Remembrance
By: RavenHeart101
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Summary:"It will always amaze Sam how much can change in a year. It will always amaze him even more, how much damage simple fear can do."
A:N - I have no idea if any more will be added to this, to be honest. I just wanted to share it for what it was.
Warning: Trigger for explosions and depression and hints to character death or at least major harm.
Sam leaned back against the counter, a small, proud, smile on his face. Blaine sat on their tiny wooden table in front of him, his legs pulled up underneath his body. They had Chinese take-out from a place down the street strewn between them and Sam felt light.
The apartment was a bit of mess, yes. Small and tiny and they weren't even close to being unpacked. But it was theirs. It was Sam and Blaine's. After the terrible summer that had been Blaine, Rachel, Santana, and Kurt, Blaine had decided to that their apartment was a bit too crowded for another person (much to Kurt's chagrin) and had purchased one of his own. His parents wouldn't help foot the bill if he didn't have another person living with him, so he had offered to Sam and Tina and Artie and Sam was the only one to jump at the offer. The apartment was in a good part of New York, centered in the middle of the city and overlooking Times Square. They were placed above a tiny little café and Sam knew the moment he laid eyes on it that it would be their new hang out spot.
He had tried the chopsticks, but his fingers just didn't bend that way and the rice kept falling between the two sticks. So he stuck with a fork and called it a day. He took a bite out of his carton of rice and smiled. He just couldn't help smiling. "This is really ours."
Blaine smiled back, swallowing and wiping his thumb at the corner of his mouth. It wasn't like he had anything there, but Sam could tell that it was simply an excited quirk. He wanted to keep it hidden, for some reason, so he avoided showing it. Sam hated it, but he was pretty sure it was the fault of the summer he spent in New York without many people to keep him company aside from the Wonder Trio. Sam wondered how many times they had told him to tone his excitement down. From what Blaine had told him, the best person to live with had, remarkably, been Rachel. He had said this all in confidence and Sam had held back from pointing out that if he couldn't live with Kurt now what made him think that the two of them could live together when they were married.
"It is." Momentarily, a wide smile spread over his face, that old excitement back sparking in his eyes.
Sam couldn't help smiling back. "We should probably start unpacking." He noted when the companionable silence became too much.
"Probably." Their furniture was the only thing in a correct place, left over from when the apartment used to belong to Cooper. Some of it was old and worn down and a lot of them didn't say Sam and Blaine but it would do for now. Most of it was tasteful, anyway, so they wouldn't have to worry about going out and getting new stuff for a while.
The only things Blaine insisted on replacing were the mattresses, claiming that he didn't even want to imagine what could have possibly happened on those. Sam agreed.
"I'm sensing a but." Blaine smiled at Sam through a mouthful of sweet and sour chicken, straightening his spine and uncurling his legs from under him.
"I always had this fantasy," Sam put the carton down on the counter next to him and nudged Blaine over so he could sit beside him on the table, his legs hanging down over the edge. "Of just living in my own place and not having a thing to my name yet except for the clothes off my back." Blaine chuckled a deep chuckle that shook his shoulders and set Sam's hair standing on edge. He tried not to think about why that was.
"So you want to live out of boxes for a few days?"
Blaine laughed and his cheeks colored the tips of his ears pink. "Just for tonight. I mean… it could be kind of fun?"
Who was this new Blaine that asked Sam if he would be game for his ideas? Right. This was the old Blaine wasn't it? The one that existed when he was dating Kurt. Sam loved Kurt, really, but he hated what this was doing to his best friend.
"Hell yeah, man." Sam held out his fist and Blaine met him halfway, relief setting his shoulders down to the right height.
That night they only unpacked the blankets, and they set up cheesy Christmas lights on the walls and they camped out in the middle of the empty guest room (that was going to be Sam's room) and ate cold Chinese food and watched movies on Blaine's laptop. Once the battery died they just talked. About anything really.
Sam found out about Kurt's exploits with other guys and when he asked Blaine how he felt about it Blaine just shrugged. Blaine found out about Stacie's first boyfriend and they both cooed at how adorable the eight year olds were when Sam pulled out a picture on his phone. Sam was told about Blaine's new job, working at a bar in the middle of the city because he refused to work in the same place as every other one of their friends. Blaine was elated to hear that Sam's pictures from a recent photo-shoot were picked up by a clothing company.
They learned about each other again, and Sam had never felt so close to another person unless they were related to him. When they fell asleep that night they were on opposite sides of the wood floor.
When Sam woke up Blaine's head was on his shoulder, his hair tickling his nose, his breath puffing out against his neck, his arm across his waist and his legs between his thighs.
Sam moved before Blaine could wake up, replacing his body with a pillow and telling himself that Blaine was engaged and he had missed his chance.
And he didn't like his best friend like that anyway.
It wasn't until a week later that Sam saw Kurt, Rachel, and Santana. Blaine had been over their apartment for dinner earlier that week but they had taken the time to invite themselves over for an apartment welcoming. Or something along those lines. Sam hadn't been planning on making anything that night and he knew for a fact that Blaine wasn't either, still they managed to throw something together quick enough. Rachel didn't have the meatballs but she seemed happy enough to have the pasta and Santana was happier than Sam had ever seen her.
