I know this is not what many of you were hoping for. But here is chapter 2.
Dr. Spencer Reid made his way into his small apartment. It had been a long day as the young man's body and mind were exhausted which called for a nice hot bath and a good night sleep, but that wasn't going to happen. Usually, he would take off his coat along with his scarf and place it in an orderly fashion in the closet by the door, where it belonged, but lately, the genius didn't have the effort to do such a thing.
Instead, he carelessly threw his coat and scarf to the ground. As he made his way to his room at the end of the hall, he dragged his satchel behind him. His room was a mess. Shoes and socks lay in the middle of the room. Dirty clothes cloths on the floor that that hadn't been worn in months were carelessly mixed with the clean clothes from the cupboard and closet. Old magazines, books, papers, pens, and pencils were all scattered along with dirt, old soda cans, plastic coffee cups, beer bottles, pizza boxes and food wrappers covered the cold hardwood floor. The picture frames on the wall stood crooked, some had fallen causing the frame to break, but the broken glass had not been cleaned up. An unmade bed had its wrinkled covers thrown to one side, as deflated pillows half was pressed against the headboard lay there lifeless.
He sat down on the bed letting go of the satchel and placed his head in the palm of his hands. He had tried so hard. He had given it his all and still failed. The night Emily was declared dead, the urge to take diluaded was so strong he went out, found a dealer and got some. That night, he sat on his with a belt around his arm contemplating if he should inject himself with such a delight. He hated to admit it, but it did help. The colorless liquid helped him forget about his shit-filled life. It helped the young doctor forget all the memories that seemed to get worse every time a traumatizing even occurred. The memories of being bullied, kidnapped, all the victims he couldn't save would come rushing back when he lay in bed at night.
However, Reid never took the drug. He went over to JJ's house and did so every time he craved. He cried on her shoulder. Part of him felt like a nuisance. A pest; he was a weakling that couldn't do anything right. He knew the only reason Hotch kept him on the team was for his intelligence and that had let him down time and time again.
The day Emily came back Spencer gave up and into the urge. He didn't care. The amount of hurt he felt was unbearable. He felt so worthless, betrayed and stupid.
He tried to quit after that, but his efforts seemed pointless. The drug was the only thing that helped him forget his fucked up life and he liked it. How he would slowly drift away to another place. A wonderland, his escape. For a little while his thoughts didn't race. He wasn't tormented by unspeakable images. Dark thoughts began to cloud his mind. How had he sunken so low. Depending on a drug. He had come to hate himself more than anything in the world.
"I hope you don't contemplate the possibility that agent Hotchner genuinely cares for your well-being?", purred a dark voice with laughter, "However, someone as worthless as yourself, who is ignorant enough to believe his friend to be dead would believe such a lie. Don't go thinking he actually cares."
"SHUT UP!" screamed Spencer, placing his hands up to his ears he fell to the ground, sobbing in fear. He curled up in a ball, rocking himself and repeatedly said the words, "You aren't real. Go away."
The voice Spencer heard had appeared after he had returned home from the case in Durant, Oklahoma, where two females were found sexually assaulted then murdered within three days. He had laid in bed contemplating about the events that had transpired during the case between himself and JJ. One in particular was their huge fight.
"I get it, okay? You're disappointed with the way we handled Emily."
"Listen, I have a lot going on, alright?"
"You know what *I* think it is?"
"What? "
"You're mad that Hotch and I controlled our micro expressions at the hospital and you weren't able to detect our deception. "
"You think this is about my *profiling skills*? Jennifer, listen: the only reason you were able to manage my perceptions is because I *trusted* you! I came to your house for *ten* weeks in a row, crying over losing a friend, and not *once* did you have the decency to tell me the truth. "
"I couldn't. "
"You *couldn't*, or you *wouldn't*?"
"No, I *couldn't*!"
"What if I had started taking dilaudid again? Would you have let me? "
"You didn't. "
"Yeah, but I thought about it. "
Spence! I'm sorry!
"It's too late! Alright? "
When Spencer had asked if JJ would have let him take dilaudid again, he had said it loud enough for the rest of the team to hear because he wanted to see her reaction, to try and detect if they would forgive him. It was never out of spite to make her feel guilty.
The fact that Spencer had been detoxing that last week didn't help the situation. Later when Hotch spoke to him, he seemed a bit pissed. Morgan seemed concerned, which for a moment made Reid think that maybe he could talk to Morgan, that the older man could help. However, when Prentiss spoke to him on the plane it reminded Reid of how bad a person he was. JJ must have felt like shit and he made it worse. Logically it was understandable why the team did what they did to protect Emily, but he still felt a bit betrayed.
