A/N: Thinking of rating this story M, for now, it's a high T. I do want to mention a possible trigger warning as this story deals with abuse. Proceed with caution
Disclaimer: I don't own SVU or In The Heat Of The Night.
Elliot was overreacting.
That's what she told herself in order to keep from thinking about the chill that went down her spine when she got the flowers and the note. Not because she was scared of Richard White, but because it reminded her of a part of her past that not even her partner knew about. He couldn't know because he would never think of her or look at her the same again. She wasn't proud of the person she used to be, and she didn't want to think about it for another second.
She was sure it was nothing. Elliot was always overprotective. It was a blessing and a curse at the same time. No one was more stubborn and could frustrate her as much as he could, but he also loved more fiercely than anyone she had ever known. They were so connected it was like they were one soul. So, she figured, the uneasy feeling she had felt was his worry being transferred to her. That was all. Richard White was just another perp who would try and fail to get away with what he had done, She was Detective Olivia Benson of the Manhattan Special Victims Unit, girlfriend and partner of Detective Elliot Stabler. That's the identity she chooses now. The scars of the past don't need to be brought up. Not now, not ever. That version of Olivia is locked up and tossed away somewhere. This is who she is now, and it's all she wants to be. Yeah, she's not getting into that mess now.
She puts her shoulder-length hair in a clip and decides to soak in her bathtub for awhile and cleanse herself of the dirt of the day's work. She left her cell on the sink as she always did in case the Captain or her partner called about a case. She especially didn't want to miss a call from Elliot during this current case because she knew not hearing from her would send his already on edge mind into more panic. Their relationship was built on trust, and though it was difficult for her at first, the one thing they did trust was each other's faithfulness. They had both agreed as work partners that for the job they had to be honest with each other. The secret she was keeping from him was pretty big, but they always had an idea of where each other was and answered each other's calls. If she wasn't answering him or vise versa that meant something was wrong.
Her relaxation was interrupted by a loud noise coming from outside the bathroom door. She didn't hear anything for a moment and tried to calm her nerves, deciding to ignore it in case it was just in her head. She closed her eyes and took a breath. It's probably just someone moving furniture or dropping something in a nearby apartment. That conclusion let her relax, until a couple minutes later when she heard what sounded like her door being broken in and footsteps. It could be Elliot. She tried to tell herself. Maybe the Captain called him saying that a threat had been made and they had reason to believe Richard White was going to Olivia's apartment to hurt her and Elliot, her fiercely loyal and protective partner and love of her life rushed over and broke her door down determined to get to her first and save her. It was a perfectly logical theory, but it was crushed as the footsteps got closer and she realized with a spike of fear that the footsteps did not belong to her blue-eyed anchor. As partners, they had gotten so in sync that they knew each other's steps, and those were not his. As a detective, she also knew a couple other things: one was that the footsteps did not belong to the perp who was supposedly stalking her, Richard White. He was short and fat, these footsteps seemed to belong to someone taller, thinner. She thought ironically that it would almost be better if it was him. He would be caught in the act and she could call Elliot and her captain on speed dial. The case would be open and shut. These footsteps though...these footsteps made her skin crawl and her body involuntarily tremble because they reminded her of a past she never thought she'd have to face again. Her pulse was racing and she bit back a scream at the chilling voice.
"AUDINE! I know you live here swweetheart, you thought you could run didn't you you stupid stupid girl. Well, I found you and you're in tttrouble you got that. You owe me, baby. You weren't s'posed to run, you disobeyed and I gotta punish you now."
He sounded drunk, that was what she noticed first, his southern drawl was thick and slurred. This can't be happening! I thought he was dead! Dear god, I thought he was dead! He was supposed to be DEAD!
She could hear him moving around her apartment, the sound of breaking glass, doors being thrown open, plates shattering. She was terrified.
She wasn't a civilian anymore, she was a cop. If she had been in work mode, she could have easily pulled her gun on him and arrested him and called for backup.
