Chapter Two

It felt as if I was stuck in a horrific place in my mind, that I couldn't escape from. The pain of Ross cheating kept returning to me, killing me on the inside. The memories of the months we had spent together, doing things normal couples would do, while all the time he was cheating. The humiliation when I found out that all of his friends, that I had considered my friends, had known about it. My heart seemed to splinter a little.

Alex betraying me only made it worse, somewhere in the back of my head I knew I was over-reacting, but I couldn't stop crying. The tears seemed to go on endlessly as I was curled in a fetal position at the bottom of my bed. My breathing was jagged and rough, as my mind replayed the scene of walking in on Ross and Chelsea over and over again. I had thought I was over it, that I had moved on. Obviously, not.

I don't know how long I cried for, it was a while. But eventually I pulled myself out of my depressive state, when I heard raised voices from downstairs.

My heart dropped when I remembered that Jack had stayed. That Jack had been there through-out the whole argument. Panic filled me, and my heart dropped. What if he had heard everything? What if he knew I liked him? Then things would get awkward between us, and we wouldn't even have a chance at being friends if he'd heard. And he would think that I was an utter freak, and would be different around me after that. I was such a fuck-up. I heard soft footsteps coming up the stairs, and my room door creaked open. A fresh flow of tears started as I saw Lisa standing in the doorway, a look of sympathy on her face.

She sat down beside me, pulling me up and hugging me, while patting my back soothingly. I inhaled her sweet scent and tried to calm down, taking small gasps of air every few seconds. I was pretty sure I sounded like a retard, but I didn't care. She hugged me closer, rocking us back and forth as the last of my tears dried.

'Are you okay, sweetheart?' she asked soothingly, still hugging me.

'No.' I gasped, trying not to cry again. She hugged me tighter, before withdrawing and looking me over.

'Alex told me what happened.' She said quietly. I smiled cruelly, wiping the stray tears from my face.

'Yeah, me being my usual fuck-up self.' I mumbled. She raised her eyebrows at my comment, and surprised me with her response.

'He was being a dick.' She said matter-of-factly.

'But how was he? I was the one who never told him about it, and he had a right to know, Jack being his best friend and all. I mess everything up. And Jack was downstairs the whole time we were arguing, so he most probably heard everything and thinks I'm a total freak. And I feel like a terrible sister, because he found out through a text, and its bringing back all the bad memories, and I just, I just want to feel okay again. I feel as if anytime something's going right in my life, I screw it up. Everything's my fault. I seem to repel people.' I rambled, totally going off topic. She sensed that I wasn't talking about Alex anymore, and took my face in her hands.

'That was not your fault, Ruby. Ross was a prick to you, and I know that you're upset about it. You can't blame yourself for mistakes that he's made.' She said, piercing me with her green eyes. It was almost uncomfortable the way she stared at me; it was as if she had x-ray vision. She removed her hands from my face, and spoke again.

'You know, Alex cheated on me.' she said casually, as I looked at her in shock. What the fuck? Anger filled me, when the fuck did this happen? And he didn't even think to tell me?

'When?' I asked, reigning in my anger.

'It was a while ago I found out, a few months before you and Ross broke up. I nearly fucking killed him.' She said, her eyes filling with bitterness as she told me her story.

'It was Bamboozle '08, almost a year ago. It was some slutty fan-girl that came on to him, and apparently he was drunk. It killed me. I never thought that I was going to get over it, I thought that I would hate his guts forever, and I would never trust him again, but I did. I took him back, and we're as happy as we've ever been.' She finished, staring straight at me, encouraging me in some way. I went in the opposite direction.

'Wait, what? You're saying that I should forgive Ross, and get back together with him?' I asked, puzzled. Everyone had hated Ross's guts when he cheated on me, and I, I didn't know how I felt yet. My feelings of rage and betrayal had yet to pass, but I had loved him before. But, I didn't think it would ever be the same again. She shook her head vehemently.

