sequel but then a few days ago I was listening to Manolo's I Love You Too Much and I was like, ''of course!" Like, love logic 101! LOL.
So, I'm going to place this in Joaquin's POV and the setting will be a transitioning from Maria's return, Manolo's death and resurrection and... I think you get the point, haha.
To my reviewers, thanks for the comments! Your words are like the acidic sugar to my favorite root beer. And thanks for the note, Emma, Google Translate is handy but it will not solve all your bilingual needs! :P and name for the pairing? Hmm... What about ManQuin? ((With a silent n and thus, sounds like McQueen)) or Joanolo? ((Replace J with w and you get Wanolo)) whadda think? So this chapter will be bitter... And then sweet, and then bitter again... AND THEN LOTS OF MANQUIN/JOANOLO SUGARY SWEETNESS IN THE END! Oh, if you haven't notice I'm hyper from my stoic self 'cause of Eggnog! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA- *shot*
PS! I WORKED RIDICULOUSLY HARD ON THIS DARN FANFIC! TEN HOURS STRAIGHT AND SLEEP DEPRIVED AS HECK SO YA'LL BETTER REVIEW IT!
Rated T – Swearing and Suggestive themes.
Pairings: Manolo/Joaquin, slight Maria/Joaquin.
Summary: He loved him too much to live without being loved back. He knew the consequences of falling in love, especially when his love had loved someone else... So he tried loving for her, hard, distracting himself from sappy illusions of 'true love'. In the end, neither she or he loved him... So why continue trying to love himself?
Disclaimer: I do not own The Book of Life, nor its characters, plotline, music, scenery and-… you get the point. Belongs to the creators :P
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What Love Am I Truly Fighting For?
Chapter Two: I Love You Too Much.
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I love you too much,
to live without you loving me back...
I love you too much,
heaven's my witness and this is a fact.
It hurts.
It hurts when nobody loves you and you're all alone in this cold world. It hurts being alone, an orphan, depending on nobody but yourself... being unloved as years go by. It hurts when people only care about you because of your high status, not bothering to truly know you but only giving a damn because you're handsome. Looks only matter in the eyes of others, not what's sincerely underneath.
It hurts when you fall in love and no one loves you back.
Love can be a touchy subject because it holds many things, but in the end it must be a stupid, pathetically sappy illusion. Love promptly rejects him, and in many ways he can agree. What he did was so wrong on multiple levels, but as they say it... it felt so right.
Joaquin Mondragon fell in love with his best and only friend, Manolo Sanchez.
How? When? He can't remember for it has been so long since he loved him. Maybe the feelings formed as a child, and then grew from what Joaquin assumed was hormonal curiosity into something more... something dangerous. It frightened him beyond belief to have this unexplainable attraction towards his amigo, his brother, and yet his heart throbbed just by glancing at Manolo's face.
It's so wrong, so pathetically disgusting that his ancestors and very own father must be ashamed for him to be called their son. Why? Why must he carry these sensitive emotions towards someone indifferent? Who never looked his way? Well, once did. Once... once have his agonizing confusion vanquished into imaginative bliss, the return of 'love' felt so ridiculously good Joaquin was drowning in pure euphoria.
I know I belong, when I sing this song.
There's love above love and it's ours
'cause I love you too much.
He remembered it perfectly. The careful, gentle kisses from a drunken late night when their teenaged minds were hazy, conscious dozy and rugged from consuming too much tequila and salty-sweet liquor. He's the one who fell into the love trap, the one who succumbed to his delirious fantasy and dragged Manolo into his mess, but within that moment Joaquin loved every bit of it. He loved the hesitant lip caresses Manolo gave him before being devoured by Joaquin's hungry lips. The constant brushing of hot skin against hot skin, fingers prying to search for more sacred places, leading to numerous of sighs and giggles and grunts and unholy moans that reached the churches of Saint Mary.
Oh how Joaquin drank the gentle, affectionate gazes Manolo would give him- the warm hand squeezes he would receive in the quiet hours of the night.
