Remus Lupin stood in the living room of her small flat, having spent the last six months in staff quarters at Hogwarts in a way her home did not feel like home. The fine layer of dust on her surfaces, the suitcases of her belongings piled on the floor by the pull out bed, the fugitive and murderer that stood in front of her.
"What do you want me to say?" She asked standing in the flat the man had bought for them 13 years ago.
"A hello would be a start." He said, pulling his bottom lip back with his teeth. Sirius Black was nervous, she could tell, more nervous than she expected or would have liked. He watched her in front of him, his eyes moving over her watching for any tells.
"I'm sorry…" Remus ran a hand threw her hair, "Hello." She said quietly her gaze finally landing on him, she looked over his appearance, on the outside he still looked like the man from the posters, Sirius Black escaped from Azkaban, that man she hated, that man she loathed. Sirius Black had caused her so much anguish, so much pain, he destroyed her entire life. Her gaze moved up to his face, to his eyes, there was Padfoot, there was the man she'd spent hours just curled up in his arms as he read to her, there was the man who said I can make you mine before walking out the door and she never saw him again.
"Hello." Padfoot said from behind those hollow eyes. Remus could see the hesitance, the flicking of his eyes from his hands to her. "It's been a long time. I missed you." At these words Remus flinched, I missed you, she closed her eyes for a moment, remember what Dumbledore told you, remember that it wasn't him, he didn't do it.
Remus opened her eyes and walked into the small kitchen not giving him another glance, she took out a plate collecting bits of food from her cupboards before returning to the man, who had not moved in the living room. "Eat. Please." She said passing the plate to him which he took and they both moved to sit down at the small two person dining table. "What did Dumbledore tell you?"
Sirius was pushing the food around his plate, he looked at Remus before eating some of the food, "Not much, there was little time to spare getting me out of there. I left on Buckbeak but Dumbledore found me explaining what was to happen, he's going to tell me where to go next."
Remus nodded taking in the information, she knew he wouldn't be here for long, but knew they needed to talk. "He spoke to me before I resigned, He explained that Peter was the secret keeper, that you were the decoy. He was the one who told Voldemort where they were, you went after him, he made out like it was you, cut off his finger and transformed. With no trial they sent you straight to azkaban for 12 years, you saw a newspaper with Pettigrew on and escaped to save Harry, and to kill Pettigrew. And I correct?" Remus asked softly, her voice not wavering once.
"Yes." He replied his hands clenched into fists, his knuckles turning white with time. "And I failed. That bastard is free."
"One day we will rectify that…" she said and moved her hand to his fists, moving her fingers to unclench the fists. "Now my story is rather different than yours." She stood and made her way over to a bookcase, she walked back with a large photo album. Placing it in front of him next to the plate of food. "Harry has lived with his Aunt and Uncle for all these years, I tried to take him away from them, but as a werewolf and no relation I was not allowed. I've also been on very little income." She sighed, "From my point of view, you killed James and Lily, and Pettigrew... I blamed you for everything, I wanted to get out of here, I wanted to die. But I couldn't." She opened the photo album. "Her name is Lyra Hope Lupin." she opened up the album.
The album was full of pictures of a little girl growing up, from pictures of Remus chasing after her in the small flat, of her toddling her first steps and her first day at hogwarts was the last photos waving and smiling up at them. The little girl had piercing gray eyes with long brown ringlets that fell around her face, she was a tall girl even for her age, her limbs lean but not hauntingly malnourished like her mother.
Sirius tried to hide his frown and he looked to her with a smile, "I am glad you found someone, your daughter looks lovely."
"She is lovely, she's 12 years old." Remus said watching Sirius' face, she wanted to see how he'd react, she wanted to see the recognition on his face.
"Twelve?" His brow furrowed as his mind worked for several moments before his eyes widened. "You don't mean to say?-" He cut himself off, looking to the girl, Lyra, once again.
Remus looked down at the picture he was looking at, she was 9 years old running around at the park, she stops runs over to the camera and waves before running back to the swing. "She has your eyes, your sense of humour, your temper and your untidiness." She said softly, her hands were shaking in her lap.
Sirius stared blankly at the photo as Remus eyes raised to his face. "I have a daughter." A smile began to form on his face, the smile suddenly fell and Remus moved back as he stood closing the photo album "I am so sorry." His voice was barely audible, but deeply expressive.