'No way. Alex and mines relationship was different, I don't mean to offend. We had a stronger bond than you and Ross. We'd had an argument that night, where we both said things we regretted, and that probably fuelled him cheating. What I'm trying to say is that, it's possible to move on after someone's cheated. I'm living proof of that. And, there are loads of other people going through the same thing out there. But you have to move on, or it'll tear you apart. I know you're still raw about it all; I mean it was only a month ago, but you need to move on.' She said, partially begging me to let Ross go, and move on with my life. I understood what she meant. I had been a mere shadow of myself for the past month, wallowing in self-pity and think of 'what ifs.' I had to leave that jack-ass behind. I nodded at her, giving her a watery smile.

'I know it just hurt so much.' I said my voice cracking. She pulled me into another tight hug.

'I know, I know.' She soothed, rocking us back and forward again. I pulled back after a while, wiping away a few tears that had fallen yet again, and laughed.

'I'm an emotional wreck.' I giggled, she laughed at me, nodding.

'Did you happen to see Jack downstairs?' I questioned, slightly anxious.

'Nope, he was gone when I arrived. And don't worry about him either; I'm sure everything will work out.' She said mysteriously, winking at me. I flushed bright red, looking away awkwardly.

'And Alex wants to apologise to you.' She said, smiling kindly at me before standing up.

'Can you ask him to give me a minute?' I asked, standing up myself.

'Sure.' She smiled, and walked out of my room, shutting the door behind her.

I walked straight into my bathroom, ignoring the mirror that would reflect the horrible state I was in, and stepped into the shower, letting myself mull everything over that had happened in the space of three hours.

I had took a crying fit, found out my brother cheated on his girlfriend, realised what an emotional mess I was, and maybe told the boy I liked, that I had a crush on him. What an amazing day, I thought sarcastically.

I thanked God that Lisa had come and spoken to me. She was like the big sister I never had, and she spoke so wisely about the cheating thing. I knew she was right about it, and it was time to move on properly. I had to stop thinking back on it, and get on with my life. I had to start trusting people again, and letting them in. I knew that if Ross hadn't cheated, I would probably have told Alex about Jack. It had totally messed up my life. He had totally messed up my life. Rage filled me as I thought about what he had done to me. How could I have even considered taking him back, today when I was talking to Lisa? He was a useless piece of trash that had wreaked havoc in my life. I didn't want him anywhere near me, ever again.

I got out of the shower quickly, shoving on a pair of sweats, a paramore shirt and an old hoodie. I tied my wet hair up in a topknot, before looking in the mirror. Shit, I looked a mess. My eyes were still swollen and red from my crying jag, not helped much by the large dark circles resting underneath them. The usual emerald green sparkle they emitted seemed to be dulled somehow. My creamy skin had lost it's colour, the pinkish tinge from my cheeks gone. It wasn't as if it mattered anyway, it was only Alex, and he had seen me in far worse states. I brushed my teeth, before wandering back into my room to check my phone. I still needed to find out who was calling me in the middle of the night.

When I looked, it was still on Lola and mines text conversation. I read it, trying to find out what Alex knew about what I felt for Jack. I sighed loudly when I realised he knew everything, and more than he needed to. Stupid iPhone conversation settings. But when I went to check the call, it was marked as Unknown. I had everyone's number that I spoke to on a regular basis, saved onto my phone, so I didn't have a clue who it might be. But anyway, they were automatically a spactard. Phoning me at four in the morning. Who the fuck is up at that time?

I pushed that thought to the side as I walked slowly down the stairs. From the sound of it, Alex was in the kitchen. I was a little nervous about talking to him. That meant we would have to discuss the whole Jack situation, and I didn't even know what was going on. But I knew the way he made me feel, was different from Ross.

When Jack spoke, it sent shivers down my spine. When he touched me, goose-bumps would appear on my skin. When he laughed, it made me feel as though I was high, and made me want to laugh too. And when he looked at me, it was like butterflies quadrupled. I had to act like a normal human being, though. I mean I couldn't exactly start jumping around the room because he said something to me. No, I had to be cool, calm and collected. Every fucking day. It was so hard. I just wanted to grab him and kiss the hell out of him. Everything with Ross was a hundred times weaker, compared to this. I think then, I was in love with the concept of being in love.