I live for your touch,
I whisper your name night after night.
Joaquin felt loved. He thought... finally someone loved him for him, not because of some social reputation or beauty or fame, just him alone inside and out. It scared him, yes, but it gave him relief as well... that maybe... love wasn't as sappy and fictional as Joaquin perceived.
I love you too much,
There's only one feeling and I know it's right.
He knew the consequences falling for a man of his own gender, especially his best friend, but he didn't care, he desperately want to hear those three tiny words that created love.
I love you.
But it never came. The relationship didn't last no more than three months, yet those months tormented Joaquin for years onward. If only he never kissed Manolo then maybe he wouldn't be emotionally conflicted, and if only Joaquin didn't feel so attached then he wouldn't be suffering. He went to churches and begged forgiveness for entertaining such horrid thoughts, for wanting to kiss Manolo, for having these disturb emotions plaguing his heart. Yet Joaquin couldn't stop loving Manolo, no matter how hard Joaquin tried dating gorgeous women, constantly distracting himself from Manolo...- nothing worked.
In the end, Joaquin was left alone within the world, unloved, rejected fits the term more perfectly. He knew Manolo genuinely loved Maria, and something about it... deeply pisses him off. Sure, what they had was a short fling, nothing special in Manolo's eyes but Joaquin felt special, felt important and that right-winged bastard threw it all away! Threw away their love for someone far away in Spain! Waiting for someone who may not bother coming back! So you know what? Joaquin began to love Maria to spite the damn fool, bragging how much he would love Maria better than Manolo ever could.
It upsetted Manolo, but who cares? Manolo obviously didn't give a damn about his feelings whatsoever.
The years had passed and they had this piss-poor rivalry of love, to see who is the most ideological man in Maria's eyes. Who's the most handsome, fit, wealthy or talented? Himself, obviously. After all, he had the strength to defeat many men, all the ladies loved him and the attention and fame was overwhelming so Maria must love him.
Right? Apparently, wrong.
The moment Maria Posada set foot back on San Angel, something within Joaquin shattered.
I know I belong,
when I sing this song.
There's love above love and it's ours
'cause I love you too much.
Joaquin never realized how important Manolo was to him until Maria returned that day. It was like... he didn't exist anymore, that Manolo completely forgotten about him. How could he? Manolo Sanchez was his amigo! His best friend and his brother abandoned him. Maria this, Maria that! MariaMariaMariaMaria...- Joaquin wanted to stab himself if Manolo muttered her name again. And that look Manolo given her... the same look Manolo once gave him...- h-how could he? It was for him only...
Wait, what they had never existed.
Ever since Maria's return a rift formed between them, a deep bond broken and minced into irreparable form, so it seemed. It torn through Joaquin's heart like a sharpened sword, slicing his emotions and feelings and everything he stood for to absolute anger, agony and... hell, he don't know what to say anymore. Dear God, you may take away our attraction but please, don't take away our friendship! Friendship is the only bond he has with Manolo, and if that's gone... then what will be of them? What is there to bond over? Maria?
Heaven knows your name and I've been praying
to have you come here by my side...
Sitting in bars, drinking the nights away in hopes to sooth his pain, to numb these bottled feelings he kept inside for so long... he's absolutely gonna lose it. The memories of youth bombarded him each time he took a sip from his liquor, the emotions awakened from its dark slumber and aching to be released once more. Joaquin just relied on his memories, his sweet memories he had with Manolo within the times of the past to resolve these troubled emotions. He chuckled at Manolo's drunken state, fond of seeing him mumble ridiculous, stupid nonsense with a sly grin.
Relish the tastes of Manolo's sweet lips, tastes like maple tree sap. His skin felt so smooth, so warm and Joaquin couldn't stop touching, exploring, tasting and so much more from words indescribable.
Enjoys the sounds of Manolo's voice, his quiet mewls to long, richly high moans. Joaquin missed hearing them, missed hearing Manolo groan from being touched.
