That Tasuki Fic Chapter 2: 2: Goopy Stuff, Best Friends, and Choices, a fushigi yuugi fanfic

That Tasuki Fic

Chapter 2: Goopy Stuff, Best Friends, and Choices

~*~

"So, whaddya think, Genrou? Ya think sh--err, he's gonna tell anybody?"

I sighed, thumped down onto my back on the grass and stared up at the sky. It was almost dawn, so the stars were startin' to fade away, but I could still pick out the constellations--at least, the important ones. And, ya know, it was weird, looking up there. Not to sound all gushy or anything, but starin' at the stars, watching the little pricks of light wink out against the dawn, it seemed almost like I could see myself up there, like maybe the sky was nothin' more than just some big, spotty mirror, reflecting life as it was and as it could be. Jinsei no kagami...

I sighed, slapped a hand over my eyes and shook my head.

Stop talkin' like a fuckin' girl, goddamn it. You got better things to do than gettin' all goopy about stars and shit.

A second later, I remembered that--while I was layin' here getting gushy--Kouji was prob'ley waiting for me to say something, so I peeled the hand off my face and opened my eyes and spent a minute focusin' on stuff--my voice, my thoughts, my attitude... Shit, I didn't spend fuckin' eight years training myself to be the way I was to drop it all, now, even if somebody else did know about me. Nod. Damn right.

"Who fuckin' knows," I said finally. "It's not like I know 'im or somethin'." I shifted, folded my arms over my chest even though it was kinda hard to do lying down. "Anyway, who cares if he says somethin'? It's not like he doesn't have his own fuckin' secrets to hide."

Kouji stared at me for a minute, frowning a little, then shrugged and lay down beside me on the ground. We laid there not talking for a couple minutes, starin' up at the sky (it was just starting to get a little pink at the edges--not that I fuckin' cared or anything, but hey, I mean, it was hard not to notice, right? I mean, it wasn't like I fuckin' thought it was fuckin' pretty or somethin'), before either of us said anything else. And, then, I heard Kouji suck in a deep breath, let it out real slow like he was tryin' to see how long he could do it or somethin'.

"I don't think he's gonna say anything," he said slowly. "He's a seishi, Genrou. And...and, he's like you. In fuckin' more ways than one."

Damn it, I hated it when he got serious! Fuckin' threw all my rhythm off...

"Eh, whatever," I muttered irritably. "Anyway, in a coupl'a hours, the three of 'em'll be gone, and things can get back to normal." Whatever the hell that is, anyway.

"You sure that's what you want?"

I sat up suddenly, twisted at the waist and stared down at him. "Whaddya mean?"

Kouji didn't look at me. He just laid there, starin' up at the sky, and spoke so soft I almost couldn't hear 'im. "Bein' a seishi isn't somethin' you just decide to do, Genrou. It's...it's somethin' ya are. You're a bandit, now, yeah--but, you were a seishi first. You'll always be a seishi first. You sure you just wanna throw that away for somethin' like this?"

I scowled. "I'm not throwin' anything away! I'm makin' a choice, o-fuckin-kay? Geez. Ya tryin' ta get rid o'me or somethin'?"

"Get rid of ya? Of course not! Look, all I'm sayin' is that if I were you, I'd be thinkin' about what I was gonna miss out on if I stayed here an' took care-uvva buncha bandits when I could be off with fuckin' Suzako no Miko doin' more important things."

"Yeah, well." I crawled to feet, brushed a little violently at the dirt on my pants. "Good thing you're not me. I'm goin' inside. See ya later."

I was all ready to go stomping back inside, find somethin' to punch at until I felt better, but then there was a hand on my arm and Kouji was standin' beside me and I had to stop. Hell, it's not like I wanted to, or like I cared what the fuck he had to say, but...I don't know. There's somethin' about the first person ya ever trusted that makes you listen to what they say, even when you think they're damned wrong. So, I stopped, crossed my arms over my chest, and waited for Kouji to say somethin' worth listening to.

