"You only want to marry me so you can eat my food."
"T-that's not true!" Maya retorted, "What's wrong with wanting you eat your food everyday?"As Maya struggled to find the right words to say, she had ended up affirming his statement instead. Before he could give a reply, Maya started running towards the door. "Just because I love your food doesn't mean I don't love you too, Idiot!"
Maya stood outside by the corner of the Inn, her hand over her heart. She had only run a short way, but her heart refused to calm down. It pounded giddily in her chest, as if it had been liberated from its cage after so long. Had she said that so loudly in front of all of those people? There really weren't too many people in there who didn't already know what was going on. Maya had liked Chase for years. Every resident who had been living on the island in the past ten years was sure to know of Maya's extraordinary ability to keep chasing after Chase on the basic principle that love always won in the end. But even after years and years of pushing to have him show some sort of emotion towards her, she felt more frustrated than ever. The spot she was standing in was a special place. It was their place. She and Chase usually sat here and took their break together sitting on top of the flour bags. If Chase was looking, he would know where to find her.
Soon after she settled on top of one of the flour bags, it was apparent that Chase was more concerned about finding the paprika in the cupboard for his next dish than he was about finding the girl that had just proposed that they spend the rest of their lives together. Hours passed. Maya had been sitting in the brisk fall air from 8:00 onward, waiting for Chase to come and confront her. If he even looked out of the window, he would see her orange hair lit by the faint glow of the bar lights. But, staring down at her blue feather, she hoped with all of her might as people slowly filtered in and out for the drinking hours. Maya found herself shivering after only thirty minutes, but she had nowhere else to go until she faced Chase privately. You couldn't really propose, call someone an idiot, and go back to work like nothing had happened. Finally, at midnight, the Inn closed. The door was left unlocked, she knew, for her to wander in when she felt like it. She waited for a minute, not seeing Chase rounding the corner like she was expecting. Curiosity got the best of her, and she peeked around the corner. Instead of coming towards her, Chase was already walking to his house. It was like he had never even worried.
"Wait!" Maya cried, "Chase!" Chase turned around, his eyes more distant than they had ever been before. Maybe he had been worried. Or had he been thinking of the perfect reply? Maya couldn't see his eyes too clearly in the dark, but maybe, just maybe, she had left too soon. She hoped his thinking about a reply hadn't distracted him too much. Holding onto the hope that had gotten her through years of teasing and emotional distancing, she jogged up to him, holding onto the little blue feather she had produced earlier that night. She knew it was small compared to others she had seen, but when she had found it on the cobblestones in front of the Inn at 11 years old, she had taken it as a sign and had been holding onto it ever since. She truly hoped the Goddess was watching. Maybe if she was, a miracle would happen. Dreams did come true once in awhile... maybe it was finally time for hers to be fulfilled.
"You never gave me an answer." Maya said after a few moments of silence, "What do you say?" Chase was silent. He was too silent. Maya refused to give up. With eyes burning with determination, she stared him down under the soft moonlight. His lips weren't moving. She could see him calculating. Maybe he was on the fence about the whole thing. Whether he was leaning for or against, now was the time to seal the deal. After all of this time getting to know him and what he liked, she would be sure to convince him that giving her up was a mistake. She had gotten four hours to think through what to say next, and she wouldn't stop until it was over.
"I know love is scary," Maya said quickly. Chase looked up, his violet eyes clear as he listened to what she had to say. "Putting everything out there for the other person to see is scary. But Chase, I know you! I've known you since we were little. I've dreamed about marrying you since I was 11! I know that you're not perfect. You're a bit pompous and could probably be knocked down a few pegs. You're sad sometimes and angsty when you shouldn't be. I know you're indecisive, and that's okay. After knowing all of this, I still love you. I know it seems crazy, and it seems like the only thing I love about you is your food, but that's not it. I want to eat your food every day. Not just because it's so good, but because you made it. I want to be able to smile at you every morning and know that a new set of flavorful dishes awaits. Your food isn't just good because it tastes good... It's good because you're the one making it."