And then Manolo dumped him, wrote off everything they shared, just like that.
Without you a part of me is missing,
Just to make you, my whole life will fly.
That night Joaquin purposely asked Manolo about their past, he wasn't that drunk. Yes, the question they promised to never mention again, yes, the relationship they pretended never happened and Joaquin acting as if Manolo was just a brother, a pure friend. But he needed relief, he needed to know if Manolo ever remembered the times they shared when they weren't bickering, weren't arguing over Maria and other stupid things.
Friend my ass.
Manolo wasn't so sure, but it sound like he didn't regret the former relationship, either.
It gave Joaquin hope.
The next day Joaquin couldn't find Manolo anywhere. He searched and searched for his friend, but he was nowhere to be found. It worried him, scared him that Manolo left him completely, abadoned him just like everyone else. No, eventually Joaquin found Manolo at a tree, holding dear Maria in his arms. The young woman looked so peaceful, asleep.
And then Manolo told him that Maria wasn't asleep, and that she... she... died. And Joaquin was shocked, more than shocked, enraged. What the hell happened? Why is Maria Posada dead? How?! Yes, he was bitter at Maria for many things but he never wanted her dead. Joaquin loves Maria just as much, he cares for her well-being and wanted to prove himself to her just like Manolo... now, she is dead? Just like that? Gone like his ancestory and everyone else? This is ridiculous!
"This is all your fault!" Joaquin didn't know what he was saying, he just felt so... angry. Angry at life, angry at himself, angry at Manolo... for hurting him deeply... and now, angry at Manolo for murdering Maria. "You... you killed her! How could you?!" Joaquin shouted at Manolo with much hatred and disgust he could muster.
"Joaquin, I-"
"You make me sick. I hope you drop dead!" Joaquin ignored the shocked and hurtful gaze as he snatched Maria away from Manolo, backing away before he turned sharply.
He... He didn't mean to say those words, he just didn't think, didn't understand to what Manolo tried to say before attacking him immediately with judgement.
An hour later... Manolo Sanchez was found dead.
No... I... I didn't mean it. I didn't mean any of it. I'm so sorry Manolo, I'm so sorry, please forgive me.
No, not Manolo, not his best friend too! "God, why are you taking everyone away from me?!" Joaquin cried out, slamming his fist to the ground as he trembled, tears threatening to spill from his eyes but he withheld it, trying to retain whatever dignity he had left. His heart burned and ached, thrashed until he found himself choking out sobs with tears streaming down his face. Joaquin tried desperately, but in the end the image he withheld so tightly shattered into a young frightful boy filled with sorrow.
I know I belong,
when I sing this song.
Joaquin never told Manolo how much he loved him, how much he meant to him as a brother, a best friend, an amigo, a... lover. But it's too late now, Joaquin's last words to Manolo are hatred filled curses of death. "I'm so, so sorry." Joaquin whimpered, wiping his tears with the back of his hand, sniffing wildly. Manolo Sanchez and Maria Posada are gone, his two best friends... forever gone, and there's nothing he can do about it. Maybe he was meant to be alone, suffering within the dark heart of San Angel, unloved, tossed aside like a soldier pawn across the field.
"Sir! Are you a relative of Maria Posada?" Joaquin straightened himself immediately as a nurse walked up to him. "No... but I do know her."
"Ms. Posada is alive."
There's love above love and it's ours
'cause I love you too much.
Did God finally hear his cries and blessed him with a miracle? That Maria wasn't dead like Joaquin assumed it to be? Joaquin rushed inside the room withholding Maria to find her resting on the bed, wide awake and confused. "Wha... what happened?" Maria groaned out, fingers pressed against her temples as she stared at Joaquin. "W-where's Manolo?" Oh how Joaquin wished Manolo became alive again, unfortunately, seems like God can only revive one individual... "Manolo's... dead." Joaquin whispered, head bowed as he avoided Maria's heartbroken face. "No..." The woman began to cry softly.
