January 16, 2018
Recently everything is going pretty damn well between me and Yuuto. Yeah he's always busy and works a lot but he's keeping the weekends free for me so we see each other pretty often. The living together thing is working out better than we both expected, I guess. We don't fight that much and when we do the makeup sex is even better than the regular sex. Yuuto's playing less soccer though because of his job at his father's company. I kinda miss playing with him but, I started coaching a couple of weeks ago. They're an annoying bunch of –

Fudou quickly shuts his diary and hides it beneath one of the cushions of the sofa when he hears the door being opened. He reaches out for the remote and turns on the TV in order to look like he was doing something before his boyfriend came home.

"Hey, how was your day?" He asks when Kidou silently enters the room. "What? Oh yes, it was good." He answers but Fudou knows his friend longer than today and isn't satisfied at all with Kidou's half hearted reply. "Doesn't sound too good, what's up?"

"Just a little tired, it's been a long day." Kidou loosens his tie and takes a seat in his favourite chair, his father had given it to him when Kidou left the house. Kidou sitting on that chair could mean two things; either he wants to get comfortable with a good glass of wine, or something is troubling him. That would still mean he'd like a glass of wine so it's only natural for Fudou to rise from his seat and get Kidou a glass.

"Thanks." He mumbles when Fudou brings him his Banfi Brunello di Montalcino Poggio all'Oro, some kind of way too expensive brand. Kidou had been trying to teach him how to pronounce this, if you ask him, ridiculous name of the wine but he didn't come much further than the first word. Demonio had taught Kidou this during one of their visits.

Demonio, or as Fudou likes to call him, Kidou's clone, seemed to have lots in common with his boyfriend so even now and then they make a trip to Italy to visit their old friend. They'd go to museums together, art galleries and wine tasting events while Fudou stays at the villa they bought there two years ago. That's when Kidou picked up caring more about the wine he drinks, it's not just liquor to him anymore, oh no, behind every bottle and every brand lies a story, like Kidou would say. Fudou remembers how Kidou had tried to explain him the history behind the wine they were drinking.

"As every beginning student of wine knows, every vintage has its own characteristics. So what's a vintner to do when certain year's weather doesn't cooperate? They don't sell it. That's why you'll only see this available in specific vintages—and why you can trust that any bottle will be of the highest quality."

Fudou laughs under his breath and flops down on the sofa again, watching Kidou drinking his wine, deep in thoughts. Fudou focuses his gaze on the TV again but he's not really watching, something is pestering Kidou but he doesn't speak. It worries Fudou but he has learned that he should wait until his boyfriend is ready to share his thoughts about it. He is probably over thinking whatever happened to him today and will speak once he figured out how to place the situation. Suddenly he gets up after placing his glass on the coffee table and leaves the room after a soft muttered: "I'm going to bed.", leaving Fudou alone in the living room, confused and even more concerned than he already was.

January 23, 2018
Yuuto's still complaining about this headache he's having. I finally managed to get him to the doctor yesterday. He got home with some sleep medication and a note that he needs rest. Told him that too but I suppose he needed to hear it from someone more professional who studied to tell people they need rest. He's sleeping better since he's taking those pills, sleeping a lot more too. He's home before dinner most of the days, it's new for the both of us but I ain't complaining that he's home this early. We're not having much sex though, he falls asleep before I'm getting it up.

Fudou has been standing in the kitchen for nearly two hours. Next to his job as coach he's taking cooking classes too so he can surprise his boyfriend with a decent meal for dinner instead of macaroni warmed up in the microwave. His workplace is a mess, there is pasta everywhere- even in his hair and he cut in his fingers three times while slicing the vegetables, but he accomplished his mission. The scent of his Carbonara pasta on the recipe of Jamie Olivier fills the dining room with a nice aroma and gives him a satisfying feeling of accomplishment. See, he's not such a screw up as everyone thinks he is.

He just finished pouring two glasses of wine for them to drink with their dinner when he hears the door open. He's exactly on time. "Welcome home, Yuuto~" he grins and gives Yuuto a glass. "You better be starving because I worked damn hard to pull this off."