Maya stood silently, waiting for a reply. She had poured out everything that she needed to say. All those years of playing and studying together had to count for something, didn't it? He had to have thought, at least once, that she would make a good wife. At least an acceptable one! She had listened to his problems, and taste tested all of his food. She had tried her hardest to please him.. wasn't that enough? It could even be to his advantage! She had a very refined pallet, and that could help him if he wanted a second opinion to a new dish. She was actually very knowledgeable when it came to cooking, so what could possibly be holding him back? With the rest of her hope blazing through her in one last glance, Maya's eyes locked with Chase's until the answer came out of his mouth.
"No."
The word slashed through her heart like a knife. Maya was stunned for a moment, like she had been transported to the eye of the storm. Still, Chase stood there, eyes dull. He offered no justification or explanation. His thin lips stretched into a frown, his eyes growing angrier as each second passed. Maya felt the feather drop from her hands, and her heart with it. After a full minute of tension, Chase finally turned to go. But, with all the effort Maya had left in her body, her mouth uttered the one word that could turn him around.
"Why?"
As if reading her mind, Chase turned around again. Agitated, he ran his fingers through his hair. He avoided looking her straight in the eye, a telltale sign that he was completely annoyed. She was expecting him to at least be flattered... but annoyed?
"I'm not stupid, Maya." Chase replied. Maya caught his fierce gaze for a second before he looked away again. "I know you've liked me since you were little. I've done everything I could to push you away, but you follow me around like a puppy. I never led you on, or said anything unprofessional. We've been friends for a long time, Maya, but we haven't been good friends. No, after this I'm convinced that you were too busy imagining being my wife one day to actually get to know me. Do you know the first thing you asked me when I came back? It wasn't 'How are you doing?', or 'How was the trip?'. It was, 'Can you try to make this cake for me?'. If you were paying attention to me for one moment, you might have known how demeaning it is to me to be a guy whose only talent is cooking. Yeah, I've embraced it over the years and resolved to do the best I can. It's because I'm a man. If I want to build a family and become a better person, I would need a woman who could push me to be better, not just some girl who would already be satisfied with everything I do. And yet, you stand here like some movie star fangirl, on the fast track to living off of her parents for the rest of her life asking me if I want to be her favorite character until one of us dies."
Maya didn't know what to say. She felt weak in the knees... she didn't know he had disliked the idea so much. She was in the middle of trying to figure out a reply when Chase continued.
"But that's not the real issue, Maya." Chase finally looked Maya in the eyes. Maya stared back up at him, confused and foreboding what he would say next.
"None of that would matter if I had ever loved you. If I had loved you, I would have made the cake after my trip without complaining. If I had loved you, I would make you anything you wanted for the rest of your life. I would take you to my house and live happily as a family until the day one of us died. I would cherish the memories and love you in every sense of the word, with every single ability I had. If I had loved you..." Chase paused, and Maya waited expectantly, "I would have run after you tonight. I never loved you, Maya. And even if you remember every single word I say tonight, I won't. You've tried for ten years. If you try for one more second, you're officially wasting your time." Chase turned to go, but Maya grabbed his sleeve.
"So, you can't love anyone? Is that what you're saying?" Maya asked. Chase gently shook himself free.
"No, Maya. One day the right woman might come along. Maybe she already has. What I'm saying, is that I can't love you."
Chase walked in the general direction of his house as Maya let the words sink in. Phrase by phrase, her brain tried to analyze what was going on. For ten years she had been in love with the idea of Chase and herself ending up together. For these past few years, she had been in love with Chase. Her feelings had been genuine, and as she saw Chase walk off into the chilly night air, she knew that he had been waiting for years to tell her to back off. Chase faded over the hill and Maya dropped to the ground. Crestfallen, she realized that this was the first time in a long time she didn't feel like running after him. But then she remembered the words he had spoken just moments earlier. She picked herself up and ran up the hill, new hope blazing in her eyes.
"Chase!" Maya yelled. Chase was just about to open his door. Startled by the yell, he turned around and waited. "I love you!" Maya shouted. Chase stood at his door and chuckled before going inside. Maya stood triumphantly at the top of the hill. She was out of breath, but satisfied. It didn't matter if she was 'officially' wasting her time. People changed all the time, because time changed people. Time couldn't be wasted when it came to love. Maybe in a couple of years, she would be a new person. Maybe he would be a new person, too. And then maybe, just maybe, her time wouldn't have been used in vain. She loved Chase. Love, if anything else, was never fickle. Even if she did have to love him silently for another ten years, it would be worth it just to hear him say he was wrong.