His voice was pretty quiet, but since he was standing right off my left shoulder, it wasn't hard to hear 'im. "Okay," he said, "so it'd be easier on me if ya went away. I'd be in charge o'the bandits, too, which's somethin' I sure as hell wouldn't mind. But, shit, Genrou, that's not why I wantcha to go! An', I...I don't wantcha to go, not really. You've been away for so long, anyway, an' I've..." He mumbled out something that sounded a lot like "missed you," but who the hell knew...

"Anyway," he went on, "you're my fuckin' best friend, y'know? O'course I wantcha around, even if I hafta keep makin' myself forget that you're a girl--which isn't all that hard when ya act like such an asshole all the time, anyway. But, I guess it's also 'cause you're my best friend that I gotta think about what you stayin' around here'll mean. I mean, why'd ya leave here in the first place, anyway? It wasn't 'cause things're so damned exciting here, that's for sure. Shit, it's great bein' a bandit, but you've done it already. You've been a bandit for a long time, and I can fuckin' tell, you're gettin' bored with it. Bein' the leader, it'll throw some extra stuff into it, make it interesting for awhile, but shit, man, you know that's not gonna last. You want somethin' more, I know ya do." Kouji's voice dropped, and I felt one of his fingers jab into my ribs. "It's fuckin inside of you, Genrou. You want somethin' more. That goofy girl an' her friends can give that to ya. I can't."

It was like I couldn't breathe for a minute.

Shit, when'd Kouji get so fuckin' good at readin' me?? And, daaaaaaamn, how'd he seen all that before I did?

Because, idiot, something inside of me growled, you've been so fuckin' busy pretending to be somethin' you're not that you're used to ignoring all the other stuff goin' on inside of you.

Eh, shaddup, I snarled back. I feel what I fuckin' want to feel, and I sure as hell don't feel like I wanna go with that stupid girl and her stupid cross-dressing friends. Shit.

You're afraid, it accused suddenly, aren'tcha, Gen-chan? You're afraid that if you go with them, you're gonna hafta tell them about yourself, and then what the hell're you gonna do? Wear a skirt? Do your fuckin' nails? Shit, you're scared as hell of that, aren't you?

Stupid fucking subconscious. Who asked you.

"Oi, Genrou. Ya there?"

I snapped out of it, realized I'd been standin' here with my mouth gaping open like some damned fish or somethin' for a lot longer than I shoulda been. "Sorry," I mumbled, taking a few steps forward. "I need ta think about this for awhile. I'll see ya later."

"Don't forget," Kouji called after me, "we're takin' that girl an' her friends down to see Kashira in a couple hours."

"I'll be clean and fuckin' powder fresh," I called back.

A few minutes later, I was back inside, my shoulder blades pressed up against the door, my eyes closed. Since it was so early, the place was pretty quiet, 'specially since mosta the guys'd been up half the night, anyway, throwin' some kinda damn celebration for Eiken finally bein' gone. I prob'ley shoulda stopped by, said a couple words an' had some sake, but I really wasn't fuckin' in the mood. That stuff with Nuriko'd shook me up pretty badly--I mean, shit, ya don't go eight years with only one person in the whole damn place knowin' you're a girl and then not get freaked out when some guy shows up an' fuckin' knows about it a few hours later. An', shit, what the hell kinda weird coincidence was that, him bein' a cross-dresser?

Suzaku's fuckin' with you again, Gen-chan. Just like before.

"Yeah," I muttered. "Just like fuckin' before."

I felt like moving, so I started walking. I was pretty damn sure it was just aimless walking to blow off some steam, gimme a chance to think, but since I ended up right in front of Nuriko's door awhile later, I fuckin' guess not. But, hey, I mean, it wasn't like I didn't have plenty of stuff to talk to him about--and, why not take the chance to make sure he wasn't gonna blab to anybody, right? Shit, I was a seishi, too. I could kick his ass if I had to, an' there was no harm in lettin' him know that, makin' sure he wasn't gonna spill to anybody.

Nod. Right.

I wrapped my knuckles against the wood...and, only a couple seconds later, the door swung open.

Nuriko poked his head out, and I frowned. "What the hell're you doin' up so early? Don't you fuckin' people sleep?"