Now though, she was in a dangerously vulnerable state, right where he wanted her. She was still in the bathtub, under the water paralyzed in fear. Her gun and handcuffs were in the bedroom and going to get them would be too risky. The bathroom was dimly lit with candles that could surely be smelled from outside. All she had was a towel, bathrobe and her cell phone….
Her cell phone
CALL ELLIOT! Her mind was screaming at him. CALL HIM NOW! PRESS THE SPEED DIAL BUTTON AND CALL HIM! Sure you've kept this massive secret from him but don't you think he'd prefer that over finding you tortured and dead on your bathroom floor? He loves you and he's all you have right now! CALL. HIM.
Before she could convince herself otherwise she carefully got out of her tub, still soaking and grabbed her cell. She blew out the group of candles lighting up the bathroom and hid in the closet, hoping maybe the predator lurking in her home would assume she wasn't there and leave. Her hands were shaking and she struggled to grip her phone as she pressed 1 to speed dial her partner, her protector. She turned down the volume so it was quiet, hoping she would be the only one who could hear. The screen lit up and she heard the chilling voice again in the distance.
"Audiiiiine, come out come out wherever you are." She thought she was going to be sick, the next voice she heard held her a little steadier.
"Hey, beautiful." Her partner's voice was like a warm blanket in a violent blizzard. Normally she would have smiled at his greeting, he was tough and brooding at work, but had a soft, tender side to him that only she, his kids, and victims got to see. He was so sweet and gentle to her and she loved him for it. She swallowed the sobs of terror that were creeping up her throat and with her voice shaking and barely above a whisper spoke into the phone.
"El-Elliot...I need you." That was all it took. He knew. Immediately he knew just like she knew he would. Her voice was small and frightened.
"I'm on my way." Thank god for this man. It wasn't even a minute later she heard his car starting through the phone, but the other voice came back, distracting her from her moment of safety.
"I have a present for you Audine. Well... there are actually two presents but I'm only leaving one at your apartment, the other one well...you're a detective now so I guess you'll figure it out at work tomorrow. This first one though...I wonder if you remember her? She was fun, I'm almost sad she had to go but...she was too much of a risk." She could hear him chuckle and wanted to vomit. Althea. She'd need to tell Elliot to call CSU, she didn't even want to think about what had been done to her. She was an SVU detective so it wasn't hard to guess. That thought reminded her that Elliot was still on the line, and his past frantic voice returned.
"Liv! Liv! Can you hear me? Are you still with me?" She realized he had been trying to talk to her and she had been distracted by the monster outside.
"Yes." She choked out.
"Baby, can you tell me if you're hurt? Do I need to call a bus?"
"I n-need you." Those were the only words she could manage to say at that moment.
"I know sweetheart, I'm coming too but I need to know if you're hurt. I need to know if I need to get you to the hospital.
"No I'm...I'm not hurt El."
"Ok, I'm about 10 minutes away Olivia, I'm almost there. I can tell you're really scared right now but I need you to try and tell me what's going on. Are you in danger? Do I need to call the squad? CSU?"
"Someone's in...my apartment." A door slammed somewhere. "Someone broke in E-el." She didn't have to be with him to know that his stomach just dropped 10 floors.
"Honey where are you? Are you near your gun?" His worried 'where are you?' was drowned out by the other voice.
"Ah, Detective Olivia Benson." He was in her bedroom. He had found her badge and her gun. Oh god oh god oh god. She could hear her dresser drawers being opened and shut and "Special Victims Unit? Maybe I should leave you another 'special gift' and remind you of our time together."
"OLIVIA!" Her partner's voice had gone past terrified by now but she can't respond...he's too close now and might here. "I'm only 3 minutes away sweetie just hang on for me ok. Just hang on." Suddenly worried Elliot's frantic pleas might be heard by the man in the bedroom she hung up the phone and curled up in the corner of the bathroom closet. Praying he would give up and leave and praying that Elliot would be there soon.
"Mmm we could have some fun in here dontcha think darlin'?" Her muscles hurt from how tense they were and she was sure she pulled a couple.
