First fanfiction. Forgot the legal stuff. The characters aren't mine. Thank you very much for the kind reviews.
Jane and Maura talked daily. It became their routine and the best moments of Jane's day. Jane would call when she woke, excited about the time she would spend with Maura before work. They would talk while she got ready. Simply hearing her made everything about Quantico better. She was pleased to hear Maura was enjoying her stay in Paris. It had been a month since Jane left and Maura was nearing the completion of the first half of her book. Paris was her muse. Her writing was fulfilling her life with a contentment she really hadn't expected but thoroughly enjoyed. When not writing, she walked or cycled around Paris. One of her favorite routes was along the Seine.
There was wine in the afternoon at bistros, early morning coffee at one of the local cafés, nightcaps in the Latin Quarter. She enjoyed running and yoga. Constance and Arthur flew in unexpectedly and stayed for a week before Arthur needed to return to his research. Maura was like a child at Christmas finding that toy she so desperately wanted under the tree. Her parents were finally getting it right. They finally understood that benign neglect wasn't something that had to be continued once started. It was never too late to change. It was never too late for them to show Maura how much they loved her. The relationship they were cultivating was reaching a level Maura wouldn't have imagined just months ago while she was in Boston. Jane noted how satisfied she sounded.
Jane pretended she was as happy. She didn't want Maura to worry about her. She told Maura about her students. She talked up her day to day. She told her about Cameron though there wasn't much to tell. She liked him in Boston. She found she didn't like him nearly as much at Quantico. She realized perhaps their involvement happened too quickly.
Jane told her about Frankie and Nina. There was BPD and wedding plans. She mentioned Angela who was still with Ron and Korsak and Kiki. She told her how well Tommy was doing and how good it was for him to be back in Boston so TJ could be with family.
Jane discussed getting another dog. She missed Jo Friday and she had time now. She went to the academy, taught and came home so there were no call outs. There was also no danger with the exception of the paper cuts. She was safe. She told Maura how thankful she was she didn't have a gun on her hip when the copier refused to give her copies of the class assignment.
"Why didn't you just email or post it, Jane?" Maura asked the solution obvious.
"Because I didn't think of it," she whined. Maura chuckled.
Two months passed. Maura still loved Paris and Jane still lied about loving Quantico. Not so much a lie she reasoned. She simply omitted a few facts then implied she loved it. Maura's book was three quarters finished and she had taken time out from writing to consult on a case. It was a fascinating cold case. Maura shared what details she could.
"It was so nice to be back in the lab," Maura said as she explained her part.
"Did you miss it?" Jane asked.
"More than I thought I would," she answered truthfully.
"How is your book?"
"Oh, Jane, the editor really loved it," Maura gushed. "She loved the changes and the direction." Jane could hear the excitement in her voice. She brushed a tear away.
"That's great Maur," she replied proud of her friend.
By the third month, Jane and Maura weren't talking every day. They would go a day or two before a text or email. Nothing had changed on Jane's end so it had to be Maura. With her writing, consulting and just living, Jane was lucky when there was a phone call. FaceTime where she actually could see her friend's face had become a luxury. Her mornings were no longer the best moments of her day. She was hard pressed to find any best moments lately. The absence of Maura in Jane's life was making her extremely distressed. Jane missed her friend, however, she wasn't sure her friend missed her.
"Sweetie, I am sorry I can't talk," Maura said as she rushed around trying to gather her purse and shawl. "Philip and Eleanor will be here any moment."
Four months into Jane's self-imposed exile at Quantico, the calls had dwindled to once a week. Jane was fast become the most popular instructor at Quantico and Maura finished the draft of her book.
"You coming home, Maur?" Jane asked encouraged that Maura would be coming home soon and Jane would have a reprieve of the feelings of loneliness.
"Not yet Jane. I am meeting mother in Italy then father will join us in Greece." Jane could hear the happiness seeping through. She imagined the sparkle in those hazel eyes and the deepness of those dimples as she smiled knowing she would be spending time with her parents. She imagined how thrilled Maura was that she was being included. Jane felt sick and ashamed. She wanted Maura to be happy but she wanted to be happy too. It appeared those two things had become mutually exclusive.
"Would you like to go out tonight?" Cameron asked. For the last month, Jane had turned him down repeatedly. They would sit in her apartment or his, eat take out and watch the evening turn to night. He couldn't understand what happened between the move and now. She engaged with everyone but him. His very presence irritated her. She didn't appear to be happy to see him. She withdrew from his touch. She seemed to have lost interest and had checked out of whatever it was he thought they were trying to build together. She no longer shared details of her life before Quantico. She rarely spoke of Frankie or Tommy. He noticed that she never mentioned Maura anymore or BPD. In the beginning, she would become so animated when telling stories of her childhood with her brothers or cases she solved in Boston with the great Dr. Isles. Her stories drew him in, leaving him wanting to hear more.
