Chapter Two:
"Max! Wake up! We will be late!" Zoe shook Max violently before rushing back into the bathroom the next morning to do her make up. Max sighed. His eyes felt dry and his body ached from too little sleep. Whenever there was a negative test, Zoe always seemed to take it out on him. Not obviously, and she didn't know she was doing it, but whenever they had a negative test, she'd begin snapping at him and becoming impatient. Pushing himself up, Max squinted his bleary eyes and got dressed.
In the bathroom, Zoe finished her make up, trying to avoid looking at her middle. Every time she looked at it in the mirror, she'd imagine what she'd look like pregnant. She'd imagine being worried that she looked huge, and then she'd imagine Max walking in and reassuring her that she still look beautiful. He'd put his hands on her middle then, and tell her-
"Are you done? I need to brush my teeth." Max mumbled, jolting Zoe from her daydream.
She stepped aside and frowned as he began brushing his teeth. Max didn't look right, he looked paler and there were dark shadows under his eyes. She wanted to ask if he was okay, she wanted to tell him to stay home from work, but she was too worried that it was because of her. Because she couldn't get pregnant. Dropping her gaze to the floor she gathered her make up before walking through to the bedroom.
"Do you want me to get you a coffee?" Max attempted when they got to work, but as was usual after a test, Zoe just walked away from him without a second glance. With a sigh, he walked to get her a coffee anyway, his legs feeling so heavy he wasn't looking forward to a full day's work as well as a grumpy Zoe.
It was nearing lunch by the time Max saw Zoe again. She was sat at her desk, with the majority of the blinds closed. Max knocked carefully on the door.
"I'm busy" came the grumpy response.
"It's me" Max told her softly, carefully pushing the door open slightly.
"I'm busy" came the response again. Ignoring her, Max stepped inside hanging awkwardly by the door.
"Max!" She suddenly snapped, her gaze finally rising from the paperwork she was staring aimlessly at. "I said no" she added angrily.
"I just came to see if you wanted anything for lunch?" He asked calmly attempting not to let her agitation faze him.
"I can sort it myself" she told him adamantly. Max found himself sighing heavily as he walked round to her desk. Crouching in front of her he attempted to take her hands in his but she quickly shrugged him off, keeping her gaze drawn to the floor.
"Zo, if this is about yesterday-" he started carefully. Zoe suddenly turned to face him. Max was surprised to see her eyes wide and angry.
"No" She snapped, her eyes quickly filling with tears. Standing to her feet in order to regain some control she pulled a shaky hand through her hair. "No" Zoe repeated angrily. "You do not get to bring that up at work" she raged. She spoke with a strange calm but Max could feel the tension flood the room. At this point, Max felt himself loose his cool.
"I can't bring it up at work?" He asked, standing again. "And yet we don't talk about it at home. So when are we going to talk about this Zoe? When?!" He snapped. Watching Zoe's eyes flood with tears Max instantly felt guilty.
"No" she attempted to snap again but this time her voice was both quiet and timid. Pulling her lighter and cigarettes from her desk she quickly fled the room leaving Max to fall onto the sofa, his head in his hands.
"Zoe, have you- oh, sorry." Robyn stopped in the doorway when she saw Max. "Where's Zoe?" Sighing, Max pushed himself to his feet.
"How should I know?" As he walked to the door and then passed her, Robyn watched him with a frown.
"Are you okay?"
"Peachy perfect." Max replied with a grumble.
"...Well will you be going to the pub quiz tonight?" Robyn followed him as he walked towards the staffroom.
"I'm so eager I think I'll go to the pub now." Max picked up his jacket.
"Now?! Max, it's only just after 12 and you don't finish work until 5!" Robyn began jogging to keep up with her brother.
"So tell my boss and he can fire me. Although he probably won't even know who I am because apparently me and my feelings don't exist."
"Max!" Robyn called but he was already out the door.
"You need to talk to Max!" Robyn called to Zoe who she found in the ladies' toilets. Zoe's head snapped up from where she was leaning against the sink, trying not to cry.
"What has he told you?" She asked fiercely, her heart hammering against her chest.
"Nothing" Robyn replied oblivious. "But he's walked out of work without finishing his shift"
"Is he trying to get sacked?" Zoe asked, her voice rising an octave.
Robyn shrugged. "Apparently so"
"I'll go and find him" Zoe muttered, running a shaky hand through her hair as she tried to compose herself.
"Are you alright Zoe?" Robyn asked carefully. "You don't look so great" she added quietly. Zoe shot her an unimpressed glance.
"I'm fine" she snapped, pulling her things from the counter. "Do you have any idea where he is?" Zoe asked quietly.
"Pub" muttered Robyn still taken aback by Zoe's volatile mood.
Zoe padded across to the pub barely lifting her gaze from the pavement. She opened the door to find him sat at the bar, three shots lined up in front of him.
"What do you want?" He muttered as she silently walked up beside him, carefully placing a hand on his upper arm. Her heart instantly sunk as he spoke.
"You not to lose your job" she replied, attempting a weak smile. When he didn't reply she added "for you not to hate me?" At this he looked across at her, furiously blinking away the tears.
"I don't hate you Zoe" he whispered softly. "I could never hate you" he added. She slipped onto the bar stool next to him, taking his hand in hers and squeezing it as if her life depended on it.
"I just don't know what to do. Every time we get a negative result I can feel you drifting even further away from me." Max said, his free hand still holding a shot glass.
"I'm sorry." Zoe said softly, swallowing several times to try and stop herself from crying. "I'll try harder. I'll-"
"No, you won't. It wasn't supposed to be like this, Zoe. We were supposed to talk, to hug, to cry together, to go through it together, but we're not. I feel like I can't do anything right." Zoe finally reached out a hand and took the glass from him, putting it back on the bar.
"Just come back to work and we can talk tonight. I promise."
Max sighed, for he'd heard this before and there was always an excuse later why she couldn't talk. Once, she' even worked 3 shifts in a row just to avoid him.
"Fine." Max pushed himself to his feet and led Zoe from the pub as she continued to grip his hand tightly.
She wanted desperately to reassure him, as he always did her, but she couldn't bring herself to because she knew he was right. She knew unless they talked right this minute, she would chicken out. "Max, stop." He turned to look at her, gripping her hand tighter as they stood in the middle of the car park. "I'm so scared" she admitted sadly.
"About the baby?"
She nodded. "We've been trying for almost half the year Max and nothing is happening. I know it's my fault, I know it" the tears were threating to fall and she fiercely blinked them away. "I can't explain how much I want this" Zoe swallowed harshly against the tears. "It's all I can think about. All day, every day it's there in the back of my mind. I don't feel whole and –"
"Zoe" Max sighed sadly, swooping to kiss her cheek. Raising a hand he wiped that tears that were now falling with this thumb. "Why didn't you tell me?"
She shrugged. "I'm scared you'll think I'm obsessed or mad" she added sadly. "Or hate me because I can't just get pregnant like everyone else. We're running out of options". A choked sob followed her words and Max tightly wrapped his arms around her, rocking her softly.
"I don't hate you" he repeated, placing constant kisses on top of her hair. "You're more than enough Zoe" he reminded her.
"I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to leave me" she managed to whisper through her tears. Max sighed heavily. They had this conversation so often and every time he tried to reassure her it never seemed to work.
"Zoe, listen to me" he told her strongly, lifting her chin so she was looking into his eyes. "I'm not leaving you. I love you and I want you. Baby or no baby" Max stated. "We are going to get through this" Zoe only managed a nod before she buried her head into his chest, once again fighting against the tears.