The bathroom door opened. He's gonna find me and kill me before Elliot even gets in the door. She could see the lights turn on and bit back a whimper. She could hear him whistling and then he stopped. The tub. I forgot to let the tub drain...he knows I was here….or maybe he'll think I drowned? She was pretty sure her heart stopped beating altogether.
"You're a tough one to find aren't you Audine? Thought you were a cop. Shouldn't you be arresting me by now?" He laughed. "Still weak! Just like you always were." Another set of footsteps entered the apartment from a distance but she was too scared to process what was happening. The man who had been taunting her raced out of the bathroom and from what she could hear made a quick exit out the window onto the fire escape. The other set of footsteps got louder and she could hear a frantic voice but her mind, delirious with fear didn't allow her to recognize it.
"OLIVIA! OLIVIA!" He's got help and whoever is helping him knows my real name and is going to kill me. She stood up shakily. She wasn't weak. She wasn't Audine Higgs anymore. She was Olivia Benson, and Olivia Benson didn't go down without a fight. The footsteps raced into the bathroom as she slowly opened the closet, it was dark and all she could see was a figure. She lunged for it. Punching, kicking, clawing, at the presence her mind told her was an assailant. Some part of her mind tried to get her to realize he was talking to her, trying to console her. He tried to wrap her in his arms and get her to calm down. "It's just me baby, it's just me." But the other man had called her 'baby', so in her current state that did nothing to soothe her. She kneed him in the groin and kicked him in the stomach as hard as she could. It was when he fell to the ground and she heard a pain filled groan that she turned on the light and realized her assumption as to the identity of the person was very very wrong.
"ELLIOT! Oh my god, Elliot!" She sobbed heavily, finally allowing him to hold her. "I'm so sorry I'm so so sorry." She kept saying while he rocked her gently, shushing her, comforting her. Her shaking had slowed, but now her tears were a mix of fear and guilt. He had come to save her and she had attacked him. "I-I should get you some ice." He holds her tighter even though she makes no movement to leave.
"I'm alright Livia, it doesn't hurt that bad, I'm alright." He moves away from her slightly, intending to wrap her robe around her, knowing she probably feels vulnerable right now but she clings to him.
"Please don't leave me." His heart breaks.
"I'm not sweetie, I'm right here. I'm just gonna get your robe for you and get you warmed up ok?" He kisses her lightly on the forehead and she reluctantly lets go of him. He pulls her back into his embrace once she has her robe on, cradling her on his lap, her head buried in the crook of his neck. "I'm so sorry Olivia, I never should have left you alone. I should have protected you, this is all my fault."
"No, it's not, you didn't know and he didn't...he didn't hurt me." Still uneasy, he breathed a sigh of relief. It had been weighing on his mind, given Richard White's MO and how terrified she sounded over the phone. She shivered, thinking of the voice, and realizing Elliot still didn't know who had been in her apartment. He assumed she was shivering, thinking about what White might have done and held her tighter.
"I'm not gonna let him touch you. You're safe now. We're gonna get him and nail him for this and I'm gonna protect you. I promise."
She didn't know how to tell him. It scared her almost as much as what had taken place that night. "I thought he was dead...all those years ago he was supposed to be dead. He was gonna kill me. He almost killed me. He wanted to kill me." It took her a minute to realize she had said that out loud and that Elliot was looking at her with his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Suddenly his arms no longer felt safe, his voice no longer soothed her in warmth, and she wanted to run. She wanted to go somewhere far away to avoid this conversation, to avoid her worst nightmare, to avoid reality.
"Richard White?" He asked, concerned that perhaps she had been injured and needed to get to the hospital. After all, they had only known the perp in their current case for a couple weeks. What did she mean by 'all those years ago'. She realized with terrifying clarity that there was no going back. She had to tell him, and she could only hope he didn't hate her afterward.
"It wasn't him."
"Liv do you need-"
"Richard White wasn't the man in my apartment." His blood ran cold, had she been attacked before and he never knew? She sat up and forced herself to look into his eyes, the blue orbs of calm that had always held her steady.
"Elliot...there's something I need to tell you."