Davies rubbed his eyes. He believed he was trying. He would admit he couldn't say that about all of his relationships but he could about this one. He liked Jane. He wanted to make it work with her. He thought he could love her but he was tired of being the only one in the relationship that cared. Jane wasn't invested in him or her new life. He looked around her apartment. He wasn't sure she had emptied one box or even moved one from the spot it was initially placed down in months ago.
"It has been a long day. I'm really not in the mood," Jane answered as she walked to the refrigerator and pulled out a beer. She pointed at him. He shook his head. Sitting and drinking with Jane wasn't how he wanted to spend his night.
"Jane, you could try. You could make an effort," he pleaded.
"I am," she answered defensively well aware of what he meant and well aware that she wasn't trying.
"Are you really? We don't go out. We don't do anything," he countered. His voice was on edge showing his frustration.
"I have had a long day. What about that is hard to understand?" she asked agitated. "I don't want to go anywhere."
"I work where you work Jane. Nothing there makes a day that long or hard. Is it wrong to want you to want to be with me?" he asked stepping towards her. She backed away.
"We're together right now."
"We don't do anything anymore," he stated exasperated. Jane was exhausting.
"What you really mean is we don't have sex anymore," she replied calmly. She had been waiting for this moment. Cameron was right. There was no effort on her part. She just wanted him to go away. End it so she wouldn't have to do it. He shook his head irritated.
"I didn't say that."
"You thought it," she said.
"Fine. It's true we don't. Is it so wrong of me to want to go out with my girlfriend or have sex with her?" Jane cringed at the word girlfriend. Was that what he thought she was to him? She hadn't put a label on it or what they were doing. Maybe that was why she could so easily walk away. This didn't mean to her what it meant to him.
"Hey yeah let's go have sex. In fact, you should just go get started without me," she said then guzzled her beer. Jane was aware she was being an ass but was unable to contain it.
"God you are…"
"I'm what Cam? Annoying? Frustrating? A bitch?" Jane knew she was baiting him. She was asking for a fight. She wanted to yell, scream. Maybe then she'd feel something other than the emptiness she was feeling.
"I don't want to talk to you right now," he said grabbing his coat. She looked at him and took a long draw on the beer.
"Let's just make that a permanent arrangement shall we?" He sighed. He let himself out of the apartment and slammed the door.
Jane flung her remote control into the wall. She couldn't keep doing this. Davies wasn't a bad guy. He was nice enough. He deserved better than what she gave but she was over nice enough. She didn't give up everything she loved for nice enough. She had nice enough in Boston. This move was about change, about making different choices. Maura was gallivanting around Paris, making new friends, and having new experiences.
Why did she feel stuck? Why did she feel she wasn't making any progress? She wanted new friends and new experiences. She had tried to make them but they all seemed less somehow. She had traded down. She wanted to shout. Hit something. She wanted the phone to ring telling her there was a homicide. She wanted to say Rizzoli and hear Isles. She slid down the wall and allowed the tears to come. This was too much.
She wiped her face then picked up her phone. It was 11 o'clock her time which meant Maura should be thinking about waking up or was already up doing some yoga pose. She dialed. Optimistic. She needed her friend.
The smiling face of Maura Isles filled the screen. Jane smiled at her. Relieved. Seeing this woman calmed her.
"Hey you," Jane said softly as her voice betrayed her attempt at lightheartedness.
"Jane." Maura frowned. "What's wrong?" she asked immediately concerned. "You've been crying."
"It's nothing Maura. Just tired."
"Jane Rizzoli. Do not lie to me. What is going on?" she demanded in her official Dr. Isles no nonsense voice. Jane chuckled. It was good to hear that again. It amazed her how easily her annoyance left because of this woman.
"Just checking in. We haven't talked much lately." Jane heard rustling.
"Maura, do you have company?" she whispered.
"Yes Jane. It's fine though. We were heading out to the café."
"Oh, I'm sorry." She was making a habit of catching her on her way somewhere.
"A phone call away remember? Talk to me." Jane rubbed her eyes.
"I broke up with Davies," she said her voice flat.
"Oh Jane, I am sorry." Jane waved the sentiment away. She wasn't sure she had lost anything.
"Not a problem. I think we had reached our limit anyway."
"That doesn't make it feel any better," she offered.