"Ah, thank you." Kidou takes the glass but he doesn't drink from it. "It smells nice here." He sounds like he finds it difficult to get those words over his lips but Fudou doesn't pay too much attention to it. "Yeah, and it tastes even better! Come!" He pulls Kidou with him to the dining room where the two take their usual seats on the table and start with their dinner.

Kidou doesn't seem to eat much but it's more than he ate yesterday and that already feels like a little accomplishment. He doesn't say so but Fudou can see on his face that he's enjoying his meal. What is strange though that Kidou barely even touched his wine. "Did I pick the wrong one? Sorry— I asked Sakuma for advice and he recommended this one. Should have known that you can't trust someone with just one working eye."

Kidou smiles briefly, but it's a smile. "No, no Akio, it's— it's fine. Don't you worry yourself about it. You've done great." He puts his hand on Fudou's and squeezes gently. "Everything is absolutely amazing. Thank you." Fudou averts his gaze from his boyfriend with a slight blush colouring his cheeks. Even though the light in the room is dimmed it's still visible, but Kidou doesn't make a comment about it. He holds his glass and takes a sip, but makes a sour face shortly after and quickly puts his glass back on the coaster. "Not good?"

The taller man shakes his head. "No, that's not it. I can't seem to get pleasure out of drinking alcohol anymore these days. It leaves a sharp pain that runs from behind my ears down either side of my neck."

Fudou furrows his eyebrows. "Shouldn't you let someone look at that?" Kidou puts down his tableware and shoves his plate a little further away from him. "It's probably a side effect from the sleep medication I am taking. I'm sure that after I can stop with those I'll be able to drink again. Not drinking isn't that bad, maybe it will be good for me to drink less. I should narrow down my cups of coffee during the day too but the caffeine helps me staying awake."

"If you say so, Yuuto. You know your body best." He smiles but he's sure that the worry is written all over his face. "Are you finished eating?" After he gets the approval from Kidou to take their plates he begins with cleaning the table. When he returns to the dining room to take the rest he finds Kidou leaning on the table with two hands, he's breathing heavily and sweat is streaming down over his face like they just played an intense match. "Oi, Yuuto?" He rushes towards his boyfriend and helps him stand. "You alright? Should I call a doctor?"

"No, I'm just a little dizzy. My vision went blurry for a moment too. I've been staring at my computer screen for way too long again today." He smiles weakly and tries to take a step but immediately clings on his boyfriend's arms. "You should lay down Yuuto. Come, I'll bring you to bed." Kidou quietly obeys Fudou, too worn out to even object to him. The need to rest might be stronger than his pride this time.

Kidou fell asleep even before Fudou could undress him, so he had to work the heavy man out of his clothes without any cooperation from his side. It wasn't the first time Fudou cursed Kidou for wearing this many layers of clothes, it's a real struggle to get all of these off. He wonders why the other man still bothers to even wear all of this every morning and take it all off before he goes to bed. Fudou loves him though, from his dreadlocks to his Santoni designer shoes. A rather strange combination, if you'd ask him.

February 6, 2018

Fudou spits the water and left over toothpaste he had in his mouth in the sink, next to him is standing his boyfriend who's shaving his stubble. Fudou likes the little things like this; starting their morning with a shower and dressing up together, although he'd never admit it to Kidou. Sometimes Fudou finds himself studying Kidou's face. Je already did this before they started dating; Fudou simply enjoys the expressions Kidou makes when he's focussed, but lately it's different. He looks at the other with more concern, Kidou is rapidly losing weight and he started wearing his goggles again instead of regular glasses in order to cover the bags under his eyes. Fudou can't imagine that the green vision those ugly things are giving him are good for his health but Kidou insists on wearing them. It's one of the things Kidou and Fudou have in common; their stubbornness.

"Akio?" Kidou's voice draws him back. "Do you think my neck looks a little swollen?"

"Eh?" Fudou blinks and steps closer to his partner in order to touch his neck. "Yeah, now that you say it. Your nodes appear to be swollen."

"Hm," Kidou rubs with his hand over his chin to see if he missed a spot before he continues. "I've been coughing a lot and transpiring during the night. I must have caught a cold."

Yeah, and you've been losing an abnormal amount of weight in a short period of time. Fudou thinks, but he doesn't say it. He feels like he has been bothering his boyfriend with complaints about Kidou's bad health so he decided to keep quiet about it for a while. Kidou must be getting sick of only hearing it these days.

