Dan fidgeted on his bed skimming through, now meaningless, algebra notebook. He was nervous, simply said. Phil was coming over to study since they were partners and Dan didn't know if he regretted ever going to that algebra class or not. ( it's not like he could've chosen anyways since he was failing it and needed extra classes)
One part of him was screaming 'no!' and the other 'yes!' because sure it's dangerous for Phil to know. Since he could blab about it all around the school and Dan wasn't ready for that, not to mention terrified. But the worst concern was that Phil could tell Dan's parents. If his parents were to ever know he'd surely be kicked out! They hated anything LGBTQA+ related, they were borderline racist and always discriminated and disrespected other religions.

Dan wasn't religious, and he was sure his parents had accepted that by now.(even though they were a bit salty about it)

Dan stud up from his bed and decided 'fuck it!' because sure Phil may know, but he has kept quiet for now. He has been respectful, friendly and he made Dan feel accepted.

So that's why Dan decided to wear his binder, which he had secretly acquired online. He had gotten it to wear it when he was home alone. He would put it in and just enjoy himself and this would be the first time he would wear it in front of someone.

He opened the closet and kneeled down to take it, he had a bright smile on his face. He was kinda, excited.

He ran into his bathroom, spotting the mirror he grimaced at his reflection. Dan quickly replaced his expression with the one of determination. He was going to do this, he was going to be himself in front of a person the best way he could.

He managed to put it on without much complications and when he put a black shirt on the reflection in the mirror wasn't so disgusting as before. Dan actually smiled.

He looked like he had a male body, almost. It didn't matter currently of course, because currently he was ecstatic.

The bell rang and Dan felt his insides flop. He was fucking nervous. But Phil wouldn't, right? He already knew about Dan so there was no need to be flustered.

He took one last glance at the mirror making sure he looked fine. His emo fringe was on point. His black aesthetic was working and he checked his binder. All was fine, no need to be worried. None at all.

The doorbell rang again and he groaned looking at himself in the mirror.

Remember Dan, no need to be nervous.

He walked down the stairs quickly, he ignored the family portraits on the walls which only reminded him of his body, his situation. He really shouldn't think about this now. Dan carefully opened to doors to reveal an awkward Phil standing in the doorway.

"um, Hi! Good to know I got the right house, huh. "

Phil smiled brightly and Dan immediately blushed.

"Yeah, right, right. Um, come in!"

How was he supposed to react now? Phil wasn't Louise, Phil was a guy, not a girl. Kinda like Dan himself, but not exactly.

Phil was people called "a real boy", and Dan was determined to be one too.

They both entered the house slowly in silence, from the corner of his eye Dan saw Phil looking around at pictures. As they climbed up the stairs Dan's heart sank suddenly as he himself spotted a family portrait.

It was his mom and dad, and he himself. Only problem was it was him at the age if 11 in a frilly pink dress and a baby face. He looked like a stereotypical girl, he remembered that day well. It was his anunties wedding and his parents forced him into the dress for the photo.

He vividly remembered throwing himself into mud to ruin the dress a minute after the photo was taken. His parents only had his brothers clothes so Dan wore those.

They were one of the best clothes he ever wore.

" Who's that in the picture?"

Dan looked behind at Phil, who had in the meantime spotted the same picture Dan himself was freaking about.

Dan painfully looked at the photo and whispered:

"Me "

Phil's face turned into one of realization and he quickly raised his hands in surprise.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to I mean that is a hideous dress, totally unfashionable! I mean you'd look much better in a suit, I mean you still look great in a dress, you know whatever fits you-"

Dan couldn't keep it in anymore, he laughed. This guy was hilarious, wonderful. He'd only known him for like 2 days yet he made him laugh multiple time, let Dan feel comfortable and accepted. Did he realize how miraculous he was?

"Why are you laughing?"

Phil looked a bit hurt and Dan felt a bit guilty. He looked so cute though, his face confused again.

"Because Phil, you're just a wonderful guy."

His expression changed immediately, a smile graced his face.

"Well Dan, you're a wonderful guy too."

Dan stopped laughing at once, and to be honest he was a bit touched by what he said. Dan guessed it showed on his face because Phil's face was accepting and understanding.

"Thank you. "

Dan was bewildered, so when he felt in his he was surprised. He looks Phil straight in the eyes and saw those cheerful eyes.