That night when he arrived home the voice had convinced him to shoot up and his week of detoxing went down the drain. The next day Spencer went to the cooking lesson at Rossi's. Pretending to genuinely smile and laugh. Everything was forgiven and forgotten. If his team only knew.
"Aww is little baby's crying? Does the little baby wants his mommy?" mocked the voice, "But your mother is crazy and even if she wasn't I don't think she would want such a discraeseful son"
Dr. Reid could hear the voice smirk. He felt naked and so very vulnerable. " You really are a brainless worm,"
"Stop, please stop," sobbed Spencer as he curled up tighter because he thought that if he did that the voice would stop. He could not block out this voice no matter how hard he tried, all he could do was pray that it would go away, or one of his friends would come and save him. Spencer brought his hands from his ears to his knees as tears ran down his face, "no more please" whispered Reid desperately wanting the voice to stop
"Oh shut the fuck up you pathetic little maggot, man up, I'm Spencer Reid, and I go to JJ so she can comfort me while I cry,"
"Stop," whimpered Spencer
"They can't save you. They won't come. Do actually think JJ cared about you,"
"Of c-c-c-cou-rse JJ ca-ca-ca-cares a-a-about m-m-me," stuttered Spencer as he cried trembling in fear.
"Awww I hurt the baby's feeling, wake up you fucking moronic dumbass. JJ doesn't care about you. No one of those so-called friends of yours does. They just pity how much of a insignificant piece of shit you are," said the voice, "Remember when Hotch beat you up a few years back as you two were held at gun point, I bet he enjoied that. I bet morgan wishes he could do that too."
"Th-th-they L-l-l-love me," tried Spencer. He didn't want to believe in the lies, but it was hard after the events that had occurred
"No, they don't. Why do you think Gideon left? It was because of you" questioned the voice
"SHUT UP SHUT UP!" screamed and cried Spencer
"Everything is your fault. Your mothers illness. Those bullies at school. Ella, Emily. You aren't smart enough. You aren't good enough. You are worthless." Cooed the voice "It's okay Spence, even if they abandon you, I'm here for you," soothed the dark voice
"I don't want you. I hate you, go to hell!" screamed Spencer sitting up he grabbed a pillow and threw it across the empty room. His heart beat was rapid, sweat beads ran down his face.
"Stop fighting me Spencer. I'm your only friend. Don't be scared. The other night on the bridge it wasn't your fault. A case came up, there's always tonight," lied the voice through his teeth, really he didn't care about Spencer
"No. I'm not jumping" said Spencer firmly starting to feel a little more comfortable
"Then shoot up. Don't you miss the drug being in your system. Don't you crave it?"
"No I don't." Said Spencer in a whisper, but then continued, "I-I-I shouldn't be so reluctant. You are only trying to help….. I should have jumped, you're right no one cares" said Spencer whipping way the tears
"It's okay Spencer, we all make mistakes, let's just forget about it, just promise me you will do exactly as I say from this point on understood" said the evil in front of the genius as he smiled and wiped away a tear from Spencer's face
"Okay, I'm sorry about this. I shouldn't have gotten Hotch involved. Now you might be taken away from me," Spencer started to cry again as he put his head in the palms of his hands and sobbed. What have I done, I'm so sorry, so, so sorry"
"It's okay Spencer don't worry, do as I say and everything will be fine okay," Spencer
"Spencer I need you to pull yourself together and sit on the bed again. I need you to get the shoot up for me."
"But...," began Spencer as he looked into fries dark bloody eyes only to be cut off
"Spencer!" roared the voice then calmly continued, "do as I say, don't make any more mistakes"
"Okay," nodded Spencer quickly
"Good boy"
Spencer quickly got off the ground and straightened himself out then sat down on the bed.
Spencer gave a small smile, as he started to strip off his shirt. First Spencer pulled off his black sweater vest throwing it on the bed then he pulled off his tie and started to unbutton his white collared shirt when he pulled it off. Spencer's chest, arms and back were covered with cuts, some healing some new, and he was even covered with blue, purple, green and some yellow bruises.
Spencer just stood in the room hurt
"They don't love you, and he will abandon you. They took JJ's side and refused to see yours " whispered the voice in Spencer's ear. Tears spilled from the young man's eyes as he got out the a drug he felt so disgusting, he just wanted to die and for a second he thought that he should. Overdoes.