There was sadness deep in Rachel's eyes and Sam knew it was left over from Finn. Residual. He worried about her but she seemed good enough to curl up next to Blaine on the couch that night and just relax with a glass of wine. Kurt didn't seem jealous by the action and his eyes kept floating over to his phone every now and then. Sam tried not to notice as he took a sip of the berry colored wine but he was pretty sure no one else did.
The bottle had been left over from Cooper, newer than the rest of the things in the house so Sam was pretty sure the man had put it there on purpose for them.
"I'm sorry I've stolen your fiancé, Kurt." Rachel said with a giggle but her voice held something sharp to it. Kurt looked up and they communicated with their eyes. Sam didn't know what they said but he had an idea. Blaine's hand was resting against Rachel's waist, though and his eyes were glued to the screen, almost as though he wasn't paying a single thought to what was going on beside him.
Sam didn't frown but he did trade a look with Santana. She shook her head and he let it go.
"I have to go, actually." Kurt said with a long suffering sigh.
"So soon?" Sam asked when Blaine didn't make a reaction.
"Yeah." Kurt smiled shakily. "I told someone I'd cover their shift at work and I guess they need me in now so…" He shrugged and stood up, brushing off his pants.
Blaine slowly extracted himself from the mess of Rachel's limbs and followed him into the entryway. Or what worked as an entry way, anyway. It was still in the living room.
He helped Kurt into his jacket and the two of them went outside, the door closing with a soft click.
Sam, Rachel, and Santana were left in an awkward silence.
When Blaine came back three minutes later he looked the same. He looked tired and his posture was a bit slumped down. When he sat back into his spot Sam refilled his glass. Rachel curled herself around him again and this time they clung together, their hands linked as though they were one. "I'm sorry." She whispered and brushed his hair away from his ear.
Sam pretended not to see the tears.
When Santana asked him to come over the Wonder Trio's apartment for drinks he didn't think twice. He probably should have but he didn't. It was Santana after all, and Sam still sort of appreciated her company and being in a big city with so few recognizable faces was exhausting sometimes.
The place was as neat as it could be and Santana waved him inside, a girl around their age standing in the kitchen refilling her wine glass. Sam didn't as where they had gotten theirs. No doubt they had their ways that didn't involve a rich older brother with perhaps too much time on his hands. Sam smiled and slipped his arms around her slip waist. Santana hugged him back before pulling away and dragging him into the kitchen.
The air smelled of sweet cinnamon and black berries.
The girl had blonde hair, or was it light brown, and brown eyes. She was shorter than Santana but not by much. More down to earth than Sam would have pegged Santana to be friends with. "Trouty, this is Dani." Santana introduced, slipping her arm around the girl – Dani's waist. The girl smiled and waved a little.
Sam decided that he liked her. She was probably why Santana was so happy now. "Nice to meet you." He held out a hand to shake hers, tempted to do the gentlemanly thing and kiss the knuckles just for the heck of it. But he held off at Santana's mild look. Whoever said Santana couldn't get jealous obviously didn't know her.
"So I should cut to the chase." Santana said as they sat at the kitchen table, Sam into his second glass of wine (he wasn't much of a wine drinker, but he had gotten used to it as more seemed to mysteriously appear in their fridge when neither of them were home) and Santana and Dani happily buzzed.
"You mean you didn't just want my approval on your girlfriend?" He winked at Dani and she laughed loudly.
Santana rolled her eyes. "Please, like I need your approval on any part of my life." But her lips were quirked up in a small smile. Her eyes were brighter. Sam was obviously approving of her choice of company considering how unhappy she had been back in Ohio. "But no." She paused and took a long sip of her wine, the liquid coating her lips red. She ran her tongue over the surface and sat back, her hands hovering over her stomach. "I need to talk to you about your fascination with our favorite curl ball of joy."
Blaine, Sam's mind supplied unhelpfully. "He is my best friend."
"But he's more than that, isn't he?" Santana asked, leaning forward eagerly. "Don't try telling me differently, I see the disgustingly lovesick look on your face whenever you're with him."
Sam raised an eyebrow. "Just like the one you've been sending Dani all night." And indeed Santana had been, puppy dog eyes and everything.
"No shit," Santana didn't try to deny it. Dani blushed a bit. Sam was taken-a-back. "At least I admit it."
"I'm not in love with Blaine."
"I never said who we were talking about." Santana smirked.
"No you said curl ball of joy."
"Which could just be that fluffy puppy your landlord has that you're so in love with."
Sam flushed. He opened his mouth to argue back but Dani cut him to the chase, changing the conversation quickly by bringing up how the two of them knew each other.
When Sam went home that night he might have stood in the doorway to Blaine's room for a while, watching as he played away at his keyboard, his headphones in and his glasses on. Might have smiled a bit when Blaine jumped when Sam sat down next to him to ease the headphone off so he could hear. Might have leaned a bit too close and stared a bit too long.
But Sam wasn't in love with his best friend.
He just wanted him to be happy.