…Because sometimes, things end up on the cutting room floor.
LOL!
(readers beware!)
Toph and Aang had just finished their dance-off. The party was winding down.
"So," said Toph, "who is this new bad guy we're gonna be fighting?"
Aang put up his hands in a defining, explaining gesture. "This new boss...He's a full-tilt diva. He wants flowers, he wants parades, he wants a monument built in the skies with his name plastered..."
Aang stopped for a second.
"Son of a bitch!"
Aang ran all the way to Republic City in half a second and skidded to a stop. He stood across the bay, where the giant statue of himself had just been defaced with a swag pair of giant, golden, backward-curving horns and the word "KNEEL" written across the chest in big gold letters.
Aang's jaw dropped.
A bad-ass figure in what was mostly a black trench coat marked with shiny green and golden bling stood up there upon the statues head, his black slick hair tousled in the wind. He looked down and stared across the vast gulf into Aang's eyes like a Norse God.
"I can be pretty menacing…"
Aang's jaw still hung loose.
"I can go there…"
Aang swallowed. The figure gestured.
"I am the prankster...I AM THE GOD OF MISCHEIF!" suddenly the figure changed voices, doing the Dr. Evil finger thing. "gwe-He-he-he-heee! I AM the bad guy! hehehehahaww!"
Toph and Suki reclined on the couch like best friends. Their eyes were both fixed on the same object in the distance, watching it with sweet, girly smiles and soft, attentive eyes.
Toph leaned in to Suki, her eyes still fixed in the distance.
"Y'know, Suki?
Suki leaned in, still watching the distance as well. "Yeah?"
"Sokka has the ka-YOOtest little ass!"
They giggled.
"I know!" said Suki. She leaned in closer to Toph.
"Y'know, Toph?"
Toph leaned in closer. "Yeah?"
"I ride that ass on a nightly basis."
Toph's eyes went wide…
Suki giggled, smiling.
Then Toph looked at Suki, her face rather like the 'Overly Attached Girlfriend' face…
"Did I ever tell you how my tremor sense works?..."
"No," said Chogo, "it's even better! That's 100% pure ALCOHOL! And the new drives we installed light that crap on FIRE! " He did a double fist pump once he jumped on top of his tank, and laughed out loud.
Toph put on a fake Hitler moustache and leaped on the tank beside him, finger pointed into the air. "Heil, mein herrs! Vith zee new Panzertanken, Vee shall have zee power to invade all of zee France. Zee world shall be ours! Seig Heil!"
"SEIG HEIL!" saluted all the others…
(Then the Helghast invaded the Earth Kingdom…)
Toph leaped out of bed. With a resounding thump two feet landed, one on the stone floor, the other on a "SQUEAK!"
The poor girl squirmed and whined. "Owww! Meanie! Jerk! I thought you loved me!"
Toph let her tremor-sense reach out. Three young teenage girls were passed out, half naked and hung over in the room she had rented for the night. She stood there, shocked…
"Please tell me we didn't...i didn't…"
Whether they were memories or bad mental images, Toph couldn't tell.
The Chief of Magistrates of Harbor Town looked at the report of damages, then looked Toph in the eyes. His arms were crossed, his face grim.
"You don't get it." Said Toph. "This is a really bad time of the month for me. Out of nowhere I want to scream and punch people. I have hot flashes and then I realize I can't firebend. I feel like eating ice-cream with pickles. I go to talk to people and then I end up screaming about some random bullshit, then I wake up alone and just lay there in bed crying my eyes out for an hour. Then I get more hot flashes, and I eat a ton of chocolate. Then I feel guilty about the extra pound I just gained. And then comes more hot flashes. Don't I need SOME kind of release?"
The Chief looked at Toph, stone cold. "Ever heard of Midol?"
Toph moaned softly and closed her eyes. Caressing her chest with both hands, she reached up, back, and slid her hands behind the pillow, gripping it tightly with delicate fingers. Her breathing became heavy and paced.
"I want you…please! Take me like you mean it!"
Her lips parted softly as she gasped and threw back her head. She panted in lusty expectation…
...
The she pointed both pointing fingers at the camera, and laughed, eyes wide.
"No sex today!"
And she kept laughing, as the readers with hard-ons realize Toph was never described as naked anyway…
Toph got up and began to dance:
"Trollololololololloloooooo... Trollololoolololooooo! Hahahahaa!"
(then the mods' ROFL-stomped the author's ass into the ground and perma-ban-hammered the dick for even thinking about writing that...LOL!)
Pretty Coo', eh?
Note: this was actually not my idea: TAL21 thought it'd be the coolest thing to do a gag reel in the end of her stories...it just so happened I had a one-shot that maybe deserved a little more attention. So, sorry grrl, I got to the punch first. At least I give you props and credit…
maybe we'll see more gag reels in comedy stories?
Oh, and give TAL's "Silver Hearts" story a shot, it's got the world's best intro…
(blatant advertising)
C-ya!