The reminder of Manolo's death through Maria's tears made Joaquin's heart thud in a painful, agonizing manner; however, he shed not one tear... for all his tears had run dry.
-0-
Throughout the weeks Joaquin bonded with Maria. It felt strange, bonding with someone who made him so bitter, so angry... but spending time with Maria made him appreciate why he liked her in the first place. Somehow, she filled the empty gap with her nurturing words and attentive care, shortening the pain with her sweet smile. "It will be alright." Maria would constantly tell him when Joaquin broke down into a shambled, teary mess.
He's jealous of Maria's strength, able to withhold herself with dignity while he wastes the hours away drinking and crying over Manolo's death, and then continue drinking until his mind becomes a floating fantasy. To pretend that Manolo is alive and definitely not dead and giving him loving kisses Joaquin so desperately wanted.
Even if Manolo never loved him, Joaquin would be content to see his friend alive and happy.
And then Mr. Posada proposed Maria and he to become married for the safety of San Angel's people. Wow, just... wow.
Well, looks like Joaquin received everything he wanted. Women, popularity, fortune, respects of San Angel and finally... Maria. But why does he still feel empty? He should be happy he's marrying Maria, after all, Joaquin told Manolo he could love Maria better.
Joaquin's heart clenched at the thought.
On their wedding day Joaquin felt incredibly nervous, hesitant even. The last day Joaquin would be a single man, last day to remember those moments he shared with someone like Manolo. He didn't want to forget, he... he never wanted to let go. "Maria... you don't have to do this." Joaquin said as they stood at the alter, preparing to surrender their lives to each other for San Angel. "No, it's okay. I'm ready." Maria responded with a gentle smile.
And then unexpected news had arrived. Chakal was attacking the city and its inhibitants. Should he be glad? Joaquin wasn't so sure.
I love... you too much,
I love you too much.
Heaven's my witness and this is a fact.
You live in my soul...
Your heart is my gold...
-0-
Joaquin blinked once, twice, multiple times to see if his eyes were deceiving him, but it looked so real... so genuine. "...M-Manolo?" He saw the figure standing within the distance, and it looked just like... him. Too much for comfort.
And then the realization struck him like lightening. It is Manolo! His conscious screamed. Joaquin didn't want to believe it, he didn't want it to be true because... w-what if he's imagining things? What if he's dreaming a realistic dream from his drunken escapades? Joaquin continued fighting Chakal soldiers as he stared at the figure.
It looked like him, it sound like him and it walked like him...
The figure turned and looked at him, causing Joaquin to freeze. "Joaquin?" The stranger called, making Joaquin to stiffen in absolute shock... "Joaquin!"
"Manny?" Joaquin Mondragon couldn't believe it...- how? How is it possible? Once a person dies they remain dead! Joaquin punched another soldier straight in the gut and the pawn crashed through a barn shack. He saw Maria fight along with the figure as they tried to defeat The Chakal... but it was no use. "Manolo!" He cried out, watching Manolo thrust The Chakle and himself underneath the huge church bell that once hung above San Angel.
No! Not again! He will not see his friend's death again!
It was too late.
"No!"
A large explosion erupted from the bell, shattering any hopes of Manolo to ever remain alive. "No..." Joaquin felt tears prickling his eyes as he dropped to his knees, staring blankly at the bell that once held his heart. He... he lost Manolo again, after all this time... the chance to redeem himself was futile to none.
Manolo wasn't alive, he was dead all along.
Joaquin knew his life was over the day Manolo died, heck, Joaquin's not sure why he's living this hell for his so-called life. Tuned everyone out, listening to the doubts of life... the doubts of love, devoid of any emotions until he heard Maria's gasp. When he looked up, Joaquin couldn't believe what he saw...