I stepped into the kitchen, gnawing at my lip and playing with my tragus piercing. It was what I did when I was nervous.

Alex was sat at the breakfast bar, his head in his hands. Lisa was no-where to be seen, I guess she had left, or went out for a little bit to give Alex and I some privacy.

'Hey,' I said awkwardly, twirling my piercing and looking at my bare feet. They were painted like bumble-bees, Lola's design. I had to admit, they were pretty cool. He looked up at me, his eyes looking tired and miserable.

'I'm sorry.' He said sincerely, opening his arms. I rushed towards him and hugged him back. No matter how many times my brother and I fought, we always made up. This was slightly more serious though, it was about Jack. We parted, and I smiled weakly at him.

'So where do you want to start?' I asked nervously. I didn't know what he was going to ask me about Jack, I just hoped it would be easy to answer.

'When did you start liking Jack?' he asked, appraising me as I thought the question over. I couldn't remember exactly when, but it was definitely a few days after Ross and I had broken up, I know it sounds slutty, but he was so sweet to me then, and it just kind of got bigger.

'Mid-June, after Ross and I had broken up.' I said mildly, trying not to give too much away, that was all he needed to know.

'Why him?' he asked, half-exasperatedly, half-curious. I fidgeted, I would have to tell him the reasons now. Why did my brother ask so many questions? I guess I owed it to him though; I would hate to find out about something he did through a text. That brought back the memory of Lisa telling me he had cheated. I would need to ask him about that.

'He was just so sweet to me, in the days after Ross and I had broken up, always trying to cheer me up, and just being generally nice.' I blushed, I had managed to manoeuvre round the real reason though, it was a little bit too cheesy for Alex. He nodded, seeming to be pleased with what I'd said.

'I don't like it though. He's my best friend Ruby; couldn't you have liked someone else? I don't want you to get hurt.' He said sadly, and my guts twisted. If anyone would know who Jack liked, it would be Alex, and if he didn't want me to get hurt, then it was obvious Jack didn't like me. A wave of sadness coursed through me. Although I knew he didn't like me before, there was still a tiny part of me hoping and praying that he did. It had been crushed, now.

'Don't worry; it's not as if anything will happen. He doesn't like me anyway; it's just a silly little crush.' I said sullenly, becoming too interested in my nail-beds. I saw Alex grimace briefly as I looked back up.

'Lisa told me you cheated.' I said quietly, tensing up when the grimace vanished from his face and he gaped at me. I was met by pure silence for at least 20 seconds. Why did I bring it up? I'm such a douche. It was in the past. I had mentally killed myself three times before Alex responded.

'Why would she tell you that?' he questioned shakily, I felt terrible but I stood my ground. He was the one that had cheated.

'She could tell that I was still having trouble fully getting over Ross, she wanted me to know that it was possible to get over someone cheating.' I replied, slight anger colouring my tone. I couldn't believe that he had done that to Lisa, I thought that they were unbeatable. I didn't feel bad anymore. He should have told me, and he shouldn't have done it in the first place.

'Yeah, I cheated. I was an ignorant bastard, and we'd fell out before it and I was a little drunk, and y'know one thing led to another. I regretted it straight away, and I didn't know how to tell Lisa, so I just kept it quiet. Then she found out, and at first she was furious I didn't think we would be able to be together anymore, she seemed so angry and I was sure that she would never forgive me. And then she did, and I was so grateful. I don't know why she's still with me, she deserves so much better.' He admitted, not looking at me the whole time. I felt a little better; at least he knew that he'd done wrong. It would have been worse if he'd just blown it off as if it was nothing.

'Why didn't you tell me?' I said gently, taking his hand softly. It was obvious that he was hurt over it, but he could have told me. I wouldn't have judged him. Well, maybe just a little bit.

'I could ask the same for you!' he said, ripping his hand out of mine, and folding them over his chest crossly.

