Lie to Me and its characters are creations of Samuel Baum and copyrighted by 20th Century Fox. Unfortunately they are not mine.
A/N: An older story that i finally had edited and changed a bit.
Thank you to my lovely Beta: Starbuck0322
Post Ep - Veronica : Angst/Hurt.
2. An open wound, that never healed.
Gillian Foster sat in the darkened confines of her office; the only light came from the harsh glow of the city below. She had never liked the dark, but tonight it comforted her; she felt safe, as she hid from the world. In the darkness, no one could see her tear streaked face, no one could see the mascara trails that graced her delicate cheeks. Not that there was anyone left in the building; she was the last one left in the office... Again.
It had been a hard case, for her at least. She was positive the case had been difficult for Cal; bringing up memories from his past. But right now she didn't care about his feelings. She had tried to ask him earlier, but like always, he had brushed her aside.
Veronica had been trapped by the memories of her past, consumed by the guilt of her actions. She blamed herself for her sister's death as she had been the one to convince her that aborting her baby was the right course of action and had arranged it.
Gillian had frozen for a moment, when Veronica revealed her secret. She remembered the tightness in her chest as it felt like the oxygen had been stolen from her lungs. She was unsure if Cal had noticed. He had been too consumed by his own thoughts to have seen the slight change in demeanour, her sharp intake of breath, and the forlorn look that momentarily ghosted over her face. For once she was glad he couldn't see her face. She quickly regained control of her emotions, and fixed her mask firmly back in place. However now, as she sat alone in the privacy of her office, she no longer had to pretend, no longer had to hide. Emotionally exhausted, she was no longer able to hold back her tears and allowed them fall.
She thought she was over it; thought she had moved passed it. For god's sake it had been nineteen years, she thought angrily.
The case had triggered her memory; a memory she had buried so deep that the mere thought of it brought her close to breaking point. She had never shared it with anyone; not with Alec, not with Cal, and not even with her boyfriend at the time. She had kept it buried deep inside, hidden from everyone.
Gillian had been in her second year of college, everything had been going smoothly and according to plan. She had good friends, a loyal boyfriend; she was on track and heading towards her goal. Life could not have been better.
It had been Christmas break, and Gillian had decided to spend it with friends. They had chosen to fly down to Cabo, where they could have some fun, relax and unwind before class started back up. Gillian had felt ill before they had left, but had assumed that the stress of her classes had caught up with her. Her boyfriend always attentive and caring had worried, but she assured him there was nothing wrong. It wasn't until the second last day of the trip, that she had realized that she was over three weeks late.
It was probably nothing, she had been stressed over classes, it was more than likely due to that, she had thought. However she had been unable to shake the anxious feeling that had settled in the pit of her stomach and had decided once she arrived home, she'd take a pregnancy test just to calm her fears. She never mentioned anything to her friends or boyfriend; why bother she reasoned; she didn't want them to worry for what was more than likely, a false alarm. She had continued on with the vacation like nothing was bothering her.
Gillian had arrived back at her dorm after stopping by the pharmacy. She remembered staring at the white stick, as her hands trembled; thinking that if she looked at it long enough the results would change; that there wouldn't be two tiny blue lines glaring back at her.
Her first thought was that it had to be a mistake, a false positive, so she repeated the test. She remembered she stood in her bathroom unable to move, to breathe, to think as she looked at the four positive tests in front of her, before she sank to the floor; hugged her knees tightly to her chest and cried. After a few hours the sobs subsided and she knew what she had to do. She loved her boyfriend, but she knew they weren't ready to become parents; she wasn't ready to have a child. They were barely twenty-one; she still had so much more she wanted to do, to achieve, to experience. She couldn't do this to him either; she couldn't let this ruin him, and their dreams, their aspirations.
She rang the clinic the following day, made an appointment and that was it. She remembered sitting under the florescent lights in the waiting room. They had called her name, had gotten her to fill out some forms, and told her it wouldn't be long. She had never felt more alone. She remembered the burn behind her eyes, as she fought back the tears she had refused to let herself cry.
This was for the best, she had kept telling herself. It was the right thing to do.
Classes had started a week later, and she was there front and centre, like always. She had been having minor cramps, however the doctors had told her that would be normal. So she took the pain killers she was prescribed and continued on. A week later the cramps hadn't gone, so she went back for her check up. The doctor had told her that she had a slight infection and prescribed her antibiotics.
What Gillian was unaware of at the time, was that this infection would turn out to affect her chances of conceiving later on in life.
Gillian remembered the pain eventually subsiding, and throwing herself into her studies.
She remembered the countless fights she would always initiate with her boyfriend, pushing him away. The reckless weekends of binge drinking she would participate in. She found it was the easiest way to forget everything. Forget her life, forget what she had done, forget the shame she felt; that she still felt.
A few months after the 'incident', he ended their relationship. She couldn't really blame him; she was expecting it. Maybe even hoping for it, in some strange way, she didn't really know.
Now as she sat in the darkened room, her memories consumed her.
Sadness griped her middle, the pain she had felt all those years ago washed over her; it was an open wound that never had a chance to heal. She had never forgotten, but she prayed that one day the memory would fade and the pain would ebb away. However, it was after cases like this, that she found it hard to suppress the feelings that she had never dealt with. She was unable to prevent the onslaught of emotions that they would induce.
Memories of what she once had.
What she could've had.
What she gave up.
What she had lost.
And what she would never have.
She thought of calling Cal; but what good would it do? He'd only ask questions, questions she didn't want answers to. Questions she had avoided for the last nineteen years.
She felt the guilt eat away at her.
She wished that things could be different.
She wished she could forget, even just for a day.
Gillian stood and looked down at the world below. She felt her body begin to shake in an effort to contain the sobs which had begun to rake through her small frame.
She didn't hear the door open behind her.
She didn't hear the footsteps approaching her desk.
It was not until she felt strong arms engulf her, did she realise that Cal had wrapped her up in a bone crushing embrace. He whispered soothing words to her as he gently stoked one hand through her hair, as he gently wrapped his free arm around her tiny waist.
She collapsed against him and he guided them to the floor. He propped himself up against her desk and cradled her in his lap. She felt so small and fragile in his arms he thought sadly, as he swallowed the lump in his throat. He had only seen her like this a hand full of times
Cal didn't say a word; he simply held her tightly to his chest and let her cry. He softly ran his fingers up and down her back in an attempt offer her the comfort she needed.
Cal had noticed the small change in her after they had spoken to Veronica, but he chose to leave it; he knew she would eventually tell him... One day.
Gillian needed him; now more than ever.
Despite the rough patch that they had been going through, she was;
His best friend,
His better half,
His soul mate.
She meant more to him than she would ever be able to truly comprehend. So he sat; tried to absorb her pain and take it away somehow.
Gillian didn't know if Cal was aware of what had triggered her breakdown.
But in that moment, she didn't care if he knew or not.
She was grateful he was there, holding her, comforting her, he was her life line.
Maybe she would tell him one day.
Maybe she wouldn't have to.
Reviews, comments (constructive or otherwise) always appreciated.