"Come on Dan, let's go finish that project."

Phil took his hand softly as they walked up the stairs, Dan was melting on the inside.

This guy should be illegal

Even as they entered Dan's room Phil barely let go of his hand. The project was done in a peaceful and fun air. Dan enjoyed his time with Phil.

He learned more about Phil. He was a nerd, dorky and was clumsy. He would stick out his tongue when he laughed sometimes and his eyes were always fun to look at. They had lots in common and their talks were too much fun.

"Bye Phil."

"Bye Dan. "

Even that day had to come to an end, but it wouldn't be the last time. Dan hoped it wouldn't, and by the phone number Phil left for him the chances were this really wasn't the last time.

In your eyes, am I beautiful?

In your eyes, am I worthy?

In your eyes, am I good enough?

Questions and misconception
That's all I get,
Because the truth is in my eyes,

You are my world.

(Song belongs to me)

•••

Dan happily took a bite of a carrot in his hand, he hated carrots but at the moment he didn't care. His mind was filled with thoughts of Phil. He was so nice, he made feel Dan accepted and he was happy. So with another memory of his beautiful smile Dan took another happy bite.

"Okay, this is getting too creepy for my liking."

Dan looked up at Louise in confusion.

"Hm? "

She sighed and raised her eyebrow.

"You look too happy to be Ella, you're eating a carrot like it's the best thing you've ever eaten. You hate carrots! Not to mention today is Thursday which means maths and you hate maths, i always have to coax you to not murder anyone on Thursday. And by the cycle I know you're on your period right now and you're usually pissed when you have it. "

Louise took a deep breath to continue her long speech.

"In conclusion, you have the perfect pissed murderer combo and not the I'm dancing on rainbows mood."

She exhaled and relaxed into her chair, she looked confused. Dan stared at her until he remembered why he was so happy and smiled happily again totally ignoring Louise.

"Danielle? So? Explain yourself."

Dan once more examined Louise's face and concluded that she was serious and wanted legit answers. He wasn't ready to tell her about Phil at all. Dan prepared his excuse quickly, no need to fret he was a good liar.

"I really don't know Louise, I've just been so happy the entire day- "

Suddenly Dan stopped as spotted Phil across the cafeteria, he looked so awkward not knowing where to sit. At the right moment he looked up and saw Dan smiling at him.

He himself smiled at Dan who was suddenly melting on the inside. Did he mention he might be developing a blight crush.

Dan distinctly noticed Louise trying to still get answers from him but he was just hoping Phil would sit down next to him. So when he noticed Phil taking clumsy steps towards his table the butterflies in his stomach fluttered.

"Hey Phil! "

Louise looked at him and then back at Dan in bewilderment.

"Honestly Danielle, you aren't even listening to me girl! "

Phil looked at Louise confused until he saw the uncomfortable expression on Dan's face.

"Hey Dan..."

I smiled at him to sit down and he obliged quickly. Louise looked at Phil now, her eyes examining him sharply.

"Dan? Her name's Danielle, or dani or Ella as nickname. "

Phil felt Dan squirm next to him and Dan hoped Phil got the message, Louise did not know. Luckily Dan saw Phil nod in understanding quickly.

"Hah, you see I just thought of that as a quick nickname. "

Louise nodded slowly.

"I see"

•••

Louise was soon suspicious of Dan, which he did except and he knew she knew he had a crush on Phil. It was obvious, he hoped not too obvious because he didn't want Phil to find out.

It had become common for Phil to sit at their table, and soon after Phil made some friends too. Chris and PJ, who both now sat at their table.

Their lunch table was now always full and full of laughter or brooding over a test. Dan and Louise had befriended Chris and PJ too, both were very funny and creative. It became apparent to them both that Dan had a crush on Phil, it was a well known fact to everyone except Phil himself.

•••

Dan fiddled with his fingers nervously, it had been around a month or so since Phil's known and since he had a crush on him. They have never talked about Dan's gender and today was the day Dan decided they would.

Phil was coming over to his house like practically every day, and the thought of that made Dan smile a bit.

The dysphoria was getting worse though, every time he was reminded of his body he would feel sick, like an outcast in his ow skin. He cried all the time, he was simply just getting more and more disgusted of his body. He needed someone to talk to.

This is why he needed Phil, he already knew to a degree but he needed to talk to him about it. Otherwise he'd go mad, he needed someone to help him.