Manolo pushed himself out from the clutches of the closed bell, revealing himself to the public, safe and unscratched. Abrupt cheers flooded San Angel as Manolo rushed towards Maria and held her tightly, joyous from the victory. Joaquin continued staring at the duo, unsure what to think, how to think... and his heart began to throb wildly. Carefully, he pulled himself to his feet and walked carefully to Manolo and Maria, afraid that if he moved to fast they would disappear forever.
Joaquin felt his heart quicken when Manolo's gaze rested upon him. "Joaquin?" His voice sounded like velvet to his ears, sounded so soothing... so real that Joaquin would do anything to hear Manolo's voice again and again and again. "Manolo?" He murmured, afraid to know if the Manolo in front of him was real. And just inches away, Joaquin snatched Manolo in a big hug, casing his whole arms around the man. Manolo felt so damn real that Joaquin held on to him tightly, afraid to release him. Emotions wild and distorted, Joaquin closed his eyes.
"H-how...?"
"Later. Tonight at 10?" The usual time they would go out for beers, drink and argue over Maria and stupid stuff.
-0-
San Angel celebrated its day with a feast. People were happy and victorious at the successful battle of the Chakal with Manolo Sanchez, Maria Posada and Joaquin Mondragon crowned as their heroes. The hours dwindling away with music, parties and drinks. Finally, the midnight sky rose and the glorious moon shined above San Angel. Maria returned to her sleeping quarters as the two friends walked out of the bar.
Joaquin waited this whole night for an explanation, a good explanation too. As the two walked he noticed Manolo acting fidgety and strange... "Well, I died from a poisonous snake." Manolo started with a sigh, unsure if he should continue. Joaquin nodded, "you mean that snake you said poisoned Maria?"
"Yes."
"It came and bit you too?" They were walking to Joaquin's house through the allies like every other night before... before Manolo died. While listening to Manolo's explanation there were things that weren't matching and adding up.
That was, until Manolo told him that he requested to be bitten. "What?" Joaquin felt his blood run cold at the revelation and stared at Manolo, shocked. His friend stared at the ground, "after losing Maria I was heartbroken and scared, and... I didn't know what to do. So when I was offered a chance to see Maria again I accepted without thought." Manolo said and frowned deeply.
Joaquin felt himself getting pissed- no, more than pissed. He cried many nights, shredded many tears, condemned and blamed himself and drunk his life away and been an emotional wreck because Manolo committed suicide.
Manolo killed himself. For a woman like Maria? And she wasn't even dead! How could he be so selfish and... stupid!? Before he knew it, Joaquin felt his fist smash against Manolo's cheek. The male stumbled upon impact, falling against a brick wall for support. "How could you?!" Joaquin sneered at Manolo with his furious brown eyes. "Don't you know what you made me go through? Don't you know how much you made me suffer?! I thought you were dead Manolo! Dead! I seriously thought I lost you and... a-and..." The man fell to his knees and began to shake, uncaring if he looked unmanly because...
How can someone hurt him this much emotionally?
"I blamed myself every night because of you! I lost both of you, but I didn't consider killing myself because I thought about others and their feelings. I needed you and yet you abandoned me! Eres un hijo de puta tal! Te odio tanto!" Tears slipped from his eyes but Joaquin didn't care, hell, his whole pride is trashed, crushed, chewed and spat out in front of another man.
Oh, how his father must be proud.
He always carried himself with dignity, but now... he looks likes a pathetic crybaby.
And then, Joaquin felt arms wrap around his shoulders. "Joaquin... I-I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that I wasn't considerate of yours nor anyone else's feelings. I'm sorry that I made you feel this way...- I wasn't thinking at all." Joaquin wanted to snuggle in Manolo's warmth but he felt restricted, unsatisfied with the answers given.
"I loved you. I loved you so much and yet you're cruel." Joaquin could feel Manolo stiffening within his grasp, knowing he's treading on thin ice at a subject they promised not to speak of again. But Joaquin wanted to tread it, he wanted to walk on the ice until the denial of ice cracked and plunges him deep into the cold water. "I love you Manolo. I love you so, so much and yet you take my feelings and trample them. How can you do this to me? How cruel can you be?" Here he is being a pitiful, sobbing loser sprouting nonsense without giving a care in the world...- he's Joaquin Mondragon for goodness sakes! If anyone sees him like this then they'll lose all respect.