Remus wrapped her arms around her body, she stood in front of Sirius, her body hunched slightly to make her seem small. "You don't need to say that. We did okay, me and her. You kept us going all these years, without you we wouldn't have a roof over our heads, I'd be homeless and she would have been taken away." She said and she held herself tighter. "She's currently at Hogwarts, she's in the year below Harry, they're friends." Remus smiled lightly to herself thinking about her daughter hanging around with Harry like herself, Sirius and James did. "She hangs out with Arthur Weasley's daughter, they play pranks on her brothers, she's a very clever child." Remus looked up through her eyelashes at Sirius to see his reaction, when the man walked towards her wrapping his arms around her, she froze in place.
"You raised her on your own, I should never have been so reckless. I should have known Peter would do something like this, I should have known he would tear us apart." He said against her hair. "I'm so sorry, I should have been there, I should have been there for both of you. She grew up believing her father was a… a murderer." Sirius shuddered.
Remus shook her head, she moved back out of his arms. "I didn't tell her you were her father, I didn't want her thinking you were a bad person. When she was conceived we were happy, we were together, what we had wasn't… We weren't the same people, and I didn't want her to think of you like that." Sirius nodded in response but did not reply, he moved and sat back down and reopened the book.
"We were so happy…" Sirius said quietly, his eyes reading every tiny drop of information on the pages. "I want to meet her, if you want me to." He said looking up at Remus who was watching him.
"I'm picking her up from Kings Cross this afternoon… You could stay here, or you could…" Remus thought for a few moments, oh it was reckless but it was a one off opportunity. "We could always go together, you in Padfoot form… You would see Harry again and Lyra."
"You want me there? I thought you wouldn't… I thought you still wouldn't want me involved." Sirius said standing up to look at Remus who took an automatic step back.
"I want you to meet her, I spoke to her before I left Hogwarts, I explained that I knew you, that we were friends at Hogwarts, she connected you to all the stories I used to tell her about my friends from school. I'd like you to be there, we can bring her home and explain what she needs to know." Remus said and looked up into his eyes, the grey eyes looking back at her were full of hope and happiness, after a few seconds she could not hold the gaze.
"What have we become." Sirius said softly, he stepped forward placing a hand on Remus' arm. "There is nothing I would like more than to be a part of her life, no matter what role I take. I look forward to meeting our daughter, just 12 years too late."
Remus allowed the hand on her arm and nodded, she looked back at the table. "Eat, you'll feel better."
As Sirius moved back to eat the food in front of him, Remus moved back and started to move around the flat, with a wave of her wand the dust was lifted and she opened the curtains to allow the warm July air into the room. She walked over to the bookshelf where there was a picture of the four marauders, she smiled looking at the picture but shook her head, they weren't back, just him. When she turned around Sirius was looking around the room with his food. "There was no one else Padfoot." She said quietly, unsure if he would hear. She continued past him to the kitchen getting out a piece of chocolate and popping it into her mouth.
"You haven't changed a bit." Sirius said having followed her with his eyes into the kitchen.
"I'll have to disagree there." She replied with a sad smile, "I have changed a lot, so have you. I'm old." She said holding a piece of her hair, showing the few strands of grey that appeared down to the stress and strain of being a werewolf for all those years.
A bird flew past the window and they both looked up. "As soon as Dumbledore contacts me I'll be out of your hair. Can't get Hogwarts favourite defense teacher in trouble can I?" He smiled over at her, "You're not old… You're beau… You're just as I remember you." Remus watched him as he spoke, the lopsided smile from their childhood ghosted over his face and a shiver ran down her spine.
"I'll… I'll get you some new clothes." Remus said suddenly, she ran a hand through her hair, trying to brush out her thoughts. She walked over to the only cupboard in the room, opened it to pull out a large box from one of the shelves and placed it on the floor. Remus waved her wand and the box opened, inside the box was most of Sirius' old belongings. Some old shirts were missing, but if Sirius did search for them he would find them in her own wardrobe back from those lonely nights at the beginning. She pulled out an old shirt and jeans and his black leather jacket passing them over to him. "These may still fit you, you were still quite thin then." She said with a smile. She could see Sirius looking in the box, seeing old books and records, photos, a packet of cigarettes and various other items.
"Thank you." Sirius said softly brushing her hand as he took the items from her, he looked around to see where to change.