The very next week, Chase left on the ferry. Maya knew that he would be back. He wouldn't leave without being able to surpass Yolanda's ability. If what he had said was true, he wouldn't stop learning even if he was the best in the world. She admired him for that. Maybe this trip would be good for him. It would help him clear his head. The proposal, even though it was a rejection, would be worth it as long as it lingered in the back of his mind while he was away looking for some exotic new herb to use. Maybe he'd learn to think fondly of her. She would wait patiently for him to return.
Before Maya had even noticed, over a year went by. Chase had sent a few letters to her father and to her grandmother, but there was still no word on when he was coming back. Her family still looked at her in pity sometimes when they thought she wouldn't notice. The seasons seemed to speed by without Chase. She served food and cleaned up after the lunch rush. She walked around town and wondered when he would be back. Would she propose to him right away? No... she would need a little time to assess his feelings. Another year went by, but Waffle town remained the same. Well, almost the same. A new farmer had come at the beginning of the year. Word around town was that she was doing well. A dancer came to work at the Inn. Not long after, the seas calmed down and the island seemed richer than it had before. Rainbows started to appear after several years. The air was fresh again and the pathways were unblocked. It was a shame Chase wasn't there to feel the life come back.
But, as more and more villagers started to pour in, Chase's return finally came. Aloof as always, Chase often went out of his way not to see Maya on breaks, or even when he was working. It was exhausting just to try to talk to him, and even though it had been two years since the rejection, Chase acted as if it had happened two days ago. She wouldn't confront him about it, and she would try her hardest not to make a scene, but somehow knowing that Chase already knew she loved him was overbearing. She needed to get it off of her chest. She needed to proclaim it again and again until Chase finally said 'Yes'. But over the past two years, she had gotten the opportunity to think about what she would do to win his heart. If he wasn't able to love the old her, then she would change into somebody more suitable for him. She wouldn't even mind. She would adapt. Her heart wouldn't.
Maya always kept the blue feather in her apron pocket. There could have been a moment where she could have caught him alone. As the seasons went on, she found that he was warming up to her. Perhaps he had changed over the past three years. The island was thriving. Everybody seemed more agreeable. Maya could almost see his cold heart melting. Ever since the Mother Tree had been replanted, everything had been wonderful. The farmer had given so much to the island, and there were rumors that Hamilton was pushing her to get married so that she would stay on the island. Maya wasn't too worried about her marrying Chase. He was too insecure to marry such an amazing woman. Plus, Maya never saw her having drinks at the bar. She only bought tomato juice from time to time, which made her think that a marriage to the mayor's son probably the most likely.
Despite her previous confidence, by the time that Thanksgiving rolled around she began to hear whispers. Chase was planning to make a cake. Chase never made cakes for Thanksgiving. He could give them out by the dozen if somebody requested them, but he never made one for the sake of purposely showing appreciation. Maya wondered if the change in the air had given him a change for the better. Something certainly had. Or someone. Was this the day that she had been waiting for? Was Chase finally able to be true to himself and take a shot at love? Maya had been stroking her blue feather through her pocket all day, hoping and praying for the best. She had just gotten past the fear of a second had been three years since Maya had gotten the courage to finally propose to Chase. The worst that could happen is that she would be rejected again. Since she had already been through it once, a second time wouldn't be surprising or heartbreaking. She would just gain more and more confidence. Even if she had to ask every day until he was forty-five, she wouldn't abandon her cause. Love, true love, is not easily shaken. Sure, her parents might have encouraged her to find someone else, or to focus on her work, but she knew that even Chase wouldn't be able to resist her constant effort. She believed that there would be a point in time, whether it was 6 minutes, months, years, or decades from now, that Chase would be able to look at her and see every ounce of effort she had put in. She was firmly resolved to marry him, and nothing would be able to shake her.