'Fine. You go first.' I shrugged, he smiled a little. This was what we always did, when both of us had done something wrong and we had to admit to it.

'I was ashamed, I didn't want you to know and think that your big brother was a man-whore. You were in the middle of your studies too; I didn't want you to be distracted by my problems.' He finished, still smiling. I took a deep breath and started.

'I was scared of what you would think of me, I knew that you would react like this and I felt as though I couldn't trust anyone; but Lola during that time. I was still recovering from Ross.' I said, avoiding eye contact and looking out of the window.

'You can always trust me,' he said caringly.

'You can trust me too,' I replied, and he hugged me again with one of his brother bear hugs.

'We know next time not to be so stupid,' I laughed into his shoulder, I felt him shake with laughter and reply with a 'yeah.' We parted and I asked the question I was eager to know.

'When you came back downstairs, after having a thorough look through my phone,' he rolled his eyes, 'Was Jack still here?' I asked, trying to keep it light.

'Uh, yeah. He was kinda anxious; he left like five minutes after I came down.' He said, seemingly not aware that Jack could have heard.

'Do you think he heard?' I said weakly thoughts of him knowing running through my head.

'Nah, it wouldn't be like Jack to not say anything to me, it just seemed as though he was in a rush to go somewhere. Don't worry kiddo; I'm sure he doesn't know.' He replied seeming happier now than he was when I had first came into the kitchen.

'We were shouting pretty loud.' I said pathetically. He rolled his eyes at me, and stood up throwing an arm around my shoulders, and leading us through to the living room.

'Chill dude. He never heard.' He said exasperatedly, plopping down on the couch and turning the TV on. When I saw Friends on the screen, I automatically sat down, curling my arms around my knees. You gotta love Friends.

Alex and I laughed our asses off at Friends for the next hour and a half. We ordered a pizza and just chilled. It was good hanging out with my bro again, we had been distant recently, him being on tour and all, but it felt so good being able to see him again and do brother and sister things, like this.

Lisa never came back, so I guessed she'd just headed back home. At half seven, I headed back up to my room, bidding Alex goodnight, and grabbing my duvet from the corner of the room. I was surprised Alex hadn't asked about that, actually. Maybe he had heard us, or maybe he just thought I had left it down here.

I jumped on my bed as soon as I got into my room, pulling my cover over me. I smiled widely when I realised it still smelled of Jack. I switched on my bedside light quickly, and whipped out my phone pressing speed dial. I let it ring before I heard my best friend's familiar voice.

'Hello?' she asked tiredly, half-yawning.

'Please do not tell me you were sleeping, bitch.' I huffed.

'Of course, I was sleeping. What do you expect, it's nearly eight o'clock, it's way too early to be up.' She quipped. We continued our light-hearted banter, before I told her everything that had happened today. She listened to everything, giving her advice when she wanted to and generally being an amazing friend.

I hung up an hour later, feeling a little better and absolutely knackered. I was physically and emotionally drained after today's events. I didn't care if it was half eight at night, I was going to sleep.

Flicking off my light, I settled down with my duvet wrapped around me tightly, pressed against my nose so that I could smell Jack when I wanted to. It sounded weird but, it made me feel all warm and cuddly on the inside, if that was even possible. I was just on the edge of sleep when my phone started blaring 'Hot Mess' by Cobra Starship loudly, I jumped up yelping, my heart beating fast.

After calming down a little bit, I picked my phone up. It was an unknown number again.

'Hello?' I said irritably into the speaker. There was no answer.

'Hello? Who is this?' I asked again, starting to get angry. Why phone and not talk? It was absolutely pointless.

'Hello?' I asked again, and then the call was disconnected. I tried ringing it back, but the call was withheld.

I huffed frustrated, and put my phone on silent, before resuming my position in bed. I lay in bed, wondering who had phoned me, and why they hadn't spoken. It was kinda creepy. I would need to ask Alex if he had gotten any phone-calls. That was my last thought before sleep took me.

Hey there. I hope you enjoyed the chapter :) that's really all. Review if you wish!