"It's still the door on the right. The shower works the same way as it used to." She said and watched him leave for the bathroom. As soon as he walked away she slumped down to the floor wrapping her arms around herself. She started to breathe deeply trying to calm herself, she could hear the shower running in the other room, she forced herself up, with a flick of her wand the box went back into the cupboard. She walked back over to the photograph, she looked over the picture, it was the Hogwarts school grounds, James was on Peter's shoulders waving at the camera, James who looked so much like Harry in that picture that when Harry walked into her classroom at the start of the year made her heart jump into her chest and she had to take a calming draught. Peter was grinning but struggling to hold James up, the nagging thought of him just giving up like he did with protecting them had to be pushed back. But there next to them was herself and Sirius, Sirius had his arm wrapped around her shoulders, he held her close and every so often kissed the top of her head. They had just started dating at this point, Remus was still a little nervous about it, worrying the boys were going to see her different after that point, but they never did. Hagrid had taken that photo for them, Hagrid had been her saving grace in the first few years after the incident, she had nowhere to go, nowhere to contact people so the morning before the first full moon she found herself at the gates of Hogwarts with a tiny baby in her arms. She waited until the half giant form came to find her, she begged him to look after Lyra for the night, she had nowhere else to turn and he took Lyra in for the full moons till she was 11 years old. Remus would find her way back to the hut in Hogwarts after the full moon to find a full meal waiting for her. Hagrid was probably one of the only reasons she was still alive in the early days.
The door creaked open again and Remus turned around to see Sirius exiting the bathroom, the sinking feeling returned seeing him in his old clothes, this time they were hanging off his form. "I'm surprised they have not come to question you yet." Sirius said as he pulled his long hair back and tied it at the back of his neck.
"I was questioned at the school, had a pretty strong alibi though, you know, my time of the month. Between that and the fact that most of the wizarding world knows I hate you." She said pulling her wand out and started to unpack her own suitcase.
"Oh…" He said quietly looking over at Remus. Remus hadn't meant to have said it so bluntly, but it was how she felt, she had been conditioned to hate him, he lied to her, killed everyone she loved and left her alone and pregnant. "Did you… Did you truly hate me? Was there not some part of you that knew I would never harm them?" Remus could see that Sirius was pushing a lot harder on this question than she expect him to.
"I didn't believe at first…" She waited until the suitcase was empty to continue. "I screamed down the ministry to let me see you. I barged through Aurors and screamed at receptionists and had to be stunned to get me out of there. I ended up at St Mungos. That's when I found out about Lyra. Dumbledore told me everything he knew, everything the ministry was saying, he made me believe you were a monster. I grew to resent you, to hate you. But would I have kept your things if I truly did…" She looked down at her hands at this point unable to control her emotions on her face.
"Thank you. For your trust." Sirius stepped forward and Remus looked up at him. "I apologise that I didn't trust you with the information that Peter was the secret keeper. I trusted you, but I didn't want… I didn't want to give you any information that may have gotten you killed, it was selfish of me, and I paid the price. I should have never trusted Pettigrew." He said. Remus looked at him closely now, she could really see the old Padfoot shining through. "Alright we could spend a very long time talking about this, but that's enough of this depressing nonsense. Tell me the amusing stories of raising a child with half my genes, was she a trouble-maker? Please tell me she's found the map? Is she adorable?"
Remus laughed softly, "She was a… Handful.. She still hasn't reached her stroppy brooding years that you went through, but we have time for that." She giggled watching as Sirius beamed with happiness. "There are more pictures I can show you, we didn't have many people in our lives, but we had each other."
Sirius moved over to the table and sat down pushing the forgotten food aside he started to look through the pictures again. "You did amazing Moons" He said softly watch the pictures looking at the tiny details, Remus smiled softly, the use of her old nickname warmed her.
Remus moved to sit back, they had some time till they had to go and pick Lyra up so she curled up in the armchair. "We were quite poor, but she always had what she wanted, just thankfully she didn't want for much." She said resting her head on the side of the chair and closed her eyes.
"Perhaps when things calm down, I will be able to go back to the Black Manor, the gallions there would certainly help." He said keeping his eyes on the photos.
Remus woke up suddenly, she had fallen asleep on the armchair. She found herself with a blanket over her and looked over to see Sirius still looking through the photos. "Sorry, full moon." She said softly and he turned around and smiled. "I remember." He said and she looked over at him, he had saved her from hurting the children, she could never forgive herself for being so careless.