Maybe Manolo lost respect for him, and Joaquin can't blame him honestly.
"I love you so much, damn it! Why are you torturing me? I can't control it, I can't stop this feeling my chest. God, I need you so bad-..." Joaquin halted when he felt soft lips brush against his own. Those careful, gentle caresses in a hesitant manner that brought many memories flooding back into his mind.
He snapped.
Joaquin roughly shoved Manolo onto the pavement before he pounced on top. "H-h-hey!" Manolo was then silenced by a harsh kiss, and then he sighed. God, he missed the taste of Red Tequila on Manolo's lips, fingers trailing the line of his neck... he love it. Joaquin nibbled on Manolo's top lip before overlapping it with his own, hearing a sharp hitch coming from the male underneath. In return Joaquin hummed as he swiped his tongue against Manolo's bottom lip, demanding entrance.
"W-wait," Manolo panted, his hands shakily pulling them apart. Joaquin grunted in frustration as he moved away, "Manny..."
"I want you to... to forgive me. For everything. Even when I tried to... to pretend you were't hurting." The male looked away, eyes downcast and face rather sullen. "I never meant to hurt you, Joaquin, I just... I was scared, okay? How was I suppose to deal with this? I cared what everyone thought of me! I-I didn't want my family to find me some... some freak. I know this is sudden but-" Joaquin gave Manolo a deep, yet hasty kiss. And when Joaquin tried to pull away Manolo grabbed him by the arm, maintaining dominance with their scorching hot tongues battling.
And then Manolo released a low moan between their kisses.
Abruptly, Joaquin broke the kiss as a string of saliva following and the males blushed heavily. Is he dreaming? It's feels so real, yet all he did... is so wrong, but it feels so damn right. "Manny..." Joaquin pulled himself up and released a shaky breath, "are you still alive? Or are you really dead?" Everything felt hazy, like a mystic dream drowning him in bliss.
He could hear Manolo chuckling in amusement before he finally answered. "I'm alive."
"Then... Promise to never leave me again. Promise that no matter what happens you'll make life the fullest. Don't... don't abandon me again, Manolo, don't leave me alone. You and Maria are all I have left." Joaquin didn't want to be alone again, the fear of abandonment and dying unloved and alone scared him to no end.
He doesn't want to be like his father.
Joaquin felt Manolo pressed against him as something wet dribbled on his sleeves. "...Manolo?" He whispered, noticing the other male shivering in his grasp.
"I promise. I promise I won't hurt you anymore. I was scared, terrified, a coward so I ran away from these feelings, I...- I just really, really, really like you." Manolo murmured softly, face resting in the crook of Joaquin's neck. The tightness in Joaquin's chest ebbed away into something soothing, a cooling warmth that quenched his aching soul...
Relief. Manolo loved him too, that... that what they shared wasn't just in the moment. Never Joaquin felt so joyful, content and... words unimaginable to describe the fluttery feeling blossoming in his heart.
"I forgive you. It's... it's okay. And I'm sorry for... you know, punching you." Joaquin winced as he glanced at Manolo's cheek, noticing dark bruises peppering his natural tan skin.
"Let's go home."
There's love above love but its mine 'cause I love you,
There's love above love and it's yours cause I love you,
There's love above love and it's ours 'cause I love you as much.
A/N:
Eres un hijo de puta tal! Te odio panto! - You're such a bastard! I hate you so much!
Well, I really liked it... And then the ending had to be so stupidly OOC and became a pile of steaming yaoi dung. I really hate the ending cause it's so crappy to me, but then again I haven't slept a wink in the last 24 hours so... maybe it's reveal in my writing :P. Well, I'm off to fall into deep sleep, toodles!