As it turned out, Maya had put far too much confidence in love. The truth was, love was quite easily shaken with only one party involved. Love was easily downcast when he spit out the beautiful cake she had made for him and nonchalantly said that only she could make his favorite food taste so bad. The rest was thrown in the garbage. Love was ready to give up as it watched him rub a lemon on his tongue to get rid of the flavor. And ultimately, Love was broken when a farmer he had known for two seasons presented him with a shining orange cake, and he smiled genuinely for the first time without so much as a glance her way. Love was stomped on when Chase dropped down on his knee, and love decayed into dust when she blushed and pulled out a vibrant blue feather in reply. She swore she wouldn't make a scene. Chase had never even noticed she had witnessed the whole thing. They headed out to the tree by the square to exchange their feelings of.. was it love? If love was meant to be so perfect, if love guaranteed a happy ending every time.. had she never loved Chase? Had he never taken her feelings seriously? She remembered the night he chuckled at her confession. Was it just a cute way to leave her wondering? No... he had clearly said she was wasting her time. But still... his gestures.. Had she really read too much into it?
If she had never loved Chase, then why did her heart feel so empty? She retired to her room early that day. She could hear the townspeople whispering with excitement and pity. She had loved Chase... She still loved Chase. Love wasn't supposed to end. It was made to flourish. Like the dreams of a little girl with a wish, Love was supposed to beautifully drift off into the sunset on golden wings. But, as Maya bitterly recounted her escapades, she now knew that love with only one wing, no matter how large or strong compared to the love itself, could not keep it from defying the cold reality of gravity. Maya looked up at the ceiling and realized that what she had thought two years ago was true. Both of them had changed. Chase was finally able to reveal his true feelings to someone, while Maya had kept her feelings locked inside until Chase was ready to accept them. She heard a loud applause downstairs and listened to Chase and Angela formally announce their engagement. They would be married on the first day of Spring. How sweet... a brand new marriage at the beginning of a brand new year. A refreshing start to life just as the spring flowers refreshed the new year's air. Maya listened more intently than she realized as Yolanda mentioned that she was upstairs.
"If she doesn't want to congratulate us, it's up to her. I won't pretend to be offended if she doesn't." Chase's soothing voice drifted up through the floorboards. Maya tried her hardest to hold back the tears. She felt like another ocean was swimming beneath her skin, dying to be spilled over the island.
"Is something wrong?" Angela's voice followed with concern.
"She's been friends with Chase since childhood," Yolanda said in the calming way only grandmother's knew how, "She greatly admired his cooking ability, but failed to realize he had put walls between him and everyone he talked to. She accepted him as he was, assuming that was just how he was. While it's a beautiful picture of love, it is a rather naive one."
"She never tried to find me." Chase agreed, "You might wonder why I would have fallen for someone after two months when I've had someone wanting to be by my side for years. I know I might not act like it most of the time, but I'm kind. I'm still pretty insecure about my life, my abilities, and where I'm going. You managed to see straight through my walls. But Maya... she just thought my walls were a part of who I was. No matter what I did, she treated me like an Idol, like a God. I was the authority on all things she cared about. You treat me like... a guy. A guy you saw on the street one day and immediately knew he had flaws and weird habits. You make me feel... normal. I never knew it before I met you, but I guess that's all I really wanted."
"I see..." Angela said softly, "I guess... it would probably hurt quite a bit to come down and congratulate someone you've loved for so long on their engagement to someone else. But, maybe this will be good for her. Maybe she can finally find out what she wants to do with life. I know it sounds cruel, but there comes a time in everyone's life when they have to stop dreaming and start living. I think, when she finds something to do with her life, she'll be much happier than she would have been chasing after a dream."
"I can only hope you're right," Yolanda said with a smile, "Now run along and go tell the rest of the village."
Maya stared up at the ceiling and listened to the newly engaged couple exit the Inn. Not even her grandmother had believed in her? What was all of this about chasing dreams? Dreams were meant to be chased. In the stories, if you chased dreams long enough, they would always come true. It even ended that way in life. Jin and Anissa had ended up together... and the farmer had literally chased her dream to find the Harvest Goddess and save the island! So... what had been so wrong about loving Chase that had made her dream crash and burn? Had she committed a crime or some sin against the Harvest Goddess? She had known that Chase was the only one for such a long time. Why her? Why now? This was usually such a tranquil place. There was peace in every single second of life... so why did she feel so disturbed. Why now? Were dreams really only for little girls? What happened when you lost the ability to dream? There was no growing... no striving to be your best. She was sure Chase had dreamed about marrying Angela, or else they wouldn't have been engaged! Did it really just happen by chance? Was the entirety of her life just supposed to fall in her lap with no work? Could she really not change anything that would happen, no matter how much she wanted it?