Remus stood folding the blanket and placing it on the chair, she looked at the clock on the wall. "We should probably head off soon, the Hogwarts express arrives in an hour." She smiled briefly at him before collecting up her handbag and brushing back her hair.
"Right…" He said and stood up from the chair, he brushed himself off and looked back at Remus.
"Are… Are you okay?" She asked softly looking at him, worrying how he was going to react once everything settled.
"What do you mean?" He asked putting his hands in his pockets.
"I mean, after everything. Are you okay right now? Like I'm not expecting you to be good, but are you… You've been in az… I don't know." She stuttered over her words knowing what she wanted to say but unable to express it in the way she wanted.
"I'm fine, don't worry about me, worry about yourself. I know you're tired don't waste your energy on me." He replied looking away from her, a trick that even when they were younger showed that he was lying.
"I'm used to my tired Sirius. It's not wasting my energy when caring about you. I always have, I have much doubt I will ever stop." She said and stepped forward placing a hand on his am. He moved automatically and moved a hand to her waist. "Do you remember the last time we were here?" She asked in a breathless voice.
Sirius frowned at her, the dementors mess with your memories and she could see him scanning his with his mind. "Something's nagging at my mind."
"We were arguing over what chocolate to hand out to children and you told me I was eating too much chocolate. I told you I was craving chocolate and kids didn't need sweets." She smiled softly rubbing his arm with her thumb.
"Did the kids even get any in the end?" He teased. "Because you do have a serious problem with chocolate."
"No…" Remus said with a sad look crossing her face. "I was pregnant, and everyone I loved had just been attacked, assumed dead…" She moved her arm back and crossed them over her chest. "Sorry, I didn't… I'm sorry." She continued ducking her head down.
"Merlin's beard Remus, we are never going to be able to escape that night are we?" He let out a long sigh.
"James and Lily were everything to us, they're the only family we had left and they got ripped from us as well. Of course we're never going to escape that night." She sighed and stood up picking up the dishes and taking them to the kitchen. "The only family I ever had." He said bitterly, "you're right, Remus, you're always right." He grit his teeth, rubbing his hand over his face.
She stood at the window in the kitchen and stared out into the grey day, her hands gripping the counter. She sunk down into a ball breathing heavily. She needed to be happy, Sirius was back, he was still alive and not a monster. Her breathing quickened as her mind went to that last night, waiting for Sirius to come home, waiting and waiting, someone had sent her a patronus and she had stormed her way to the cottage, she had seen the destruction, watched them take out the bodies. She had shouted Sirius' name, begging for him to be there, screaming down the ministry.
He stood, looking to the doorway. He walked into the room, sighting Remus and immediately rushing to kneel beside her, his hand raising to touch her sounder, "Remus?" He said so quietly, even he couldn't properly hear. "Moony? You alright?" He spoke louder that time, leaning his head to the side in an attempt to better see her face.
She started to sob when Sirius wrapped his arms around her. She cried for the first time in years, once Hope was born she had to be strong, so she did. He whole body shook with sobs as Sirius was close to her, she could smell him, part of him still smelt the same, the lingering smell of cold and damp but underneath it all he was still him. She looked up at his face and moved her hand to cup it, her fingertips brushing his hair out the way.
He frowned at her, only growing more worried, He raised one of his hands to cover hers, holding her against his face, "What's going on? What's wrong?" He pulled her tighter against himself. "It's alright," His gaze met hers, eyes flicking over her features. He used his thumb to wipe her cheek, taking with it several of the tears that had fallen. "It's alright." He said once again, wrapping his arm back around her.
Remus held him close and hid her face against his shoulders, she was still trembling. She moved her face back and rested her forehead against his..
Remus closed her eyes and moved back slightly. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that." She said and shook her head standing up.
"No," he kept his hand on her shoulder, standing as she did, "you should have. We are all broken people, we've all had so much shit on our shoulders and I should have been there for you. But I think we both know we needed that."
Remus leant against the counter, "I need you, once this all blows over I need you to come home. I need you here because I feel like I'm falling, and honestly I need someone to fall with me" She said and smiled sadly.
"Remus…" Sirius stopped her mid movement to walk away, "I'm already waiting to catch you." He moved forward and kissed her forehead.
She looked up at the clock, "Right, come and meet Lyra."