He looked a little confused for a second, then shrugged and opened the door the rest of the way. The rooms we'd given them were pretty small, maybe as big as two good-sized closets mashed together, but this one still somehow managed to look comfy rather than cramped. There was a cot in the corner, all tangled up in blankets, a desk and a mirror on the left, and a rickety little chair next to the window. Nuriko'd piled up his stuff at the foot of the cot, so there was a lot more floor-space than there woulda been otherwise, and except for a hairbrush on the desk and a shrunken bar of soap on the window sill, the room was pretty much spotless.

I stepped inside, waited while Nuriko closed the door.

"Now," I said firmly, tryin' not to sound as weirdly-nervous as I felt, "I just wanted to talk to ya about the stuff that happened last night. What you, uhh...saw. I think we oughta get it straight right now that if ya ever breathe a fuckin' word to anyone, I'll..." I raised a fist.

Nuriko blinked. "Why would I tell anyone?"

"I'm not sayin' ya would, exactly...just that ya better not, ya know? I mean, 'cause if you did that to me, I wouldn't be all that careful with your secret, if ya get what I mean."

He leaned his back against the closed door, crossed his arms over his chest. "Ano...Miaka and Hotohori-sama already know about me." He smirked. "So do most of your bandits."

I don't fuckin' think I surprise all that easily, but that surprised me. "They know?" I managed. My mouth was dry all of a sudden, and it felt like my stomach was twistin' around inside of me. "They fucking know? And...and, they don't care??"

Nuriko shrugged, blushed a little. "They were a little surprised, of course...but, they don't treat me any differently because of it." His eyes suddenly locked onto mine, an' as much as I wanted to, I couldn't look away. "Because, I'm still me, no matter what clothes I'm wearing. Nee?"

I frowned. "Guess so. But, it's still fuckin' weird. I mean, if somebody I thought was one thing turned out to be somethin' else all of a sudden, I'd be pretty pissed off at 'em."

"Ne, but your friend Kouji knows, doesn't he?"

"Yeah, but Kouji's different. He's been my fuckin' best friend since we were little kids. But, uhh..." I studied him for a second, wondering if I should risk asking... Eh, why not. Not like I fuckin' had somethin' to be scared of. "How'd they find out about you, anyway?" I asked. "I mean...you didn't just tell 'em, did ya?"

Nuriko smiled softly. "Iie. Miaka was...a little too rough on my dress. After that, there wasn't much point in hiding what I was from her. As for the others..." Something like a shadow fell over his face. "Miaka told them."

My eyes went wide. "She fuckin' told them! Fuckin' no! What the hell kinda Miko--"

"Iie, iie," Nuriko interjected. "Daijobu. It wasn't her fault."

"How the hell could it not be her fault if she fuckin' told them that you--"

"Ne, Genrou..."

I blinked, realized that I was shouting and shut my mouth. I closed my eyes, sighed, and smacked a hand against my forehead. "Sorry," I mumbled. "Guess it just pisses me off. Fuckin' think the Suzaku no Miko's gonna be somebody smarter'n that."

"It's all right," Nuriko said quietly. "I wasn't too happy about it, either, after it happened. But, ne, it had to happen sometime. You can only hide for so long."

Shit. He didn't really believe that, did he? I mean, just 'cause it fuckin' happened to him didn't mean it was gonna happen to me. Gods, you don't spent eight years like this and then just slip up--eight years! Fuckin' eight years!!

"How long were you, ahhh..." I frowned. "Err, how long was it before--"

"I was ten years old," Nuriko answered softly. I wasn't looking at him, since I was pretty damn busy starin' at the wall, but it sounded almost like sayin' that tiny little sentence hurt 'im somehow. I wanted to ask him why he'd started, I guess--I mean, there had to be some kinda reason, right? But...for some reason, I couldn't get myself to say it, so instead, I just shrugged.

"Well, I've been doin' this since I was nine years old, and fuckin' nobody except for Kouji's ever found out about it. Well--" My voice dropped. "'Cept for you, anyway."

"Stay away from Miaka, then," he warned in a soft voice. "She's got a sixth sense for secrets."

That goofy girl and her friends can give that to you. I can't.

"Great," I muttered. "Fuckin' great."