That night, Maya ripped apart all of the pictures of her and Chase that she had in her drawer. She ripped out all of the pages of her journal with his name on them, tears and ink fingerprints ruining the words she had once written down so gleefully. Maya wiped her nose as she ripped apart picture after picture. Page after page of her writing quickly became illegible, and soon it was all stuffed into a canvas trash bag. She had decided to toss three whole journals in, after realizing that less than ten pages would remain in each volume. In the middle of the night, the cold seeping through her clothes as soon as she stepped out of the inn, Maya walked steadily towards the beach. Soon the burning memories were giving her the external warmth that they used to provide internally. She sat and watched it all burn to ashes, the sun finally deciding to rise as what was left flew on a breeze into the ocean where it would be forgotten by everyone but her. No, even though she had burned so much, it would be all burned into her memory until the day she died.
Three years had come and gone from the day she had burned the pictures. She had never been quite the same after Chase had gotten married. She had stopped sulking, and was still polite to the customers. She still broadcast her own TV show with delicious recipes. But, there was something different. Her smile wasn't as genuine as it used to be, and she wasn't excited so easily. She just lived life as it came, letting it fall into her lap and reacting accordingly day by day. For the first couple of days, she really didn't know what to do with an impossible dream. She tried to discard it. She stopped trying to get Chase's attention and found that she had almost too much time in the day. So, she started to cook. Instead of cooking to impress Chase, she cooked to get her mind off of him. She studied different techniques and took her time learning each recipe. She learned more about ingredients, and what sort of flavors coupled well. A few days ago, Yolanda had said her Herb Fish was good enough to win the cooking festival. She couldn't enjoy it, because even though it had been her dream to become a good cook, it meant next to nothing if the one she loved the most wasn't there to be satisfied.
In the end, Maya never really could say that she had moved on. Sometimes she found herself walking by Chase's old house and staring at the old note that had curled up through the years, hanging onto the door for dear life until someone decided to fill the vacancy. "I married Angela!" Chase's voice rang happily through her head every time her eyes saw the scrap of paper. She was waiting; hoping one day that the note would fall off and Chase would move back in and decide to fill the vacancy that he had left. Sometimes, she found herself walking by the farmer's house on the hill. She would try not to stare at Angela's red haired child, a spitting image of a young Chase. She would never stop, but sometimes Solomon would catch her stare and hold it, as if affirming an offence that she already held deep within her heart. She often heard rumors that baby Dakota was on the way... the baby that was supposed to be hers.
Sometimes, she found herself laying in bed at three o' clock in the morning, wondering how it had gone wrong. Was it the farmer? Did that woman's competitive nature drive her to steal away her best friend? Or had Chase simply never thought about her as a woman? Maybe all he had seen when he came back to the island was a girl who still had braids in her hair, asking for a marriage that would end up like a child's game of of the time, she lived her life. She worked at the Inn, cleaning and socializing just like she always had. She saw Chase every day, hoping that he would see her. Maybe one day he would glance up and see a woman that loved him still after so many years. Maybe one day he would be overwhelmed by the amount of love that was waiting for him with a three word key. Maybe one day he would taste a dish that was good enough to make him leave his wife and children for a new life... a better life.
But... maybe one day wasn't good enough. Maya was tired of waiting for the same dream to crash and burn. How many more times would she throw her heart at him when she knew he wouldn't catch it? No, it was time to find a new dream. She had been looking at a culinary school in Paris. Yolanda said she was good enough to get in, but she would have to work hard if she wanted to stay. She didn't want to take life as it came. She wanted to fly on golden wings to new and foreign places. She wanted to learn to cook, and to love. She was leaving on ferry just before the next term started. She was sure she would be back. She was sure she would come back and see that her parents were old and that her grandmother was still bustling about the village as if she were fifty. She was sure that she would come back and see Chase happily occupied with his family... and after learning to love and to live her own life.. She was sure she would be fine with that.