He was currently waiting in his room, on the bed, snuggled into the pillow behind him resiting to cry. He just hoped Phil would get here sooner. Good thing Phil knew where the extra key was, Dan didn't feel like walking around in this body.

He chocked back a sob once again, it felt like his own skin was screaming at him and he definitely didn't feel the mood to listen.

"Dan? "

The worried voice echoed around the dark room, Dan's head snapped back up to see an extremely worried face of Phil.

"Phil. "

Dan couldn't resist anymore and he burst into tears, he felt useless. Weak. Before he knew it clumsy hands were enveloping him as he cried. It was quiet besides his sobs and once he calmed down Phil looked at him.

"Dan, are you okay? "

"I, I just don't want to be this way anymore."

Phil was confused and Dan knew this, he was usually quite vague.

"What do you mean? "

Dan blew his nose slightly.

"Why can't I just be a guy like you? Why can't I be a real guy? Why was I born this way? Why did something decide I were to be a girl?"

Phil looked at Dan finally knowing what had been bothering Dan.

"Dan, you can be a guy, you are one if you so choose. If that is what truly makes you feel right. "

Dan looked at him.

Why is he so kind?

Whilst he stared at Phil's face he felt the feeling rise inside him again. His body was truly disgusting, but Phil was beautiful.

"How can you even touch me, my body, I, am not right. "

Dan said that quietly, but even as he said that he tightened his hands around Phil's waist. His head was buried in his shoulder and he felt Phil tense.

"Dan don't say that. You're just, wonderful and beautiful. You're strong, you've managed to be alone for this long. You just need someone to help you now. "

He separated us a bit, his hands holding onto Dan's shoulders firmly. He seemed hurt, like his misfortunes were hurtful to his as much as Dan.

Does he really care about me that much?

"Dan, never forget I love you, no matter what body you have."

Dan stared at him, did he mean that romantically? What did he mean by he loved me. What did he mean.

"What. "

Phil smiled shyly.

"I love you Dan, I like you, and I know you may not feel the same but this felt necessary to mention. "

Dan felt himself blush wildly, his entire face was red.

"Phil, oh my god. "

Dan leaned in with a moment of courage, his entire body filled with excitement. His hands were itching to just touch Phil's face and kiss him for months and this moment was what he needed.

And just as he expected their lips met in warmth and passion. Dan's hands roamed around Phil's chin and than down to his chest and he couldn't but just feel happy and well horny seeing as he was a teenager.

Phil wasn't in a better shape either, Dan could feel his hands on his back and waist.

It was everything he wanted and the reminder Phil and he had made it clear that Dan was well trans (even though he knew before but he liked the talk) was liberating.

"Dan-nn..."

Phil moaned slightly as Dan tried making sure to leave a hickey. Once he was sure, he stopped. Man, was he emotional today.

"When are you going to tell Louise, I found out on accident but she is your best friend. When do you think you'll tell her? "

Dan sighed and snuggled in Phil's shoulder.

"It doesn't matter Phil."

Dan was sure that Phil rolled his eyes but he couldn't quite see it.

"Dan, we both know it's hurting you. Telling people you care about is important. "

As Phil said that Dan realised that, yes, it was hurting him, but he couldn't do it. It was hard to. He didn't know how to, nor when. It was too alien to him.

"Not now Phil, I don't, I just can't."

Phil chuckled.

"I understand Dan, I was the same when I told my parents I was gay. But they accepted me. "

Dan smiled into his shoulder. I'm glad they accepted him, those are very nice parents.

"Dan, but I have one more very important question. "

Something dropped in Dan's stomach, what was Phil going to ask? Suddenly he was nervous.

"Would you do me the honors of being my boyfriend? "

A smile was the only thing that graced Dan's face.

"Of course Phil Molester."

"DAN!"

And even if I cried
You'd carry the tears away
And even if I was falling
You'd carry me away
So if I fall for you and shed tears
Will you take me away
In your arms?

(Song belongs to me)

•••

Hey does anyone love Harry Potter? Because I think I'm about to write ya'll a drarry one. I've written a lot of phan so I need something else now

anyways this fic is over so leave a review and fav, I wanna know what you think. The ending is a bit shabby maybe but I feel like this is a nice place to stop! Seems perfect, have a nice day! :D