Kensi Blye, a seemingly level headed person, was having a mini panic. She had just been doing some laundry, trying to rid the stench of Afghanistan. She always checked the pockets of her jeans, for if she didn't, occasionally a stray Twinkie wrapper would appear in the filter of her washing machine. She had slipped her hand into the back pocket of her jeans and found the letter, written by none other than Detective Marty Deeks. She studied the words he had written, curiously trying to decipher his scrawled handwriting. She read his final words and collapsed onto a chair nearby, holding the letter to her heard. Her heart started to scream inaudible screams, the screams of happiness through the mist. He had bought her light, by a few simple words on a page. Kensi took a moment to reflect, reflect on their journey.
She knew what guilt felt like; strangely they only felt true guilt when their counterpart was imprisoned. She thought back to when Siderov held Deeks and Sam, it nearly killed her. Nearly. She had been so surprised when he kissed her, she barely had chance to kiss back before he pulled away and said 'how's that for communication?' The loss of contact had been almost too much for her, did she want to take this step or not? In those split seconds she couldn't evaluate the costs and benefits to her, she didn't want to expose herself to anyone and regret it, as she didn't want to experience the pain similar to when Jack left her. She didn't want to decide in that moment, so she did only what she could do in that instant and poured herself into her work. Boy did she regret this decision when she heard him say the words 'the place I went to in my head to stop the pain was you. I just kept thinking about your smile, your laugh, everything. It's the only thing that got me through, for whatever its worth.' Her heart nearly broke, but it didn't, she had to be there for him. To get him though.
Dear Marty,
I received your letter and it reminds me of that moment after your torture when I said 'I know what you are going through' and you replied 'I really hope you never do'. I'm not saying that was foreshadowing my experience, but that doesn't mean we can't relate to each other. First of all I want to let you know that, you saved me, and Sam, Callen and the others on my rescue mission. I've read the reports and they were definitely about to die trying to save me. But you, our saving grace, stopped the gunfire. And you need to know that you did that, despite what may have happened with that guy, you stopped yourself. You were not Siderov, however comparable experiences may be they are one hundred percent not the same.
I got myself captured because I needed to find out why the CIA were hunting my ex-fiancé Jack. I needed to find out things, things that happened in my past, things that are now allowing me to open up to you. I thought it may have been easier to speak to Jack when I got there but it was not and we were, let's just say not treated very well. Every time that a bit of pain was inflicted upon me, I thought about you, and what you said before, about thinking about me to stop the pain. I did that and all I thought about was how I wish I had said something better after you kissed me. And how I should have said something better after you told me about getting through the pain. I regretted our poor communication skills. But you know what? That doesn't matter anymore because we are in a relationship. And we are both alive. Now you say to think about that last question, but I already know the answer. YES. After all we are just a boy and girl.
Ever yours,
Kensi