February 20, 2018
Yuuto's been struggling to get himself to work lately. I'm not sure what worries me more at this point; his condition of Kidou Yuuto, the biggest workaholic of whole Tokyo refusing to go to work. My need to ask for help, and Yuuto's lack of it, have caused me to do something unexpected. I called Sakuma and told him everything. He has been worried about his boss for quite a while too already, but he had no idea about Yuuto's condition at home. We made a plan together to get Yuuto to see a doctor, again. Sakuma planned an appointment for him, because he knows more about Yuuto's busy agenda, and we convinced him to go. Even Yuuto saw that after fainting twice on one day that it's not just a way too long lasting cold. I'd like to come with him but I have to coach those brats tomorrow so Sakuma will accompany him. Let's hope for the best.

Fudou opens his can of beer after giving Sakuma a glass of wine. Since Kidou refrains himself from drinking alcohol at all now he thought it wouldn't really do any harm if guests would drink a glass or two. "So, what did the doctor say?"

"They'll have the results in a week or so, as soon as they have it they'll invite him for another appointment. "Sakuma crosses one leg over the other. "I hope they'll be able to help him this time." Fudou takes a gulp from his drink and rubs with his hand over his mouth. "Yeah, or we'll ask for a goddamn second opinion, this shit is taking way too long."

"It's not just Kidou who is suffering, hm?"Fudou shrugs. "He's my boyfriend, 'f course I'm worried 'bout the guy. He looks like a zombie. Not very appealing."

"I wish he'd eat more." Sakuma sighs worriedly. "You're really not getting him to eat?"

"Nope, I'm making all the things he likes and he still refuses. I took him to one of those fancy restaurants he likes last week but he looked like he was 'bout to throw up when he only saw the menu. I'm getting gradually more desperate. At this point it feels like I'm cuddling with a stick whenever we get in bed together."

"It must be tough, I hate to see my best friend struggling, but being his partner must be even worse." Sakuma gets up and puts his hand on Fudou's shoulder. "Take care, and keep me informed. If you need any help me and Genda are available."

"Thanks." Fudou smiles faintly. "I'll give 'ya a call as soon as I know more."

After Sakuma leaves Fudou eats something easy to make as dinner and heads to their bedroom to check on Kidou. He seems to be sleeping peacefully. Fudou sits on the edge of the bed and caresses the thin man's cheek. If he could only do more than sit by and watch the one he loves slack off more every passing day...

March 7, 2018

Kidou's swollen nodes are getting worse instead of less and Fudou decides it time for an emergency visit at the hospital. Again, nothing useful came out of the blood results and he's getting sick of it. He discussed it with Sakuma and they asked for a second opinion in a different, bigger hospital in Tokyo. Hopefully they'll get more help this time.

And help they get. This doctor shares Fudou's concern and he makes room for them to make an ultrasonography the same day. It's an ultrasound examination that makes the organs inside the body visible. Ultrasound consists of high-frequency waves emitted by a transducer. The internal organs reflect the sound waves back and thereby become visible on the monitor. Even after that explanation Fudou had no idea what they were going to do to his precious Yuuto, but if it could help them find a diagnose he'd be would hear the results of the test the day after so they booked a hotel nearby the hospital. Fudou didn't even suggest going out to see the city, he knew that as soon as they'd reach their room his boyfriend would go to sleep. Now Fudou is sitting on the edge of the bed and holds Kidou's hand in his, gently brushing with his thumb over the other male's skin. When he's watching him sleep this peacefully he realises how much he loves this man, his old rival and best friend. That someone intelligent and with a high status like he has wants to go out with someone like him is still a mystery to him, but he realises that he's damn lucky with a man like Kidou.

"I'll always stay by your side, Kidou-kun." He presses a kiss on Kidou's hand and snuggles up next to his warm body. They've both changed a lot over the years, but one thing will never change. Fudou's love for Kidou.

March 8, 2018
The results came back, they're positive. I've never heard someone use the word 'positive' before when they are bringing bad news. Who does such a thing? 'The results came back positive', are they out of their damn mind?! The results are positive, the doctors are almost 100% sure about it. There is a high chance that Yuuto has cancer.