~*~

They left in the morning, after one of the guys started blabbin' about that healer up in Choko. And, damn it, I was glad to see 'em go. Hear that, fuckin' subconscious? Glad. Of course, I prob'ley wouldn't'a minded if Nuriko'd hung around a little longer, if only so I could keep an eye on 'im, ya know, make sure he wasn't gonna tell anybody, but that bubbly girl and that stuck-up Hotohori guy--damn, I was glad to see 'em gone. Fuckin' who needed 'em. Gah. Don't see why anybody'd wanna go anywhere with them. Fuckin' no way. I wouldn't'a gone with 'em if they'd begged me to--fuckin' if they'd paid me, I still wouldn't'a gone. Shit.

So, why the hell was I so miserable, now??

Kouji laughed at me when I told 'im--great fuckin' friend that jerk was. Stopped me before I could storm outta the room, though, and quit snickering for long enough to say, "Shit, Genrou, I'm not laughin' 'cause I think you're dumb or somethin', I'm laughin' because I fuckin' knew this was gonna happen." He sobered a little, then, looked me straight in the eye so it was hard to break away. "Look, seriously--you know you've been dyin' to go with 'em ever since they got here. An', it's not your fault. It's 'cause'a that thing." He jabbed a finger at my forearm, at the spot that we'd both seen glowing like a goddamn flame more'n once after a fight. "Suzaku's callin' ya, Genrou. He wants ya to go with 'em almost as much as you wanna go with 'em yourself. An', shit, man." He grinned. "With that fuckin' tessen in your hands, who the hell's gonna mess with you, even if ya are a girl?"

I grinned a little, smacked him on the back o'the head and sent him flyin' forward. "I ain't no fuckin' girl," I snarled, still grinning. "I'm fuckin' Tasuki, and don't you forget it."

After he picked himself up off the floor, Kouji stared at me in silence for a couple seconds, and it was weird, but it looked almost like there were tears in his eyes. I mean, that was impossible, of course--not Kouji, for gods' sakes--so I guess it was just some weird trick o'the lighting or somethin'. In fact, now that I thought about it, things were lookin' kinda wavery, and so I guess maybe the lighting was gettin' to me, too. Anyway, since I wasn't gonna be seein' him for a long time and since I was feelin' kinda weird all of a sudden, like there was something heavy trampin' on the back of my throat, I walked over to 'im and shook his hand, but somehow I must'a misjudged the distance or somethin' 'cause I kinda fell into him, and he caught me, and--

Okay, shit. I hugged him. Okay?? It didn't fuckin' mean anything. He's my best fuckin' friend and I wanted to hug him, so I did. And, that's all that fuckin' happened. Geez.

I left a couple hours later, after packin' up enough rations and clothes to keep me warm and fed until I got to Choko, an' the guys were there to see me off. I guess it'd kinda surprised 'em, me leavin' so soon after comin' back--and, so soon after becomin' leader, too--but, they didn't seem to have any hard feelings. Kouji--who, of course, was the leader, now--let 'em know about the Tasuki stuff, though, and how I really didn't have much choice, and after that, I was sure there were no hard feelings.

"Fuckin' tear Seiryuu a new one!" one o'the guys shouted after me.

I turned around, gave 'em all a really lame thumbs up, and then started off down the road. It was gonna be a pretty long fuckin' journey, and I didn't have any sorcery tricks to call on this time if I got in a jam. But... I grinned, patted at the metal fan stickin' up outta my belt. But, I had my tessen. My tessen.

Watch out, you bastards. This girl's got fire.

~*~

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AN: Woo! Chapter two wa dekimashita! (1) Arrigato to Mouse-chan, for reading through this and subsequently glomping Nuriko. After all those threats from Gen-chan, he needed it. --;; (2) Thanks, also, to everyone who's reviewed so far, and who will review in the future. I really didn't think this story would be reviewed all that well, particularly since Tasuki is, perhaps, the one character in all of Fushigi Yuugi whom I relate to the least. But, ne, arrigato! :) Also, many thanks to 7:30 AM, which has given me the almighty power of writing with peace, enthusiasm, and caffeine. ^_^.