"I hate it here Maura," Jane blurted. Her frustration was evident.
"But you told me you were doing so well," she said confused.
"Yeah, about that." Jane dipped her head so Maura couldn't read her facial expressions.
"I don't know that I actually said that."
"Jane, you've been lying to me." Maura was disappointed. Jane heard it and felt terrible.
"I didn't mean to. I didn't want you to worry."
"Honey don't you realize I worry about you anyway?" she asked.
"I don't love it Maura. I miss my life. I miss my family. My job. I really, really, really miss you."
"Oh honey." Maura looked at her friend. Jane looked defeated. Her eyes were dull and lacked any hint of happy. She had been so caught up in her new life she hadn't seen how Jane was hurting.
"Maura?" Jane heard a voice ask for her.
"A moment please," Maura called over her shoulder.
"Go Maura. Your friend is waiting."
"Jane, do me a favor?"
"Sure," she answered noncommittally. Maura shook her head. Jane was pacifying her.
"Promise me," she demanded.
"Maura."
"Promise me."
"Why?" Jane asked sure that Maura wouldn't let this go.
"Because Jane Clementine Rizzoli has never failed to keep her promise to me."
"Fine," she snapped annoyed.
"Not a promise," Maura replied waiting not given in to her antics.
"I promise," she answered rolling her eyes and scrunching up her nose at her friend.
"Call Lt Cavanaugh."
"Why?" Jane asked. What could Cavanaugh do for her? She was no longer his problem.
"You promised," Maura reminded her.
"Alright. Fine," Jane whined. "Talk to you later Maura."
"Oh Jane. You remember the question you asked about French women?" she inquired, the tone of her voice playful. Jane smiled at the memory. Nothing seemed off limits for conversations with Maura.
"Yeah, why?"
"Well," she said biting her lower lip. "I can answer that question for you now. The answer is yes and no." Maura smirked. Jane's mouth fell open.
"Maura Dorthea Isles! You've been warding off colds!" Maura laughed deeply as she watched Jane blush. The woman could examine dead bodies, watch full autopsies but not talk about sex like an adult.
"I didn't say that. I said I could answer the question," Maura teased.
"Maura! Oh…my...God!" Jane exclaimed.
"Call Cavanaugh." The line disconnected. Wow. Maura was with a woman or women. Yes and no. She pondered that fact. She always knew there was fluidity with Maura's sexuality. She had never been privy to it in Boston and wasn't sure Maura had ever entertained female guests there. But Paris was apparently different and Jane wasn't sure she liked it and couldn't put her finger on why.
Jane kept her promise and called Cavanaugh between classes the next morning.
"Cavanaugh," he answered that Boston accent thick.
"Hey Lieu. Rizzoli."
"Rizzoli! How have you been? How's the academy?" he asked.
"It's okay. No complaints." Two lies.
"Then why are you calling me?" he asked amused. Jane wasn't a good liar. Her tone gave her away.
"Sir?"
"Come on Rizzoli. You're not calling me because you miss me," he said. Jane scratched her head and sighed.
"Not exactly what I thought it would be," she answered honestly.
"So when can I expect you back?" he asked as he signed some documents in a stack on his desk.
"Sir?" Jane didn't understand.
"Your leave of absence was good for 6 months," he continued. "You are running out of time."
"My leave of absence? I resigned." Sean leaned back in his chair when he realized Jane had no clue why she was calling.
"Why did you call me?" he asked.
"Maur…Dr. Isles told me to call," she responded.
"You've basically been on loan," he explained. "Dr. Isles brokered a deal for you. Your academy stint was like a 6-month test run."
"I'm…not following."
"She delayed your paperwork Rizzoli. So you're still on the books here. The woman knows people. Had it converted to a leave of absence. Governor made it a personal favor that we keep your position. Chief agreed then she offered something up to the Feds." Jane was shocked. She wasn't sure if she should be upset with Maura for going behind her back or glad she knew her so well that she just saved her life.
"This is a one-time deal Jane," his tone serious. "You either want to be here or you don't. We've been down a detective waiting on you. You leave again. Nothing saves you. I don't care who you know."
"Understood."
"Dr. Isles said you were good for about four months before I would hear from you." Jane chuckled. Maura did know her.
"Thank you, sir," Jane answered her grin so big it hurt. "I can wrap things up in a month. We are at the end of the current academy."
"Make it three weeks."
"Yes sir. Thank you."
"Thank Dr. Isles. It'll be good to have you back Jane."
Jane sent a text to Maura.
Thank you. The response was immediate.
Anytime Jane. Jane smiled. She was going home.